When it comes to relationships, we want to give our partner the benefit of the doubt. Relationships involve a great deal of trust and communication, and if you can’t trust your partner, what do you have left?
Unfortunately, cheating can occur in as many as 1 in 4 relationships – but only half of that has partners confessing of their infidelity, which means 1 relationship in 8 has cheating, except one party is left in the dark. It’s a sad thing to think about, especially when you consider the time, effort, and emotions that go into building a relationship. In this day and age, with dating apps, social media, and texting, cheating has become easier than ever, with available singles right at our fingertips. For some, the temptation is just too strong, but rather than end their current relationship to be with someone else, they decide to string their SO along until they get the courage to break things off. If you’ve had a gut feeling that your guy has been stepping out on you, check these 15 signs to see if he is indeed getting it from someone else – and then get out, before your heart gets hurt any more.
15 He’s become more generous than Santa Claus
Not only is he flashing more cash around you – not that you see where he’s actually spending all of it – but he’s suddenly giving you gifts for no reason. On the one hand, this might seem very sweet and thoughtful, but it’s actually a big red flag.
When a guy feels guilty about doing something he shouldn’t, he’s likely to try to assuage his feelings by showering you with gifts. Flowers with no explanation, jewellery that’s supposed to signify his undying devotion – they all act like hush money, keeping you placated and preventing you from asking questions, because if things were on shaky ground, he wouldn’t be spending money on you, right? These tokens of his affection, if they’ve started to appear frequently and out of the blue, should get you worried.
14 He’s suddenly started hitting the gym
It’s kind of accepted that in a relationship, both people let themselves go, at least a little bit. We can relax because we’re around the person we love and feel secure in that, so we don’t feel the need to be on our A-game all the time. So, if your guy has a sudden change of heart where he prefers CrossFit to crushing pizza with you, you should be on red alert.
Cheating men are known to change physically. They take better care of themselves, they lose weight, they get more buff – it’s because they’re in the early stages of a new relationship and want to impress. He’s preparing to take on new ladies – if he hasn’t already – and while getting fit could mean getting healthy, it might also mean that he’s already strayed.
13 He has brand new interests
You’ve known your BF long enough to have a pretty good grasp on his hobbies and interests, but all of a sudden he’s become obsessed with a type of music he was never into, or he wants to start camping when he hated it before, or he’s picked up an instrument despite possessing no musical talent.
Broadening your horizons is always a good thing, but when it comes from out of the blue – and excludes you – it might be because he’s cheating. Choosing to engage in new interests might be his way of getting close to the other woman, or to increase his chances of running into her, or offer the perfect excuse to see her without you getting suspicious. If you’re left out of his brand new passion, it could be because he doesn’t want you in the rest of his life anymore.
12 He’s forgetting details
If your man is dividing his time between you and another woman, he’s bound to forget what he shared between each of you. Unfortunately for you, you’re the only one who’s being left in the dark, since it’s pretty likely that his mistress knows she’s the woman on the side.
It might be little things, like referencing a movie he was convinced you both saw together – except he saw it with her. Then, it could grow into entire conversations and inside jokes that he’s sharing with someone else, but is mixing up with you, leaving you hurt and confused. If your guy is forgetting the details of the time you’ve spent together, it could be a warning sign that his mind – and the rest of him – is preoccupied with someone else.
11 He’s making excuses
Maybe you were always his plus-one to parties or work events, and now you’re suddenly not being invited to join him, even though he’s usually there until late in the evening. He says it’s because no partners were allowed, but you learned later that significant others were there. He might try to cover his tracks by saying he wants to get ahead and work and is trying his best to look professional, but if it’s a sudden shift from how things were before, it could be because he wants the freedom to flirt with other women and scope out his newest conquests. He may not have crossed that line just yet, but he’s opening himself up to infidelity without your eyes to catch him in the act or question his behaviour.
10 He’s having major mood swings
If your relationship has suddenly become volatile, or he’s getting angry with you for no reason, it’s likely because he feels intense guilt and is turning it outwards onto you. He probably feels like crap for what he’s doing (as he should) but he doesn’t have the courage to face up to what he’s done. Instead, he’ll deflect and lash out at you over the stupidest and most mundane of reasons.
When your guy is having major mood swings – and blames you for them – it’s because he’s looking for a reason to leave or to justify his behaviour. There was nothing wrong with the relationship prior to him cheating, so he’s the bad guy, but if there’s suddenly drama, then he simply had to get out of there, right?
9 He’s insisting on more privacy
The biggest issue with his privacy nowadays tends to be with technology. If he was comfortable with having his phone on the table before, or having you look something up on his laptop, but now that’s suddenly shifted, it’s definitely a red flag.
Laptops and phones allow for major privacy, thanks to passwords and the fact that we have at least one of them on us at all times. When he starts hiding his phone from you, stops showing you pictures or videos on it, or suddenly changes all his passwords, it’s because he’s hiding something. While wanting some privacy is normal and healthy, a drastic change in behaviour or an anger when you try to use his phone or computer could indicate that he doesn’t want you to discover his indiscretions.
