We’ve all been in this position at some point: you’ve just met someone, and you’re starting to catch feelings. You seem perfect together on paper and as you get more emotionally invested in them, you want nothing more than for things to work out with them. You want to stop hanging out and start getting serious. You want a relationship. All you need is a connection to spark and a bond to form. You need to find a way to get the chemistry flowing.
Luckily, there are a few proven ways to get this going and turn an almost-relationship into a real one. You can’t ever force chemistry, but if it has a potential to blossom anyway, there are things you can do to give it the push it needs. Too many people believe that this sort of thing is completely associated with what you look like, but lighting a spark with that new guy or girl has a lot more to do with how you act around them—in other words, it's the things you say to them and the things you do.
Read on to find out what 15 simple things you can do to light a spark with the person you like and get things flowing!
15 Don't Be Afraid To Make The First Move
Traditionally, society has taught us that men need to make the first move in straight relationships. You’ve heard it all before: men are hunters, they are chasers, they need something to pursue, they need something to fight for, and they get bored when things are too easy. While from a biological perspective some of that might be true, the fact is we’ve adapted beyond our basic animalistic instincts, and this isn’t the jungle. Nor is it the 1950s, for that matter.
So if you feel inclined to make the first move with someone you are interested in, it could impress him enough to hook his own interest.
Making the first move is scary, so imagine how tough it must be for males who are expected to do it all the time. If you actually start talking to him first when you catch his eye from across the room, or text him first after exchanging numbers, or even add him first on social media, he might feel like you are confident and ambitious, and that’s a good thing. Obviously, you don’t want to start chasing him when he’s clearly not interested, but don’t be afraid to take some of the power into your own hands.
14 Wear The Color Red For Added Spark
When it comes to igniting a flame with a new partner, nine times out of ten, your actions matter more than how you look. But it would be naïve to think that humans don’t care about the visuals at all! The good news is there are actually things you can do on an exterior level that will make you more attractive, and thus make someone more likely to want to get to know you. One of them, and this is something that everyone is capable of, is wearing the color red.
The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reported that the color red particularly enhances males’ attraction to females. There are endless ways to add red to your look, and the most obvious is a classic red dress to bring him to his knees. It doesn’t have to be a grand and obvious thing, though. You can also try your luck with red skirts, tops, or even red accessories and jewelry. Red lipstick should be your secret weapon! Going ginger is also an option, but realistically, you probably don’t want to completely change your hair color just to attract attention.
If red isn’t your color, it’s obviously still possible to attract interest without wearing it, through all the behaviors we’ve mentioned. But if it is your color, this is a simple way to increase your chances of being that much more alluring!
13 Make Yourself Happy - Don't Expect Him To
Being positive and being happy are closely linked, and in the same way that positive people are more attractive, happy people also tend to lure in more interest.
One of the worst things you can do while trying to start things up with someone new is to act like a damsel in distress and let it be known that you’re unhappy and you need someone to save you.
This might attract a certain kind of guy to you, but in most cases, men don’t want to get closer to someone who is gloomy and saddled with too much baggage.
Happiness is infectious, so if you’re genuinely happy around him, he’s more likely to want to get to know you better, if for no other reason than to feel happier himself. Making yourself happy can seem like a huge mountain to overcome, especially if you’ve been feeling particularly sad or you’ve been programmed to feel down until you get in a relationship, and then expect that person to do all the heavy lifting. But it’s not really that hard! Focus on being grateful for your blessings, not putting pressure on yourself to be perfect, and allowing time for people and things that lift your mood.
12 Make Time To Actually See Each Other In Person - Don't Leave It To Social Media
Technology has totally changed the dynamics of the dating world, and now it’s possible for people to form relationships with those they haven’t even met, thanks to the internet and dating apps. More and more people are swapping those initial dates where you really get to know someone for late-night conversations over text message, simply for the convenience of it. While those initial dates can be awkward at times, it’s pretty hard to really get to know someone, and consequently form a spark with them, through a screen only. Sure, it can be done. But if they live close to you and you have the free time to spend on them anyway, why not schedule in at least some face-to-face meetings?
You can develop chemistry with someone without actually spending time with them in person, but you should opt for face-to-face contact when you can. Why? Well, you might think you’re forming chemistry over the phone and be totally mistaken about that because you haven’t spent enough time with them in person. Also, being in the same place physically allows for certain body language, eye contact and other behaviors that always help to form a bond, and don’t necessarily translate well over text.
11 Find A Way Of Communicating With Him
Communication is one of the most important elements in any relationship, and it’s hugely important when you’re trying to learn more about someone new and hopefully form a bond with them. But all communication was not created equal, and if you really want to get that chemistry flowing, you have to open up a communication channel between you that actually helps you to get closer to each other.
