As we all know, relationships can be extremely hard–both in real life and hard on the soul. It takes a great deal of time and patience in order to actually create a successful relationship with another person, especially if it’s someone we can see spending the rest of our lives with.
In the beginning, it’s all feelings and wonderment and we find ourselves blinded by the beginning of relationship euphoria (that same euphoria that gives us those rose-colored glasses in those first few months). We likely happen to find all our partners' little bad habits enduring instead of annoying as all heck.
However, once everything starts to normalize, we take off the rose-colored glasses and start to realize something is not quite right. Sure, the euphoria has worn off for, but we’re left with a feeling of love and comfort... but what about him?
Some men tend to live strictly off that euphoric feeling and when it starts to fade, the man heads straight for the door. Usually, men like this will not have the guts to end the relationship themselves, but start to act out in order for their partner to pull the trigger and eventually end things.
Here are 24 signs that he’s no longer invested in the relationship and is actively looking for an out.
24 It’s Getting Mighty Chilly In Here (The Cold Shoulder Tactic)
Ah yes, the silent treatment. In long-term relationships, this usually a massive sign that someone isn’t too happy with their partner, so they just shun them. It’s a relatively childish way to act toward someone, even when they are a child!
So if he does this all too often, and you’ve tried everything in your power to get him to stop (like apologizing or giving him time to cool off), yet he still hasn’t sparked back to life, he’s trying to tell you something without verbalizing it.
23 The Littlest Things Are Setting Him Off
At the beginning of the relationship, he thought everything you did was just simply too adorable for words (even when you left your smelly socks on the bathroom floor). But now he seems upset by everything and is constantly looking to argue.
“One clue that they want to break up would be that they are less patient and more prone to argue,” Chris Armstrong, a relationship coach says. Long story short–he wants out if he nitpicks and gets annoyed constantly. Odds are you're not as obnoxious as he's suggesting!
22 Annoyed Much?
Back to the dirty socks again. Even when he’s not arguing about something little that has set him off for the thousandth time that day, he’s making huffing noises and rolling his eyes at everything you do.
If you’re texting him and he only gives one word answers (and he’s usually not that type of guy) or you make a funny joke on his IG over a picture he posts and doesn’t reply to it (but you see he’s replying to everyone else), chances are he’s annoyed with you. And if that continues to get worse, it's a clear cut sign that he isn’t happy in the least.
21 Their Compliments Sound More Like Insults
As women, we probably had to deal with this all the time back in middle and high school when it came to our friends–the compliments that are SUPPOSED to be compliments but which come off more like insults (or, heaven forbid, the backhanded compliment).
Or he actually insults you, but comes back with “oh, I’m just kidding.” That line can be a relationship ruiner, especially if he’s looking for an out. We left high school a long time ago, so it’s time for him to mature and say what he’s really thinking.
20 They Stop Noticing Big Changes You Do
It’s like he's already turned the channel on you and you’ve become a beloved sitcom he just got bored with and stopped tuning into. He doesn’t notice when you’ve made a drastic change to your hair or if you’ve bought a new sweater or any other detail about your appearance. He’s just no longer present and is slowly distancing himself from you emotionally.
Maybe he wasn’t the type to notice the little things, but if he’s moved on to the bigger things, he’s already done with the relationship.
19 Technology Silence Is Not Golden
The distancing can be highly noticeable especially when it comes to technology. “Phone calls get frequent and shorter,” Noah Van Hochman, a dating expert, says to Bustle. “The types of conversations you engage in are less meaningful and have the feel of obligation to talk more than an authentic desire. Plans to do things together become more like ‘maybes’ than those things you used to get excited about. Distance breeds distance and eventually, communication becomes non-existent.”
Translation? He’s trying to tell you something by not actually telling it to you.
18 He’ll Stop Talking About The Future
This one is a biggie: if at any point at the beginning of the relationship, you spoke heavily about the future, you were in a serious relationship and looking to build a life with this other person. But now they’re no longer interested in even talking about a month into the future, let alone a lifetime.
