The beginning of any new relationship is awesome. You’re getting to know one another. The kisses are the best kisses ever. There are actual dates to actual restaurants. Oh and also, is he still totally in love with his ex-girlfriend or what?!
Girl, we know all about this 'is he in love with his ex-girlfriend' feeling. In fact, it’s easy to feel insecure when beginning a new relationship with a guy because the emotions are so intense. You like him a lot, but you’re still not sure if he’s as committed as you are. It’s a whole thing. However, he also may actually still be into his ex-girlfriend. Admittedly, this is a difficult thing to really figure out, since your head can play games with you. There’s a chance that you think he's crushing on his ex-girlfriend just because of your insecurity, but it may also be that he’s feeling some feelings for his ex-girlfriend.
So how exactly do you tell if it’s in your head or if he’s actually into his ex? Well, there are definitely signs that can help you determine if he’s crushing hard on that ex-girlfriend. They include the way he treats you, his willingness to talk about his past relationship, and how often and what methods he uses in keeping up with his ex-girlfriend. And yes, it’s totally okay to be upset that he liked that selfie of her in a bikini on the beach. That is NOT okay.
Is it in your head or is he still totally crushing on his ex-girlfriend? Below we have 17 MAJOR signals that he’s feeling some feelings for his ex-girlfriend.
17She Was The One Who Ended The Relationship
As is the case with many breakups, the one to end things is usually more comfortable with the relationship ending. Meanwhile, the person who was dumped is usually felt feeling shocked, rejected, and still a little in love.
In terms of men, they are especially drawn to someone who broke up with them because of those ol’ caveman instincts. Because men were the hunters and gatherers, they are always attracted to what they cannot have. It's all about the chase, ladies. Seriously, be mean to a guy and just see how much he loves you. That said, if a woman breakups with a man, she’ll automatically become something he cannot have. She’ll always be the one who dumped him and he will always be oddly attracted to her because of that.
All that said, if she was the one who ended the relationship, there’s a chance he'll be crushing on this ex-girlfriend long after the relationship is over. This may not always be the case. But if you feel like he’s crushing on his ex AND she was the one who ended the relationship, signs point to yes, he’s crushing on his ex.
16They Broke Up Like, Yesterday
Watch out for the serial monogamist, ladies. These are men who jump from long-term relationship to long-term relationship. This pattern of commitment doesn’t leave much time for connecting to one’s self. Instead, this is a guy who would rather be in a relationship then have to face himself, all by himself, at the end of the day.
If you start dating a guy right after a major breakup, be very careful. This guy probably (most definitely) may have some residual feelings for his ex. What length of time counts as “right after”? Well, anything within three months would be considered right after a breakup. Most dating experts recommend three months as the appropriate time to detox after a relationship and before another relationship.
If you’re someone’s rebound, the chances of his still crushing on his ex are HIGH. Enter into relationships with serial monogamists with much, much caution.
15He's Fixated On Her New Boyfriend
Being jealous of someone’s new boyfriend or girlfriend is a normal ex reaction. Hey, even if you’re in a healthy, happy, new relationship, you may still feel some weird feelings with you see an ex is Facebook official with someone new. It’s normal, as you’ll naturally compare yourself to this new person. However, there’s a difference between feeling some weird feelings and letting these weird feelings consume you.
If your boyfriend seems consumed with the fact that his ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, that’s a bad sign. In fact, he’s likely not even consumed with the new boyfriend as a person. Instead, he’s consumed with the new boyfriend as a sign that his ex-girlfriend is moving on.
In this case, look for small signs. Does he talk about the new boyfriend a lot? Does he hate the new boyfriend for no reason? If you’re in the same friend circle, does he avoid the new boyfriend or act rude towards him? These are all signs he’s still crushing on his ex-girlfriend.
14You Know Her Life Story Because He Talks About Her All The Time
If you know about the time his ex-girlfriend scrapped her knee while learning to ride a bike, that’s a bad sign. That means he’s talking about her all the time. Like, it’s his favorite subject ever.
