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The Hidden Message In His Habits: 21 Things He Does That Show He's Not In Love

Until a guy or girl utters those three words, we can never know for sure that love is in the air. Without being mind-readers, we can’t assume such strong feelings from someone else, even if there are lots of clues pointing toward them.

Words really are important when it comes to knowing whether someone is in love or not, but their actions can give us some insight, too. While we can’t know for sure whether or not they’re in love, we can get a reasonable idea of where they might stand with us.

There are certain ways we tend to act in relationships when we’re not in love with our partner, even if we think we are. Sometimes this is because the relationship is still young and the love simply hasn’t come yet, and other times, it's because there’s just not that connection between us and never will be.

A person’s simple, everyday habits can reveal quite a few hints about how they’re feeling, even if we can’t know for sure. Actions that seem shallow can actually show that he doesn’t value, respect, or appreciate his partner, and therefore, isn’t really in love with them.

Check out this list of things he does that show he’s not in love.

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21 He Disappears For Long Periods And Acts As If It’s Normal

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It could be a sign that he’s not in love if he’s disappearing for long periods of time without an explanation and thinks it’s a normal thing to do. We’re not saying that a couple can never have time apart, and he should be able to take some time out for himself. But if he seems to “disappear” a lot, meaning that you don’t know where he goes, it’s not a good sign.

Whatever he’s doing, there should be enough trust between you for him to be able to tell you what he’s up to. If he thinks it’s normal for you to know so little about each other’s lives, and for him to not be there for long periods of time, it may mean he’s not really in love.

20 Criticizing Is Like Second Nature For Him

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Is he all about the criticism? That could be because he’s not actually in love, even if he thinks he is. When two people are in love, they want to support each other, not tear each other down. Now, there is room for constructive criticism, and he should definitely be honest with you.

But criticism shouldn’t be all there is for him to say. And if he’s not careful in the way he tries to help you better yourself, then there’s a chance he’s not saying it to truly help you, but rather to undermine your confidence. Definitely not a sign of love!

19 He Doesn’t Listen To What His Partner Has To Say

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When two people are in love, they listen to each other and take in what they each have to say. Not just during the deep and important conversations, but on a daily basis. If you’re speaking to him, he should be paying attention—it shouldn’t be just background noise to him.

In certain circumstances, he might ask you to repeat yourself, and that’s fine. Maybe there’s something else on his mind or something is distracting him. But usually, he shouldn’t miss 90% of what you say because he’s just not listening to you. That could be a sign that he’s not really in love.

18 Hiding His Partner From His Friends And Family

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Usually, when you’re in love with someone, you’re filled with the urge to shout it to the world. That kind of excitement is hard to keep in, and even if you’re not the type to share your life on social media, you’ll probably at least want to share it with your family and friends when you see them.

If he hides his relationship with you from the people closest to him, it may not be a good sign. There’s a chance that he’s taking it slow and doesn’t want to jeopardize anything with you by involving other people yet, but there’s also the chance that he isn’t serious enough about the relationship to let anyone else in on it.

17 He Buys Himself Gifts But Never Anything For His Partner

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Love isn’t measured by the quality or quantity of the gifts that someone buys you. But if he’s always spending money on himself and never thinks to buy you anything when he’s doing his shopping, you have to wonder whether his feelings for you really are that genuine.

When we love someone, we typically want to spoil them and shower them with gifts. If he can’t afford to buy anything even for himself, then, of course, this doesn’t apply. But if money isn’t an issue and he’s always splurging on things for himself and things for others, but never for you, it’s not a great sign.

16 Never Asking About His Partner’s Day

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Asking about your partner's day seems insignificant, but it can actually mean a lot. This simple question allows two people to stay connected because it gives them a chance to update each other on what’s going on in their lives, and it also shows that they care about each other.

If he never asks you about your day or another similar question that invites you to tell him about what’s going on with you, there’s a chance that he doesn’t really care as much as he should. This is especially true if you’re always asking about his life and what’s new with him.

15 He Picks Fights Over The Most Insignificant Things

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All couples fight, and arguments aren’t a sign that there’s no love in your relationship. In fact, the opposite may even be true. If you don’t argue, it might mean that you don’t care enough about each other to get to that point!

Some fighting is inevitable in a healthy relationship, but it’s a different story if he’s actually going out of his way to pick fights—and if they’re always over insignificant things. Constant fights over silly things isn’t a great sign. This isn’t the normal way a person acts when they’re in a relationship with the person they love.

14 Ignoring His Partner’s Opinions And Feelings

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Your feelings and opinions will be important to the person who’s in love with you. This is non-negotiable, and there are no buts. That person will care about how you feel and what you think, and it won’t sit right with them to hurt your feelings.

He might be careless and accidentally hurt your feelings a few times without realizing, and he might not agree with your opinions, but he won’t disrespect you by purposely upsetting you and purposely ignoring your opinion. Those things will always matter to him. This is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.

13 He Slowly Tries To Mold His Partner Into What He Wants, Not What They Are

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Accepting you for what you are is a part of loving you. When someone loves you, they don’t try to groom you into what they want you to be and transform you into something that suits their tastes and their agenda. Instead, they love you for who you are.

If there are ways you want to improve yourself, they support you, and they offer you helpful advice when you need it. But molding you to suit them is not something that a person does when they love you. This includes influencing the way you dress, whether or not you wear makeup, how you talk and even what you’re studying or what job you do.

12 Not Having A Routine Around When They See Each Other

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Every couple is different, and some people just weren’t built for routines—they like to live life spontaneously and don’t like to follow the same patterns every day. That’s totally fair enough!