This could involve trying out different ways of talking and finding out what you both feel comfortable with, and what allows you to start opening up to each other in a way that helps you to grow closer. Some people find that texting for hours allows them to get to know someone, while others love a good old-fashioned phone conversation.
And for some, there’s just no replacement for face-to-face conversations.
Find what helps you to move forward together, and then make time to do that.
Whatever way you choose to communicate with someone, you’ll have more chance of developing chemistry with them if you make sure you abide by all the usual communication rules. Allow them to talk without talking over them, actually listen to what they have to say, and don’t talk with a tone (or sassy emojis).
10 Try To Understand And Accept Him
It’s very hard to ignite a spark with someone if you don’t accept them as a person, or don’t allow them to be themselves. Everybody has their flaws, and you won’t have great chances of hitting it off with someone new if you try to change every little thing about them that you don’t approve of. The same goes for judging them or making them feel insecure about certain things, or giving them an ultimatum and making it clear that if they want to be with you, they have to change. Those are all really great ways to ruin a blossoming relationship and tear up any chemistry you may have had.
On some level, we all crave acceptance and approval. We all have insecurities and we all want to be understood by the people we have feelings for. So going to an effort to show the new person in your life that you get them is likely to help them feel really comfortable around you, which in turn should help the spark to flow between you. It’s true that some facts are harder to accept or understand than others, but trying to see where they’re coming from is a very good start.
9 Show Him The Respect That He Deserves
One of the fastest ways to destroy your chances with a new guy is by blatantly disrespecting him. All humans deserve respect, and men, in particular, can feel very emasculated when they don’t get it. While it’s okay to have fun and love together (and this can even help you to get closer), you don’t want to be putting him down or making him feel bad about himself, even if you intend it as a joke. If he leaves the date feeling like you don’t take him seriously or feeling bad about himself, he probably won’t want to hang out with you again. And then you’ll really ruin your chances of forming a bond.
There’s no need to grovel at his feet and tell him that you worship him, but if you do admire something about him, let him know.
Women aren’t the only ones who respond well to compliments, you know!
When you’re trying to light a spark with him, what you really want is to make him feel good about himself when he’s with you. You don’t have to dedicate your life to boosting his self-esteem, but just let him know that if he moves closer to you, he will be respected and appreciated.
8 Give Him The Space That He Needs
When you’ve just met or just started seeing someone new, and you’re starting to really like them, it can be super tempting to spend every minute with them. That’s understandable: you’re curious about them, they give you butterflies in your tummy that you haven’t had for a long time, you really think this could go somewhere and you just want to be around them, no matter what you’re doing. But at the same time, you have to remember not to smother them or overwhelm them. If they overdose on your company, they might end up needing a big break from you, and that could ruin any chemistry that was starting to flow.
Of course, you have to spend time with someone (in person and possibly communicating through technology too) before you can build up chemistry with them, but you don’t have to completely dominate their life. Keeping a little bit of distance actually helps to light that spark because, for one thing, you’re bringing in an element of mystery to the mix. Not always being available shows that you have other things going on in your life, you’re wanted by other people, and time with you should be appreciated rather than taken for granted. And he also needs space to keep living his life and reflect on how he feels about you, without you being there!
7 Laugh It Off And Don't Take Things Too Seriously
One of the other irresistible qualities that encourage many people to fall head over heels is to be easy-going and have a great sense of humor. Being the kind of person who goes with the flow of life might stress out someone who’s neurotic or a control-freak, but in most cases, this is an incredibly attractive quality that will make someone want to be around you even more. And of course, once you get to that stage, you open up plenty of opportunities to start building chemistry and getting that spark lit up.
If you’re someone who laughs things off and doesn’t take every little part of life to heart, you’re mostly easier to be around than someone who is rigid, controlling and defensive.
Acting like this might let him know that he can be himself around you and you won’t try to control him or judge him and that he can have fun with you.
And those moments spent laughing and having fun together actually build up the intimacy between two people, so you want as many of those as you can get! Being genuinely happy in life will help you to become a more playful, light-hearted person since it’s not the kind of attitude that’s easy (or effective) to fake.
6 Be Physically Affectionate With Him
Men are physical creatures. Just how physical you get with him in the early stages of a relationship, or even in the period when you’re not even dating him yet, is totally up to you. Being in physical contact with someone can help to build up intimacy, grow feelings for each other, get chemistry floating around between you and light up flames of passion. But don’t freak out if you’re not comfortable with getting too physical, too early. There are plenty of ways to be affectionate without hopping into bed.
You’d be surprised how much of an effect the subtle moves can have on someone. Hugs have a lot more power than you think, so don’t be afraid to hug him when you see him and when he leaves. Obviously, if he doesn’t seem into that, you don’t want to insist on it anyway, and end up with a seriously awkward situation! This is where it helps to really pay attention to how he responds to your actions and gage whether he’s okay with something like a hug or an arm graze.
