An Evolution Of The Kardashian Kristmas Kards

in Cringeworthy
An Evolution Of The Kardashian Kristmas Kards

We all know them, and we all either hate the absolute heck out of them or literally can’t wait to be surprised by their turn-out. Yes, we’re talking about the annual Kardashian family Christmas card. We all expect to be surprised every year when the picture on the card is revealed (which generally leads most of us to roll our eyes – with an exception of the 2015 card) on the level of narcissism the family happens to reach with each passing year. Usually, we can find that the family seems to surround itself around its most profitable member of the family (*cough, cough* Kim *cough*) from the mid-2000s up, but if you look back through the years, you notice that the “main” Kardashian looks just a tad out of place! Since we’re quickly approaching Christmas 2017 and the NEWEST Kardashian card, let us take a look at how they’ve all evolved in the past.

15. 1980s – A Very Ninja Christmas

1980s

See now THIS particular picture looks like every single one of your pictures from the holidays if you grew up in the 1980s like a majority of the Kardashian children did. I mean, they even seriously have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dressed up as Santa! (So a man dressing up as a fake turtle who dressed up like an old fat dude from the North Pole). Kourtney (bottom far right) looks like she’s rocking your typical 1980s bowl cut that parents liked to bestow heinously upon their children, while a young Kim is apparently dawning some pretty red lipstick that a young kid normally wouldn’t wear (she almost looks like the spitting image of her mom Kris there). Clearly, this was before all the fame and power kicked in.

14. Early 1990s – Too Cool For School

90s

Okay, the theme here clearly was “OMG, SANTA, WHAT A SURPRISE THAT YOU SHOWED UP FOR CHRISTMAS!” (this is probably because the entire family all appeared on Santa’s “naughty list”). I love how the boys on the bottom look either bored or appear to be begging for something (probably the end of the freaking shoot) while the girls just appear to be surprised. And, of course, since it’s the 1980s in Los Angeles, Santa is rocking a pair of Ray-Ban style sunglasses. Back then, I’m assuming that someone told Kris that “matching outfits” were so in fashion, hence the button down white man shirts, white pants, and green and red ties. You kinda have to wonder if they look back at this picture and cringe their eyes out, you know, just like we’re doing right now.

13. Mid 90s – Harley Phase

90s

Ah yes, this is when it looked like the entire family was WAAAYYY too into Beverly Hills, 90210, or just happen to be the absolute worst biker gang this side of Sons of Anarchy. Wow, I mean if you could bottle up all that was wrong with 90s fashion and shove it in front of a camera, this would be your shot. First of all, Rob Kardashian and momma Kris appear to be sporting the same exact haircut while Khloe’s hear almost look exactly the same as it does now (but less blonde, but just as high). Now let’s take a look at Kim, shall we? First of all, she’s sitting way apart from the rest of the family like she’s isolated in her own vanity, and she’s wearing a weird scowl like she and Kourtney got into some sort of argument. Or maybe she just foresaw her own future and realized that she would one day get too big for the family?

12. 1995 – Snooooze-Fest Picture

1995

Well, well, if it isn’t the formal introduction of Kendall Jenner (she’s that little baby right there who is actually practicing doing duck face already). And, wait… is that…. WHY YES IT IS! It’s Kim Kardashian’s original face before all the plastic stuff slammed head-first into it! And yes, your eyes aren’t deceiving you – poor Rob and Khloe are going through their “awkward” phases (one that Rob will eventually fall back into when in his adult years) – you know, the one that Kris will hold over Khloe’s head for the rest of her entire existence, driving Khloe to hit a whole bunch roadblocks in terms of her self-esteem. Oh, and of course, it wouldn’t be a Christmas card without the matching color scheme. They wanted all of LA to know that they were the perfect lily white family everyone dreams of.

11. 2006 – The Laguna Beach Years

2006

Man, you never actually see how tall Khloe is until you see this very themed Christmas card 11 years after the last one. Clearly, the theme of this card was “HEY EVERYONE, WE LIVE IN LOS ANGELES SO HERE’S A BEACH”. Was this around the same time that MTV’s Laguna Beach had invaded everyone’s lives and infected our minds? This photo card was actually released a year before Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiered on E! and a year before Kim and 2002-boyfriend Ray J released that very “famous” tape that helped put the entire family on the map. Around this time, Kim was still working for socialite Paris Hilton (her supposed BFF at the time). And of course, this was before Kylie did all that crap to her face.

10. 2007 – Cliche-Ville

2007

Ah, yes. Let’s talk about being massively cliché – but, then again, the Kardashian family aren’t really known to be an “original” bunch now are they? This photo was taken in black and white with the blowing kissy-faced family and sent out AFTER the show had finally premiered in October of 2007. As you can see, they’ve gone more glam thanks to their newfound popularity they gained when the show came out. Heck, even the message on the card was just as cliché as their “besos” faces: “Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away.” I mean, seriously? Isn’t there someone out there that said: “let’s be more daring and quote Carl Jung or something?”. Then again… I’m not sure the collective IQ of all the family members put together is very high.

9. 2008 – The Red Wedding

2008

One year after the premiere of their show, and we’re right back to the Sears-Looking Christmas card photo (although with more stylish clothing). As we can see here, Kim has blatantly become the center of the photo (even though Kris is literally standing in the center of the shot) thanks to her darker crimson dress and over-the-shoulder dramatic pose. The show had become increasingly popular by this time and it was all thanks to Kim’s budding popularity. As you can see here, while the cut and color of the dresses are spectacular, it almost looks like a very stylish wedding party with Kendall playing the role of Junior Bridesmaid and Kyle as the spunky little flower girl. And, as if you didn’t notice, Bruce (name at the time) is the only family member smiling.

