Years ago, women who were NOT the girlfriend or wife of a man were referred to as the “mistress,” they were also never to be spoken about. They were usually the woman who filled the need of some crappy guy that his own main partner couldn’t fill, and while that hasn’t changed much, the name of the woman certainly has. In this day and age, men somehow have gotten bolder in their talk of a woman who is known as their “side chick” because they seem to like to talk to their bros about it now. Things have also changed in terms of this particular sort of girl – she LIKES being the Other Woman. It frees up her time and takes all the relationship pressure off of her. However, there are some women who are desperate to ditch the substitute title and become the main girlfriend so here are 15 things you need to do in order to achieve that feat.
Listening is a key factor in any sort of relationship, but if you happen to be seeing someone who is seeing other people, listening is everything. People like to know they’re being heard and that you’re actually listening and comprehending what they’re trying to express. Usually, if someone is in a relationship for a long time, you can accidentally breeze over what they’re trying to get across to you, or just pretend like you’re listening. Guys can sense this despite what we all think. If you happen to be a woman they’re seeing outside of their main girlfriend, the key is to be an ear to lean on rather than a just a shoulder. They’ll usually tell you things that they won’t tell her, which will give you more insight into his thought process.
14 Be Adventurous
If someone is in a long-term relationship and has been for years, chances are that their adventurous side is fast asleep. They’ve fallen into a particular daily routine that may seem humdrum and lackluster. If you happen to be a side chick, you should probably tap into your adventurous side and bring him along for the ride. Go hiking, go skydiving, go on a roller coaster AFTER eating a crap-load – live it up. Still, do this even when he DOESN’T want to come along in order to prove that you have it in you to do these things independently. He’ll see you as fun, carefree, and adventurous, almost like a rare glimpse into the life he could be living if you moved up in the ranks. It’s a risk, but it’s worth it.
13 Intelligence Goes A Long Way
Almost all the men I’ve ever known have had some sort of problem when a woman doesn’t agree with them. They claim to prefer women who have their own opinions, but some only say that appease the woman they’re talking to at the time. So what do they do? They end up marrying the agreeable girl, the non-challenging one. Most of the men that I know who have done this always end up regretting it and suddenly are drawn to a challenging woman – a person who turns their mind on. An intellectual woman wants to discuss ideas, dreams, the universe, anything and everything complex because she never wants to stop learning. Men who have girlfriends who won’t stop talking about reality television are drawn to these other sorts of women and suddenly their eyes and minds are open to new possibilities.
12 Don’t Be Clingy
“WE HAVE A STAGE FIVE CLINGER!” No guy wants this whatsoever. Heck, WOMEN don’t even want this when they’re looking for a boyfriend. No one wants someone who hovers around every corner of their life and clings to you like a life preserver on the Titanic. It’s annoying. If you happen to be interested in a man who is taken, you do NOT want to be clingy and all “but you need to spend more time with ME and not her” – makes you sound horrible and it will send the guy running for the hills. You want to be slightly aloof and nonchalant on most occasions. You have things to do on your own and if he wants to come along, he can, but you aren’t going to pressure him too. Too much pressure on an already delicate situation will end up shattering it into a thousand pieces.
11 Have Your Own Life
Speaking of not being clingy, the best way to actually accomplish this is to literally have your own life outside of this dude. Your world does NOT revolve around a guy who has a main woman in his life. He needs to see that you have your own life in order for him to decide whether he wants to be a part of your world full time. If you’re constantly doing the things that HE likes in order to impress him, he’ll catch on super quick and get bored. He wants to see that you can stand on your own two feet and have outside interests. If you’re looking for a sugar daddy, you might as well just stay the side piece, but if you want to be his one and only, you better start being your own independent woman.
10 Sense of Humor Goes A Long Way
What’s that old saying? “A witty woman is a treasure, but a witty beauty is a power”. These words hold incredibly true in every aspect of a woman’s life – a sense of humor makes everything better. When a woman has a great, charismatic, and funny personality, she can attract men from the four corners of the earth. If you have something going with someone who is already in a relationship, making him laugh could be the perfect aphrodisiac. The first thing I look for in a partner is an excellent sense of humor and the harder they make me laugh, the more attractive they become to me. If you have that sort of sense of humor, the main girlfriend won’t stand a chance. Especially if he’s the same sort of “funny” that you are.
9 Don’t Be A Serial Flirt
Why is it that some women think that if they have a guy, they need to hold onto him by making him see that other men find them desirable as well, so they get their flirt on. This has always been bizarre to me (perhaps because I’m the worse flirter of all time and don’t really know how to do it without making myself look like a gigantic dork). If you’re the other woman, I know it’s easy to think that if you make him jealous enough, he’ll leave his girlfriend for you, but that’s not the case. He’ll just think you have a bunch of things going on the side with other dudes (this, ladies, is called hypocrisy) and will just roll his eyes. Just keep the flirting on the fritz for the time being. Especially if you’re bad at it like I am.