Two ways to defend him talking about his ex-girlfriend all the time is to say that this shows they’re on good terms, which is mature. Okay, true. Another way to defend this conversation topic is to suggest that hey, he knows this girl well. It’s like he learned all this information about a person and now, what’s he supposed to do with it?
So there are ways to defend him talking about her all day, every day. However, it’s an awful sign. If he’s spending his time with you talking about her, he’s actively living in the past. Instead of finding out about the time you scrapped your knee, he’s still fixated on her. On that note, don’t let him talk about her all the time. Voice your feelings. You don’t have to sit there are hear all these stories.
13His Browser History Talks About Her All The Time
I’m not going to recommend you go through his browser history, but it may be the answer to all your questions. Listen, spying on him is a complete betrayal. It means you don’t trust him and it means he shouldn’t trust you. If you’re feeling the need to spy on him, there are deep issues in your relationship. So I’m not suggesting you spy on him, but spying on him will, in fact, give you some answers.
If he, I don’t know, falls asleep, you could grab his phone and check for a few things. In his Facebook or Instagram accounts, go to the search bar. If her name is one of the last searched names, he’s likely been creeping on her. If her new boyfriend is one of the last searched names, that means he’s been creeping on the new boyfriend. You could also look at his messages or notifications to see if they’ve been communication via social media.
Like I said, this isn’t the best route to go. But also, who he stalks on Facebook can tell you a lot about him.
12He Absolutely Refuses To Talk About Her
If he’s talking about her a lot, that’s a bad thing. However, if he refuses to talk about her ever, that’s an even worse thing. Refusal to talk about his ex-girlfriend means there are some major feelings there. Yes, it may seem like negative feelings, but they are still feelings nonetheless.
It’ll usually starts with you asking something innocent. You’ll ask why they broke up, how long they dated, what she was like, or when they started dating. It’s something so very easy to answer, but he’ll refuse. He’ll refuse to ever talk about her, even if it’s just to answer your simple question. He’ll attribute this to hating her. Maybe he’ll even say she’s the worst. What this means is that he has some strong feelings left for her. They may present as negative feelings, but they are still feelings.
Beware of the guy who “hates” his ex-girlfriend because, um, that really means he loves her. Or, at the very least, he’s still having major feelings.
11He Stays In Touch With All Her Family And Friends
Admittedly, this is a difficult sign to judge. If he’s a sweet, social, mature guy, he may try to keep good people in his life. These good people may incidentally be his ex-girlfriend’s friends and family. Plus, if he dated her for like, six years, her friends and family may have become his friends and family in that time. You can’t expect him to just cut off all connections. However, there’s a line and you can totally tell the difference.
If it seems like he’s still in touch with these friends and family members because he assumes they’ll be part of his life again, that means he fantasies about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend. Also, if it seems like he more keeps in touch with these people so as to keep tabs on his ex-girlfriend, that’s a worrisome situation as well.
If he’s friendly and still wishes her dad a happy birthday, maybe he’s just a nice dude. However, if you feel like he’s still crushing on his ex and he’s very active in the lives on her friends and family… well, you get it.
10He Keeps You Away From His Friends And Family
Speaking of friends and family, another clue may be him keeping you away from his friends and family. To be clear, a dude keeping you away from his friends and family is never a good sign. It means he’s keeping you separate from the other big parts of his life. This either means he doesn’t consider you a big part of his life or he doesn’t see a future with you. Either way, that’s bad news.
If he’s keeping you at a distance from his friends and family, it may also be because he simply considers you a rebound. It may be because he hopes to get back together with his ex. The worst of the worst is that it may be because he thinks his ex-girlfriend was more impressive than you and he doesn’t want his friends and family to see he’s downgraded. I know, girl. Some harsh truths.
