It can feel like you got hit by a truck when you suddenly discover that the guy you were interested in is no longer interested in you. It’s that kind of blow to the ego and the heart when your boyfriend/fling/hook-up/FWB loses interest in you and leaves you holding the bag. Everything seemed so fine before! You guys were on the same page about everything! There were no signs that his attention had turned to someone else!
Or were there?
Maybe you missed – or misread – the multitude of signs he gave you when your relationship was beginning to wane. Perhaps you were so wrapped up in yourself that you failed to notice all the things he did the moment someone else caught his eye. No one likes to feel as if they’d been played for a fool, which is why we’re here to help you out – and prevents you from getting blindsided next time. A man may think he’s being sneaky when he’s got one woman on the line while he reels in another, but we’ve seen through them and know exactly what they do when they’re interested in someone else. If your dude has done most of these 21 things then, sorry, but you’ve already lost him.
21 He Stops Texting/Calling
When a guy is into us, he’s not afraid to initiate calling or texting first, because he doesn’t want you to get away! If you’re already involved and have a pretty healthy relationship when it comes to technology, it can be a red flag when his texts and calls suddenly drop off.
His attention has already drifted to someone else if he goes radio silent and you find yourself always having to be the initiator, it could be that he’s emotionally removing himself from your relationship because talking and texting with someone else seems way more appealing. Being busy is one thing, but a pattern of gradual disinterest and one-word responses makes things pretty obvious. Clearly, you’re slipping down his list of priorities – and someone else may have taken your place!
20 He Stops Making Eye Contact
Guilt is a funny thing. When we feel guilty about our decisions, we often avoid eye contact with the person we feel we’re hurting, or the person who is calling us out on our BS. It’s a subconscious thing, but, with eyes being the windows to the soul and all, it can be difficult to stare someone in the face when we’re hiding our true feelings or intentions.
If your dude is finding it hard to maintain eye contact with you when you’re having a normal conversation – not an interrogation – it could be because his eyes are actually on someone else! When we’re in love with someone, we like to stare deep into their eyes. Once this stops happening, it could be because he’s fallen for someone else. Averting your gaze, rocking sunglasses at all times – they’re clues to a cheating heart.
19 He Bails On You Constantly
No one likes to be stood up. While we all have obligations that prevent us from being in certain places from time to time, when a guy is routinely making plans with you just to break them later, it might be because he’s no longer interested in what you have to offer, and is instead fulfilling these faux-dates out of a sense of duty.
A dude who’s into you wants to make time for you, even if he has a jam-packed schedule. You’re too good an opportunity to pass up, so he’ll do what it takes to make it work! However, now he’s flaking regularly and making excuses for his increasing absences. Sorry, honey, but he just doesn’t want to be around you anymore. No schedule or commitment can keep him away from what he truly wants.
18 He Avoids Making Plans With You
Rather than risk your wrath by making plans only to have them fall through time and time again, a guy who’s into someone else will stop making plans altogether. If you suggest things for the two of you to do together, he’ll find everything wrong with your suggestion to make sure it doesn’t happen. That restaurant is overpriced, that movie got terrible reviews, he’s suddenly on a paleo diet and can’t order it, his friend has a thing he has to go to but no plus-ones are allowed – you get the idea.
By avoiding making plans – and, in turn, preventing you from organizing anything – he can phase you out without feeling like he’s hurting or ignoring you. Plus, with a schedule that is free of you, he can spend more time with the person he’s had his eye on since things with you went south!
17 He Becomes Super Busy And Doesn't Reveal What He's Doing
Like avoiding making plans or bailing on things altogether, a guy who suddenly becomes super busy is sending you a not-so-subtle sign that he’s no longer interested. When a guy is feeling you, he’ll make the effort to make time for you, even if he has a ton of commitments, because you’re worth it. When a guy has lost interest, on the other hand, even the most mundane of activities take priority over seeing you.
A dude who would rather do his laundry and watch his second cousin’s baseball practice than spend time with you is not a dude who has any interest in being with you. Stop making excuses for him and just accept it, because it’ll save you a lot of humiliation in the long run.
16 He Gets Moody All The Time
Moodiness is a part of life. We all go through ups and downs but, when your guy becomes moody all of a sudden and never gives you a reason why or apologizes for his behavior, it could be because he’d rather be somewhere else – and with someone else.
Feeling dissatisfied in a relationship can contribute to moodiness, as the smallest thing can set off your partner. If he’s flying from extreme highs to extreme lows with no time to catch his breath, it could be because he’s dealing with the internal struggle of wanting to be with someone else but wanting to do the right thing by you and your relationship. Guilt can also have a huge impact on moodiness, as well as anger at the entire situation. Just remember that this isn’t your fault, and any moodiness is entirely because of him.
