20 Spider-Man Toys We Wish Were Never Made

Spider-Man has remained one of the most popular comic book heroes ever since his introduction in the 1960s. With successful television shows and several blockbuster movies based on the character, it should not be that surprising that there are thousands of Spider-Man toys out there for you to get your hands on. In fact, merchandise based on the Marvel superhero ranges from action figures to pencil cases.

While there are plenty of great Spider-Man toys, there are also some notable exceptions. Of course, the sheer number of different designs for action figures over the last few decades means that there are always going to be a few bad examples. Especially when you consider some of the stranger comics that inspired these toys. Peter Parker himself would no doubt be embarrassed at these creations if he ever saw them.

20 Space Spider-Man

Space Spider-Man
via Pinterest.com

What makes the Space Spider-Man toy so bad is the distinct lack of effort that has gone into its design. The spacesuit has a terrible helmet, no detail, and doesn’t even come with any protection for the web slinger’s hands. Sure, he wears his own gloves but if that is the case then logically Spider-Man wouldn’t need a spacesuit at all.

19 Vampire Spider-Man

Vampire Spider-Man
via Pinterest.com

Have you ever wondered what it might look like if Spider-Man had been crossed with a vampire bat? Then this is the toy for you. Everyone else would probably be better off avoiding it. The monstrous appearance is simply not appealing and the poor quality of the design and fabric used for the wings would surely disappoint anyone who received it as a gift.

18 Safari Spider-Man

Safari Spider-Man
via ruten.com

Safari Spider-Man might be one of the strangest comic action figures ever created. Peter Parker lives in New York City and is rarely seen anywhere, but in urban environments. A camouflaged outfit, then, just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. On the rare occasion when Spider-Man does go to the African plains, he wouldn’t actually need to wear his usual costume.

17 Amazing Spider-Man Scooter

Amazing Spider-Man Scooter
via previewsworld.com

The less said about this toy the better. Peter Parker might need a scooter to get around New York City but there is absolutely no reason that Spider-Man would have to rely on such a vehicle. After all, he can swing freely through the buildings while avoiding all the traffic. What’s worse, even if you accept that he might need a vehicle on some occasions, surely he could do better than this.

16 Battle Action Mega-Armor Spider-Man

Battle Action Mega-Armor Spider-Man
via cloudfront.net

Spider-Man is famed for his agility and nimble nature. So it would seem strange to have a costume that effectively makes him a walking tank. That is exactly what the Battle Action Mega-Armor action figure does, though. Other than the color scheme, there is little to inform you that this is a Spider-Man toy at all.

15 Ka-Pow Spider-Man

Ka-Pow Spider-Man
via shpock.com

Although Spider-Man is not afraid to mix it up with his enemies in hand-to-hand combat, he tends to rely on his guile and agility in fights rather than his raw strength. While it is true that he is far stronger than the normal human, there would be no need for these outrageously large boxing gloves. All they would do is get in the way and prevent Spider-Man from using his speed.

14 Miniblocks Spider-Man

Miniblocks Spider-Man
via amazon.com

Brick Headz might not be the most well-known brick building toy so it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise that their Spider-Man figure is not exactly the best product on the market. Not only does it lack any real detail but it also makes the hero look as if he has something seriously wrong with him.

13 Air Attack Spider-Man

Air Attack Spider-Man
via amazon.com

Air Attack Spider-Man was an action figure that was a part of the Vampire Wars line. Exactly why the superhero would need missile launchers to fight vampires a good old wooden stake would do is anyone’s guess. Even more strange is the fact that the suit comes with a mask to allow him to travel high into the atmosphere, exactly the type of place where vampires never hang out.

12 Beach Spider-Man

Beach Spider-Man
via amazon.com

If Spider-Man ever wanted to spend a day relaxing at the beach, he would probably go as Peter Parker. There is absolutely no need for him to go in costume. This would just stop him from being able to get a decent tan and enjoy the sun, never mind the fact that it would make him very conspicuous compared to everyone else.

11 Stealth Ninja Spider-Man

Stealth Ninja Spider-Man
Beach Spider-Man

Whoever designed this Spider-Man action figure probably should be out of a job. Despite the name, the costume doesn’t really provide any stealth to the superhero and just makes him look like a bit of a joke. Of course, that doesn’t take into account the Japanese sword and whip-like weapon that Spider-Man would never use, as it would stop him from being able to use his signature webs.

