Besties are unicorns –magical beasts that come floating into our lives, sprinkle us with fairy dust, take us on journey, and just love the hell out of us. You might have a solid bestie or a clan. You might have a gang or crew or coven. Besties let us be –like really let us be. And that means they let us be our true selves, our honest selves, the selves that most others will never, ever see. Friendships provide us with a small space in this gigantic world –a space to be heard and loved. With your bestie you probably have a secret language and share similar dreams because your bestie is a reflection of you. Your bestie is the universe’s way of saying that you’re not alone, we’re not alone. A bestie should always be a positive force and energy. Therefore, make sure that you have someone near you who is for and not against you. Take a moment to evaluate the situation because a bad bestie really can destroy you in ways you never thought possible. Cut a bestie loose if she/he does any of the following. Then continue on with your life, making it even better than before.
15 If They Make fun of you
Ok, first of all, sense of humors differ. Point blank, period –we are not all geared the same way when it comes to what’s funny and what’s not. But there is a fine line between joking with someone and picking on someone with blatant disrespect. Your bestie should know you inside and out, therefore your bestie should know what does and doesn’t fly when it comes to messing with you. But if that messin’ goes into the danger zone, you might have to have a sit down with your bestie. Now, if that doesn’t open their eyes, then you really gotta let that one go. No bestie would ever want to make fun of you in any way that would or could hurt your feelings. If the person who claims to be your bestie makes fun of you even after you’ve had the talk, that person is not your bestie. And at the very least has some personal issues that they need to attend to before they can be a real, true ride or die bestie.
14 If They Talk bad about you to another
Talking behind someone’s back is only acceptable if you are doing it with good intentions, praising someone, or looking for a resolution to a problem. However, if your bestie starts bad-mouthing you to others, there might be a few things that are going on here. One, that’s not your bestie because genuine besties wouldn’t even dare. Two, your bestie has an issue with you that they are yet to address with you –you’d better nip that ish in the bud, girl. Perhaps they don't understand how communication works and have resorted to childish behavior that allows them to vent their feelings. Or three, your bestie is an imposter and has gotten close to you in order to destroy you on some level. It doesn’t matter which one of the three your so-called bestie falls under, you gotta let that one go because you don’t have time to teach people how to be good people. It might be much more energy than you have available or more time than you’re willing to give.
13 If They Talk bad about your family
This is like no-no numero uno. Family is family, blood is blood and only you can talk ish about your family. Even if you have trauma with family member(s), it’s not within the rights of those outside the family circle to say anything about it. What your bestie should do is listen to you, sympathize, and support. Nothing else –even talking badly about your family to show you that they care isn’t love. You don’t want your bestie to confirm what you think, feel, or know about your family, you want a shoulder to cry on. What you’re looking for is compassion and not a trash talker. And if, for whatever reason, your bestie starts talking badly about your family out of the blue or fights with anyone in your family (not warranted by physical or mental abuse), then your bestie needs to be put in check.
12 If They Make friends with an ex or someone who hurt you
Of course, when you date someone you invite that person into exclusive circles, for example with friends and family. And more often than not, your partner will become close with your friends and family. But once you break up, well, that’s it. If you broke up on bad terms or you are still hurt by your ex, your bestie should not want to have anything to do with your ex. And it doesn’t only have to be your ex, it can be a former friend, a co-worker, an acquaintance. However, if your bestie is kicking it with your enemies, commenting on social media photos or posts, or texting with your enemy despite a bad breakup or a broken heart –girl, you should not put up with that at all. First, have a serious talk with your bestie –break it down, make things clear. If that doesn’t detour your bestie from keeping in touch you can be sure that your bestie has something more going on with your ex or that your bestie is a disrespectful person, period. After all, even if it’s just platonic, your bestie should not jeopardize your friendship for a new one –that doesn’t make sense.
11 If They Sleep with a partner or ex
OK, so while there are many no-no’s on this list, this could be the biggest of them all, especially if done in secret. Some people might not mind if a friend sleeps with their ex, but some do. Actually, most do, let’s keep it real. But that must be discussed between besties. If you have said your ex is off limits, then your word should be enough. Truth be told, if your bestie is wanting to sleep with your ex, your friendship cannot be that tight in the first place. Sounds like you got a traitor on your hands. No man or woman should come between an authentic friendship. Another one bites the dust. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but friendships are lasting relationships that give us life. If you find out about your bestie betraying you, you can be sure that they will do it again or have already done it previously. However, if this really is their first mistake, you’ll never know and it’s probably best to let your heart decide if you should forgive and forget or move on.
10 If They Flirt with your partner
It’s natural to be friendly –after all, if you’ve been with your significant other for some time now, they're part of the gang, the inner circle. Jokes happen, flirting is natural, and closeness inevitable. However, if you notice some over the top flirting or things just feel off to you, for whatever reason, you’d better have a good look at both your boo and your bestie. Sure, something could be going on, but you want to make sure what’s going on isn’t in your head. Talk with your bestie and your boo and try to gauge what’s happening. But if you feel that you are entertaining this conversation on more than one occasion, then something isn’t right. Your partner shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and your bestie should be the first one to have your back. Remember, women have intuition and you should use yours carefully. Don’t base your accusations on your low self-esteem or other factors that have nothing to do with them but everything to do with you.
