Are You Monogamish? 17 Facts About The New Dating Trend

in Girl Talk
Are You Monogamish? 17 Facts About The New Dating Trend

If you see the word “monogamish” and simply think someone misspelled monogamous, think again. Monogamish couples are a new dating trend on the rise. What exactly is monogamish relationship? Well, it falls somewhere between monogamy and polygamy. Honestly, it’s kind of the best of both worlds, as it allows for the thrill of certain freedoms while also providing the comfort of commitment.

The dating climate has been changing for quite some time. Previously, the change in relationships had been attributed to women in the workplace, as women were finally making their own money. This financial freedom had allotted women more freedom to date and resist committing to one particular man. It’s what a little show called Sex and the City was all about.

Recently, the dating climate has been met with a new game changer: the Internet. The Internet has connected us to more people than was ever possible before, which has resulted in new relationship structures. The Internet has also brought on a wave of phenomena such as ghosting, bread crumbing, thirst trapping, and Facebook stalking. There’s so many changes, guys!

One recent major change in dating is that more and more couples are engaging in monogamish relationships. If you don’t know what a monogamish relationship is or you’re curious about participating in a monogamish relationship, read on for everything you ever wanted to know about the new dating trend, including what it is, how to do it, and the risks involved.

Vogue

17. There Are Many Different Kinds Of Monogamish Couples

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Since monogamish couples are a newer trend in dating, there’s more of a grey area. This expansive grey area means there are many different kinds of monogamish couples. Also, the fact that these couples fall somewhere between monogamy and polygamy makes it hard to really nail down a solid definition for what exactly monogamish means. Again, more grey area. So much grey area, guys!

Because of this grey area, many monogamish couples come to their own understanding and agreement. So, what one monogamish couple practices may not be what another monogamish couple practices.

While it may seem like too much a grey area for some, it can be best to think of it like monogamy, as all monogamous relationships are different as well. Some couples text each other all day long, while others enjoy catching up with each other face to face. The important thing is to embrace what works best for the two individuals in the relationship. This is the same with monogamish couples, which is why there are so many different ways to be monogamish.

16. Being Monogamish Doesn’t Necessarily Make You A Swinger

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In the 1960s, the term “swinger” become more commonly known. While these practices of open marriages or partner-swapping may have taken place beforehand, the sexual revolution of the 1960s popularized the idea of swingers and key parties.

So, what exactly is a swinger? Being a swinger is not necessarily the same thing as being polygamous, as swinging doesn’t involve an emotional relationship. A swinger mostly seeks physical activities outside of their relationships as a form a recreation.

It’s true that physical activities outside of an otherwise monogamous relationship may fall in line with some monogamish couples, thus making these monogamish couples swingers. However, it’s important to not that not all monogamish couples are swingers, as some monogamish couples do not actually go all the way with another person.

15. In Fact, Some Monogamish Couples Just Flirt With Other People

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This may be surprising, but some monogamish couples are very PG. In fact, there are technically monogamish couples who simply flirt with people outside of the relationship. That’s it. They just do some light flirting and that’s how they’re monogamish. Seriously, some monogamish couples simply flirt with coworkers, friends, or that hot Starbucks barista and that’s what makes them monogamish.

You may be wondering what sets them apart from monogamous couples in this regard. Well, it’s the fact that they tell their partners about their flirting. That, or they’ve come to an agreement or understanding about flirting with other people, in which they don’t necessarily have to report that they’ve flirted with someone else. Instead, it’s just known that they’re both allowed to flirt.

When it comes to monogamish relationships, that’s the biggest different: They are open and honest about everything they do with other people, even if it’s just flirting.

14. By The Way, Don’t We All Actually Flirt With Other People Anyway?

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You may have read that last item and thought, “Hm, but I’m in a relationship and I totally flirt with the hot Starbucks barista too!” In which case, you’re not alone. It’s usually just in a playful way. You may have a work crush who makes your workday go by just a teeny bit faster. You may have a friend from high school who always comments the nicest things on the selfies you post. Whatever it may be, we’re all a little flirty from time to time. It’s natural. What’s not healthy about the way some people flirt, however, is the hiding of it afterwards.

If you feel like your flirting with an ex-boyfriend, a coworker, or that hottie barista at Starbucks is something that you’re specifically hiding from your partner, you may want to reevaluate some things. No, you may not necessarily consider it cheating, but it can still drive a wedge in the relationship.

Monogamish couples who openly discuss or know their parents flirt don’t have to deal with the shady business of flirting and hiding it. Monogamish couples for the win! Well, in this regard at least.

13. Monogamish Couples Set All Their Own Rules

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What’s cool about monogamish couples is that they make up all their own rules. Also, because monogamish couples exist somewhere between monogamy and polygamy, they pretty much get the best of both worlds. They get to pick the level of openness with which they feel comfortable, so they can get both freedom and commitment.

