It's no secret that men and women find it challenging to navigate their relationships and understand what the other expects of them. But trying to understand the relationship between two guys can be quite difficult for most women. What is the Bro Code, anyway?
All guys are very careful not to let the Bro Code fall into female hands, but here is a sneak peak at 21 of the more mysterious rules that govern the intricate relationships between most guys (and the confused women who accompany them). Shhh, don't tell anyone you've seen this.
21 Guys may fight about sports and food, not over girls
Sorry, ladies. If you were hoping they were arguing about you, they are not. They are arguing over whether the Yankees or the Red Sox are better. This makes no sense, of course, because all girls are better than all sports teams.
However, guys need to get out their aggression, a real guy doesn't get out his aggression on a girl! He gets it out on the field. And if he is not on the field, he'll just have to argue about what's on the field. Sports makes the perfect argument because guys can get all worked up, full well knowing at the end of the day that it doesn't mean a thing. No hard feelings. It was a great argument.
20 The Bro Code does not exist
The Bro Code does not exist; if any girl asks, they will deny, deny, deny
Have you seen Men In Black? Right. There are some things that ladies are not meant to see and are not meant to know about. That's why the Men In Black have a Neuralyzer. They can deny the existence of aliens on Earth.
The Bro Code does not exist.
We are still working on the Neuralyzer thingy. In the meantime, please stop reading. Now!
This article does not exist.
19 Four very important rules
There are four things a guy must at all times respect about his bro – his house, his parents, his girlfriend and most important of all, his car.
You might wonder what things are off limits for mockery between guys. They don't mock each other's houses. That's like mocking them. After all, a man's home is his castle. They don't mock each other's parents. "Your mother wears army boots" is a gross violation of the Bro Code, and a legitimate excuse for retribution. And God help the fool who says that about a guy whose mother really does wear army boots.
No mocking a guy's girlfriend. And no mocking a guys car. Cars are not to be made fun of. Mocking a guy's car is worse than standing too close at the urinal (details about this rule below).
18 Ex wives and baby mammas are forever off limits
Who says guys can't master history? They know enough about history to stay away from it. History can get sticky and emotional, and guys know better than to get involved in all that stuff. They'll forever stay away from a friend's ex-wife or baby mama. And they'll only date a friend's ex-girlfriend if she makes the first move and their bro says it's cool. Otherwise...nah, just not worth the drama.
17 Guys take care of their bros when they've had too much to drink
This is a simple survival rule for mutual self-preservation. It allows guys to A) drink as much as they want with impunity, and B) keep drinking as much as they want with impunity. On the plus side, this ensures that your friend will make it home unscathed. This rule also allows guys to adopt a designated driver role without appearing too emotional.
16 Guys never share desserts
Women share dessert all the time, so as to avoid the sweet taste landing on their waists. Guys don't worry about that. A he-man will eat the whole dessert, then go out and pull a bus, lift some railway cars or undertake some other feat of calorie-burning grandeur. Or he will just go for a jog if it's more convenient.
15 Guys will rat out a cheating girlfriend
It would be a gross violation of the Bro Code if he didn't. Bros before hoes. No girl is going to cheat on his bro. Some bros will give the girlfriend a chance to fess up herself but she will be warned that the truth is coming out either way. A bro never keeps a secret like this from his fellow bro.
14 A guy only breaks the Bro Code if he wants you for himself
It would be a gross violation of the Bro Code if he did. Bros before **** let's replace that with ladies. The only exception is if you are his sister. No bro gets to cheat on his sister. Or on his mother, for that matter. As for cousins and aunts, they're on their own.
All's fair in love and war, right? But every guy understands that if he invokes this rule, it will be both love and war. So if a guy tells you that your boyfriend is cheating on you, it means either you are his sister or he wants you for himself.
13 When introducing a bro to a new girl
When introducing a bro to a new girl, a guy will most often enhance facts about his job.
Guys know that women will stretch the truth about many things, so they will stretch the truth about each other's jobs to make them seem more impressive to the new girl. Guys know that women are impressed by a guy's career path, so why not mention that his position as a data entry clerk puts him on the same path Elvis Costello took to launch his career?
12 A guy’s story will always be verified by his bro
Most women take a while to realize that it is pointless to ask a guy's buddy to verify his story. But eventually they learn that if it happened, the answer is "Yes." And if it did not happen, the answer is still "Yes." Guys do not always necessarily discuss a plan of action, most often they just know which topics to avoid and the best ways to answer questions. You've been warned.
