Texting, ghosting, red flags—these are all parts of dating today that people simply can't ignore. Red flags have become such an integral part of everyone's love lives that when a woman meets a new guy who is everything that they have been waiting for, people often say something along the lines of, "He's so great. There are literally no red flags here."
While everyone wants this to be the situation that they're experiencing (and they've paid their dating dues for sure by now), every singleton has been down the road of finding a whole bunch of red flags and wondering why they have this kind of luck.
There are definitely a lot of things that someone can do early on in a relationship that are red flags and make their new partner realize that it's just not the right fit.
At the same time, there are some things that might not be ideal or something that they really love, but they're normal and just part of getting to know someone and starting to date them.
Here are 15 things that he does in the first few months that are total red flags, along with 5 things that are actually totally normal.
20 Red Flag: He's Late For Every Date
Being five to ten minutes late is no big deal. Subway delays, traffic, finishing up that one last thing at work—there are tons of reasons why we can't always get somewhere at exactly the moment that we're supposed to be there.
But it's a huge red flag when he's always late.
We definitely know that being late on a date is not the best thing to do and that if a guy is constantly late (we're talking 20 minutes or more), it doesn't set the best tone for the evening. We care enough to be on time and it's necessary that the guy that we're dating feels the same way.
19 Red Flag: He Never Stops Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend
We've all heard that it's bad news when a guy is always talking about the last girl that he dated, and it's definitely a red flag.
We have to wonder why he's talking about her so much. Are there are still feelings there and he wishes that the breakup hadn't happened? Does he want us to be more like her? Whatever his reason, it's not a good thing. He should feel like he has totally moved on and is ready for a new relationship with us. If that's not the way that he feels, then we have to think about why we're together.
18 Totally Normal: He Gets Really Nervous Around Us
When a guy gets really nervous around us, it's really sweet. We can consider this normal instead of a red flag.
Sure, when we see a guy in a romantic comedy or in a TV show, he might be acting pretty smooth and confident all of the time.
He sweeps the girl off of her feet with roses and romantic words and he always plans the perfect date night. If we notice that the guy that we've started dating is stumbling over his words a bit or telling the same stories over and over again because he's full of nerves, we can smile and know that he really likes us.
17 Red Flag: He Won't Call Us His Girlfriend Or Even Talk About It
We might think that a guy should say that we're his girlfriend after a month and our best friend might say that she needs at least two months before putting labels on it. It's safe to say, though, that we all agree that after a certain amount of time, we need to be called someone's girlfriend or we're going to wonder what's going on.
If a guy doesn't call us his girlfriend within the first few months of dating, that's a red flag. And if he won't even bring up the subject or talk about it, then we can be sure that something fishy is going on. It doesn't seem like he's going to commit to us.
16 Red Flag: He Keeps Putting Off Making Any Kind Of Future Plan
It might be crazy to talk about a couple's vacation or meeting each other's families on the first date. We totally get that. After the first few months of dating? That's not so nuts. In fact, that's the perfect time to start thinking about the future of the relationship and consider meeting each other's friends and family, along with planning some things for the upcoming months.
It's a red flag when he doesn't want to plan for the future.
He should honestly have no trouble with this at all. We deserve someone who is so excited about this and feels like it's so much fun to plan for the future with us.
15 Red Flag: He Won't Let Us Stay Over
It's a red flag when the guy that we started dating keeps saying that we can't stay over.
He might say that he has to get up early for work... which, honestly, isn't the best excuse since we all do. He could have any number of reasons for why he feels this way, and none of them will make any sense. The truth is that staying at his place and spending more time together is just part of being in a new relationship. When that's not happening, it proves to us that something is up and that this probably isn't going according to our plans.
14 Totally Normal: He Waits Until We're Official To Introduce Us To Friends And Family
It's fun (and a bit unnerving) to meet a guy's family and the people that he hangs out with. We're nervous and we hope that they think that we're worthy of him. It can feel like a lot of stress, but hopefully, all goes well and we all love each other.
When a guy wants to wait until we're officially in a relationship to have us meet his people, that's totally fine.
We might wish that he was ready before that, but there are some things that we just can't rush. It's a good sign that he wants us to be boyfriend and girlfriend and feel secure that we feel the same way about each other before introducing us.
13 Red Flag: He Won't Sleep Over At Our Place
If a guy says that we can't stay over at his place, then it's very likely that he feels the same way about spending the night at our apartment. This is another red flag that should make us think.
He might say that he likes to be in his own space so he can't stay at our place, which is a bit strange to hear since if we're going to be in a relationship with someone, we assume that we'd like to move in together at some point if things go well. He's not ready to commit if this is something that is going on.
12 Red Flag: He Won't Let Us Pick The Restaurant
It's funny when we think about how much time we spend picking restaurants for dates. Chances are, we have a short list of places that we enjoy going to, and we would be more than happy to just go there all the time. It can be tiring to try to think of new places, plus let's be real—we like ordering the same meals at the same places anyway.
If the guy that we've been dating for a few months doesn't want us to pick the restaurants that we go to on date nights and he always wants to be in charge, that's a red flag.
In fact, it's a really bad sign because it shows that he's controlling. We don't want to be with someone like this.
11 Red Flag: He Says He Doesn't Like Our Best Friend
We should never hear our boyfriend say that he's not a big fan of our best friend. He should understand that we've chosen her as our BFF for a reason and that we're super close to her.