Long story short, him keeping you away from his friends and family is a bad sign. It may not necessarily mean he’s not over his ex, but it’s a bad sign no matter what.
9He Hasn't Detoxed His Apartment Or His Phone
We’re not saying he has to gather everything that reminds him of his ex-girlfriend and burn it, but also he should totally do that.
If his apartment seems like a shrine to her, like her t-shirt is still on his desk, that’s not okay. Why would he still have that stuff? Proper etiquette would dictate he gives her stuff back. Or hey, if he doesn’t want to see her again, he could still throw her stuff out. That said, it’s also a bad sign if he’s wearing a shirt she bought him for Christmas, especially if he actually tells you she bought him that shirt for Christmas.
In terms of his phone, it would be a lot to ask him to delete every single sign of her on his phone. However, if his background is still a picture of her and him, that’s - very obviously - a horrible sign. Also, his camera roll shouldn’t just be pictures and pictures of them. A few leftovers pictures are fine or maybe not deleting that one selfie they took with Beyonce is fine too.
While some leftover totems are okay, shrines to his ex-girlfriend certain are not.
8He Likes Her Bikini Selfies
You probably won’t really appreciate if he likes any of his ex-girlfriend's social media posts, even that status about her promotion. If he could just not like anything she ever posts again, that would be great. But hey, chill out. If he likes a status about a promotion, that’s not the worst thing in the world. What you do need to watch out for if him liking her selfies. You know what selfies we’re talking about. It’s the THOT selfies of her in yoga pants and in crazy yoga positions. It’s the beach selfies of her in a bikini doing the Bambi pose. It’s literally any selfie, because why is he liking her selfies? I mean, it’s a picture of her face.
If you’re looking for social media signs that he’s still crushing on his ex, him liking selfie photos is a hard and fast sign. Again, liking a status about her father’s retirement or her vacation in Italy are both fine, friendly social media moves. However, those selfie likes are a bad sign.
7When He Has Good News, He Texts Her Before You
First of all, HE TEXTS HER? I mean, texting her is not the worst thing he could do. But also, it definitely depends on why. If they’re dealing with dividing up shared furniture, him texting her is fine. If they adopted a cat together, him texting to see how the cat is doing is fine too. If they’re friendly, he may catch up with her on a monthly basis. That’s all kosher. If he’s texting her every single day, that’s weird. If someone dies on Game of Thrones and his first response is to text her about it, that’s also weird. It’s those little things that he should no longer feel the need to text her about.
Also, it’s the big things too. If he gets a promotion, he shouldn’t immediately text her instead of you. The person he first wants to tell good news to is the person he wants to celebrate said news with. If it’s her, that’s not a good sign. When something happens, be it a promotion of a character dying on your favorite show, he should be texting you first, not her.
6He Gets Defensive If You Suggest He's Still Into Her
Maybe you’re the type of girl to confront situations head on. In which case, way to be a total queen. If you’re this type of girl, you may just straight up ask him if he’s still into his ex-girlfriend. Again, you’re a total queen. However, you want to watch his reaction when you ask him this.
Obviously, you’re hoping he says no, he’s not still into his ex-girlfriend. Though, there are different ways of saying this. If he explains in a logical, rational way that he’s over his ex-girlfriend, that’s a good sign. He'll seem levelheaded and truly over her. However, if he explodes and goes on and on and on about how he’s totally over his ex-girlfriend, he may be too defensive. The bad news here is that people tend to be too defensive in situations they’re hiding something.
If he insists and insists he's over his ex-girlfriend and then brings it up later to, again, tell you he’s definitely, definitely, definitely over his ex-girlfriend, something is going on there. Don’t trust the guy who says he’s totally, completely, absolutely, so over his ex-girlfriend.
5Even If It's Good Things, He Compares You To Her
Even if you’re the "winner," you don’t want to be compared to his ex-girlfriend. This means, you don’t even want him to say, “You know what, Brittany? You are so much funnier/smarter/prettier/more trusting than Kelly was.” It seems like a compliment, but it’s a red flag.
