It's not uncommon for relationships to have their fair share of problems and hiccups. In fact, it's less normal for a relationship to be without these than it is to have an idyllic, storybook romance.
The notion of balance is one that needs to be locked down 100% in any relationship and that only comes with a solid foundation of trust. In some cases, though, trust is hard to find... if it was even there to begin with.
Most people worry about trusting their partner too much but what happens with that logic is reversed? When there's no trust at all between two people, nothing will flourish but a relationship that has its fate sealed in an eventual end. Recently, relationship expert April Masini spoke with INSIDER to nail down what traits and untrusting partner will display.
Some are more obvious than others while others are a bit more subtle, often confused for insecurities or random bouts of irritability. There's a fine line between average insecurity and outrageous trust issues, only one of which has the potential to become unhealthy.
We've got all the answers when it comes to what to watch out for, what to pay attention to, and when to cut the cord and walk away if necessary.
20 Cell Phones Shouldn't Need To Be On Lockdown To Keep People Out
In the words of Masini, "cell phones have become ground zero for betrayal." The fact that they encourage a rapid response, leave a trail of conversation history, and are usually logged into all forms of social media is easy in for untrusting partners. If your partner feels the need to constantly check your phone, go through your messages and texts, and scan social media searching for red flags, then that should raise your own red flag.
Without permission, going through someone's personal devices is intrusive and becomes even worse if your partner waits until you leave the room to do so. No matter how tempting it is, the thing about trust is that it needs to involve a leap of faith, not a leap through texts.
19 Playing "21 Questions" Is The Norm For Them
Dr. Michael, author and relationship counselor, says that your partner will likely "question you about everything and when you answer they ask more questions or seem to not be pleased with your answer." This is a solid caution of what you're getting yourself into. It may sound confusing, but it's relatively easy to notice these patterns of behavior within a short amount of time.
If your partner does not hesitate to ask the same questions repeatedly in the span of a couple of days, looks disapproving of your response, or acts as though they've "forgotten," these are all signs that the trust simple is not there.
18 Financial Status Is Personal, Not The Business Of A Significant Other
As an adult, financial status is something that's not only sacred information but something that's personal to your line of work and agreed-on salary. This information, while potentially necessary if you live with someone, does not always need to be offered up to anyone you date.
If your partner feels as though they have a significant right to knowing your paystubs, hourly rate, or annual salary, that's a sign of untrusting character. The only thing that should matter is whether or not you're able to pay for your own bills and take care of yourself—all other things should be irrelevant to your partner.
17 Receipts, Phone Calls To Friends, And Card Charges Are A Sign Of Insecurity
Perhaps your partner is more bold and brazen. Perhaps they don't hesitate to call friends to get the inside scoop on what you did with your weekend. A common misconception in relationships is that every detail of your personal life must be out in the open with your partner—this is not correct in the slightest.
A girl's weekend does not give anyone the right to make calls to your friends, go through the receipts in your bag, or request a credit card charge summary. Not only is this seriously untrusting, but it's also frowned upon where the law is concerned.
16 Zero Trust In The Bedroom Means Zero Trust In General: No Closeness
Eventually, all of that untrusting behavior will begin to seep into the intimate life of two people. If it still exists at this point, there will likely be a drastic shift in how things once were compared to how they are now, according to Masini. The first step to ruling out an untrusting partner is, of course, communication.
Sitting down and having "the talk" will help to rule out anything else that might be preventing them from connecting with you. If nothing else, it'll give you both a better idea of where you stand and how good a chance the relationship has at surviving.
15 Manipulation And Control Are The Same Thing, Learn The Signs
Manipulation is a form of control. This can be shown through the seemingly smallest of acts, including the previously mentioned going through receipts, calls to friends, etc. However, the lesser-noticed signs are always those that we become accustomed to the quickest. Attempting to sway your opinion on where to eat dinner, discouraging you from wearing certain outfits, or intentionally interfering in future plans with other people are all unhealthy in any relationship.
This is a direct line of distrust that your partner communicates through an unhealthy and negative trait. Not only is this a poor foundation for a relationship, but it means your partner doesn't know how to be a good best friend, either.
14 Accusations Fly Wild And They Show No Restraint
There are some people who are just natural open and brutally honest, then there are others who show no hesitation at all in making false claims. When the latter happens in a relationship, it spells out trouble for sure. Masini says that this is an act of "grasping at straws" in order to nail down their worst fears in a relationship.
We'll get into more of this behavior later on, but if your partner does accuse you of seemingly crazy stuff, it's important to know where it stems from and why. Their fear of betrayal is bubbling to the surface and unfortunately, you're the one sitting on the receiving end.
13 The Wrong Crowd: Friends Legitimize Their Insecurities
There's nothing worse than knowing your partner is hanging out with the "wrong" crowd per se. These are essentially people who do nothing but add fuel the growing fire that is their own insecurities. It's the relationship form of gossip and it can rear its ugly head with people who are prone to being naturally insecure.
If your partner already has trust issues, hanging out with the wrong folks will only confirm that yes, they do have something to worry about. The fear will only continue to grow and will be noticeable in their attitude when they speak to you after speaking to those people.
12 Speaking To Them Is Like Hitting A Brick Wall
This goes hand in hand with several other issues a relationship might have and could, in fact, be the connecting factor between all of them. If all attempts to acknowledge someone's insecurities have been null and void, they could be feeling a significant distrust when they're with you.
It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it just means that they're fighting their own personal demons and don't know how to work through them. Sadly, it can be a sign of distrusting behavior, but it's also a cry for help as far as communication goes. The lack thereof will only foster more negative emotions for both of you.
