Real Love Or Emotional Dependence? This is How You Know

in Dating
Real Love Or Emotional Dependence? This is How You Know

The line between real love and emotional dependence is ridiculously thin. But because love is a complex thing (and we all know that already… right?) we can’t really expect this to be an easy issue to deal with. Being in love is great. Heck, it’s magical! It’s the kind of feeling that we don’t have enough words for. Positive words, that is. But emotional dependence? Well, it’s not really that nice. It’s something you don’t want to experience and sadly, it’s something we can’t easily see the signs for. More often than not, it’s too late when we realize we’re emotionally dependent to the man we think we love. And that part sucks. So ladies, it’s time to up our knowledge on this. It’s almost 2018, which is to say it’s about time to discuss with ourselves everything about emotional dependency. And yes, we can start with the signs.

15. You’re Being Too Possessive And Jealous

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For some women, they’re the first to notice their level of jealousy. Even before their partners realize they’re being too jealous, these women already know whether or not they are. This can be because such women check in with themselves every now and then. They’re the conscious ones, sometimes too conscious. And then there are those who are so possessive of their partners their level of jealousy is just so high even their friends notice it. So ladies, when your friends notice that maybe you’re being a little too possessive of your man, don’t take it the wrong way. Chances are, they’re telling the truth. Even when your man isn’t talking about it, make it a point to always listen to your pals. Because you never know, maybe this possessiveness and jealousy are not just mere negative attitude of yours but signs that you need to check in with yourself. Know if you’re really in love with him or you’re just dependent on the idea of love.

14. You Feel Like You Need To Impress Him

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Love is all about accepting one another, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. Nobody’s perfect, so stop saying you have the perfect man. He’s not and you’re lying. And most certainly, you’re not and you will never be perfect. So when it comes to love, perfection is usually about clearly seeing the negative parts of your partner and accepting them fully. However, if you feel like you need to make a perfect version of yourself every single time, if you feel like you always need to be perfect and that you always need to impress your man, girl that is so not love anymore. That’s called emotional dependence. That’s called being too attached you’re afraid he would leave the moment he stops being impressed by you. Well guess what, a man stays because he loves, not because he is impressed.

13. You’re Easily Anxious When You Two Are Apart (Even For A Short Time)

Along the lines of possessiveness and jealousy, people who are emotionally dependent also tend to develop high levels of anxiety, especially during the times when they need to be away from their significant others. Keep in mind, woman, it’s not love anymore if you’re not comfortable being away from your man even just for a few days. If you’re worried that he might cheat while you’re gone or if you think you love him and you cannot survive a day without him, it’s a sign that you’re less in love and more emotionally dependent. You feel like you always need to be with him physically and being apart drives you nuts. Lady, that’s not a healthy emotional state to keep. If you keep on doing this, your world will literally fall apart when the relationship doesn’t work and you two need to break up. Keep in mind that love comes in all forms, even in long distance.

12. You Give Up A Lot Of Things For Him

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Giving up things for a significant other and for the betterment of the relationship is totally fine. It is called compromise. It is called sacrifice. And really, there’s no relationship where no giving up happened – whether that’s dreams or career decisions, the both of you will give up something along the way because that’s how healthy relationships work. You cannot have it all, you know. However, when you find yourself giving up your hobbies for your significant other, that’s not love anymore. You shouldn’t give up your hobbies, girl. They’re the simplest things in your life and they basically play a huge role. Hobbies are what keeps us sane whenever the world becomes too much to bear. So when you end up giving them up for your man, along with so many other things, that’s not because you love him. That’s because you’re too afraid he would leave.

11. You Literally Need Constant Reminders That He Loves You

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Love does need a reminder. It’s not necessary but hearing it often sure is great. After all, when we love someone, we don’t really need the words. We just need to know how we can make them feel our love. But in relationships where you find yourself demanding that he tells you he loves you, as in, in words, that’s different. You’re emotionally dependent, there’s no such thing as feeling enough love, there is only wanting to hear the words because those words are what’s convincing you about the love thing. Those words are comforting you emotionally, because for an emotionally dependent person, feeling it isn’t enough. Because they know there’s not enough love to feel in the first place so they demand words from their partners.

10. You Want To Be In Control Of Everything

Some ladies love to be in control, we get that. We love the fact that sometimes, we play the dominant role. It’s always great to switch things up a bit because it’s what keeps the relationship fun and exciting. It allows the two of you to grow. But if you’re unsure if you’re emotionally dependent and you would want to know, one of the best ways to do so is through checking your control over things. Are you the type of woman who loves to take the lead on everything? Do you want to say the orders and do you expect your S.O. to follow all of them? How do you react when he doesn’t follow your rules? Knowing the answers to these questions and being open-minded are both crucial in knowing whether or not you’re emotionally dependent. If you’re way too controlling that even your partner is not appreciating it anymore, well that’s the sign you’re looking for.

9. You’re Sort Of Making Up The Kind Of Person You Love

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Don’t you think it sucks that we have to make up things about love? Well yeah, it does suck. But for emotionally dependent people, it’s what keeps them going. See, if you’re emotionally dependent, you unconsciously make this story in your head about you and your partner. You imagine him being the perfect man and you being the perfect woman. You imagine the two of you having fun, growing together, building a family and growing old, still holding hands. It’s cheesy, I know… women who tend to make up the kind of person they love are usually emotionally dependent. You see so much more in the guy than what and who he is and this is not because you love him, but because you cannot live without him. Ladies, those are two different things. And if you keep on making up the kind of man you love, if you keep on imagining he’s riding a white horse when really, he just walks from home to work, girl, you’re in trouble.