In this case, it means he’s pitting you against her in his head. You may be coming out on top, but why is he even comparing you to her? Instead, your relationship with him should just be about you and him. It should not be about her in any way, shape, or form.
Don’t be blinded by what seems to be a compliment. In comparing you to her, it’s still a bad thing even if it seems like you’ve "won." A guy who is truly over his ex doesn’t measure you against her. Plain and simple.
4Horror Of All Horrors: He's Called You By Her Name
Nope. Bye. Waiter, check please.
The worst situation out there is that he’s called you by his ex-girlfriend’s name. It may happen when he’s asking you to pass the salt or – the worst of the worst – in the bedroom. Either way, being called by his ex-girlfriend’s name is a clear red flag. It means he’s thinking about his ex-girlfriend, because why else would her name fall out of his mouth like that? Sure, we can all chalk this up to routine. He’s so conditioned to saying her name that it easily falls out of his mouth. However you want to excuse it though, it’s a bad sign no matter what. Also, if saying his ex-girlfriend's name is still routine, then it's probably too soon for him to be dating someone else.
Also, what do you even do in this situation? Do you both laugh it off? Do you acknowledge the weirdness? It’s basically the most awkward thing that can ever happen in a relationship. Again, CHECK PLEASE. BOY, BYE.
3Even If Innocent, He Tries To Hide His Interactions With Her
If he talks to his ex-girlfriend and it’s very cordial, that’s not the worst sign. In fact, it may be a sign that’s he’s truly over her and he’s a mature guy. I mean, you want a guy who has the ability to be friendly to his ex-girlfriends. However, you don’t want him to be hiding his cordial interactions with her.
If he’s casually talking to her or hanging out with her, he shouldn’t be hiding it. If he feels the need to hide friendly interactions with her – be it texting or grabbing a beer – there’s something there. He may still have feelings for her and he’s masking them through his "friendly" relationship with her. Of course, he’ll likely spin this and say he’s only hiding it because he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but that’s an excuse.
That said, you shouldn’t expect a report card every time he texts her about something, but he should also give you the heads up if it’s a friendly interaction that would potentially make you feel uncomfortable.
2He Won't Fully Commit To You
This sign should be taken with a grain of salt. If you’ve been dating for two weeks and he hasn’t proposed to you, it’s not because he’s not over his ex-girlfriend. Instead, it’s because he’s a normal human being. However, if there’s a true blockage in your relationship and you can’t figure out what it is, it may be that he’s crushing on his ex. That's right. If the appropriate time has passed in your relationship and he still refuses to call you his girlfriend, refuses to be Facebook official, or refuses to move in with you, it may be because he’s still feeling feelings for his ex-girlfriend.
Again, you can’t expect him to elope with you 5 minute after your first date. However, if the relationship seems to be stalling for no real reason, the reason may be because he’s still crushing on that ex-girlfriend of his.
1Trust Yourself: Your Gut Tells You He's Still Into His Ex
When all else fails, trust your gut. If your gut is telling you that he is still into his ex-girlfriend, he probably is.
The thing is, your gut may be a little bit insane. If you’re someone who is naturally nervous, untrusting, and insecure, you may be more inclined to think he’s into his ex. So, use your judgment. If you have one of those zany guts, don't put too much weight into what it's telling you. But if you're usually levelheaded and your gut tells you he had feelings for his ex, he probably does. At the end of the day, if your gut is telling you he’s still into his ex, there’s a reason for that. In fact, this may be the most important point of all.
It hurts to realize that your boyfriend is actually really into his ex-girlfriend. What you need to remember is that you really don’t want to be with someone who is still into his ex-girlfriend. You deserve to be with someone who is totally, completely, and wholly into you. If you realize that he’s still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, cut him loose. You should be with someone who worships you for the goddess you truly are.
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