Hearing that he’s just not into you is pretty common in today’s society—it’s an honest and simple yet slightly brutal way to let you know that a guy doesn’t like you in the same way that you like him. It can hurt (okay, it always hurts!) to find out that he’s just not into you, but it’s something you need to hear to save yourself even more pain down the track. Luckily, there are a few ways to tell if a guy is into you or not, since not all of them will give it to you straight.
It’s good to know about the classic behaviors of a man who’s not feeling you, to see if you can identify them in the guy you’re seeing. But it’s just as helpful to learn to recognize a guy who has fallen for you, so you can filter out the ones who clearly haven’t.
Every man has a different personality, but there are a few things you can basically guarantee most of them will do if they’re truly into you. So if he’s not doing these things, or at least most of these things, there is a chance that he’s a dead end. Not because any of you have done anything wrong, but just because the connection and chemistry aren’t there.
In other words, because he’s just not into you. Read about these things that most guys do when they’re interested, to find out if the man you’re seeing is really into you or not.
15 He Takes Initiative And Organizes Dates With You First
They say that when a man really wants something, he pursues it relentlessly. That it’s in his nature and part of his biological makeup. We think that a man should respect the word no, and we get that some are shy, nervous or lacking in confidence, but what they say is still generally true: if a guy really wants you, he will do something about it.
That means calling you first to organize the date, rather than waiting for you to call him. If he’s into you, he’ll be taking initiative because he’s less concerned with looking too interested and more concerned with making you his. Dating is still a two-way street, but a guy who’s really into you will always put in effort, since he wants to see you more than anything else.
14 He Makes Massive Sacrifices For You And You're At The Top Of His Priority List
If a guy is truly into you, he will make you one of his top priorities. It’s really just logic: as humans, we make time for the things that are most important to us, and sacrifice the things that aren’t. If health and fitness is your priority, you will get to the gym even when you’re exhausted. And if a person is your priority, you will find a way to see them, no matter what you have to sacrifice.
We’re not saying that you should demand that he give up his life for you, by the way. He can still be into you and also care about his family, his friends and his job! But a guy who’s into you will work out a way to make room for you in his life, and a guy who isn’t into you won’t.
13 He Can't Wait To Introduce You To His Family And Friends
Not only will a man try extra hard to impress your people if he really likes you, but he’ll also be excited about introducing you to his people. It’s always awkward when you bring somebody home to meet everyone and then break up with them later. Break ups are tough enough, let alone when you have to explain what happened to your grandparents and hear commentary from your uncles and aunts, about how you can do much better anyway, or how you’re a fool for letting them go.
So it’s simple: if he thinks he wants to keep you around, he’ll probably want to introduce you to his family. And if he doesn’t want you to meet anybody in his life, it could be because he doesn’t want to keep you around much longer.
12 No Matter How Hard, He Tries To Understand And Accept You
Us humans are complicated beings with a whole set of flaws, baggage and issues. Relationships always take work! But what makes them successful is each person understanding and accepting the other for who they are, rather than trying to change them or rejecting them. A guy who doesn’t judge you, who lets you be yourself and who tries really hard to understand you (even if you’re difficult to understand!) is probably really interested in you, and taking your relationship to a serious place. On the other hand, a guy who isn’t prepared to do any of that probably isn’t that interested.
When a man catches serious feels for you, he’s more likely to overlook things that would have turned him off, and still find you amazing as a whole, even if there are small details which aren’t what he would have wanted. He’ll want you to be yourself, since that’s who he fell for.
11 When It's Important, He Isn't Scared To Argue With You
People tend to believe that arguing in a relationship is a bad sign. While increased, prolonged and aggressive arguing can mean that the relationship might be nearing its end, not all arguments were created equal. In fact, you should be more worried if you never argue at all.
The reality is issues will arise between you. You’ll disagree on things and do things that make each other mad. When this happens, you can either tackle the problems head on by talking about it and having that argument, or you can sweep them under the rug and pretend they never happened. Having an argument about something important shows that you both care about your issues and want to fix them so you can move on. If he lets everything go and never discusses anything serious with you, it might be because he’s not into you enough to care about making the relationship strong.
10 He Remembers The Small Details Other Guys Would Forget
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that humans pay more attention to things that they’re interested in, and tend to zone out when they couldn’t care less. When a man is really interested in you, he’ll generally be much more switched on around you than he would if he wasn’t into you. That means he’ll actually listen to what you say, let your words sink in, and remember the fine details.
That’s not to say that if he forgets something miniscule, it definitely means he’s not interested in you. As a rule of thumb, though, if he’s really keen he’ll pay attention to the sort of things you like, the things that make you mad, the dates that are important to you and anything else you care enough about to mention in front of him.
9 He Always Tries To Include You In His Plans, Present And Future
Despite what the movies tell you, a man who’s really interested in you wants to be with you now, and wants to make room for you in his future. Some guys promise that they’re interested in you but they’re not ready for a relationship now and will maybe be ready in the future, or maintain that they really like you but can’t commit to you while they’re working a certain job. Of course, there are some exceptional cases, but usually, what that means is he’s not into you.
