Breakups are not easy, we know. And there is the trope of "a woman eating ice cream in bed and crying" after a breakup that has been around forever. Ladies, while we suggest indulging in doing comforting things to ease heartbreak, there is much more to do to make the breakup process smoother.
Cathartic revenge plots seem fun in the movies, as does drowning in sorrow, but these are best avoided when a RL breakup occurs. If a woman is going through a breakup, we know the first thing she’ll do is crawl into her bed, get under the covers and sob while watching romcoms. She’ll basically dig herself into a hole, and although that is normal, there are many other ways to go about a breakup.
While there is tons of bad advice out there, we want to help our ladies out so that they can feel like themselves again after a painful breakup. We promise that after a bit of wallowing, the advice we have waiting for ladies who recently had their hearts broken will not only speed up the healing process but get them excited for the awesome single life that's waiting for them.
Some much-needed joy is a requirement after a breakup, so after this advice is read and taken, women shouldn't be surprised if they feel like saying, "Thank U, Next" to the ex.
20 Do: Block, Unfollow And All That Stuff
In today's day and age, when a breakup occurs, resorting to social media to do a clean up is a must.
If you really want to say "Thank U, Next" to an ex, the first step is pressing the unfriend button — no excuses. We get that it may seem like a pathetic surrender by immediately unfollowing him, unfriending him and deleting him, but for your health and sanity, there are no compromises with this one. And who cares what people think when they notice you two have unfollowed each other, right?
We cannot stress enough how necessary it is to do this ASAP. We know you want him to see you rocking your new outfit and living your best life, but the relationship is over, and you need to fully disconnect. You need time and space; what you don’t need is seeing his face pop up on your feed.
19 Don't: Grieving Should Not Become Your Life
A breakup will always be tough, but if the breakup is taking over your entire life, like work, you've got to get back on your feet and get it together. You cannot carry that baggage with you forever if you want to move on, so be honest about your feelings.
Everyone moves at a different pace; we do not want you to rush your feelings, but no breakup should control all aspects of your life. All that grieving will only bring negativity into your life. We know you would not want your bestie to do that, so take care of yourself and don't spend so much time ruminating on a breakup.
If you're two months into single life and still enjoying lounging around with sweatpants on, and indulging in cake and wine instead of a night out with friends, hit the emergency button.
18 Do: Make The Gym Your Second Home
Keep that body moving, girl — can't stop, won't stop. And we are not talking about "namaste" or "nama-stay-home," we are talking about beginning an intense workout routine at the gym. We are talking about making that gym your sanctuary. Pro tip: kickboxing is always a great way to get rid of that negative energy (we know you'll be thinking of his face).
Even going for a jog is fine; it is all about getting out there and feeling like a champion after you move your body for a little bit. Physical exercise is like taking medication without taking an actual medication, which will help ease the pain after you have become a couch potato.
17 Don't: Talk Badly About Your Ex
When someone does us wrong, we tend to try and make ourselves feel better by bringing them down. We know you cannot force or fake a smile, but if you want to heal and "be grateful for your ex," it is best not to say negative things about him.
Sure ladies, we are human and have been there. We know how good it feels to have a night with the besties while talking smack about the ex. Your best friends will tell you all the generic things when a man breaks your heart; they will tell you you're better than him and better off without him, that he is nothing compared to you — okay, cool. Sadly, you should not rely on that to make you happy during such a tough time.
16 Do: Plan Something To Occupy Your Mind
What is the smartest and healthiest thing to do to get over a breakup? No, we're not talking about stuffing your face — you should be on the ball and make a grand scheme of plans to look forward to. Packing your bags and leaving for a trip by yourself or hitting the road in a convertible for a road trip with your gal pals will help keep your mind off the breakup. Do not have the itch to take a vacation?
Do not fret, take up a dance class or go visit an old friend instead. Bring out the Eat, Pray, Love movie to numb your heart and forget the pain. We promise you’ll be doing the happy dance in no time.
15 Don't: Be Friends Right Away
Many things can do the trick to get over a breakup, but this one will not. When he calls it quits with you, tell him "hasta la vista," and do not utter another single word. A breakup is the perfect time for a total life renovation, and that does not include him in it.