Their lack of commitment is deeply apparent here and any relationship guru will tell you that they’re looking for an out–otherwise, they would have absolutely no problem talking about attending your best friend’s baby shower next month.
17 The Fickle Mind
From the start, your boyfriend never really was fickle–he was a consistent sort of person who always followed through. But now he’s lagging in that department and has become wishy-washy and unreliable. The worst part is, he really doesn’t care that he’s become this fickle person.
Only, you notice he only does this with YOU and not his friends or family. This should be a glaring warning sign that he’s looking to end things, especially if he’s unwilling to talk about it with you.
16 Other Women Become An Issue…
At the beginning, it was all about you. Everything revolved around just you two in the relationship without any outsiders. Now, he’s talking about his co-worker Brenda a lot. He’s even making his women friends as a priority over you and it’s become highly noticeable.
It’s especially raw if he seems to have an emotional connection with these women he’s putting over you and is waiting for you to notice it instead of him pointing it out. And this can be soul crushing.
15 ….Especially When It Comes To Social Media
Sure, we women can get a little huffy when we discover our boyfriends have “liked” some random woman’s picture on IG. But what happens if he’s doing it on a normal basis with one woman in particular? It can feel a little like he’s already checked out of the relationship and is exploring his options out there in the dating world.
Especially if he simply doesn’t care when you point it out to him. You may have to take this a sign and walk out the door yourself.
14 The Loving Suddenly Stops Short
This can be a big indication that the relationship is doomed: when all the little affectionate things you two do together suddenly just up and go away. Sure, couples are constantly on a roller coaster when it comes to their love lives, but when it stops cold turkey, that’s a sign that something is up.
“Any change in level of interest, desire to connect, and overall attraction says that someone is not as into you as they were,” Dr. Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach told INSIDER. “Often this is what happens for a time before they break it off.”
13 Brings Up Old Past Issues
Okay, we get it–sometimes we tend to bring up past issues when we’re in a fight with our significant other, even though things have been laid to rest already. But lately you’ve noticed he’s been doing this for things even you don’t remember, and he’s doing it more frequently.
Sure, he’s been given passes for doing this before, but now it’s turned into a pattern and it’s starting to become worrisome. If he’s using past issues as an excuse to just argue, he’s simply trying to find a reason to end things.
12 Here Come The Excuses To Get Out Of Everything
He’s made excuses in the past, but it was usually just to get out going out with other people or he used to think up excuses to get out of dinner with his folks. But now he’s making up excuses to cancel that date night you’ve been looking forward to all week, or he’s canceling that romantic getaway you both had planned for a couple of months.
This is not just a mood hurter, but also a tall-tell sign that something else is wrong in the relationship, especially if he’s doing this a great deal.
11 His Friends And Outside Life Suddenly Become More Important
When he DOES go out, it now doesn’t include you. While this is normal the more comfortable couples get with each other and the relationship has come out of that honeymoon phase, but if he’s legitimately hanging out more with other people than spending time alone with you, there’s something wrong.
“It’s important for each partner to have boundaries and spend time with friends and family,” Julie Williamson, a therapist tells INSIDER. “But if you feel like you’re just one more person on their list of people to spend time with, it’s worth addressing your concerns.”
10 ….And You Have No Part Of It
It’s one thing if he sometimes invites you out with him as he spends time with his friends, but it’s another thing if he doesn’t even offer an invite AT ALL. He’s managed to successfully separate his personal life and keeps pushing you further away as a result.
“These are potential red flags because equal levels of commitment from both partners are important for establishing connection and trust within a relationship,” Dr. Williamson says. “Also, you want to know that you and your partner can equally rely on each other to be each other’s main person, the one you go to when you need comfort or support of some kind.”