10 Titan Hero Series Scarlet Spider Figure

Titan Hero Series Scarlet Spider Figure
via youtube.com

While the Scarlet Spider outfit is a firm fan favorite, the same cannot be said for this representation of it. The Titan Hero Series Scarlet Spider action figure replaces the usual hoodie with what appears to be a vest top that is a few sizes too small for the hero. Along with the tattered and torn look to the outfit, it really is a poor toy that the manufacturers could have done a much better job with.

9 Anti-Vampire Spider-Man

Anti-Vampire Spider-Man
via Pinterest.com

There is a whole host of things wrong with this toy, which seeks to arm Spider-Man so he can fight against the vampiric horde. Whether it is the lacking armor design or the oversized and goofy looking gun, this is not a toy that anyone would want. On top of everything, the name of this toy does not inspire faith that the creators were being particularly creative when they designed the figure.

8 Extreme Sports Spider-Man

Extreme Sports Spider-Man
via ebay.co.uk

Spider-Man would probably be pretty good at extreme sports. After all, he is an acrobatic and agile hero that routinely swings around high rise buildings. However, it’s doubtful he would get the same adrenaline fix from riding a skateboard or a scooter, especially when wearing the terrible shirts given to him in this toy set.

7 Jungle Web Spider-Man

Jungle Web Spider-Man
via amazon.com

Jungle Web Spider-Man is part of a wider set of toys that are aimed at younger children. None of that explains why he needs huge boots and an even bigger backpack-mounted web machine, especially when Spider-Man can already shoot webs pretty well with his much smaller wrist devices. The figure might have looked better if the accessories matched his outfit rather than just having a boring green color scheme.

6 Steel-Shock Spider-Man

Steel-Shock Spider-Man
via lulu-berlu.com

Apparently, this is some kind of armor for Spider-Man that can help to shock his enemies. Not that you would guess it was Peter Parker inside the costume with its comically long limbs that don’t match up with his proportions or body shape in any way. The only clue that this is a Spider-Man toy is the red creature on the chest of the action figure. Yet, even this looks more like as scorpion than a spider.

5 VS Rip-Spin Warrior Spider-Man

VS Rip-Spin Warrior Spider-Man
via amazon.com

Where do you start with a toy that is this ugly? Spinning toys have been popular for decades, but they usually focus on characters or people that can actually fly. Instead, this toy just has Spider-Man’s head zoom off into the sky after the wire has been pulled through. Not exactly the most satisfying or fun of toys.

4 Spider-Hulk

via cloudfront.net

While Spider-Hulk is a genuine creation in the Marvel comic books, this portrayal of the character is not a good representation. Apart from being incredibly unattractive, the figure looks as if Spider-Man has developed an eating disorder rather than transforming into a Hulk-like creature. Worst of all is the grotesque shape that his face has contorted into underneath the mask.

3 Fists Of Fury Spider-Man

Fists Of Fury Spider-Man
via ebay.com

Fists of Fury Spider-Man is an action figure that shows you what would happen if the hero ever wanted to train to be a master of kung fu. With this action figure, Spider-Man is dressed in an appropriately themed, even if it is downright silly, robe and has an accompanying wooden plank to break through. Unfortunately, you’ll have to move his arm yourself as it comes with no chopping action.

2 Sticky Wall Climber Spider-Man Toys

Sticky Wall Climber Spider-Man Toys
via Pinterest.com

Cheap, tacky, and ugly are three words that would best describe these Spider-Man sticky wall climbers. The toy, which comes in all sorts of forms, can be thrown at a flat surface that it will then slowly tumble down. Why someone saw fit to make a Spider-Man version is unclear but hopefully no one ever bought these as a serious toy as they would just be left disappointed if they did.

1 Monster Spider-Man

Monster Spider-Man
via Pinterest.com

Just because Spider-Man got his powers from a radioactive spider, it doesn’t mean he has to turn into one himself. This hideous toy shows what the superhero might look like if he had been horribly mutated to become an unrecognizable monster that you would never want to come to your rescue, no matter how bad your situation was.

Sources: toyhollywood.com, collectors.com, marveltoynews.com

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