But if your partner is not one of those people and is happy enough to have a routine relating to every area of his life except his relationship with you, there’s the chance that he’s not really serious about it or he doesn’t see it as a permanent thing. When he loves you, he’s more likely to schedule you into his life, rather than just seeing you whenever he has time.

11 He Puts Seeing His Friends First

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To be clear, we’re not saying that a guy should neglect his friends when he gets into a relationship. Healthy friendships are important for all people, whether they’re single or not. But if he’s always prioritizing his buddies above you, it could be a sign that he doesn’t actually love you … or at least, not as much as he loves his friends!

Life is about balance, and he should find time for his friends and his relationship if both are important to him. If he’s constantly neglecting one for the other, then it just shows how little he actually cares about the one he’s neglecting.

10 Paying More Attention To His Interests Than To His Partner

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Like we said, life is about balance, and it’s not healthy for one area of a person’s life to ever completely overtake the rest. We’re not saying that you have to come before everything else in his life, but you also shouldn’t come after everything else either. You should be one of his priorities, and you shouldn’t have to wonder whether he really cares about you because he’s always bailing on you for other things.

Part of being in love is being understanding of the other person, so you should be supportive if sometimes he has to work late or he wants an afternoon free to watch a sports game. But you also deserve to be one of his priorities, just as he should be one of yours.

9 He Isn’t Prepared To Negotiate With His Partner About Anything

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Negotiation and compromise are a huge part of any relationship, and if you don’t have this part under control, there will probably be a lot of tension between you! Negotiating isn’t always easy, but you’ll both be prepared to do it if you’re in love.

If he’s not in love with you, then he’ll be much more likely to demand that he get his way all the time rather than meet you half way. He shouldn’t be a doormat who’s always bending over backward to please you, but he also shouldn’t expect that of you—a happy relationship is based on a happy compromise.

8 Turning Every Discussion About The Future Into An Argument

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If he’s not really in love and not really serious about the relationship, there’s a good chance he won’t want to talk about the future with you. In this case, he could feel aggravated if you try to bring up the future, so these discussions could turn into arguments when you try to have them.

When someone is in love with their partner and serious about them, discussions about the future may still be confronting because they represent change, but they shouldn’t kick off fights and arguments every time they’re brought up. If this is happening to you, it isn’t a good sign!

7 He Refuses To Talk About The Future Altogether

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He might not start an argument with you every time you try to talk to him about the future, but he might completely avoid the topic altogether, and this is also a sign that he’s not in love—or at least, doesn’t know that he is in love.

Talking about taking the next step as a couple can be intimidating, but the love that two people have for one another should be enough to overcome that. Of course, this is all relative to context. If he doesn’t want to talk about the future during the first few weeks or months of dating, don’t assume that it’s going nowhere. Give it some time!

6 Going Out Like He’s Still Single

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A relationship shouldn’t completely define you, but it does tend to make a difference to the sort of lifestyle you lead. When you’re committed to someone else, you don’t typically have the freedom that you do when you’re single.

If he is with you but still going out every weekend like he’s single, he could be having his cake and eating it too. That’s not really the standard behavior of someone who’s in love. He can still go out and live his life, but he shouldn’t act like he doesn’t have the love of his life waiting for him at home.

5 He Isn’t Honest About Where He’s Going And What He’s Doing

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Honesty is always important in a relationship because trust is important in a relationship. If two people aren’t honest with each other, then how can they trust each other? Some would argue that there’s room for a few white lies in every relationship, but overall, honesty should be the main policy you take with each other.

If he lies about where he goes, who he sees, and what he does or he doesn’t give you any details at all, it could be time to question where you stand. Where true love is involved, most people tend to be a lot more honest and upfront with their partners.

4 Never Complimenting His Partner To Make Them Feel Good

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Compliments usually flow during the honeymoon stage of a relationship and then tend to dwindle as two people get more comfortable with each other. Keep in mind that the nature of a relationship tends to change, and it doesn’t mean that one person has stopped loving the other.

But at the same time, it shows that he does love you if he does compliment you to make you feel good about yourself. He doesn’t have to serenade you like you’re Juliet, but just the odd compliment here and there is a way to show that he loves and appreciates you.

3 He Doesn’t Go Out Of His Way When His Partner Needs Him

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One of the best parts of being in a relationship with someone you love is having an ongoing source of support. When you need your partner, they should be there for you. This may sound harsh, but if you can’t count on them to have your back, then you may as well be single.

It’s not a good sign if he never goes out of your way to help you when you need him. Even if there’s not a lot he can do to make a difference, he should still care enough to listen to you and let you know that you can lean on him.

2 Never Going Out Of His Way To See His Partner In General

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Seeing you should be important to the person who’s in love with you. When they have such strong feelings, they won’t be able to just ignore them. As opposed to just seeing you whenever he can fit you in, he’ll go out of his way to see you because it will be important to him. That’s real love!

Even if you both have busy schedules, he’ll find a way to make it work. People in love always do. On the other hand, if there’s no love there, he’ll be happy to just talk to you over text or social media and see you when and if it’s convenient.

1 He Uses Vague Language And Doesn’t Say The ‘L’ Word

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This is probably the most obvious sign! If he hasn’t said that he loves you, you shouldn’t assume his feelings, even with all the clues in the world. Don’t assume that the relationship has no promise, because these words take time to come out, but also don’t conclude that you’re the love of his life if he hasn’t told you so.

Based on clues and hints that he gives off, you might be able to guess toward one way or the other, but don’t take anything as fact. Now, if you’ve said it and he hasn’t said it back, that’s probably a hint that he really doesn’t have those feelings for you—at least not yet.

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