11 Guys do not notice each other’s haircuts…even if they do
This is just not something guys do. It's not that guys are oblivious to fashion...well, not all guys. It's just that it is unmanly to not be oblivious to fashion. And that includes haircuts. By the way, this might explain why men also fail to notice their girlfriend's or wife's haircuts, but that's another story for another several days.
10 Guys never aim for each other’s 'manhood'…except during paintball
Even after rule #14 has been invoked guys don't aim for each other's junk. This is another rule of mutual self-preservation. Imagine if a guy's 'manhood' were open season. No guy would be safe anywhere. Ever. And all the great fighting scenes in the movies would be reduced from five minutes to five seconds, which would make The Matrix very, very short.
During paintball, the special paintball clause is invoked.
9 Guys do not discuss what other guys did at a bachelor party
Once again, we have a rule of mutual self-preservation. You should assume that whatever happened at that bachelor party, no animals were harmed, no villages were burned to the ground, the girl in the cake will survive, and your man won't reveal any of the details. Not even if bribed with carnal sweets. He might reveal what he, himself, did at the bachelor party, but he will never reveal the nitty gritty details of the bachelor party.
8 Guys do not hook up with their friend’s sister
No way, just too many complications. No guy wants to get in between a buddy and his sister. Unless she is smoking hot! Yes, some rules can be broken. But a guy will never, ever hook up with his buddy's mom, even if she is smoking hot. Step sisters and step moms are OK. That's just how the rules are written.
7 Guys do not make each other feel ashamed for hooking up
Perhaps this is another rule of mutual self-preservation, but guys understand that this is just what had to be done at the time. Instead of making each other feel ashamed, they will provide excuses, such a, "Oh, you were really drunk." There is no disrespect from hooking up in Broland, even if it was a very, very stupid thing to do. Unless it's with a friend's sister.
6 A guy knows nothing. Always
When a bro’s girlfriend asks questions, a guy knows nothing. Always
This is a corollary to Rule #12, and might be why so many girls think guys know so little. It is important to know nothing, otherwise two guys' stories might conflict. And then they would both look silly. More importantly, someone might end up in the doghouse, and that is a dark and scary place.
5 Sketchy stories are discussed amongst each other before
When two guys' girlfriends are friends with each other, all sketchy stories are discussed amongst each other before reporting back to their respective girlfriends.
This is sort of obvious, and is a natural corollary to the majority of these rules. It is important for each guy to get his story straight, so that he can report what really happened, rather than what he remembered happened. No guy wants to tell his girlfriend the wrong truth.
4 No side by side urinals
Guys don’t pick a urinal next to another guy's unless there are no other options and they are about to pee their pants.
It is unmanly to pull one's fire hose out in the vicinity of another guy. So men typically try to ensure there are at least two urinals between them. This is not always possible. In some cases, a friend takes the middle urinal in a row of five. So it is acceptable to take a urinal one away from the next guy.
The only circumstances when a guy can take the next urinal are:
• When they need to pee so badly that they'll pee in their pants. Peeing in one's pants is very, very unmanly. • When there is a lineup, like during a break in the game. Do the math. 5 urinals. 500 guys. 5 minute break.
3 Wingman is the world's most complex job
If ever you thought guys can't handle complex situations, the "wingman" proves them wrong. The wingman's job is to accompany his friend in a bar or other social setting, so that the guy does not appear alone when on the prowl. Women respond much better to a guy with a friend than a guy all alone. The wingman has to be charming and witty, to help draw the female target (that's you!) out of her shell. Yet he cannot overshadow his hunter friend, lest you fall for the wingman...in which case, there is panic in the streets of Broland.
The wingman also has to be socially perceptive enough to know exactly when to stop being witty and charming and instead be...gone! You might have noticed that not all men have that depth of social perception, which is why not every guy should be a wingman.
2 Every guy has one specific friend that he 'dubs' his wingman
That goes a long way to explaining why some guys get more dates than others. This one guy is the most trusted of all the friends, he knows the rules and how to play the part. This coveted role is to be taken seriously and bro knows it, the point is to help your friend out while not interfering at all.
1 Bros before ......
As we mentioned earlier, bro before ****, and you probably won't like hearing what it means. It means simply that male friends should always come before lady friends. This rule typically expires when the guy gets engaged, but not all guys accept that a fiancée trumps poker night.
Now I know what you might be thinking. You might wonder whether every guy follows these rules. Aren't there all kinds of guys, and some follow the Bro Code, while others don't? Or you might be thinking, "No way my guy does all this crap."
The truth is this...the truth is... the truth is that this information is classified, and readers of this article have not been cleared to receive that information. And if you ask this writer's bro, he will know nothing. Always.