All men cheat. You’ve heard that before, right? Surely you have. It’s what society tells us about the men –that they’re insatiable. And in order to be satisfied, they need to sleep with several women before and even while married. That is, if they’re not getting enough from their wives or significant others. Men have a bad reputation, there’s no arguing that! And what makes matters worse is that many of them talk about cheating in such a matter-of-fact way that makes all us women feel hopeless about the future of males.
Ever wonder what men secretly say about their affairs? Well, look no further, here you can read real confessions of cheaters. Some will make your skin craw while others might make your heart break a little. In the end, what this reveals about society is that there is too much pressure on relationships and monogamy, which leads to cheating. Some people are better off single or never entering into a marriage in the first place. To avoid cheating and the cheater’s mentality, we have to look inside ourselves and ask what we want from life and from those around us. Cheating doesn’t have to be a fact of life, it can be avoided, but it does take some soul searching to avoid it entirely. Learn from these guys and then talk to your mate about your relationship to avoid the hurt caused by cheating.
15 This one will give you chills
“One night, I'm at a bar with friends (GF is not with us because she lived 200 miles away from me at the time) and one of the friends, who I am very attracted to, is flirting with me all night. Finally, she offers me to go back to her place. I had been worked up into a massive hormonal furor that I had little control of myself. I kept thinking about the ensuing guilt. I just didn't want to be THAT guy. Not so much for me but for my girlfriend. She had been so good to me that I saw cheating on her as just a downright evil act. I get it if your S/O doesn't treat you well, but in that moment, I couldn't come up with a single thing about our relationship that would justify me betraying her like that. So, at 3 AM I walked home alone, breaking the cardinal rule of living in a big city. On my way home, I became the victim of someone’s gang initiation attack. I wound up with a shattered nose, concussion, broken facial bones and lost 25% of my vision but that was easier to live with than knowing I cheated on a woman who did absolutely nothing to deserve it. We eventually did break up but I can honestly say no human being has ever treated me better - and I'm saying this after 10 years of marriage!”
Ok, this is not a secret confession of cheating. Yes, it’s so close, however it misses the mark. This guy has some serious self-control that deserves major credit. Unfortunately, he got a slap in the face by the attack, but perhaps the universe was sending him a message to be careful regarding temptation. A gallant gentleman, indeed, when he assumes the violence received to be a small price to pay in comparison for the amount of pain we would have caused the young lady. Talk about lost chivalry and values –someone give this guy a metal and life-insurance for life, please.
14 Work Travel with a side trip of guilt.
“This one is going to be really tough for me. I've been married for the last eight years to my beautiful wife. We have three kids, and I love them more than life itself. I work at a boring office, and that's what started my problems. A female coworker of mine started to become friendly and we would play around with each other just to make the day go by. This led to touching, flirting, and eventually it became much more. It all happened so quickly, that before I knew it, we were in the car before work, in the storage closets and going on ’business trips' together. No guilt whatsoever; I never even really thought about it. Well, I didn't until last month, when my wife was diagnosed with stage-4 breast cancer. It was a speeding train of guilt that hit me all at once. She is in the hospital right now, and I'm trying to figure out a way to confess. No one knows yet. I know I'm a terrible person. I know I've messed up. I'm a pig, but I need your help. What should I do, Reddit?”
This guy only feels guilty because his wife is ill. If his wife were in good health, guilt wouldn’t be an issue and he’d go about his cheating ways without a care in the world. But now he’s been given a dose of something called, Wake-up and figure your life out! Whatever that means for him, only he can figure out. But in order to do that, he’d have to deal with karma, being true to himself and others, and find real happiness.
13 Cheating is like a ghost.
“It haunts me every day. I feel like since I basically spit in the face of good fortune and wantonly caused someone who cared about me pain, I am doomed to never be in a good relationship ever again because why the hell would I deserve it? I've actually accepted that as my fate because honestly I don't think it is anything less than just. You'd best bet if I am every lucky enough to get a second chance at love, there is no way possible I'd ever act so recklessly again.”
