When a man is confident and secure with himself, it can be a real turn on. A fella who feels comfortable in his skin and isn’t shy about being himself without being pretentious or a show-off is a keeper. But like everything else in life, nothing’s (and nobody’s) perfect.
While a guy may be great overall, there has got to be something he is insecure about. And that’s totally fine. We are only human, after all, so if your man isn’t 100% cool with something about himself, cut him some slack. We would only expect and hope for the same treatment from him in return.
On the other hand, watch out for a guy who is super insecure. He may not come right out and reveal his shortcomings, which would be the mature thing to do, but rather act out in ways that prove his insecurities, nonetheless. And these things can be anything from petty to problematic.
Check out these 25 signs your special (or not so special) someone is insecure. If he does a few of these things, perhaps there’s a chance he can change his ways, but if he does 15 or more of these items, it’s a sure bet he’s insecure. Observe his behavior and you make the call.
24 He Texts You Constantly
It is always nice to hear from your man when you’re not together. A sweet text every so often shows that he is thinking of you and wants to let you know how much he cares. But caring can turn to scaring you off when he’s constantly texting to the point of becoming obnoxious. And his texts are probably not important or even interesting. If your guy texts you non-stop, it could mean that he’s insecure.
Out of sight, out of mind may make him think that you don’t really need him.
If he had more self-assurance, he could get through the day with just a smattering of texts when necessary or appropriate. Too much texting calls for a sad face emoji.
23 He’s Always Checking Social Media
Does your guy have a constant case of “FOMO,” a.k.a. fear of missing out? If so, he’s likely glued to his phone, checking his Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. He may also be comparing his life to what he sees others posting on these social media sites. It’s fine to check in every so often just to keep up with things or to post something to share with followers and friends.
But if your man spends more time on social media than he does doing other activities, it’s time for him to consider deactivating his account pronto.
His insecurities are eating away at him the more he thinks other people are living better lives. Social media isn’t a true portrayal of what’s what. If he doesn’t get that, he’ll never get the thumbs up.
22 He Spends Loads Of Time Getting Ready
Does your man spend hours getting himself ready for work, date night, or even just to hang with the guys? When your dude is in the bathroom for so long that you think you need to call the fire department for assistance, he’s got a case of serious insecurity. It’s good that he wants to look well-put together, even dapper, but there comes a point when looking posh becomes a problem. Your man is surely insecure and feels the need to primp and pamper himself to the extreme.
If he had more confidence, he’d realize that he doesn’t need to tweeze every wayward unibrow hair or spritz on yet another layer of cologne.
He should be able to get ready in a reasonable amount of time so everyone can get where they’re going without being “fashionably late.”
21 He Compares Himself To Others
A secure man knows that he is worthy. Even if he’s not the best athlete, the smartest in the room, the most handsome guy at the party, or the funniest of his friends, he still realizes he’s special, just because he’s unique. But the insecure guy always compares himself to others, and he may even drag you into the painful process. He may ask you if you find other guys more attractive or if he’s in better shape than the "muscle heads" you see at the gym. Maybe he knows your ex-boyfriend was studying to become a chemist, and now believes he’s not intelligent enough for you. If your man constantly compares, he’s sure to be insecure.
20 He Exaggerates His Achievements
There’s nothing worse than a guy who can’t be honest about his accomplishments. Perhaps your man just got a raise, but rather than telling you it was only a slight increase in salary, he boasts that he’s on his way to becoming a billionaire.
Maybe his team won the office softball game that weekend, but your man pretends that his shortstop skills are what led the team to victory.
He may go back in time and revisit his high school days when he swears he was the most popular kid in class and also got the best grades. All this boasting BS is a sign that your guy is insecure and kind of a jerk.
19 He Puts Others Down
When a man is insecure, he may try to make himself feel more important by belittling others for no reason other than a stroke to his ego. Not only is this behavior childish, but it’s cruel. Surely you will think your man is behaving like a jerk if he puts down others, but realize it could be his insecurity leading him to act out. That said, your man is no longer a toddler. He needs to man up and act accordingly. Putting down others only makes him mean and does little to build his confidence in the long term. The next time you see him put someone down, put him out.
18 He Overspends
Unless your man is Daddy Warbucks, there’s no reason for him to spend like the world’s going to end tomorrow. Okay, if your man is well-to-do, the scale of overspending shifts, but the point is the same. Some guys will spend beyond their means or go overboard with their credit cards and cash to show off. They think they’re impressing their gals by gifting them with the finer things in life. On a special occasion, this is acceptable, even generous. But if your man thinks he’s a millionaire when he’s making minimum wage, it’s likely that his insecure nature is the cause. If he really wants to impress you, he can show you that he’s smart with his money.
