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Decoding His Language: 20 Examples Of How He Said One Thing, But Means Another

You've spotted that guy across the room, and immediately feel butterflies flying in your stomach; you know that's the cutie you want to be your crush!

You walk up to him and introduce yourself, charming him with your charismatic personality, and he's interested! Before you know it, you've landed his number. Now its time to get to know him.

What follows is an array of endless possibilities; you're able to regularly talk to him and get to know him on a personal level. From getting to know his favorite bands, books, and whether your guy is good with banter, the "textationship" phase of a relationship can be thrilling!

However, communication can be a long, winding road. Sometimes, our guys can send us signals that are pretty confusing.

We may have an idea of what our dudes mean when they say one thing, but in some cases, he totally means something opposite from what we originally thought! Using a winking face emoji might mean nothing to us, but our new text partner interprets it as flirty.

Read on to decode some common text language from him to take the "textationship" to the next level!

20 He Wants To Start Out As Friends

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Working up the courage to ask your crush for his number can be nerve-wracking but once you finally have it, it can feel like a whole other battle.

You're given a stream of information and asked to decipher it. Getting into the rhythm of his text language, while exciting can be confusing and you can easily get your communication lines mixed up.

If he says he wants to start out as friends, he might be unsure of what he wants, or is still feeling you out.

Be patient if possible, a "textationship" needs time to blossom!

19 He Dodges Plans

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Texting is a masterful art! Because we're relying only on our screens and we can't see how the other person is reacting in real time, it's entirely reliant on assumptions we make about the other person. This can be dangerous when we're getting to know someone.

But some things aren't written between the lines. They're spelled out in big black sharpie.

If a guy repeatedly dodges your proposal, it could be one of two things. Either he isn't ready to meet you in person yet, or he's just not interested.

Give it time to evolve, but not too much time. You shouldn't have to convince someone to go out with you.

18 He Pays More Attention To Your Social Media Than You

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Having a crush in the age of social media is like being a private detective. Not only do you have his phone number, but you also have access to his Instagram, can see his mother's favorite recipe via his Facebook profile, and send him cute pics on Snapchat!

Once you add your guy to your social media docket, interactions may get a little complicated to decipher; what happens if he watches your Instagram story more often than texting you? 

While it can be uber confusing to juggle multiple forms of communication, try not to overthink it. Your dude's social media engagement can just mean he's better at "likes" than words.

17 He Suggests Group Plans

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So you've finally advanced to taking your "textationship" beyond the lit screen of your phone? How exciting!

You may find yourself listing countless date ideas:  picnics, coffee, bonding over fancy dinner dates...

Your dude, however, may have different ideas on dating in the early stages!

If your guy turns down your date ideas in favor of casual group dates, don't feel discouraged. He may not be ready for one-on-one time with you, or he's someone who needs the comfort of his wingman in the early stages. Round up some friends, and have a good time!

16 His Tone Is Always Serious

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A confusing aspect when texting is decoding your crush's text tone.

Some people use emojis to lighten the mood, while others load up on witty references to test the waters. If you're a girl with a sense of humor, and your preferred flirting method is to crack a joke, it can be hard when your guy is always on the serious side.

Try not to look too far into your guy's texting tone; he may not be used to texting with emojis or isn't picking up on your punchlines without you there to deliver them.

Don't make snap judgments until you meet in person; if after a proper date you still find him overly somber, then maybe he's not who you thought he was.

15 His Tone Is Dismissive

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Even though it's important not to overanalyze a guy's method of texting, some things are telling for a reason. If he constantly dismisses you, don't take it with a grain of salt... he's being dismissive for a reason.

While it may be easy to confuse a guy's dismissiveness for a guy with headstrong opinions, or someone who knows exactly what they want, continuously turning you down is hard to spin a different way.

If he never acknowledges anything except what he has to say in the text, he isn't someone you want to get involved with.

14 He Ignores Important Things

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Getting to a level where you feel comfortable with a guy is monumental. It means you're putting down the groundwork for a deeper understanding of one another.

But it can be a difficult move over text; writing out your complex hopes and dreams means sending out bibles, and that can make it easy for a guy to skim past important revelations.

Keeping your texting conversations more on the casual side can reduce your chances of having your feelings hurt if he doesn't seem to respond to important passages.

13 He Uses Too Many Emojis

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Don't get us wrong, emojis are essential to texting! They can be hilarious, evocative and they help with context.

But if you start noticing that he's always using pictures to talk instead of actual messages, you may want to consider talking to him.  A constant use of emojis can illustrate laziness and immaturity. That or he's never used an iPhone before.

Casually bring up how you feel. Let him know you want to get to know him, and that the overload of emojis gets in the way of that.

12 He Only Wants To Text

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With all the different forms of technology swirling around us, it's hard to believe how our parents met!

Texting is a great way to make inroads; as a precursor to dating, it can be a magical way to break the ice and pick up on someone's vibe. Eventually, though, it should lead to talking on the phone or meeting in person... that's the ultimate goal anyway.

If he doesn't want to talk on the phone, don't freak out right away. It can be nerve-wracking and awkward to find things to talk about in such a confined setting. Continue texting and see if he makes further plans with you.

If he doesn't make any indication of wanting to meet outside of iMessage, then you might be getting catfished, or you're dealing with someone who isn't ready to move forward with you.