15 He Picks A Fight Over Mundane Things
When a guy begins to pick fights, it’s because he’s hoping you’ll end it before he has to. Like most of the things on this list, picking fights, looking for arguments, or finding ways to get under your skin come out of guilt. While he may not be cheating per se, he feels like he’s already doing the wrong thing by letting his gaze wander to someone else. If he makes you angry enough to break up with him, he figures, you get to be the bad guy and he won’t be seen as the villain for walking into someone else’s arms.
This is a manipulative thing to do, because it allows him to get off scot-free while you have to deal with feeling like you’re in the wrong and drove him into the arms of another woman (who was actually just waiting for your man to finally pull the trigger).
14 He Becomes Mentally Absent
Being physically present in a relationship is only half the battle: you have to be emotionally and mentally present as well. When you’re in love with someone, you want to hear what they have to say and be there for them but when you’re in love with someone else, it can be harder to keep your head in the game.
If you get the feeling that, when you’re with your guy, he wishes he were anywhere else, it might be because he’s no longer interested in the relationship. Instead, he’s imagining this other person who is not you, and so your relationship becomes the thing he has to escape from. Where once he daydreamed about you, now he daydreams to get away from you. A couple signs of mental absence can be noncommittal answers in a conversation because he’s not listening to you and annoyance whenever you try to regain his attention.
13 He Gets Super Defensive
When you’re always on the defensive, it could be because your guilty conscience is afraid of getting you caught. The same applies to a guy in a relationship. If his behavior has suddenly changed so that now he always has to make excuses, feels the need to defend himself at every turn, or is reluctant to share anything with you, it could be because his conscience is sending alarm bells throughout his body.
When he’s interested in someone else, he likely feels guilty for continuing in a relationship with you even though he knows that there’s no future – and you don’t. Feeling the need to defend himself at any opportunity is just digging himself into a deeper pit of guilt, but he can’t help it! If he’s tense and on edge, it could be because he’s into someone else and hasn’t gotten the courage to tell you.
12 He Acts Jumpy Whenever You Try To Pry
Your dude has become a bundle of nerves for no apparent reason, jumping at seemingly innocuous remarks and asking what you mean when you pose an innocent question. It’s come out of nowhere and you don’t understand why he’s so jumpy all of a sudden! Well, like getting defensive or looking for a fight, your guy may be acting like he’s about to jump out of his skin because he’s harboring a secret and he’s terrified that you’ll find out!
When we have crushes on someone, we’re itching to hear other people talk about them. However, when we’re trying to hid that crush from people – like, say, your significant other – even the vaguest of mentions to our crush could have us looking for the nearest escape hatch.
11 He Blatantly Checks Out Other Girls
Look, if a guy is into you, he’s going to do whatever he can to make you happy – and prevent pissing you off. Number one for both of those is to keep you as the only woman in the world to him. That’s why you should definitely worry if your guy is checking out other women in front of you and doesn’t try to hide it.
It’s normal for men to check out other women; sometimes, they just can’t help it! That being said, a respectful man will try to be discreet if a woman catches his eye, so he doesn’t appear like a slobbering dog or gross dude. If your BF is going out of his way to ogle other women with you in plain view, he no longer cares about what you think or whether he’s disrespecting you. A man who does that is clearly already interested in someone, anyone else.
10 He Insists On “Group Dates”
When you’re just getting to know someone, group dates can be the norm. You want to see how your new guy gets along with your friends and how he behaves in a group setting. Generally, it’s a good barometer as to the kind of person he is and you can earn valuable feedback from the people who know you best.
On the other hand, if your BF starts suggesting group dates and avoids any one-on-one time with you, it’s not just because he wants to create some distance in your relationship. More likely, he wants to be around another woman, and a group date setting is a way for him to do that without raising any red flags. In a group date, you’re there to make him feel like he’s not stepping out on you – but then again, so is she.
9 He Acts Differently Around You
Body language can tell you a lot about your effect on a person. When a man is interested in you, he will lean in to listen to what you have to say, angle his body towards you, and face you to let you know that he’s taking in the whole picture, not just the assets he enjoys. In terms of communication, he’ll talk with you, joke around with you, and make an effort to get to know who you are as a person.
When all of that goes out the window and he begins to act differently around you in a way that just feels off, it may be because he’s interested in someone else and all his romantic feelings that propelled that behavior has simply dried up.
8 He Never Seems Jealous Anymore
It’s never a good idea to try and make your man jealous. It leads to a whole host of trust issues and involves playing manipulative mind games that just aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship.