In creating their own rules, monogamish couples can say that flirting is okay, but hooking up with someone if off limits. Or hey, maybe the rule is that they can do everything but go all the way. Other monogamish couples may be okay with their partner doing whatever they want but only while on a business trip.

Because being monogamish allows you to tailor the rules of your relationship to the particular relationship you’re in, many couples find it less suffocating then being monogamous, as that’s a one size fits all type situation.

12. In Fact, A Lot Of Planning Can Go Into It

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Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, has helped many couples transition from a monogamous relationship into a monogamish relationship. In doing so, he’s helped them figure out the specifics of the agreement, but it can be very involved. Kerner says, “I’ve worked with some couples that approached it like lawyers, with 100-page emails back and forth. It’s really important to agree on some basic principles. Non-monogamy has a wide spectrum. Even couples who agree on non-monogamy don’t always agree on the contours of it.”

Ah, but how does a couple specifically figure out their own rules? Well, Kerner suggests that couples start with their top priorities, meaning the biggest things that are allowed and off limits. Once you figure out these principles, everything else falls in line much easier.

11. There May Be Some People Who Are Specifically Off Limits

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Because monogamish couples work out very specific rules to their freedom, they may not actually be free to pursue whoever they want, whenever they want. In fact, some agreements will eliminate the possibility of a particular person. For example, would you be okay with your partner hooking up with anyone in the world except your sister or best friend? Well then, that should be spelled out ahead of time. You could rule out any mutual friends. You could also completely rule out exes, as that may complicate things too much.

Though, you should be sure to discuss who is included in the exes category, as many relationships aren’t necessarily considered relationships these days. For example, if you don’t want him to hook up with that one girl he dated for two years but was never Facebook official, you should make sure he considers her an “ex.”

Long story short, monogamish couples can have both freedom and the reassurance that their partner won’t cross the line with the wrong people. You just have to be very vocal about who is off limits.

10. It’s All About Trusting One Another

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In order to be in a happy and healthy monogamish relationship, both parties must have extreme amounts of trust in one around. I mean, duh.

Two people in a monogamish relationship must agree to the terms of their monogamish agreement and trust that it will be followed through. And oddly enough, it seems this works for many monogamish couples. Dr. Kerner says, “We live in a culture where monogamy and sexual exclusivity is pretty much the norm and it takes a lot of planning, collaboration, trust, and communication to go up against that norm. Ironically, the couples who engage in some form of non-monogamy often have a higher degree of trust…”

While you may think this form of relationship would led to suspicion and insecurity, it seems many monogamish couples are highly trusting of each other.

9. Monogamish Couples Are Still Totally Committed To Each Other

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In thinking about this form of relationship, it may be easy to assume that monogamish couples are less committed to each other than monogamous couples. However, that’s simply not true.

Yes, monogamish couple have agree to open their relationship up in certain aspects, but emotionally they stay 100% committed to each other. Many monogamish couples still have the same goals, values, and passions as monogamous couples, but it’s just that they don’t believe they can sustain a relationship without a cravat, be it that they can flirt with others or that they can hookup with others.

The point is that when you hear a couple is monogamish, you shouldn’t assume they are any less committed to a future together than your typical monogamous couple. Many monogamish couples still plan to get married, buy a home, and have children.

8. Monogamish Couples May Still Get Jealous

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Hey, monogamish couples are only human, okay?

Monogamish couples are just like monogamous couples in that they can get jealous too. While they work out agreements and have many conversations to avoid jealousy, people can’t help how they feel. If they get jealous, they get jealous. However, it’s important that monogamish couples control said jealousy. Since they have agreed to the terms of the relationship, they have to embrace the new normal.

Onn the subject of jealousy, Dr. Kerner explained that many monogamish couples can feel specifically slighted if the terms of the agreement are broken. He states that monogamish couples “are much more anxious around breaches of trust. I’ve seen this… the slightest variation can be betrayal. They are vigilant about the terms of their (monogamish) agreement.”

In this way, monogamish couples may have their jealous manifest in making sure their partner is sticking to the agreement 100%. Whatever the case, monogamish couples are simply human and feel feelings, okay? Even if they trust their partner, they may get jealous from time to time.

7. They Don’t Consider It Cheating

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The hardest thing for monogamous people to wrap their heads around is the fact that monogamish couples don’t consider it cheating. Yes, even the monogamish couples who straight up sleep with other people don’t even consider that cheating. In fact, this is the case with many different forms of open relationships. As long as the tryst doesn’t violate the terms of the agreement, it’s not considered cheating.

On the other hand, if a partner did violate the agreement, that would then be considered infidelity and a violation of trust. This is why it’s so very important to completely spell out what’s okay and what’s not okay in great detail through an agreement. Otherwise, what one partner may consider cheating, another partner may not consider cheating.

As long as it’s in the agreement though, it isn’t considered cheating.

