Relationships are not usually smooth sailing, no matter how much we care about the people that we date. After all, we bring our own emotional baggage when we enter a new relationship, and our partner does the exact same thing. We're bound to argue sometimes and run into some major drama and conflict. Hopefully we can have more fun than not with our boyfriend and we're not fighting 24/7... because that's just the worst and no one wants that. Nope.
Unfortunately, love isn't always enough, and relationships end all the time. Getting dumped sucks for sure, and if we've ever been the one to dump our partner, we know that's not a picnic, either. There are so many reasons why we break up with people. If we listed them all, we would seriously be all day. But we can definitely agree that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Well, that's not what guys think, of course. We might think that the opposite sex is always to blame for the demise of our relationships, but guys think that we're 100 percent in the wrong. Hmmm. What do we think about that?!
Check out these 15 confessions from men (who all thankfully posted on Reddit.com) and why they think that women are to blame for failed relationships! We can probably all relate to some of these...
15 "That being in a relationship will automatically make her happy and if she isn't happy it's all your fault for not making her happy. How is your horrible job, horrible apartment and crazy family my fault? I have no connections to those things!"
Yup, this one hits home, too. Who hasn't thought this?!
It's pretty common for us to act this way when we're in our first real relationship. When we fall in love for the first time, we assume that this will be the person that we'll always be with. We're mostly just way too young, innocent, and naive to know the difference. We swear that this guy will save us and make us super happy, and we don't realize that we have to take some personal responsibility for our own lives. We totally get what this guy is saying and think that he's on the right track. Thinking that our boyfriend is to blame for the things in our lives that are making us super miserable is a one-way ticket to a bad break-up.
14 "That you're going to know you found 'the one' the second you meet them. Not all relationships happen like the movies, y'all! Life isn't a fairytale."
On the one hand, we kind of hate hearing this confession since we're all closet hopeless romantics and we do want relationships to be just like the movies. Who wouldn't want that? After all the bad dates that we go on and all the horrible experiences we have, it doesn't seem all that crazy to want things to finally be crazy romantic.
On the other hand, we get what this guy is saying. It's possible that we end up falling in love with someone who's a coworker or a friend of a friend or even our closest guy friend, and of course we don't start off by falling for them. We have more of a platonic thing going on for quite a while. Sure, sometimes we really do know as soon as we meet a guy that he's the one for us, but most of the time, it does take a bit longer. And that's completely okay.
13 "Expectations that you will put up with her crap no matter what."
This confession totally makes us cringe. Hopefully we haven't been this type of girlfriend because she sounds like the worst person ever. Well, maybe we did this once, but hopefully we were much younger and that was a long time ago and we would never do that now.
This guy thinks that girls are to blame for failed relationships because some of us can act like if someone is our boyfriend, that means that we can treat him however we want to. It doesn't matter if we're being mean or hurtful or being a total Drama Queen. All that matters is he's ours and so our behavior doesn't matter. We hate hearing that some girls do this, but honestly, this goes both ways and it seems like guys do this, too. Either way, though, it definitely causes a break-up.
12 "That relationships that aren't perfect are dysfunctional, unfixable and bad for your health. So they just tend to break it off rather than work it out."
This is another super fascinating confession. This guy is 100 percent right.
We tend to focus on picture perfect love stories in our society, and we always think that we should quit when the going gets tough. Of course, that's no way to behave, especially if we're really in love with someone. We should want to stick it out and figure it out. It's definitely going to be worth it in the end. We would never think that women dump men when things aren't perfect than men do, but hey, maybe we do. That was this guy's experience, at least, so that counts. We have to say that we feel kind of bad that girls have dumped him whenever the smallest problems came up. We're giving him a virtual hug.
11 "That they have to put no effort into the relationship. I'm not going to keep dating someone who expects me to pay for everything, always come up with activities and always has to initiate conversations. If you act like you aren't interested in the relationship then I'll look elsewhere."
Ouch. This is super harsh... and super true. We do have to admit that this is something that guys do, too, so it's a bit unfair that they're acting like we're the ones who are to blame for failed relationships.