8 Bring Out His Best Self
There are some men in this world that need to be in a relationship in order to feel complete in their own skin. This isn’t just women like Hollywood seems to project. These men happen to be rather insecure, which is one of the reasons why they go astray in the first place. They want to connect with another human being who is able to bring out their best self. They need to like the man they are around you and miss that man when he’s NOT around you. Usually, a guy will girlfriend up a woman who is like this, but sometimes they don’t, which leads them to search for it in others. Why don’t they just let the main girl go in that case? Their self-esteem won’t allow it. But if you can show him how strong he is when he’s around you, it’ll bring him closer to actually making you his actual girlfriend.
7 Don’t Be Too Available
So every time he calls you up or texts, you jump as if you were at his beck-and-call? Yeah, you need to stop that and stop that now. This goes hand in hand with the whole “get a life” thing. Who holds the power if you’re constantly meeting up with him on his terms and on short notice? He is, and that needs to be knocked off. You need to tell him “no, I have plans” when he tries to meet up with you late at night at the last minute. Oh, his plans fell through with his girlfriend and now he wants to see you? Sorry, but I’m going to the movies with so-and-so, maybe some other time, though. Also, make plans with him DURING THE DAY and YOU set the terms, not him.
6 Trust Factor
This is a double standard since the relationship you actually have now is build on a throne of lies. How can you trust someone who is cheating on their significant other? And how are you suppose to think he trusts you in return? An entire solid relationship is supposed to be built on trust and if you start a new relationship based on a lie, what do you have? You have nothing – that’s what you have. Is he not willing to be with you because he feels he can’t trust you? That could be one of the major factors on why you’re just the side chick and not his actual girlfriend. Again, this is tricky because he’s not being honest with HIS significant other either. And, really, is it worth it if there’s no trust there? Nope – nope it isn't.
5 Stop Thinking That He’ll Leave Her
This is a common mistake for women who happen to be, well, the Other Woman: they seem to think that the man will fall head-over-heels in love with them and end up leaving their partner in order to come sweep them off their feet. Yeah right, it doesn’t work out that way in real life. Never listen to what Hollywood is trying to sell to you. If he wanted to leave his girlfriend for you, he probably would have. It also doesn’t help if you keep whining to him about it every time you’re with him. If you actually want him to do the deed and cut the string between himself and her, you need to stop talking to him about it. It’s not something he wants to hear because he’s already struggling with that situation internally.
4 Don’t Have A False Sense of Entitlement
Again, Hollywood is the culprit here: side women thinking they’re entitled to whatever because they know something that a man’s true girlfriend doesn’t know. This is how sugar daddies were created. You know, the older men showering their younger mistresses in lavish gifts sort of thing. Real-life mistresses aren’t that way and shouldn't demand to be treated that way. They’re an escape from a man’s real world and real demons so if you think you’re going to get something material wise out of it, you’re wrong. And if you demand some sort of things and go as far as to BLACKMAIL the dude, you’ll hit the curb faster than you can blink. In his mind, it’s the girlfriend who is supposed to have the sense of entitlement because she’s actually the main woman in his life, not the stand-in.
3 Understand That You’re Not The Only One
You ladies who are looking to move up in the ranks, understand one thing and one thing only: You’re not the only one in this. There is a whole other person whom you know barely anything about and don’t WANT to know. Because that would make her real, and women shouldn't be going around stabbing each other in the back. We get enough of all that from men in the world, so we can’t do that to each other. We have to also remember that crap happens and you can’t stop basic attraction. So if you are seeing a taken man, don’t pretend like there isn’t someone else in the picture and certainly don’t act like it. The ghost of his other relationship will always be present whenever you’re around him, so don’t act like it doesn’t exist.
2 Stop Fearing a Real Relationship
Listen up, ladies, I have something to say here: If you happen to be interested and in a relationship with a man who is ALREADY in a relationship, there’s something going on with your own psyche. You’re afraid of a real relationship. Perhaps the excitement of getting caught drives you, but what will happen if he actually DOES leave his main girlfriend for you and you discover that you’re just afraid of commitment? You’ll start to realize that this isn’t what you want in the first place. You knew he was taken from the beginning yet you still jumped. It’s time to take a long, hard look at your inner self in order to decide what you’re really afraid of and why. Maybe even discuss this sort of thing with him in order to open both your eyes and minds.
1 JUST LEAVE
If none of this works, guess what – pull an Adele and just walk away. You don’t want to be anyone’s sloppy seconds or be considered a safety net because that’s basically what you are if you’re dating a taken man. Even if all of this does work and you’re able to move up to the coveted “girlfriend” role, you’ll never be able to truly trust him. Look how your own relationship started – he was going behind his other girlfriend’s back in order to see and hook up with you? How do you know he’s not going to do that with someone else behind YOUR back now? You can never be too sure. So it’s probably best for you and for the man’s girlfriend in question if you just cut the string yourself and walk away. Listen to Adele and realize that you can always find someone else like him.