A guy who’s serious about you will include you in his life right now, even if it’s a little bit tricky to schedule at first. And he’ll also start talking to you about the future eventually, because he pictures his with you in it.
8 He Tries Really Hard To Impress Your Family And Friends
The Spice Girls made this one clear back in the ‘90s. If he wannabe be your lover, he’s gotta get with your friends! Basically, someone who’s into you will want things to work out with you in the long run, so they will naturally want to make a good impression when it comes to meeting your family, friends and anybody else who is important to you in your life.
Yes, relationships can work when one person doesn’t get along with the other’s friends, and they can still survive if a family member doesn’t approve of a relative’s partner. But that puts a massive strain on everything, and especially in the beginning, a potential love interest will want to make things fare as smoothly as possible with you.
7 He's Always Honest With You, Even When It's Awkward
Even though they might be the easy option, lies can end up destroying a relationship. Telling the truth might be painful and awkward at times, but the challenge is worth it if it means you’re going to be truthful with your partner. The challenge isn’t worth it if the truth doesn’t mean anything to you, and you’re happy to lie to the person you’re seeing, just to keep things civil and easy.
The truth can be brutal, but if it’s something you need to hear, someone who’s into you will be honest and upfront. They’d rather be uncomfortable for a little while and know that there are no secrets between you than to keep everything pleasant while they keep things from you. A guy who’s not into you is more likely to do the opposite.
6 He Supports Your Goals Like Your Personal Cheerleader
When something’s important to you, it should be important to the people who care about you. They want to see you do well and succeed in your endeavors, so they’re likely to do whatever they can to help you climb to the top, and that often means just showing their support. When you actually fall in love, you and your partner should feel each other’s successes and failures as if they were your own, and be just as emotionally invested. You don’t need that level of commitment in the beginning of a relationship, but it is promising if he still supports your goals, even if they seem kind of silly.
It all comes down to wanting you to be happy. If he’s really into you, your goals are important to him, and he supports you because he wants to, not because he has to.
5 He Wants You All The Time; Not Just Three In The Morning
The physical side to a relationship is very important, but it’s not the be all and end all. It’s a good sign if you have a healthy intimate life together, however, you don’t want that to be all he’s in it for. You should have more in common than what goes on between the sheets, and if he’s not interested in getting to know you on any other level, he’s probably not into you as a person. He might be into you as a lover, but that’s as far as it will go.
If a guy is interested in you as a real, long-term partner, he will want to spend time with you in the bedroom and outside it. His feelings will extend beyond physical attraction, and he’ll want to nurture all the areas of your relationship, not just one.
4 He Asks For Your Opinion And Listens To Your Advice
If he’s asking for your opinion on matters that are important to him, it could be a reflection of how into you he really is. This shows that in addition to being attracted to you and wanting to spend time with you, he also values your intelligence and insight, and thinks you can improve a certain situation.
We tend to value the opinions of those that we care about and those we want to impress more than those we don’t, so this might reveal that he actually looks up to you and admires you. By the same token, if he never asks for your opinion and doesn’t follow your advice, even when you obviously know what you’re talking about, it could show a lack of respect and a lack of overall interest.
3 He Makes You Feel Good About Yourself With His Words And Actions
A man who’s interested in you will want you to feel good about yourself. He’ll want to see you confident and happy, and will intend to make that happen by saying and doing certain things around you. It’s a good sign if you feel amazing every time you finish seeing him, and he can lift you up better than anybody else can.
Sometimes, a guy who’s really into you will make you feel good about yourself without even intending to. He’ll genuinely want to compliment you because that’s what he’s honestly thinking, and will leave you feeling on top of the world. A guy who never has anything nice to say and even leaves you feeling a little insecure might not be as into you as you’d like him to be.
2 He Makes His Feelings Clear And Doesn't Leave You Guessing
Confusing mixed messages are hallmark signs that a guy isn’t into you. Though many couples play games with each other in the beginning, a man who’s serious about you won’t continuously send you mixed messages. You know—he won’t say he likes you and then ignore your texts for days, or ask you on dates and then pull out at the last minute. That all generally indicates he’s not serious.
Often, mixed messages are a sign that a guy wants to make it work with you, because he likes the idea of a partner or he wants to get over an ex, but the feelings just aren’t there and he can’t go through with it. They could also mean that he’s toying with you because he enjoys the power, in which case, tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out.
1 At The End Of The Day, He Just Wants The Best For You
It may sound clichéd, but it really is the truth: someone who cares about you wants you to be happy, and wants the best for you. If the guy you’re seeing is really into you, he’ll always have your best interests at heart.
You can get a sense of whether he wants the best for you or not after a while. Someone who does want the best for you will inconvenience himself for your wellbeing, always be there for you when you need it, give you advice that will lead you down the right path, and do whatever it takes to make you happy. Your unhappiness won’t sit right with him, so he’ll do what he can to fix it.
If the guy you’re seeing doesn’t do that, or any of the other things on this list, it might be time to reconsider whether he’s really making you happy.