17 He’s Critical Of His Family
We’ve all got family drama. No real family is anything close to the one so perfectly portrayed on The Brady Bunch. There are fallouts, fights, and failures. Some members may not talk for years and there may be that “black sheep” that no one dares to mention at the dinner table. That’s life and we deal with it. But if your man is hyper-critical of his family, take notice. Especially if they seem relatively normal in relation to the level your guy is going after them.
He may be criticizing his siblings to stand out as “mom’s favorite.”
Maybe he picks on his dad so he seems like he’s the one to look up to. Insecurity is at the root of this rocky relationship.
16 He Makes Jokes Instead Of Dealing With Real Issues
When you want to discuss your relationship or something important, does your guy goof off rather than speak seriously? Would he rather joke around than have a mature conversation? This type of behavior may mean that he’s insecure. He may worry that your relationship discussion could lead to a break-up. And talking about important matters may make him feel like he’s not smart enough or aware of what’s going on with current events.
So, instead of sitting down and getting to the heart of the matter, he comes up with something hilarious.
This tactic is a tool he uses to cover up his insecurities. But he’s not fooling anyone by being foolish.
15 He Shows Off At Work
An insecure guy can feel like a nervous wreck in the workplace. When co-workers are killing it in meetings and giving presentations the boss praises for weeks, your man would rather curl up in the corner of his cubicle than be the guy who can’t make a sale or close the deal with a client. But he doesn’t shy away. Instead he becomes a show-off.
It’s sort of like the class clown in elementary school, but now he’s a grown-up acting like a goon.
His team may laugh it off, but your man won’t think it’s funny when he gets fired.
14 He Gets Jealous When You Don't Pay Attention To Him
An insecure guy can’t stand it when you divert your attention away from him. Even for a few moments. And this doesn’t only apply when you’re talking to another guy. It could be when you’re checking your email, scrolling through social media, or even tuning into your favorite “guilty pleasure” on television.
He’s afraid you’ll find whatever else you’re doing more interesting than he could ever be.
But this isn’t healthy, nor is it hot. If your man is jealous over petty things and wants your undivided attention 24/7, it’s time to pull the plug on this smothering relationship. Until he is secure enough to realize this hovering is a sign of weakness, his jealous nature will overshadow any of his positive qualities.
13 He Spends Hours At The Gym Every Day
Staying in shape and being strong and healthy is a good thing. Many men go to the gym to work out to build muscle and stamina and keep their weight in check. Then there are those guys who spend hours at the gym, and half the time, they’re not even working out. Numerous trips to the locker room to steam and schmooze, posing in front of the mirrors, and checking out who else is there becomes part of the daily trip to the gym. He spends all this time there so he can boast to his buddies about his “3-hour workouts,” even though he doesn’t look particularly buff. Call his bluff and call him out for this unnecessary waste of time. You may want a man who’s fit, but not one who’s full of himself. When he gains more self-confidence, he will realize that it doesn’t come from one extra set of squats.
12 He Wears Only Designer Clothing
If your man has the money, he may prefer to shop at high-end stores than bargain hunting at the flea market. That seems logical and reasonable, but to a point. Even the richest guys shouldn’t mind if their jeans are from the sale rack at Old Navy or their socks weren’t stitched by a professional seamstress. Guys from all walks of life are okay with throwing on a $3 T-shirt to go for a run, and may even wear a well-priced neck tie to their next meeting. But if your guy is all about “names” when it comes to fashion, it could be due to insecurity. He may feel more important when he can say his suit is Armani when his co-worker’s ill-fitting blazer is busting at the seams. Pretentious doesn’t make a man powerful, only pitiful.
11 He’s Rude To The Waiter
Bad manners and a bad attitude are a bad combination. Imagine being out on a date with your dude and he treats the waiter like a second-class citizen. Not only is this incredibly rude, but totally embarrassing. Does he think treating the waiter like crap makes him seem more important? Perhaps his insecurities are leading him to believe that the “customer is always right,” when we all know how wrong it is to mistreat a waiter, or anyone else for that matter. When it’s time to leave a tip, give your guy one too — mistreat the waiter and he’ll be dining alone the next time he goes out.
10 He Only Dates Girls Based On Looks
We all have our “type” and know what sort of person we find physically attractive. It’s human nature and there’s nothing wrong with initially falling for someone based on the superficial. But there’s so much more to a woman than how pretty she is. If you know a guy who only dates women if they’re beautiful, he could be insecure. He may believe that if he’s seen with a smokin’ hot date, other guys (and gals) will think he’s a stud. He wouldn’t dare be caught in public with an average-looking lady; what good would that do for his ego?