11 Being Close No Longer Brings Them Happiness
If the intimate parts of a relationship still exist, then the problem could be that they simply no longer gain any sense of happiness or satisfaction from it. While not being close at all is definitely a sign that something is wrong, noticing that your partner is unhappy can be a much more subtle red flag.
According to Dr. Michael, this can rear its ugly head for them as they "don't trust you enough to just let go an enjoy the experience." Being intimate is one of the most sacred things two people can do in a relationship and if the connection is fractured here, you can be sure that one of you is waging an internal battle.
10 Distancing Themselves Is A Re-Occurring Trend
Physical affection aside, people can distance themselves in many different ways. They could start going out to dinner by themselves, opting for nights in or nights with friends, and may even refuse to communicate openly. This is something that will likely progress as time goes on and the act of shutting down is a foolproof sign that someone is unable to trust others.
In regard to being close to someone, they'll close up in order to protect themselves. This could be due to a past relationship or just their natural instincts and is something to be wary of if you notice it becoming a trend.
9 They Need An Itinerary And Constant Updates Throughout The Day
No one should need constant updates of your whereabouts or what you're doing aside from the two people who created you—your parents. A significant other needs to be trusting enough to accept that their partner needs—and will have—a life separate from them, lest the relationship becomes unhealthy and obsessive.
Everyone needs space once in a while and sacrificing your own personal hobbies and interests for another person should never be part of the foundation of a relationship. Someone who constantly needs to know your deets is someone who doesn't trust you enough to come home to them at the end of the day.
8 Past Relationships Still Come Up On The Regular
Insecurities can stem from the wildest of places and past relationships serve as a breeding ground for trust issues. It's never easy to acknowledge that yes, your partner had a life before you came along. While this isn't usually an everyday-type of thought, it can be for those who don't trust others easily.
According to Your Tango, one of these traits can manifest itself in the form of accusing their partner of not being over their ex. Not only is this a strange thing to accuse someone of in a relationship, but it's wildly speculative once someone has committed to someone else. In the mind of an untrusting person, none of these things will matter, though.
7 Constant Attention Isn't Always A Good Thing: Obsessive Traits
Some of us love cookies to the point where we even buy butter that's cookie-flavored, and relationships can take on very much the same trend. If someone is constantly afraid of losing their partner whom they love with all they have, they can become obsessive and do things that aren't good for the relationship.
These things might be satisfying to them, albeit unhealthy for both parties, but in their mind, they're only following what they're feeling. Obsessive behaviors and actions can be extremely negative and cause feelings of isolation for the other person, but they're also a sign that your partner is desperate to soothe their untrusting nature.
6 Best-Friend-Jealousy And When To Draw The Line
A best friend is (usually) a separate entity from a relationship or partner. We have best friends so that there will always be a balance to our nature; someone to vent to, discuss problems with, and provide us with some welcome space when needed. If your partner is untrusting then chances are, they're thinking of all these things too—but are interpreting them in a way they're convinced is harmful to the relationship.
No one should be jealous of anyone's best friend and a healthy relationship will always involve a partner who tries to get to know the people surrounding the person he or she loves.
5 Threatening A Break Up Stems From The Fear Of Being Hurt
Yikes. When a person is insecure to the point of recklessness, threatening to end the relationship is not an uncommon habit. This is obviously incredibly unhealthy, not to mention emotionally damaging, for the partner on the receiving end of the threat. This is a form of manipulation as well; Your Tango states that a partner who does this is seeking constant validation of their status in your life.
When threatening to end the relationship, they're looking for a response from you that's something along the lines of desperation and devotion. Whether or not this is done intentionally doesn't matter; it's in poor taste and is not the key to a healthy, thriving relationship.
4 Repeatedly Bringing Up Their Own Relationship Shortcomings Is Bad
Insecurity can wear many different masks and is not limited to simply closing up and being distant. Sometimes, your partner may bring up their own shortcomings and be down on themselves without even mentioning your name. In very much the same way as threatening a breakup, being a martyr conjures up the same feelings of control and manipulation.
By constantly knocking themselves down, they will then rely on their partner to pick them back up, thus receiving the devotion of time and effort they're so desperately seeking. This will eventually throw the relationship woefully out of balance and result in one partner feeling drained and emotionally empty.
3 Scanning Social Media Pages Multiple Times A Day Is Concerning
Social media: we love it, we dislike it, we can't live without, right? Wrong. Often, one of the worst things for a relationship is making social media far too big a part of it. When things begin to spiral out of control, your partner might take to social media to essentially stalk you, an action that's fueled by trust issues of epic proportions.
Every status, "like," share, and photo posted will only become fuel in their battle they're waging in their head over whether or not to trust the person they're in a relationship with. The best thing to do is nip this in the bud and draw boundaries before it even becomes an issue.
2 They Become Overly Sensitive And Irritable Over Small Things
Irritability can stem from many causes. It's not always the case that one partner is feeling insecure that's causing it but depending on the situation, this can be the case. Pay attention to the signs and take note of what seems to spark your partner's jealousy issues.
If they're picking fights with you over silly things, being down on either you or themselves over insignificant details, or throwing accusations around, then it's time to sit down and hash out what the real problem is. Occasionally irritability is normal, but constant and unexplainable irritability is an issue that requires a second look.
1 If They're Hanging Onto Imaginary Scenarios, It's Time To Speak Up
It doesn't take a scientific equation to figure out that if one person makes an accusation that's so wildly implausible, then there's definitely something else going on behind the scenes. The pension for ease that someone has when it comes to accusing another of going behind their back can be incredibly telling right off the bat.
If you find yourself dealing with seemingly crazy scenarios that your partner has made up in their head, it's time to get down to the root of the problem. Discovering where this stems from can be the key to healing a relationship and, in turn, helping to heal your partner's wounds, too.
Sources: MSN, Your Tango, Bustle