8 His previous issues with the relationship are AWOL
Unfortunately, a lot of people might say that they were blindsided when their SO dumped them because everything seemed just fine, even idyllic. The fights were gone, any issues they had between them seemed to miraculously disappear – what could be bad about that, right?
Turns out, a lot.
When your guy stops taking issue with the things that bothered them before – the things you were both working on together – it might be because he’s having his needs met elsewhere. Maybe he complained that you two weren’t getting intimate enough, but that’s changed because he’s getting it on with someone else. Or, he was annoyed that the two of you stayed home and never went out, but with this new woman, he’s having the time of his life getting out of the house.
7 He’s talking about people you’ve never met or heard of
If you’ve been in a relationship for a few months or a few years, chances are you’ve met everyone who’s important to them, or who makes a regular appearance in their lives. You know about their annoying boss and their best friend, their older brother and the friend who’s kind of a screw-up. You’ve become enmeshed in their world so much that the sudden mention of a new person on a regular basis should raise some alarms.
When your guy begins to talk about a new person, or force them into conversations, and you’ve never met them or heard of them before, it’s probably because she’s on his mind more often, and he can’t keep it inside any longer. He knows that he shouldn’t bring her up to you, but she’s running through his thoughts and he simply can’t contain himself.
6 He’s looking single online
In the era of social media, a way many people show their commitment to their relationship is by making it clear online that they’re attached. Changing their relationship status and posting pictures of the two of you together is proof that you’re with one another and he’s proud to show you off. When he suddenly starts removing you from his accounts, or setting his relationship status to private, or posting more selfies, it’s likely because he’s on the prowl and wants to appear single to any potential partners. This sign may not necessarily mean that he’s begun cheating, but he’s definitely looking to do it. He may have even taken the extra step and made a profile for himself on dating sites and apps, showing that even if he hasn’t strayed physically, he definitely has emotionally.
5 He’s no longer into getting intimate
When cheating comes into play, your intimate life can be the first thing to show signs of strain, or disappear altogether. Usually, this is because he’s getting what he needs from another woman, but it could also be because he feels guilty getting physical with you when his heart belongs to someone else.
If you had a pretty active relationship in the bedroom and things suddenly dip, you’ll probably begin to wonder if it’s something you’re doing wrong, if your guy is no longer attracted to you, or any number of things that can be a major blow to your self esteem. Know this, though: it’s entirely him. No longer wanting to get it on is because his attention is elsewhere, and it could be with his mistress.
4 He has new moves in the bedroom
On the flip side, he might have developed a suddenly voracious appetite towards getting it on, except now he’s switched things up entirely from what you were used to before. Many men who have admitted to cheating described experiencing a huge rush in testosterone that had them frothing at the mouth for a little action, but his style has completely shifted.
Unless you’ve both discovered a new technique together that you want to try out, he might have picked it up elsewhere, namely in the bed of another woman. Trying to please you in new and exciting ways isn’t a bad thing, of course, and on its own shouldn’t be too much cause for worry. If however, this is combined with any of the other signs on this list, though, you might have reason to worry.
3 He’s accusing you of cheating
Like his inexplicable bursts of anger towards you, his guilt at himself may turn outwards and result in him accusing you of cheating. It’s a defensive maneuver that puts YOU on the defense so that you don’t even consider the opposite as a possibility, but it also makes him look like the good guy: he’s so appalled by the idea of you stepping out on him that there’s no way he could possibly do it himself.
He wants to get out in front of something before he gets caught, and so he accuses you of something he did. Projecting his anger at himself onto you keeps him safe and makes you look like the bad guy. If he accuses you of cheating with no evidence to it, consider what that says about his own extracurricular activities.
2 He’s saying you’re too good for him
Sometimes, it can be sweet when your guy says that he’s not good enough for you, because he’s just saying that you’re beyond awesome. However, when he says repeatedly that he doesn’t deserve you, especially after you’ve done something nice or thoughtful, it could be because he’s feeling guilty for his adulterous behaviour and knows how much it’ll hurt you if you ever find out.
Guys who do this are trying to be the good guy. They think that if they say that you’re too good for them enough times, you’ll start to believe it, and leave him before he has to step up and leave you first. He’s trying to be gentle about his intentions, but his motives are entirely self-serving. Combined with anything else on this list, you have a guy who’s cheating and only half-sorry for it.
1 He’s asking all about your schedule
It’s cute when your guy wants to know when you’ll be home so he can clean the place up for you or make dinner plans for the two of you to enjoy, but when he starts keeping tabs on your exact whereabouts at all times – when will you be home today, when are you leaving today, what’s your work schedule like this week, etc. – it might be because he wants to know when he has the all-clear to bring over his mistress or be absent without you asking questions.
A guy who’s cheating doesn’t want to get caught in the act, because if he has a side-chick, he’s already a total coward, and so knowing all the details about your schedule will put him at ease that he can have his cake and eat it too.