11 He Doesn't Say Much

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Texting your crush can be an adventure because everyone's texting style is different!  Some like to text novels because they're excited to share their thoughts with another person, while others prefer to keep it short and sweet.

If you're a wordsmith babe and love to include a lot of writing in your texts, but your dude doesn't seem to respond with the same volume of information, don't worry! Behind the brief messages may be a guy who's shy and likes to listen.

Try catering to the way he texts and asking him questions about himself; there will be plenty of time to talk his ear off in person.

10 He's Afraid To Say Too Much

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Having a "textationship" can be tricky because everyone interprets texting differently.

Some people prefer to text during the earlier stages of a relationship and save the deeper discussions of the getting-to-know-you process for actual dates!

If he doesn't seem to reveal a lot in his texts and prefers to keep the overall tone more on the casual side, don't worry.

If he's answering back, you're "textationship" isn't doomed. Some guys prefer to see you in person before getting to know you on a deeper level. Heart emoji!

9 He's Afraid You'll Find Him Boring

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Plagued with a string of questions that have your stomach and brain working a mile a minute?  Am I boring him? Am I talking too much? Should I have said that?

If you're asking yourself these questions, you're not alone! Rest assured your guy is also wondering the same things, too!

In the early days, navigating your conversation can be extremely confusing because you're getting to know your guy through a screen. As scary as it seems, be honest and tell your partner how you feel; it will break the ice!

8 He's Afraid Of Miscommunication

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Relationships, no matter what kind they are, come with a lot of expectations and this is especially true in the beginning.

If this feeling makes you nervous, you're not alone! The early days of a "textationship" can be really hard because it's super easy to be carried away in the excitement of it all. But just remember that you don't know this guy, and miscommunications are bound to happen. It's only natural!

If he's scared of miscommunicating with you, it's probably because he likes you and has the same fears you do, talking about these mishaps will make you feel better and closer to your partner!

7 He Doesn't Want To Get Close

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One awesome thing about meeting people is getting to know different types of personalities! Life wouldn't be interesting if we were all the same!

Some people enjoy the closeness of relationships; they love to share their lives with someone else. Others are figuring it out as they go.

If your guy articulates to you that he doesn't want to get close, then he may be going through something difficult or was previously hurt by another partner. There's not much you can do about that other than move on.

You will eventually find someone who wants the same type of relationship as you do.

6 He's Actually Really Busy

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We often don't give ourselves enough credit when it comes to acknowledging how busy we are. School, work, family and best friends! Our days fly by when we're trying to squeeze it all in.

The rules of texting preclude these considerations. It's like talking in a different dimension away from the realities of everyday life; we assume people always have the time to answer because it doesn't take long to respond.

If he's not great at answering, think about your own packed agenda and then apply it to his day. He might not always have access to his phone or isn't a big texter and if he gives you a heads up about this, then he's actually being considerate.

He'll answer when he has a moment. Try not to take it personally.

5 The "Textationship" Is Going Too Fast

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The excitement that comes with hearing our phone vibrate or seeing his name flash across the screen is unlike any other. And while the urge to answer right away is pressing, sometimes its best to take an objective step back.

If it's going too fast, your guy may start to feel tied down, or maybe you even feel that way.

If he seems distant or dodges part of your conversation, it can be helpful to take a break: go out and leave your phone at home. If he's into you, he'll continue to text you.

4 He Doesn't Want To Overstep Boundaries

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Sometimes texting someone can feel like getting to know your long lost soul mate.

As time goes by and you get familiar with one another, the lines of what's appropriate to say and what's not may start to blur. If you notice that he circumvents some topics, he might be feeling that same anxiety.

Consider establishing boundaries beforehand, or suggest meeting in person earlier. If a guy is being cautious about boundaries than he's trying not to offend you. Meeting you in real time can give him and you a sense of clarity.

3 He's Easily Distracted

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We've all been there; we pick up our phones to text someone, and we get distracted by something in our day to day life. In a culture that moves faster than we do, it's totally common.

Some guys are more honest about getting distracted than others and that's ok. Admitting that you have a hard time paying attention can be embarrassing for some people especially when they don't totally know or trust the person they're texting. If you notice he often starts texting and then stops, maybe try breaking up your conversation pieces. Instead of texting one big message, break it up into smaller messages.

It'll be harder for him to forget about and he'll be less anxious.

2 He Doesn't Think Texting Is Important

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Many of us have accepted our phones act as our third hand, constantly on our phone even if we aren't texting our crush. But it's important to recognize not everybody feels that way.

If a guy tells you he doesn't think texting is important, there are a few reasons. He may prefer one-on-one conversation in person, or he's better at putting the phone away than we are. If he is interested in talking to you, he'll let you know other ways he prefers to communicate!

1 He Doesn't Have Time For A Relationship

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A hard truth about "textationships" and dating is understanding that our "textationship" partner may not want to have a relationship beyond being friends or having someone to talk to over text.

Even though it can really hurt, ask your guy early on what type of relationship he's interested in. If he says he isn't ready to be exclusive with someone, keep it in mind and evaluate it against your own wants and needs.

If you realize you're looking for different things and want to stop texting, it's perfectly fine! It takes time, but you'll find a guy who wants to be a boyfriend instead of a friend!

References: Psychology Today

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