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16 Action Figures From The ‘90s That Literally Make No Sense

The 1990s were a weird decade. On one hand, we were experiencing a huge jump in innovation and technology, and on the other, we had weird trends like creepy toys, bowl cuts separated right at the center, walking around with huge boom boxes, and just overall pointless fashion. It was also the time of incredible and mind-blowing blockbusters that were inspiring children and adults alike.

The problem with the 1990s was just how inspiring and exciting everything was, leading to an even bigger need for... things. It was so much easier to sell things to people in the 90s, especially kids. Today, we take a look at 19 action figures from the 90s that were inspired from blockbusters, animation series and even games, that are just completely useless... and yet, so hard to resist!

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16 Snow Road Rage

via pinterest.com

Professional wrestling has always been one of those things that would attract young children. Many professional wrestlers start by acquiring a specific character profile or move that makes them distinct from others. Al Snow wasn't any different, and although it took him a few years, he finally got it right when he started playing a character driven insane by having to lose so much to other wrestlers.

Even though the gimmick turned out to be quite popular and define Snow's career, the toy ended up being pulled away from the shelves for being inappropriate and downright useless. Who would play with that?

15 Bob The Henchman

via cooltoyreview.com

The 1989 hit movie Batman was one of people's all-time favorites when it came down to superhero movies at the time. Fans enjoyed it for the action and its atmosphere. Toy companies began coming out with new action figures, namely of Batman and Joker. But an unexpected one was of Joker's henchman, a secondary character who was silently standing in the background most of the time— only proving his loyalty to Joker a couple of times before being shot by him in the end.

14 Friar Tuck (Robin Hood)

via ebay.com & mightyjabba.com

1991’s Robin Hood Prince of Thieves gave us some magnificent scenes. From the moment Kevin Costner as Robin Hood shot that fire arrow, to Alan Rickman chewing scenery, this movie earned himself some action figures to remember the movie. But the question remains: what kid is going to go out of their way to play with a toy of Friar Tuck.

13 Commando Dennis Nedry (Jurassic Park)

via retrojunk.com & pinterest.com

In Jurassic Park, the entire mess that lead to the movie in the first place was caused by Dennis Nedry, a computer geek that stole dinosaur embryos and sabotaged the system in order to do so, allowing the dinosaurs to get loose and end up causing a big mess. Remember him? Well, the action figure turns him into a tough hunter ready to either take over the world with his army of tiny dinosaurs or destroy them all on his own and save humanity. Plain weird.

12 Talking Mario

via smbmovie.com & pinterest.com

It's hard to meet anyone who doesn't adore the Super Mario franchise. It's such a nostalgic one, bringing some of the best memories of childhood, and yet when it was time to make a movie adaptation.... yikes. Super Mario Bros' movie was possibly one of the worst video game movies of all time and a complete flop, so why it was decided to create an action figure complete with Bob Hoskins' voice (the actor who played Mario) is completely beyond me.

11 Real World Neo & Trinity

via pinterest.com

The iconic movie The Matrix revolutionized sci-fi movies of the early 00s and many characters became fan favorites. Characters like Neo or Trinity were bound to have their own action figures so fans could have fun replicating the action-packed scenes of the movie, but it turns out they decided to make "real world" versions of Neo and Trinity— the boring counterparts of Neo and Trinity in the Matrix. Dull, that's what it is.

10 Super Breath Superman

via toywiz.com & pinterest.com

Superman Returns wasn't the hit it was anticipated to be, but that didn't stop toy companies from making action figures of Superman. Superhero action figures sold a lot so it was only natural. But taking Supes' "super breath" and turning it into an action that the toy would recreate in a motionless fashion was a very bad idea. Imagine the jokes...

9 Mighty Car

via thedad.com & pinterest.com

The A-Team was an iconic TV series a few decades ago and it brought us amazing characters such as B.A. and Murdock. Could action figures of these characters actually go wrong? Yes. That's a challenge that was accepted and brought to life. Taking Mr. T and turning him into an abomination was exactly what was done here. Who in their right mind would want a mutant Mr. T merged with a van and armed with an axe and machine gun?

8 Aunt May

via geektyrant.com

How could they do Aunt May like that? Turning this sweet, lovable character into what looks like an old man posing as Spider-Man's aunt is a total sin. Why does she look like that? The hands bigger than the head, the face that looks like Jim Carrey in The Mask, and the badly sewed clothes make for a terrible toy.

7 Farmer Michelangelo

via pinterest.com

Michelangelo looks like he retired from a life of action and pizza and is now stuck regretting his horrible decisions. What is arguably one of the most beloved Ninja Turtles, Michelangelo simply didn't deserve this baffling depiction of his character in a farming environment. Who here ran out of ideas?

6 First Mate Robin

via collectors.com & emperordinobotsbatmen.blogspot.com

Forever in the shadows of Batman, Robin is a character that doesn't have much time or means to shine alongside one of DC's most beloved superheroes. However, when you make an action figure of Robin dressed up as a pirate and call it "First Mate," you insult the character even further.

5 Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos

via pinterest.com & actionfiguresandcomics.com

Let's face it, Karate Kommandos wasn't the most beloved or admired animated series of the 80s and 90s, was it? It's not a series anyone thinks of when remembering what they watched on TV as kids, and yet, an action figure came out depicting Chuck Norris as the red-headed ninja from the show. Even back then, it certainly wasn't any child's first choice.

4 Don, Undercover Turtle

via tmnttoys.com

This is one of those action figures that everyone had but no one really thought much of or even remembers playing with. It was just... there. With a creepy, nervous smile that makes it look as if Donatello is spying on someone but knows pretty well he isn't doing a good job of it, this action figure deserves a spot... in a cardboard box, forgotten in the basement.

3 Biker Mice From Mars

via youtube.com (Ahra's Reviews)

It came out before the turn of the century and was just plain weird - of course, we're talking about the toy line Biker Mice From Mars, a weak rip-off of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but with mice riding colored bikes and showcasing muscle and leather vests. Question is: does anyone even remember the TV show?

2 Most X-Force Figures

via mercadolibre.com

Back in the 90s, superhero action figures were the ones that made most money, especially X-Men ones. Of course, new versions of X-Men kept pouring out, and the crazier, the better. They became so extreme that they became a whole line of what was called "X-Force," or X-Factor toys. Toys like Grizzly, Cable, Kane, Forearm, etc, were total abominations and why kids had them pilling up is beyond me.

1 Shape Shifter Punisher

via zimbio.com

Now that's just inappropriate... Throughout the 90s, ToyBiz was a company that pushed to the market a number of action figures based on the Marvel universe. Later on, they moved on to gimmick toys, action figures that would come with guns and other objects. A popular trend among toys was Shape Shifters: superheroes that would transform into or merge with other things such as animals, weapons, etc. However, this specific Punisher toy had a projectile in a rather unfortunate place...

Sources: mercadolibre.com, thethings.com, geektyrant.com

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