Here’s a guy who has accepted that karma plays a huge role in our lives. In recognizing that he made errors, he can learn, change, and grow in order to be a better human and maybe a better partner. We get what we put out, and if you’ve been bad to someone, i.e. cheated, you’d better believe that karma is coming back to bite you, someday, somehow. His pain is rather tangible in this confession and in many ways, it feels like we want to cheer him on like, Yeah, you can do it, you can be a good guy or at the very least be honest about what you want from your partner. And in that way, we can all learn a lesson or two about savoring love and life.
12 A hard habit to break.
“I've been a cheater in most relationships I've had, and as a result, a self-hater for most of them. I've been through therapy for about 8 years for other reasons and what I've come to learn is that I didn't feel I deserved love, affection, or appreciation. This stems from a whole host of other things from my childhood (lack of fatherly relationship, latchkey kid, etc.). I treated relationships as though they were temporary even though they lasted for years. I'm a good looking guy, so lots of women offer up temptation that I found difficult to reject. And each time, I hated myself for my indiscretions. I also picked relationships that were bad for me--cheater girlfriends, terrible communicators, insecure women, etc. Then I met the girl of my dreams. I was so into her from day one that I immediately shut down all of my other options. I was really, really in love. Then I found out she was cheating on me. I can't describe the heartbreak and betrayal I felt. This sent me into a downward spiral of emotional hell. Through therapy, I was able to get back on track, appreciate myself more, and find a girl who is absolutely perfect for me. I do still feel urges to cheat sometimes, but my unwillingness to hurt her saves me. Part of my self-hatred stems from not doing the right thing. Each time I do the right thing, I feel a sense of pride, and it makes me feel worthy of the love I receive. A positive cycle.”
What goes around comes around, and this guy certainly learned that the hard way. But after experiencing, trauma it’s hard not to fall into bad habits like cheating. Cheating can either be caused by a lack of honesty, from fear, and from not realizing what we really deserve. Thankfully, this guy seems to be figuring things out, but those harmful habits are hard to break. His secret confession on cheating is an eye-opener, if nothing else.
11 Big city cheating
“My affair is going great! Once or twice a week, I go to her place (a 1-bedroom pad downtown) after work, and we have fun. I take a brief shower, Visine my eyes, then go on home to the missus. I keep them both pretty happy and I'm not too overly concerned with the mistress being non-exclusive or getting too hungry and outing me. Sure it is morally despicable and I'm a walking pile of warm garbage, but that's life in the big city. The biiiiiiiiiig citayyyy.”
Clearly, this guy has no remorse. Either that or he’s a serious narcissist. It’s hard to judge just by a confession on Reddit. In all honesty, who knows if this guy is even telling the truth? But fact is often stranger than fiction, so let’s just say this is a legit confession. It would be nice to say that at least he knows he’s scum, but that doesn’t solve the issue here. Men cheat because they are not just cowards or have been hurt or traumatized, some men cheat because society lets them get away with it, like this guy here.
10 When daydreaming is taken too far
“Sometimes I find myself caught in a daydream about being with another person. I want it so bad that it is all I think about. I have the best wife in the world, nothing is wrong with her, it is just me. My best friend found out a few months ago and seems to think what I'm doing is normal. Which made me want it more. What should I do? Does this mean I need to leave her? Do I need to explore? ”
What’s really sad about this confession is that we feel really bad for the guy's wife. He is not happy, period. This sounds like a recipe for a disaster and this must be a miserable marriage. Do you ever wonder if the wife can feel his wandering eye?
9 The cheater makes a recovery
“I don't cheat anymore. My freshman year in college, I was still with my high school girlfriend. I avoided way too many opportunities for casual fun and new romances my freshman year out of faithfulness for there to have been any chance of dealing with walking into her apartment finding her curled up with another dude in a healthy way. It flipped a switch. It was like I went narcissist or psychopath or some stuff overnight. It was like my ability to love or respect women just disappeared. So I cheated on literally every girlfriend I had from then on. And I wasn't sneaky about it. I didn't care if I got caught. It was a dark time. The woman I ended up marrying was the catalyst for change, though I think I started calming down some by that point anyway. Didn't cheat on her, we got married, still didn't cheat on her. She cheated on me. 3 different people, some more than once, that I know of. I suspect dozens more. I think I kinda deserved it, though. I had spent enough time being insufferable, so I had it coming. When it's all said and done, though, I really don't know why, aside from it having been a power trip. Only thing I know for sure is that I'm not going back to it.”