9 You Notice He’s Turning To Other People For Comfort
Speaking of turning to each other for comfort, you’ve begun to notice that you are no longer his Number One person to do that within his life anymore. If he has a bad day at work or receives some unpleasant news that affects his life in a major way, he turns to someone else before he actually tells you.
It can hurt when you discover your should is not the one he leans on when he’s hurting, but it’s something that needs to be addressed in order to figure out where his mindset is in the relationship.
8 Playing Hector Projector
A lot of times we project some of our issues and don’t even know we’re doing it. It can be toxic for a relationship, but especially if we’re projecting negative feelings. But lately, you’ve been noticing that he’s doing it much more, and he’s doing it with issues like accusing of doing things you haven’t done or suggesting that YOU have checked out of the relationship.
He could be projecting in this sense because he feels guilty about thoughts or feelings himself, so he puts all the burden on your shoulders.
7 Ghosting Becomes The New Normal
Ghosting apparently is the new normal all around these days. It just seems easier to stop communicating altogether than to go through the pain of actually breaking up with someone.
Sure, it may be acceptable if you were only so-so seeing someone for a month or two. But when you’re in an actual relationship? It’s not okay. If he has cut off all communication with you and is ghosting, you know what? He didn’t deserve you in the first place and should probably have a doctor take a look at his complete lack of a spine.
6 He Starts Comparing You To His Women Friends
It’s bad enough when he starts hanging out and/or confiding in his women friends more than you, but when he actually starts comparing everything you do and say to what she does and to what she says, you have a MASSIVE problem on your hands.
If he starts comparing you with other women in his life and he’s placing them higher up, you can bet he’s already checking out of the relationship and his eye is wandering over to someone he thinks might be “better.”
5 His Family Dinners No Longer Include You
You’ve been noticing that your partner has been a little bit off lately and is starting to showcase a lot of these signs from this specific list but one thing seems rather odd to you: his own FAMILY starts ghosting you. Especially if you’re close with certain members of his family, this can be very problematic and telling.
His mom stopped responding to your comments on FB and his sister suddenly unfollowed you on Twitter–this is never a good thing. They most likely know something you don’t and are mentally preparing themselves for a life without you in it.
4 Once Important Dates Are Long Forgotten
We all know that at times, men can be scatterbrains–at least partly. We women are usually the ones who can name off important dates off the top of our heads, including knowing everyone’s birthday from our great grandmothers to our sister’s best friend’s cousin’s birthday.
Sure, sometimes your boyfriend might forget the anniversary of your first date or, yes, even your birthday, but if he does so and then plain as day doesn’t CARE that he forgot, then it’s time that you sat down and had a chat about where his feelings actually rest.
3 He Starts Looking At You Differently
There are things that he used to greatly admire about you. You two wouldn’t be in a relationship if you weren’t head over heels in love with so much about your partner, and vice-versa. But lately, you feel that he’s starting to look at you differently.
It’s not that you’ve grown unattractive but you can simply feel that something has changed in his eyes. You want to make sure that you’re not being paranoid, however. When someone actually changes the way they see you, the feeling is painfully obvious, but you need to be positive about it.
2 The Ignoring Game
When he gives you the cold shoulder, it’s one thing. It’s chilly and apparent, but when he straight up starts ignoring you altogether, it’s a different story. Usually, the cold shoulder routine stops when something big occurs and they need to communicate.
If they bold-face turn around and start ignoring you one day, they’re actively trying to create a giant wedge between the two of you and are going about it in the absolute most immature way imaginable, which is a clear sign something isn't right.
1 He Simply Just Leaves
Okay, let’s not bring in Captain Obvious here, but we… well, we may have to. A lot of women don’t want to think “IT’S THE END!” when it really is just that–the end. If a man walks out and tells you that he wants to “take a break,” chances are he has already completely checked out of the relationship a long time ago.
At this point, he's trying to make himself not look like “such” an utter bad guy by uttering words he thinks you want to hear. But trust us–he’s gone for good.
Sources: Paired Life, Bustle, Bolde, This is Insider