A self-confident guy doesn’t care what others think of his date.
As long as they get along and have a lot in common, that’s all that matters. The man who needs a “10” to feel special probably isn’t all that special himself.
9 Parties Too Hard
Does your guy party too hard whenever you go out? Does he seem to become more confident and outgoing with every drink? If your man can’t be sociable without guzzling down so much, he may be too insecure to be himself around others. The drinks dull his worries about his perceived shortcomings, and the more he drinks, the more daring he becomes. His confidence soars when he’s on the way to being wasted, but you see his behavior as unbecoming. Remind him he doesn’t need "liquid courage" to be likeable.
8 He Won’t Watch A “Chick Flick” With You
Is your guy too “manly” to veg out on the couch with you and binge-watch chick flicks? And heaven forbid you suggest going to a movie theater to take one in. He’s completely insecure when it comes to doing what he considers “girly” things, even if he’s doing them with you. His refusal to join you in doing something that could be enjoyable for you both puts a strain on the relationship. You’re not trying to convince him to like the same type of movies that you love to watch, you just want to do something together. No doubt he’d be pissed if you didn’t pretend to love his action flicks.
7 He Never Wants To Be In Pictures
You love to take pics of your man to share on Instagram. It’s not like you bother him to “say cheese” every day, but he won’t even smile for the camera on a special occasion. He’s too worried that he won’t look good or someone will see it and make a comment he’ll find curious. So, he refuses to be photographed no matter how much it means to you.
The main reason he’s against your pics is that he’s insecure. Maybe he has bad skin or a double chin. His hairline could be receding or his profile protrudes. But you find him totally foxy. Too bad he can’t see himself through your eyes.
6 He’s Heavily Into “Manscaping”
Some guys like their hairy bods the way nature intended them to be, while others want to be trimmed down and tame. Every guy has their body hair grooming preference, and that’s fine. Then there are those men who are close to being obsessed with “manscaping.” The moment a chest hair grows a millimeter, they’re back in the bathroom mowing it down. They carefully cut and taper every stray hair from their face to their feet. Does this sound like your man? While it’s nice to know he cares about his hygiene, their comes a time when the razor needs a break too. Assure him that even the most sophisticated shaver needs a second to breathe.
5 He Is Always Trying A New Fad
Are you dating a guy who is constantly changing up his eating habits? Does he try every new trend and fad in the food department? From eating only grapefruits to the all-protein plan, he has tried them all and is always looking for the next one to turn to. No matter his shape or size, all this is a sure sign he’s anxious from insecurity. He makes it his mission to follow these eating plans religiously so he can show off his success and prove his willpower. While he may think it’s cool to eat meat six times a day, you’re sticking to your morning bowl of Lucky Charms.
4 He’s A Total Know It All
There’s not much that’s more annoying or obnoxious than a man who thinks he knows it all. No matter the topic, he’s a certified expert. He’s also a pro when it comes to getting on your nerves. But you can’t blame his personality entirely.
Part of his know-it-all attitude has to do with his insecurity. He’s trying to cover up his flaws and failures by pretending to be highly intelligent and well-versed in nearly any field.
You know he’s not as smart as he leads on, but when a man has low self-esteem, he’ll try anything to give it a boost.
3 He Constantly Interrupts When Others Are Speaking
Rude? Check. Annoying? Double check. How irritating is it when your man interrupts you or you see him doing the same to others? It’s as though he’s not even listening to what they’re saying; he just wants to chime in and become an important part of the conversation. It is totally unbecoming and makes him seem like his social skills are subpar. He may be interrupting because of his insecurity. He wants to be part of the discussion and will disrupt its natural flow to get his point in. Tell him to wait his turn or else he’ll be getting the silent treatment.
2 He Always Has To Have A New Smartphone, Car, Pair of Shoes…
Your man feels worthy when he has the latest gizmo or gadget. He thrives off the idea of being the first of his friends to have the newest version of the iPhone or a brand new sports car. He may wear his sneakers once or twice then buy a new pair the moment they hit the stores. He seems like a show-off, but these behaviors are a sign that he’s covering up his insecurities.
These material possessions give him a sense of purpose and he thinks others will see him in a better light.
Having “stuff” doesn’t make him special. He may need you to explain that the next time he whips out his credit card.
1 He's Hurtful With His Words
This one is tricky because name calling or being mean to your partner is never okay. If your man puts you down or calls you names, he may be insecure. At this point, he’ll have to get over his insecurity on his own. No woman (or man) should ever stand for their significant other mistreating them in any way. Name-calling can lead to something far worse. You may have compassion because you can tell your man is insecure, but if he takes it out on you, take yourself out of the situation.