We've all had boyfriends (or almost boyfriends) who wanted us to pay for stuff all the time and who refused to put any effort into the relationship. We were always asking them to hang out and dreaming up date night ideas, and we honestly felt like we just weren't getting anything in return. So we can see that if women do this too, it spells disaster. It's the worst. Let's agree right here and now to put a lot of effort into our relationship if that's something that we care about.
10 "Everything is done together 24/7. That we no longer have separate lives or feelings."
The question of how much time couples should spend together is kind of a tough and tricky one. It honestly depends on our personalities and what we want. Some of us want a partner in life who is our best friend and who we see all the time. We just can't get enough of them. We don't see a reason to be apart (other than having to go to work and all that jazz) and we just have a lot of fun together. The rest of us need more independence and can see our boyfriend once a week. Nothing is right or wrong, it's just what we want and who we are.
We can see how having absolutely no time apart or any separate hobbies would lead to a breakup, though. And, yes, sometimes the girls are the ones who don't want to have a separate life outside of the relationship. We've all done that and been that girlfriend. Let's just admit that right now. At least we all grow up and learn from our mistakes and do better the next time that we fall in love.
9 "That a guy is just supposed to know what's important to you and if he doesn't he's not the guy for you. I got into a huge fight once because I didn't do little 'gestures' to show I cared. It wasn't that I didn't do gestures... because I did. I didn't do the RIGHT gestures. I didn't randomly buy flowers."
Oh, man. The flowers thing really ruins a lot of relationships... and we probably have romantic comedies to thank for that.
We know that men aren't mind readers, just like we aren't, and that we have to tell them what we want and need. There's nothing more ridiculous than sitting there in silence and expecting him to magically know what we're upset about. We absolutely can't expect them to just know. We also know that we can't expect our boyfriend to buy us flowers 24/7 and to insist on showering us with gifts all the time. Unfortunately, it seems like some women don't get that at all, and they behave exactly the way that this guy is describing. We can see why those types of relationships would end. Honestly, if the guy that we're dating gets us flowers sometimes, it's really sweet. But it's not the be all, end all of the relationship. The day to day stuff should count for so much more.
8 "I dated a long series of women with no careers to speak of before I met my wife, and it always caused stress in the relationship. Either they felt guilty for not contributing, or I felt used."
Who pays for what is another issue that comes up in relationships all the time. We generally think that men should pay for the first date. It just feels like the gentlemanly thing to do and it makes us feel good. Beyond that, of course we have to share costs, and we can't expect our BF to pay for everything under the sun.
It sucks to hear that some women don't work and are essentially gold diggers who lean on their boyfriends financially. We can see that these types of women would be to blame for their failed relationships. Even if they're really good people who do feel a cetain amount of guilt about not having any money, as this guy suggests, we know that it just wouldn't work out in the end. It's so much better when both people in a relationship have careers and a purpose in life, and, yes, money.
7 "I went out with a girl once in college who said she's 'waiting for her Disney moment.' As in she wanted to meet the flawless prince who would take her away and everything would be perfect after that."
It's pretty interesting to hear things from a guy's perspective, and when they're talking about love, dating, and relationships, we're all ears. We just never know what men are thinking... which is hilarious since that's probably exactly what they think about us. This Reddit confession is all about how women are to blame for failed relationships because we think that relationships should always be perfect.
This must hit pretty close to home, right? We've definitely all been this girl, thinking that if we could just meet our Prince Charming, our lives would be so great, we wouldn't even be able to handle it. If we ever expect the guy that we've chosen to call our boyfriend to be totally perfect, we're just going to be disappointed. We have to allow for some flaws and humanity for sure.
6 "That being able to work out relationship problems isn't a necessary skill because their 'perfect man' will be on the exact same wavelength at all times. Every couple fights, every couple has disagreements, and ending a relationship the first time you get into an argument is stupid and childish."
No one wants to fight, and we especially don't want to fight with the person that we love more than anything in this world. That thought probably fills us with dread.