In spite of that, a little bit of jealousy can be healthy and go a long way towards making either you or your partner feel desired. So, if your dude isn’t getting jealous despite your efforts, your antennae should be up! If you flirt with someone in front of him, mention that someone you both know is looking good these days, or, if you’re only casual with one another, mention that you actually went out with another man, and none of that makes him jealous, then you’d better move on because he already has.
7 He Isn’t As Affectionate As He Once Was
Affection is important in a relationship, whether it’s been going on for a while or it’s something new. It shows that you’re interested and that you care, which is why this should send alarm bells ringing when he suddenly ceases being affectionate with you.
As humans, we communicate a lot through physical touch, like hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. When we’re really into someone, we’ll look for any excuse to touch them or be near them. When a guy is losing or has lost interest in you, he’ll ease up on the touching because he’s just not feeling the need to be close to you in that way anymore. If he suddenly goes rigid at your hugs or gives you a lame cheek kiss when you guys used to lock lips, it’s because his heart just isn’t in it anymore.
6 He Tries To Friend-Zone You
When guys talk about the “friend zone”, they refer to it as being friends with a woman in an attempt to get it in, only to learn that, alas, she sees him more as a friend and won’t reward him with doing the deed simply because he’s a “nice guy”. This is kind of the reverse of that.
If you’ve been in a romantic or physical relationship with a guy only for him to put the brakes on things and start treating you like just a pal then, sorry, you’ve lost his interest. We can’t tell you when, where, or why it happened, but it did. His interest has alighted on someone else and, even though you two might have had something going on, he’s not as into you as he once was and you’ve become just one of the guys.
5 He Hides His Phone From You
Hiding his phone is classic cheating behavior, especially if he was pretty open with it before. We keep so much information on our phones that he knows you could discover whose Instagram account he’s been stalking, who he has Snap streaks with, who his top contact is, and what photos he has saved, just to name a few. It is a treasure trove of guilty data and a guy who’s interested in someone else will try to protect it at all costs.
We’re not advocating snooping through his phone or flying off the handle if he’s a little protective of it every now and then, but a guy who won’t ever let you sneak a peek over his shoulder or who freaks out when you come close to him while he’s texting might be trying to hide more than his screen.
4 He Mentions Someone New All The Time
When we have a crush on someone, we think about them all the time. We’re excited by their presence and might even look for the vaguest of excuses to slip them into a conversation. We’re totally smitten and everything circles back to them.
Yeah, if your dude is behaving this way about anyone other than you, be worried. Hearing about some new woman all the time can be cause for alarm, because your man just wants to say her name and hear other people say it, too – he’s that infatuated. After all, people don’t find multiple reasons to talk about things they don’t care about right? He’s not just finding ways to bring her up in conversations – instead, he’s talking about her the way he used to talk about you, and that should tell you everything you need to know.
3 He Makes Freudian Slips
Sometimes, when we suspect that our SO has feelings for someone else, we look for clues in the way they talk about them. Naturally, they’re always on the offensive and hyper-aware of the way things could be misconstrued if they’re hiding their crush but, occasionally, the mind plays a little trick on them and their true feelings slip out.
Freudian slips are what can happen if your guy is thinking about another woman but doesn’t want to let you know. He can’t censor his speech entirely, and things are bound to slip out that indicate his interest! For example, his sexy new coworker was cleaning the coffee “jugs” instead of coffee “mugs”, letting you know exactly where his brain (and other parts) might be wandering to.
2 He Doesn’t Share His Feelings
One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having someone to confide to. Even in the beginning, your interest can move beyond the physical to expressing you interests, hopes, dreams, and fears. You want to hear stories from the other person about their friends and family, and vice-versa.
When the conversation dries up and becomes something resembling small talk, with anything deeper reminiscent of pulling teeth, you have cause for concern. In a relationship, you’re one another’s confidante. If you’re learning things after the fact – like he got a promotion or a family member became ill – from outside sources, it’s because you’re not the person he’s coming to anymore. Instead, he’s found someone else with whom to share his feelings, which is a sign that’s he’s emotionally pulled away.
1 He Gives Another Woman Lots Of Attention
A step above simply checking out other women is when he gives another woman lots of attention. Maybe you’re out with a group of people and he can’t help but have his arm around another girl, or he touches her leg, or laughs only at her jokes, or offers to drive her home, or hold open the door for her, or turns away from you entirely! All of those are cues that he is into someone else and you are the furthest thing from his mind when she’s around.
If the other woman feels comfortable towards these attentions, she’s just as into him, and your dude has already been given the green light from her to act this way, otherwise, he wouldn’t dare to do so in the first place.