She's someone that we really care about, and he needs to get with the program, basically, and be polite and caring about it. He doesn't have to hang out with her and it's possible that they're not going to be really close. That's fine, he just shouldn't say mean things like he doesn't like her. It's a red flag and makes us wonder if he's not as nice as we thought that he was.
10 Totally Normal: He Opens Up About Tough Times Only When We're In A Serious Relationship
Have you ever started dating someone and spilled all kinds of things about your past? We felt close to them and wanted them to know, and they seemed like a great person to talk to us. Then we might have regretted it later if the relationship didn't work out and feel like we talked about these serious subjects too soon.
This guy might feel the same way.
He might not be opening up a ton in the first few months because he wants to make sure that he feels really comfortable with this.
Instead of thinking about this as a red flag, we should think that it's totally normal. If he's a good person and he's treating us well, then we can be a bit patient, right?
9 Red Flag: He Tells Us He Doesn't Believe In Marriage
It's always a red flag when a guy says that he doesn't believe in marriage... that is, as long as we want to get married. If we don't want to get married, then, of course, this wouldn't be something that bothers us at all.
Chances are, though, we really want to, and it sucks to imagine being with someone for several years without the possibility of getting engaged and planning a wedding. If we've ever had a friend who was in this situation, then we know that it brings up a lot of negative feelings on a regular basis for sure.
8 Red Flag: He Says He Never Wants To Live Together
Another red flag is when a guy tells us that he never wants to live together. This won't be something that we want to hear. When we meet a new guy who we like, we start thinking about all of the milestones that we can experience, and moving in together is one of them. It's a pretty big thing since we want to know that we're really committed to each other.
The truth is that we might not ever be able to convince him to change his mind about the whole living together thing.
It's not going to be healthy to stay together and try to change him. He's told us what he wants (or doesn't want, as the case might be).
7 Totally Normal: He Wants To Wait A Little Bit To Move In Together
On the other hand, if he says that he wants to move in together a bit down the road but would like to wait a little while longer, there's nothing wrong with that.
He's being smart because moving in together is a big commitment. We'll be finding a new place (or moving into one of our apartments), sharing the rent, figuring out whose stuff to keep and get rid of, and just generally making the next step in the relationship. It's no small feat, even if we might think that it sounds fun. It's cool that he wants to make sure that things are really strong between us.
6 Red Flag: He Never Sends The First Text Of The Day
We all know the super thrilling first text message of the day from the guy who we're dating. He says "Hey beautiful" or asks how we're doing or asks about seeing us that evening. It's pretty blissful to text back and forth with someone that we're getting to know, and we can't wait for the next text message to come in.
A guy who doesn't text us first (like, ever) is exhibiting a pretty big red flag.
We shouldn't always feel like we have to be the one who gets in touch first. He should want to message us because he can't wait to talk to us again.
5 Red Flag: He Doesn't Answer Our Messages The Same Day
Being in a relationship with someone means communicating on a super regular basis. That's really the only way that it should be.
Sometimes, we find ourselves dating a guy who doesn't think that communication is even necessary. He doesn't get in touch with us and when we text him, he doesn't really seem to think that it's super crucial that he responds within a legitimate amount of time... or even at all. When we picture ourselves with a boyfriend, we definitely think that we want someone who we can chat with all the time. It's a red flag if that's not the case.
4 Red Flag: He's Always Complaining About His Job
We all have stressful times at work and understand that we can't be screaming "yay!" about our jobs 24/7. But we still want to be in a good mood around the people that we spend time with.
Even when we're having an exhausting week (or month), we know that it's not going to be much fun for other people if we're complaining all the time.
Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way. Sometimes, we might find ourselves dating someone who can't stop complaining about his job. The problem is if this is the way that he is all the time, not just a few days a month when he's under more stress than usual. This could show that he's not a positive person, and we might not really like his personality.
3 Red Flag: He Doesn't Seem To Take The Relationship Very Seriously
Being in a relationship with someone is a big deal. It means that we care a lot about each other and are a team. We think about them and want them to be happy, and we want to do what we can to make that happen.
We're always going to take our relationship seriously. When the guy that we're seeing doesn't seem to feel that way, it belongs on a list of red flags for sure. Whether he's canceling plans, wanting to hang out with other people instead of us, or not saying very romantic things to us, we can tell that he's treating us more casually than he should be.
2 Red Flag: He Doesn't Want To See Us Very Often
Couples spend varying amounts of time with each other. Some like to spend every day together and would really miss each other if that wasn't happening. Others prefer to spend only a few times a week together.
That being said, if we want to see the guy that we're dating on a regular basis and he doesn't want to see us very often, we have a problem.
We should want to see each other an equal amount of time. When he's always saying that he's too busy or that he'd rather do something else, it's not a great feeling, and we need more than that.
1 Totally Normal: He Doesn't Always Agree To Watch Our Favorites
We would love for our boyfriend to have the same pop culture taste as us. If a new Netflix show starts streaming on a Friday, it's pretty cool to watch that with him that night, and it would also be fun to show him some of the TV shows that we've been enjoying for years.
He might not like the same things as us and he might not want to watch everything that we love. While that definitely sucks, it's perfectly normal. It doesn't make him a bad person or a bad boyfriend, it just means that we have different tastes. After all, we're not super jazzed about watching some of the action movies that he loves, either.