No breakup is sunshine and rainbows, so the last thing you should do is suggest being friends with him; your heart and mind need space and time before you can make such a rash decision.
Let us be honest, if you really loved your ex, "being just friends" will not sit well with you. And remember, there is nothing wrong with NOT staying friends with an ex. If it is unhealthy, it shouldn't be in your life.
14 Do: Make New Friends
There is no time for pity parties, ladies — okay, we allow you two weeks of cocooning inside the house. After that, it is time to get out there and meet new peeps.
All of a sudden, you have all this time on your hands because your ex would take up most of it, and you do not know what to do with yourself? Well, for the sake of your sanity, we suggest you stop moping around and go out there and make new friends. It will occupy your mind and remind you that there are many fish in the sea — many.
Your ex may have also been your bestie, but you'll be surprised to know how effective it is to meet new fellas who will make you laugh like he did. This will also help you become a better and more independent version of yourself.
13 Don't: Blame Yourself
The number one mistake women make when a breakup occurs is that they automatically blame themselves. When he tells you "It's not you, it's me," please believe him.
We know you are not going to get over a breakup overnight, but always believing that the relationship ended because of your behaviour or personality will not help you move on. And, if you think too much in terms of what you should have or could have done, you are only going to go backwards.
No, you did not need to change your hair and no, you did not need to play more video games with him — get those silly thoughts out of your head. Just like it takes two to tango, it also takes two to break up, so do not be so hard on yourself. Wallowing in the "if onlys" will not make the process easier.
12 Do: Write Him A Letter, But Keep It To Yourself
If you constantly fuss over the breakup, your mind will become clouded. Instead, we suggest writing your feelings down on paper; it is therapeutic and will clear your mind. We know you have that paragraph of how you feel written in your notes on your iPhone, so why not repeat that — but often?
It is normal to be swamped by feelings and thoughts after a bad breakup, and the most effective way to pour them all out is by writing them down. Remember as little girls when we used to keep journals and write about our crushes? Well, it is time to do the same thing again and jot down all those negative thoughts. You can even write out what you'd say to him to get it out of your head, just do not share it with him.
11 Don't: Be With Just Anyone
Okay, not every rebound is bad, but after a breakup, the healthiest thing to do is decompress and be low-key — why? You must be really cautious. We get that you'll want to spend time with someone of the opposite sex because you'll crave attention and because you'll miss the cuddling, but be wary. As women, after breakups we tend to go for the first rebound that we think is the greatest thing for us, but that is rarely the case.
The “new” guy is interesting and fresh, but that does not mean he is a potential partner. We give you a pass if you just feel like having a good time, but remember, he will not mend your broken heart.
10 Do: Cry All You Need To
Cry fests are a normal thing after a breakup. We give you permission to ugly cry until you cannot anymore. We know that after a breakup, your sensitive heart will probably cry at just about anything, even when you see your dog in the window when you're leaving the house.
It is better to shed the waterworks when you are alone so that when you pick up your stuff at his place, a giant wave of tears will not flow down your face. We all know that you do not want to give him that satisfaction. We also know that you do not want to start weeping like a big baby when you're at work surrounded by coworkers who will look at you like you're a robot. In conclusion, take all the time you need at home to shed the waterworks.
9 Don't: Scheme To Get Him Back
You were just dumped, and while it may not be over forever (because yes, some couples do reignite the flame), immediately trying to win him back is the wrong way to go about a breakup.
Firstly, you are going to seem desperate for his love, and that will not make him consider taking you back. Secondly, if he was a bad guy in the relationship, we'd be completely disappointed in you if you opted to win his poisonous heart back.
Instead of scheming to get him back, scheme to get your old self back — the self that was living her life before without him. Whatever you do, do not crawl back to him; leave those mastermind plans to the Hollywood films.
8 Do: Get Rid Of All His Stuff
So, after you finally get the guts to delete him off all your social media (which we hope is quick), it is time to make your room and space completely ex-free. Spring cleaning time? It may not be spring, but the cleaning is a must — it is completely nonnegotiable. The ugly crying and cleaning, while listening to an empowering playlist, is quite effective and could heal the heart.