What can also help to create chemistry is the way you respond to his touch. He’s more likely to move forward if he can see that you’re comfortable with him standing close to you, or hugging you, or reaching for your hand.
5 Focus On Your Own Life, While Still Making Time For Him
Everybody likes to feel needed to a degree, but that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily attractive or appealing when somebody completely gives up their life to spend time with you.
A lot of women make the mistake of just dropping everything to see a guy they’re interested in, and getting into a position where they’re happy to be at his beck and call.
Like many other things, this might attract a certain type of guy (specifically, the kind that’s looking to use or manipulate you), but it’s not a good way to create chemistry with the average person.
If you totally abandon your life for someone new, it sends out the warning sign that you’re a pretty insecure person. Doing this shows that you don’t really value whatever you’ve abandoned, whether it’s your friends, your family, your job or even your hobbies, and that you think this new person in your life completes you. More than likely, that will give said new person a sour feeling about you, which will put a serious halt on any chemistry you are building together. It’s about finding the right balance: you want to appreciate him and spend time with him, but don’t uproot your life.
4 Open Up To Him And Let Him In
Opening up and letting in someone new to your life can be a very daunting experience, but with the right person, it can help you to form a real connection from which a strong relationship may blossom. Chemistry can be encouraged to flow, but it can’t be conjured from anywhere if there’s nothing there to begin with, so this one is a little risky. Opening up to the wrong person can totally backfire and leave you feeling embarrassed and rejected, so make sure that you have other signs that there’s a hint of a spark between you before you go down that road.
While showing him the real you and letting him in can be refreshing for both of you, you also should be careful of revealing too much too soon, even if you have the potential for chemistry. Take each conversation slowly and take into account his reactions to certain things before you loosen your lips, and make sure you feel comfortable talking. Don’t ever reveal something because you feel pressured to, or when it feels wrong to do so. But by opening up in time to the right person, you offer new parts of yourself to entice him, and let him know that you feel comfortable with him.
3 Be Kind, And Be Genuine About It
It’s clear that there are just some qualities that make someone instantly likable and help to attract most people’s interest. Along with being happy and positive, being kind is also a behavior that is likely to make someone want to spend time with you, get to know you and get closer to you.
We know, it sounds like a total cliché, but it’s just facts. Altruism is attractive!
There are lots of different ways to be kind, including helping others when they really need it. Mind you, being genuine about it means you can help others without boasting about it on social media or bringing it up in conversation. Actually wanting to be nice to people and make their lives easier without a reward is an attractive quality, but is instantly undone if you have to tell people about it. Actions speak louder than words anyway, so if you are an authentically good person, people will figure it out eventually.
In most cases, being kind creates a space for a potential love interest to feel like themselves around you. Not only will they be drawn into spending more time with you, but they may also want to get closer because you seem like someone that will improve their lives.
2 Don’t Drown In Jealousy
One of the worst things you can do when trying to create chemistry with someone new is let them know how jealous you feel. The best case scenario would be that you don’t feel irrationally jealous at all, but sometimes, you can’t help those feelings that pop up every now and then. You can try getting to the root of why you feel jealous, and convincing yourself that you’re being silly, but while you’re working on that, you don’t want to act on how envious you feel.
Basically, someone you’ve just met really doesn’t owe you anything. It’s understandable that if you really like them you’ll feel a little intimidated if you see them flirting with others, constantly talking about someone else or always hanging out with their friends when you want them to start spending time with you, but you don’t have a right to make those demands. You can’t force someone to come to you; they have to want to do it on their own! Acting overly jealous, especially when you don’t have a right or a reason to be, is a really quick way to scare off someone you could have had a really great relationship within the months to come and to destroy any chemistry you have the potential to share.
1 Be A Positive Polly Instead Of A Negative Nelly
There are certain human traits that are just more attractive than others, and tapping into these can certainly help when it’s time to impress someone and hopefully, get closer to them. Positivity is universally acknowledged as being a very enticing quality in both men and women, so it makes sense that if you look on the bright side of life and make yourself a positive person instead of a negative one, the person you’re interested in is going to be more likely to want to get to know you.
It’s pretty simple: it feels a lot better to be around positive people than negative people.
Those who can look at the glass as being half full instead of half empty tend to be more pleasant company, they encourage you to be in a better mood, they offer advice that cheers you up, and they raise the vibes of the room just by being themselves. It might take some practice to learn how to be positive if you’ve always been more of a negative person, but it can be done. At first, you’ll have to look really hard to see the positive elements of every situation and remind yourself that you have a reason to be grateful and happy. But after a while, that will become second nature, and you’ll be a much more appealing person.
References: whattowear.com.au, spring.org.uk, yourtango.com, goodmenproject.com, cosmopolitan.com