Did he learn his lesson? It appears that way, but looks can be deceiving. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? After being dishonest with others and himself, the world begins to feel like a very scary place. That’s when people, like this guy, wake-up from their slumber and decide that there’s more to life than being physical and much more happiness when cheating is no longer in the picture. Cheating is like an evil twin that can take over your body, then your entire world.
8 The heartless cheater
“Cheating is one of the greatest adrenaline rushes one could ever have. I cheated often, and I wasn't too bad at it. It all comes down to ego. You even begin to enjoy the lies. There are people that mess up and cheat. One time, I was stupid and feel terrible. Then it stops. That happens. But then you have people that have a need for it.”
This sort of behavior the reason that men cannot be trusted. There’s not a single sense of remorse here, it almost feels as though he’s not even human. And by the sound of it, he might have crossed so many lines so many time that he’s lost touch with what it is to be human and to have feelings. Cheating is a cycle, but it’s not a cycle one should promote or even master. What’s worse is he talks about cheating as though it’s common among men and something that they do, as if women should accept it. Accepting mistreatment from another human being shows that you don’t love yourself and you’ve got to get really real about yourself and what you want out of life. This way, you could avoid spending your time and energy on a heartless brute like this guy.
7 Too trapped to walk away
“I would have left except that she has shown herself to be unable to care for our children when I'm away. If I'm away on business for a week, the kids will miss one or two days of school and will be behind on their homework when I come back. Paying women for an erotic experience helps fill the gap somewhat. There's no emotional attachment, but at least I get to be with another person and get a sense of what it would be like to have a normal, full relationship with my wife. My wife has said before that she wouldn't mind if I slept with another woman, except that she would be uncomfortable that it would lead to me having feelings for the other woman. I wish she would see that this argument also means that an intimate relationship between her and me might deepen our feelings for each other. So I pay women for their time. I don't do anything physical, but I'm not going to tell my wife about it.”
He’s a sensitive guy who wants to get close to his wife, but she seems distant, aloof, and even cold. Can we really blame him for going outside of the home to find physical or emotional contact?
6 "I would always give a fake name and number"
“I would go to bars and clubs in Manhattan and pick up random girls, usually NYU students, and have fun. I would always give a fake name and number, and it became relatively easy to traverse the city a few times a night and meet random people. I developed somewhat of a need for this, and I felt horrible. But I also knew that I had no feelings for the girls. I simply would use them and then go back to my loving Kaitlin at my apartment. It got bad, really bad. Kaitlin gained another 20 pounds over the span of three months, and cried daily while I would go to the city nearly every night. It became easier to go to gay bars, as I said earlier I have no attraction to men, but I have no ill feelings towards having fun. Kaitlin had become distant to me, I told her I worked nights when in reality I was cheating on her with different women and men every night. Then, one night, while I had had too much, I ran into Kaitlyn's friend at a bar, in the bathroom, while I was.. yeah..”
This secret cheater’s confession is heavy. It’s brutally honest about how there’s so much pain between these two, and it just breaks our hearts. Obviously, they both have issues that they need to work on separately in order to make things work, but rather than address these issues, they’ve both resorted to hiding behind big problems.
5 The dirtbag lover
“My friend Christian literally gets with every girl he meets because he's muscular then tells them he's into men. Then he gets their friends by being like "I thought I was into men but you make me feel different." etc. He's just a sociopath. He's cool and we hang out sometimes but he'll screw get with your girlfriend if you don't watch it. He's done it before. They just don't know how big of a jerk they really are. Edit: for those asking for more stories about this guy, he joined a church group with like 6 girls in it and got with with all of them, told them he was getting with the others, claimed he was gay as per usual, then told them he was an atheist in like the span of two days.”