8. You’re Way Too Clingy

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Being clingy is one thing. Being way too clingy is another. Aside from having anxiety attacks on the mere idea of being apart for a few days, ladies who don’t have real love but rather, just emotionally dependent also tend to be clingy. You love holding your partner’s hand in public. You love cuddling with him and showing off to the world that he is yours. There’s really nothing wrong with this, but it can be too much. And when it’s too much and your partner doesn’t appreciate it anymore, that’s when things go a little wrong. Not only are you actually pushing him away instead of making him feel loved, you’re also hurting yourself because in the long run, when everything has subsided, you will realize that you’ve been emotionally dependent on him and maybe, just maybe, you would not like that much.

7. You Need Him To Approve Every Aspect About You

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Emotionally dependent people are always hungry for approval. It’s like your day is not complete until your partner approves everything about you – the dinner you cooked, your decision to stay the night instead of hanging out with your pals, the fact that you went home early to watch the kids because he has to work a little late. All these things and more, even the simpler ones, need to be approved by your partner. If this sounds too familiar, chances are you’re less in love with him. You just invested too much emotion in the relationship and now, you’re at a point where you feel like he is your forever and you need him to love you, instead of you knowing you will love him forever. Again, those are two different things. As mentioned, the line between real love and emotional dependence is ridiculously thin.

6. You Don’t Feel Love When You Two Are Not Physically Together

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For you, being apart is being out of love. Oh yeah, it sounds ridiculous but that’s just how emotionally dependent people are. If this is you, chances are you hate your man for all the times he left. Whether it’s a business trip or a get-together with his old buddies or a family reunion across the state, you feel like leaving you behind is wrong. You feel like he should always bring you to all events he would attend, even when it’s an all-male event, like a bachelor party. Remember that your man also has a separate life outside your relationship. Not a life where he is single, but a life where he needs to live on his own and make decisions on his own. This is a foreign concept for emotionally dependent people because for them being apart simply means their partners don’t love them anymore.

5. You Expect So Much From The Relationship

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Well of course! Of course we all expect from our relationship. But the difference with real love is that we quickly realize expecting is just going to lead to more pain. We realize that the more we expect, the more we’re ruining the relationship. So, if you really love your partner, you would find yourself working on these expectations. You would find yourself wanting to talk about it and to discuss it. And of course, you’d find yourself trying to learn how to expect less. On the other side of the coin is where emotional dependence lie. If you’re doing the opposite and you still keep on expecting too much from your partner and from the relationship, chances are this is because you are emotionally dependent. You rely way too much on the idea that he is your boyfriend, therefore he should do this and that. Well woman, sad to say, that is not how relationships work.

4. You Don’t Really Know What ‘Love Yourself’ Means

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Self-love plays an important role in every relationship. Before you love someone else, you should already be aware of how to love yourself. You should know that loving your own scars and your own flaws is far more important than being in a relationship. But when you’re clueless on the idea of self-love but you seem to be so full of love when it comes to your partner, that’s probably because that love isn’t genuine. It’s just you doing everything in your power to make him feel loved so he won’t leave you. Yes, you do love him, but not as much as you think you do. The rest is emotional dependence creeping into your life. If you think you’re on this path, we suggest you cool things off, spend more time on your own and learn to love yourself. Believe it or not, it’s far more beneficial than you can ever imagine.

3. You’re All About Getting And Not Giving

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Being with someone is a give-and-take thing. If you don’t agree with that then that’s your crystal-clear sign that you are emotionally dependent. Or maybe, if you think you are giving enough, or if you think you are supposed to be receiving more because you’re the woman, then there’s no real love there. There is only relying too much on him you spend every single minute of the relationship trying to get and get and get some more – get more love, get more attention, and get more everything. We’re telling you, woman, if you keep on doing this, time will come where there’s no one you can get love and attention from. He will leave the moment he realizes this isn’t love you have for him, but rather, you’re just dependent on his existence in your life. Is that the kind of relationship you want to build?

2. You Focus On The Outside Rather Than How He Treats You

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Another sign that real love is not present is when you focus more on his outside appearance. How he looks is far more important that how he treats you. Because for emotionally dependent people like you, the treatment can be fixed. You feel like you can do something about. You feel like you can change him and his attitude and what you don’t want to waste time trying to change is his looks. So when you commit to a man, you choose someone who is good-looking. Someone you can present to your family and you know they would approve your choice. Someone who your friends would also approve of, physically. Because when a person is emotionally dependent, nothing is more important than what people think when they see you two together. That sucks but yeah, that’s emotional dependence right there.

1. You Don’t Really Think Of Having Some Alone Time

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Alone time is very important, ladies. No matter how much you love your man, understand that having some alone time every now and then, even just for a short period is very important. And no, don’t ever think that an all-girl weekend with your pals is enough. See, being alone helps you think things clearly. It helps you check in with yourself easier. But for emotionally dependent people, well of course, alone time is something they don’t want. If you think you’re emotionally dependent, one of the key signs is that you think your real love is all about being together physically. It’s all about texting multiple times a day and calling every lunch break. Woman, you are going to kill your relationship if you keep doing this. The next thing you know, your man is already out the door and you’re going to have some alone time whether you like it or not.

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