8. 2010 – Kim… And The Rest of Them

2010

Ah yes, while the family decided to go a little more goth this particular Christmas, they at least decided to ditch the “suburban town mall” background and opted for the much grander staircase idea. While Kendall and Khloe chose to dress in colors with more flair (at least Kendall’s wrap is) it’s still Kim who stands out over everyone else thanks to her eye-catching, clinging, white gown. This was the start of the more “unconventional, basic” Christmas card era that the family was diving into. By 2010, Keeping Up with the Kardashians had become one of the highest rated reality TV shows and the press wanted everything Kardashian related (and yes, still thanks to Kim). Though this was the first picture Lamar Odom and Scott Disick had appeared in along with little Mason in his adorable suit.

7. 2011 – Nope, Not Vanity Fair

2011

And here we have the year they wanted to rip off a Vanity Fair Hollywood Edition cover. Of course, at this time we all know who is famously missing from this very picture: Kim’s ex-husband, NBA player Kris Humphries. Kim had married Kris August of 2011 after dating for a year and then filed for divorce in October of 2011. Yes, it was one of the shortest marriages of Kim’s life (oddly enough) so Kim opted to stand alone in all her fierceness during this shoot. Of course, the media frenzied around the family and called the entire marriage a gigantic media stunt. However, people were anxious to see if Kris would be included in their famous Christmas card (when, in all seriousness, they should’ve had their answer). Also notably absent from the card? Smiles.

6. 2012 – Confetti Time

2012

Oh goodness, and the white outfits are back. But what’s actually different this time? EVERYONE IS SMILING… oh, wait – spoke too soon. Thanks a crapload, Scott. Way to ruin the vibe. This particular picture doubled as both a Christmas card and a New Years Eve card considering the confetti and popping of the champagne bottles (I have more than a few questions about that cat in the box, but I suppose we don’t have time for that). As you can see here, both Kendall and Kylie are starting to come into their own a little more and growing up (and Kylie, yes, still has her old face which was the better face out of the two of them, in my opinion). Oh, and look! This is little Penelope’s first appearance on the family card!

5. 2013 – WTF?

I almost literally have no clue what’s even happening in this picture. They look like they were trying to pose for a pull-out album cover with their carnival theme and wild weirdness. Oh, and money symbols – if you’re the Kardashian family, you cannot forget money symbols and a background complete with magazine covers featuring their very faces. Also absent? The dudes. Except for Bruce, who was still, at the time, identifying as such so the world had thought (he’s the one trapped in, what appears to be, a weird water tank). We don’t even see little Mason in this shot (unless, I’m missing something, which can be absolutely possible since my eyes are overlooking a great deal in this very busy shot… oh, there he is, blending in with Khloe’s dress). Way to go overboard, ladies. As crazy as it is, it actually works for the chaotic family.

4. 2014 (NADA!)

Kim

This was one of the first times where the Kardashian/Jenner family chose not to put out a Christmas card – mainly because they were dealing with A LOT that year. At this time, the family was privately struggling with the media constantly hounding on what was going on with Bruce and his “changing” looks. The Kardashian family, at the time, chose not to talk about the fact that they were figuring out that Bruce was about ready to transition into a woman, but she would reveal that to the world until 2015. Both Bruce and Kris had decided to separate as Lamar and Khloe’s marriage begins to struggle publically as well. This was also the year that Kanye West proposed to Kim in the middle of AT&T Park (home of the San Francisco Giants) while her entire family hides in the dugout.

3. 2015 – Awwwww Worthy

2015

And here was have probably everyone’s favorite Kardashian Christmas card: one that doesn’t feature the Kardashian kids in any way! This year, Kim Kardashian’s daughter along with Kourtney’s children graced the Christmas card. It’s about time they stole the spotlight from their spotlighting loving parents. This happened to be the year that Bruce actually came out to the world, revealing that she’s a transgender woman and that she was now named Caitlyn. The famous family themselves had mixed reactions and instead of bringing in the divided family to pose for a Christmas card, they opted instead to feature the famous children of the famous sisters. And, you have to admit, it’s sooooo much better than any of the other posed cards. I mean, LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE FACES! No mistakes were made here.

2. 2016 (Nope, Nope, and Noooope)

Kris

2016 was one of the worst, rollercoaster-like years that the Kardashians have ever been through, especially Kim, who had been robbed at gunpoint in October of 2016. Understandably, the family stepped out of the spotlight for a time (especially during the holiday season). Also going on that year was Kanye’s mental breakdown, Kim calling out Taylor Swift via Snapchat, Rob Kardashian having a baby with Blac Chyna, Kylie’s break up with rapper Tyga, Khloe finalizing her divorce with Lamar Odom, and much, much more. So everyone could see why the Kardashian/Jenner family would want to take a break from the Christmas card love this very year. Although their fan base was quite disappointed, they completely understood. Heck, they were just glad to see Kim return to social media in January of 2017.

1. 2017 – What To Expect

Khloe

As we all know now, for the most part, the Kardashians are returning to their roots and are actually releasing another one of their famous group Christmas cards once again. The family was even spotted doing the photo shoot at Milk Studios a couple weeks ago. Jennifer Lawrence, an extreme fan of all things Kardashians, actually took over Jimmy Kimmel Live last week and interviewed Kim. “It’s making a return,” Kim said when Jennifer asked about the famous Christmas Cards. “You’re welcome… next week.” According to eyewitnesses, the family was wearing denim jackets. Spotted on the set were Khloe, Rob, Kris Kylie, Kris’ mom MJ, Kanye, North, Saint, Rob’s daughter Dream, and, of course, Mason, Penelope, and Reign. Absent from the shoot? Scott Disick. And we have to say we’re not too disappointed by that.

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