This isn’t a confession, but more like an eyewitness account from the cheater’s friend. Here another thing that is wrong with society – friends of cheaters make light of their habits and even brag about their cheating friends. It is not acceptable to cheat, and if a cheater can first recognize that a monogamous relationship is not their cup of tea, the better off they’ll be. This would save so many people from any future heartaches. Unfortunately, society lets men be men because they have needs, and women are supposed to just accept that. Talk about gendered bull crap. And shame on this friend for making a joke about how cool is friend is. When has lying, cheating, and being a dirt bag become cool?
4 The double life, evil twin cheater
“I was a cheater with my ex-wife. It was really like living a double life as a serial killer, only I was a cheater. It started out just hanging out with an old friend at a party with my wife there and we were all having fun. My old friend was wasted and we got friendly but I stood by my wife. I saw her a few weeks later and we exchanged numbers. At first it was us going out for coffee or lunch, nothing big deal or anything worth mentioning. It maybe happened once every 2 weeks. Eventually we both had enough and got together one afternoon when my wife was at work and I was ‘home’. It was so great the first few times. This is when texting became more regular and I was constantly deleting texts and almost always a nervous wreck when my wife was around, even though she was completely oblivious. Then the bomb hit when she took my phone once and found some suggestive texts. The nuke hit when one of the neighbors of the girl called my wife and told them my car was parked in front. Ultimately, I do not recommend cheating while married because then why even get married, you will only speed up the amount of time it is before you hate each other and suffer a lot of unnecessary stress.”
Here is a pretty standard confession. Guy marries girl, guy doesn’t get what he wants from girl, but instead of talking to girl, he goes out and looks for what he’s not getting at home with someone else. Thus, cheating ensues. Most cheaters live this way, nervous, miserable, but satisfied to some degree. But is this real happiness? His last sentence is the key to everything and should be read several times over by all human beings.
3 Cheater turned out to be a swinger
“Eh, why not? Cheating never showed up on my moral compass for some reason. I slipped quite a few times and lost one girlfriend because of it. I did some soul searching and such and realized jealousy wasn't really a thing for me in relationships. I was fine if my girls wanted to get with others as well. So it turned out I was just poly/a swinger this whole time. I talked to my current S/O about it and she's fine with the arrangement. I think the worst part about "cheating" is going behind your partner's back.”
Thankfully, this guy’s cheating lead to soul searching which lead to him making better decisions for himself and those around him. This secret cheater’s confession shows how we can take life lessons and turn them into gold. From disaster, from the wreckage, he found some peace and understanding. Not only with self, but with his significant others. It’s about finding the right one for you and then cheating will hardly ever, if at all, be a problem.
2 My doll is a better listener
“My wife and I had a pretty big shake up and I started confiding in a doll that she made me get for our long periods of separation. She turned out to be a really good listener, and once we were in the bedroom, she was a passionate. I felt reborn. We're finalizing the divorce and arranging our engagement this Sunday.”
This secret cheater’s confession is bizarre, but not unheard of. This guy will not be the first one to leave his wife for a doll, and he surely won’t be the last. Whether or not the story is exaggerated doesn’t matter. We know that people have needs and many of them are so strong, so powerful, so tough to ignore that they lead to cheating and, eventually, estrangement from significant others. Today, men are finding it easy to cheat online, but also with inanimate objects that they personify. It can’t be easy for a woman to be a part of this guy’s life, but stranger things have happened, no doubt.
1 Not every ending will be a good one
“I get massages. My wife has no drive whatsoever. My marriage feels so lonely. There's affection, but no spark in her eyes, no kissing, no desire. She understands that I want there to be intimacy in the relationship, but she doesn't see the point. I've made it very clear (through counselling) how it makes me feel unloved.”
Here is an example of a man who cheated because he was married to the wrong person. Men often blame their cheating habits on their wives’ low drive, but have they considered the type of intimacy their wives require? Without talking, couples will often run into issues. It’s no wonder cheating happens when we’re taught from an early age that it is taboo and not something we talk about, but rather do. Being open with a partner shows maturity and also reveals a couple’s expectations in a relationship. We can blame this on simple genetics or that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but it goes way deeper than that. It shows a reflection of their true self. Marriage does not equal intimacy or even a bond, it’s more like a contract we sign into without having evaluated the entire product, longevity, and return policy.