6. Monogamish Relationships Aren’t Necessarily Non-Traditional

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To be honest, monogamish relationships aren’t all that new. In fact, it seems like people have simply been being monogamish all while in monogamous relationships. Yes, we’re talking about cheating.

In over 1/3 of all marriages, someone has cheated. In a way, this is like engaging in a monogamish relationship… just without the other person knowing. In these 1/3 of all marriages, one could wonder if being in a monogamish relationship would have saved the partner from infidelity. And remember, monogamish relationships can simply be about flirting or kissing someone. So, could the freedom to just kiss someone else have kept the partner from sleeping with someone else? Well, maybe…

It’s important to note that if you’re feeling suffocated, your partner may be feeling the same way. Instead of completely straying, you have the option of opening up the relationship slightly, which may keep the relationship in tact. You should consider a monogamish relationship before cheating, as it’s a way to save your relationship from being destroyed by infidelity.

5. It’s Safe If You’re Safe

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The idea that people in monogamish or open relationships are at risk for STDs or STIs is completely untrue. Yes, they may have more sexual partners at any given time than someone in a completely monogamous relationship, but that doesn’t mean they are necessarily at risk for sexually-transmitted diseases or infections. In fact, if they use the proper protection, monogamish people will be safe from unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and STIs. These sorts of provisions are usually discussed by the monogamish couple when they talk about their monogamish agreement, as they would generally tell their partner of what levels of protection they’d like them to use in their other physical activities.

While monogamish couples may be hooking up with numerous people, it’s likely that these couples take extra precaution when it comes to safety, as they are well aware that their partner’s health would be at risk too.

4. You May Even Already Know Some Couples Who Are Monogamish

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Oddly enough, you may already know quite a few couples who are monogamish. Yes, seriously!

When a couple decides to be monogamish, it’s a decision between the two of them and the two of them alone. That said, one of your friends could be in a relationship that’s monogamish, but she’s simply decided to not tell you about this choice. And who could really blame her? We can all be a little judgmental when it comes to our friend’s relationships.

On that note, you should also consider the fact that you don’t have to tell your friends about your decision to be in a monogamish relationship. If the fear of them judging you is holding you back from being in a monogamish relationship, just know that you don’t have to tell them anything. You can be in a monogamish relationship without your friends knowing. And hey, who knows? Those friends who you’re afraid might judge you may already be in a monogamish relationship of their own.

3. No, It’s Not Exactly Monogamy

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Monogamy is generally defined as the practice of being committed to a singular person, both in an emotional sense and a physical sense. So basically, it’s The Notebook but in real life your boyfriend doesn’t look like Ryan Gosling. It’s the traditional relationship structure most of us know and love. However, there are some people who argue that monogamy is “unnatural,” as most animals don’t practice monogamy, but that’s actually untrue. In fact, beavers, wolves, swans, and penguins are among the few animals that are monogamous. So for all those monogamy haters, being monogamous can be a completely natural practice that even some animals do.

When it comes to being monogamish though, the monogamy thing is a grey area. Monogamish couples are said the be mostly monogamous with only a few exceptions. If that’s confusing, here’s some help: If you were going to plot where a monogamish couple falls on a scale from monogamous to polygamous, monogamish couples are said to fall much closer to monogamy. Though, it’s still not necessarily monogamy.

2. It’s Also Not Exactly Polygamy

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The idea of being monogamish may seem like it’s pretty much polygamy, but it’s really not at all. Polygamy is the practice of being in multiple relationships with multiple people at one time. Polygamy is illegal in the United States, as you cannot marry more than one person at a time. However, there is nothing technically illegal about engaging in serious relationships with multiple people, who are all aware of the situation, at one time.

While the idea of being monogamish may seem to some like polygamy, it’s not. Polygamy requires all parties to be in serious emotional relationships with each other. Even the sister-wives usually form close emotional relationships with each other. When it comes to being monogamish, the couple usually stays completely emotionally committed to each other and only goes outside the relationship for fleeting hookups or flirting. That’s a big difference from polygamy.

1. You Can Always Go Back To Monogamy If It’s Not For You

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If you’re afraid of engaging in a monogamish relationship because you don’t want to change your relationship forever, fear not. You can totally go back to a monogamous relationship. Deciding to become monogamish isn’t a life sentence. In fact, some couples may specifically decide to do it for a certain amount of time or until they hit a certain life milestone. For example, they may agree to be monogamish, but only until they have a baby together. Then, it’s back to monogamy. Like we said, there’s so many different ways to do monogamish relationships. That’s the beauty of it!

If you’re curious about monogamish relationships, give it a go! You can always go back to monogamy. Also, you can start small with simply being allowed to flirt with someone else or kiss someone else. And you can work your way up to larger freedoms. See? There are so many ways to do monogamish-ness. Also, saying “monogamish-ness” out loud is just plain fun, so there’s that too.

Sources: Trustify.info, Glamour.com

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