We are not telling you to dramatically start throwing picture frames across your room or tossing couple selfies in the fireplace, but to just put them away and get them out of your sight. Remember when your wise grandmother used to tell you "out of sight, out of mind?" Make her happy. We doubt you want to go into your room and see a shrine of photos of you and your ex after the breakup. Toss them out and you'll forget about the past in no time.
7 Don't: Go Fast With Another Man
We know you will want to date again; it is only normal to miss the love, affection, and especially the endless spooning. However, it is a total misconception to think that hopping onto the dating train again so quickly is the right thing to do to move on. We do not disregard the idea, but we do not suggest it when you are fresh out of a breakup.
Engaging in a relationship with another person will only work once you have given yourself enough time to love yourself again without anyone loving you back.
A breakup is an opportunity to be a new you, so once you are in love with your single self, go ahead and share your time with someone new. If not, stay away and take your time.
6 Do: Know It Is Okay To Rely On Your Friends
In Carrie Bradshaw's world, all her best friends disliked Mr. Big when he dumped her, and IRL your friends should be there just the same. Evidently, one way to get over someone is to spend time with those who love you unconditionally. The problem is, when a breakup happens, we tend to feel like a burden on our friends and refrain from opening up to them.
All breakups are a jarring experience, so relying on friends for a lot of support should not be disqualified. Tell yourself that your friends will be there to remind you how fabulous you are, and that is what you need to empower yourself and get yourself back on your feet again.
5 Don't: Get Bored
We want you to be like Ariana, and prance around singing about your favourite things, like anything from Tiffany. During a breakup, it is quite normal that your self-esteem may be at an all-time low, so being bored and slouching around is not an option! We know that it is going to be quite the challenge to continue your days without him, but boredom is like a Stop sign. Letting boredom take over your life will make you feel weak. And we know that feeling weak is not an option — we are strong and independent women!
Boredom only brings out negative and anxious feelings, so we advise you to never be bored, and protect your fragile heart.
4 Do: Find New Hobbies
To reinvent yourself and continue the path of life without him, finding new things to fill up your schedule is a must; whatever it may be, just do it. Like Ariana Grande, we "think that retail therapy might be your new addiction" — do not go buy seven Tiffany & Co. diamonds, though.
Go do whatever it is your ex significant other did not like you to do, like spending time with your male friends! Any new hobby will do, so get to it ASAP. Even just taking daily walks for some fresh air will help as it will clear your thoughts; yes, it is a great thing to come out of the darkness and see the light outside.
Anything that will make you feel zen, like reading or painting, will be a positive distraction for your mind.
3 Don't: Take Up A Bad Habit
Do everything in small doses after a breakup, but do not do it all if it is a bad habit and something you have never done before.
You do not need a psychologist to tell you that turning to booze or other substances is a terrible thing to do — do you really want to send your ex various texts in the early hours when you're not thinking clearly? No! That just holds you back.
Drinking your sorrows away will not work; it makes you do the happy dance temporarily, and that is not what you need. We know a glass of red with your besties is a fun time, but leave it at that. Making it a "thing" will make you lose yourself and you'll always end up back at zero.
2 Do: Look Good For Yourself
We give you permission to post a "you like my hair? Gee thanks, just bought it" photo with that caption, only if you've already unfollowed your ex.
We also want you to do the whole breakup makeover thing and do a little something for yourself to get over that guy who just dumped your foxy self. Nothing makes a woman feel more powerful than a new head of hair or a new makeup routine and strutting around town. You must want to look alluring for yourself and not to impress him, though!
You will feel confident and able to get back on your own two feet in no time. We give you bonus points if you ignore him after the dramatic makeover.
1 Don't: See Him One Last Time
Why do so many women do this and think it will make them feel better?
This guy just broke your heart, so why would one more night in his company give you solace? It won't, so cross that thought out of your mind. We'd prefer that you stick to believing that stuffing your face with ice cream while crying over him is a great remedy for a breakup, because it's much better than the idea that going to dinner with him will be good for you.
Women do this because they believe that it will give them the closure they need to move on, but it is the complete opposite. Your mind might tell you not to do it, and for the sake of your heart, unless you want to put another bandage over it, make it a rule to never see him again.