When we're in the honeymoon period of a relationship, we can probably never even imagine that we would ever argue with our boyfriend. How could we?! He's the most perfect guy that we've ever met, let alone dated. We think that he's just the best and we're totally smitten. There just doesn't seem to be anything that we could ever argue about. Of course, we do end up fighting with our partners sometimes, and this guy is totally right. As long as we can figure things out and understand each other, that just isn't cause for a break-up. It sucks to think that some women never want to stick around to work things out after a disagreement.
5 "Many are benefiting from feminism but demanding chivalry. Just one example - many young ladies are doing much better than their male cohorts in the workplace, but still maintain the old expectation that the man pays for everything, at least on the first date."
Yup, this guy went there. Kind of a controversial subject, huh?! We would like to think that there's a place for both feminism and chivalry in this world, but we can see that sometimes, those two things would be at odds and lead to some pretty nasty broken hearts.
While it's great when the guy pays for the first date, we definitely don't want or need him to pay for everything all the time. In fact, we would probably all agree that we would rather that he didn't do that. We make our own money and we want to contribute, and we also don't want him to think that we're these weaklings who need to be completely taken care of. It's just a whole thing. We hate to think that some relationships end because women want men to pay for everything, like the old days, but it must happen.
4 "I think a lot of women overlook the importance of their own happiness. They just kind of accept that they should do whatever it takes to keep the guy and forget to ask whether they actually like him."
Whoa. That's a serious truth, right there. We wish that we knew the person who wrote this on Reddit because we would love to shake his hand and thank him. This is super helpful advice.
We all know that we have to make ourselves happy and that we can't just expect our boyfriend to do that for us. We have to love ourselves before he can even think about falling in love with us. Yeah, that's an old cliche, but it still works. We absolutely have dated guys that we didn't even like. Not even a little bit. We just thought that we needed a boyfriend, or we were sick of being alone, or we were afraid of being single. We just never stopped to think about whether or not we had actual feelings. We might not want to say that we do this, but we all do this from time to time. Of course the relationship would never work out. We have to be happy first and make sure that we really feel something for this guy that we're letting into our lives.
3 "Sometimes it's important to focus on the actual words that a man says vs trying to interpret them for some underlying agenda. 'Babe, have you seen my striped hoodie anywhere?' 'You hate the sweater I bought you!'"
Okay. We feel this one so hard. It's just impossible not to wonder if what our boyfriend is saying to us is the 100 percent truth or if he's got something on his mind. This isn't our fault. It's just the way that we're taught to think.
Who hasn't done this exact same thing?! We think that it's a pretty common thing in relationships, particularly when we're young and when it's our first time falling in love. We just always want the other person to be happy with us. We would hate to think that they're secretly mad or something. We can see that this would get annoying for the guy and that eventually, it would lead to the end of the relationship, so we know that we can't act this way.
2 "If all of her ex's are terrible people, prepare to be called a terrible person too in a few years."
This is another super truthful statement. We never really say super good things about our exes. They're exes for a reason, after all, and there are a lot of hurt feelings there. It would be weird if we talked about them in a positive light. But we get where this guy is coming from.
We should never be so bitter that even when we've clearly moved on from someone and are in a new relationship, we're still talking about our ex in a really harsh way. This isn't only unhealthy and is going to make us miserable but it's going to make our boyfriend pretty miserable, too. It's not a recipe for true love. Our exes say a lot about us and the kind of people that we are, so we should at least make it clear to our current beau that we dated that other person for a reason (even if now we know better).
1 "Her telling you the rules, or how it's going to be from now on."
Yeah, that's one way to end a relationship...
If any woman does this to her boyfriend, we can see that guys would think that women are to blame for failed relationships. It couldn't possibly make any more sense. Rules are never a good idea in a relationship. In fact, they're probably the worst idea ever. We would hate it if a guy told us how we should behave or how we should treat them, so we should never be a total hypocrite and boss him around, either. There's a fine line between being a doormat and being way too aggressive and ridiculous. Now that we've seen things from the other side and know how guys really think, let's hope that we don't do any of these things and that our relationships stay lovely and happy forever. Sounds like a good idea.