9 If They Minimize your experiences
Nothing feels worse than having someone you love tell you that you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Our partners tend to do that and with our partners, for some reason, we can accept this shortcoming, but not from our besties. If your bestie tells you that you’re overreacting or that you’re blowing things out of proportion, then your bestie might not really understand you. You see, we go to our besties for support when the rest of the world has turned its back on us. When we need to vent the last thing we need is our bestie telling us to calm down, chill, or relax. That’s the opposite of what we want to hear. If you ask your bestie if you’re overreacting and they say yes, that flies –after all, you wanted an honest answer. But if your bestie just comes out with words like over-dramatic or drama queen without you having solicited such a response, you will want to set them straight about the rules of being a bestie.
8 If They Attack you
This can be a verbal or physical attack. While it’s true that we take our frustrations out on those closest to us, between besties this type of behavior is not acceptable. Besties fight, have fallings out, break up and get back together, take breaks, etc. But the beauty of a friendship is that you can manage the relationship on different terms than all other relationships. Y’all can fight and seconds later be all down for each other again, like never before. Attacks of any kind aren’t really considered part of a healthy friendship. It could be a sign of something deeper happening between you two or it could be a sign that you’re just not meant to be besties. Really contemplate what it is you want, need, and deserve in a friendship. It’s doubtful that attacks are anywhere on your list of requirements.
7 If They're Mean to people
If your bestie is aggressive with words or their body, then you should consider dropping them real quick. Unless your bestie is defending you, herself, himself, a person in need, a helpless person, animals, children, or the like, there is no need to attack others. This negative behavior will infect you in time and that’s something you want to avoid at all costs. Misery loves company, girl. And that misery is cuddling right up to you without any reservation. Have a chat about treating others like we want to be treated and see if that changes things. But unless you are about that life, you want to let this person go. But be advised, you will want to be very careful with how you cut your ties with this bestie as the violence could be turned towards you.
6 If they try to control you
The beauty of your bestie is that they let you be you. And that is such a relief in a world that is constantly trying to control everything. Isn’t it enough that this control can come from your parents, your boo, school, or society? Then why would you want a friendship that does the same thing? Friendships exist to give us respite from the rest of the world, to give us a space, to give us freedom to be. If your bestie starts telling you how to run your life without you asking for their advice, this could be a sign of yet another controlling entity trying to enter your life. As with anything, you want to be delicate, but at the same time you want to get out as quickly and seamlessly as possible. People who control tend to confuse control with love. You’ll definitely want to make them feel that the decision to part ways is theirs and not yours.
5 If They Ignore you
It’s one thing to have space in a friendship. Space can be normal. There are moments that say, I get it, you want to be alone or I get it, you are doing your own thing. Understanding plays a huge role in friendships more than any other relationship out there. But if you reach out time and time again and get no response then your bestie might not understand what being a bestie is. When we go to our bestie we’re looking for solace in a world full of tough stuff, we’re looking for positive energies, we’re looking for a sympathetic listener. If you can’t even get a simple response or it takes weeks to get in touch with your bestie, you really ought to review how close y’all are in the first place. Time and distance can play a big part in how close we are, but the closeness that binds friends is much deeper than all of that. Have a look at what you consider to be closeness and how often you need to stay in touch.
4 If They Fail To protect or stand up for you
If we can’t rely on our besties to stand up for us when no one else will, then what in the world is the point of having a ride or die? Your bestie should be a soldier, your bestie should go up to the front line with you, right there by your side ready to fight the good fight. If your bestie doesn’t protect you when you need them, then you might want to really evaluate what it is you demand in a bestie. It’s up to you, clearly, but a bestie who doesn’t hold you down doesn’t deserve the time of day. Don't forget that you've got to make sure that you believe that you are worth being protected. That could make all the difference. But in any situation, your bestie should be there for you. If they stay quiet, they better hit the door running and not look back. You don’t need a person who doesn’t really love you.
3 If They Belittle you
Making fun is one thing, but belittling is another. This is whole other level of disrespect that you don’t have to put up with. Clearly, your bestie has some confidence issues and is using you as a way to battle what she or he should be battling within her or himself. They are mad about something or at someone and they are using you as a way to express frustration. But in all reality, that’s not cool your bestie should not use you to make them feel better. Some people climb on others to get to the top and this is not someone you want as part of your crew. Least of all, you don’t expect that from your bestie. You can address this issue with your bestie and see if things change, but a person who resorts to such behavior isn’t someone who values relationships. Time to move on and find a bestie who gets it, who really gets it. Not that fake ish.
2 If They Shame Your Behavior
You are allowed to be sexually liberated and whatever that means to you, well, no one else can take that away from you nor should they try. A bestie will let you do you and if that means you feel comfortable being sexually open, then so be it. But if your bestie starts talking about respecting yourself or whatever and you genuinely feel at peace with your sexual endeavors, your bestie has some issues with their own sexuality. Unless you are hurting yourself physically, mentally, or spiritually with your actions, your bestie should respect you and what you do with your body. You are allowed to be as sexually free as you want to be –oftentimes it’s a phase that helps us get to know ourselves better and helps us know what we want from a partner and/or life. Don’t let any bestie take that away from you. Those experiencse are gold.
1 If They Body shame you or anyone else
It seems strange that this could even be a possibility but some so-called besties are quick to judge bodies, body shapes, and clothing. While we use our besties to gauge ourselves, build ourselves up, and get real feedback, we should not permit the existence of body shaming besties. Whether it’s a comment towards you or other people, you gotta set the record straight. Making others feel bad about their bodies is not tolerated on any level, anywhere, at any time. The world varies in sizes as it does in nature. We are part of nature. And if someone tells you that the way nature made you is wrong or strange, girl, kick that bestie to the curb, the sooner the better. No talk necessary, just bye. And with that, you can feel free to go love up on yourself in the nearest mirror or reflection. Because truth be told, you are a bad a$$ chick, don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.