There’s an enormous amount of pressure that comes with a first date. Under the stress of trying to come off as cool, impress our date, and work out how we feel about them at the same time, we can sometimes unknowingly act in ways that portray us in a negative light. And the bad news is not everyone gives out second chances.
Sometimes, mistakes we make on a first date can end up being total deal-breakers, even if they’re not truly indicative of who we are. To find out what the general consensus is on what constitutes a deal-breaker on a first date, we did what any sound-minded person would do: consult Reddit.
Check out these 20 behaviors that are complete deal-breakers on the first date.
It’s never good form to bring up the ex on the first date. Reddit user Dlbruce0107 agrees with this, and specifies that it’s even worse if your date brings up an ex “more than once.”
Talking about the ex so soon strongly suggests that a person is still not over what happened.
This is a no-brainer, and common among Reddit users. Being rude to the staff exposes what kind of character you have, and it isn’t a very nice one.
You have to be nice to your date if you want to impress them, but there’s no obligation to be nice to the staff. Therefore, how nice you are is a testament to your character.
Bad table manners were a turn off 50 years ago, and they’re still a turn off now. Tacosmoothie admits that the worst thing someone can do on the first date is “chewing with their mouth open.”
This might not bother every single person out there, but it’s commonly regarded as a deal-breaker.
Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not cool to be late. Thisisathrowaway4cat took to Reddit to explain that tardiness is a huge deal-breaker.
“Dude showed up half an hour late. He did tell me he would be late when I got there, but then told me he’s always late to everything.”
It can be difficult to resist talking about yourself on a first date. There’s the pressure to impress the other person, and sometimes there can be awkward silences to fill.
But according to many Reddit users, only talking about yourself without asking questions about the other person isn’t a smooth move.
Being too dramatic on the first date can leave a bad taste in the mouth. Reddit user apathyontheeast admits that it’s a turn-off when a date makes “a really big deal about something really small.”
The user went on to explain that being a drama queen or king shows your date that the two of you have “inherently different priorities.”
Talking badly about other people, whether they deserve it or not, always ends up making you look like the bad guy. Many users agree that this is bad form, especially on a first date.
“A little is fine if you’re telling a story,” says one user, who’s since deleted their account. “But too much and I assume you’re a drama llama.”
A first date might not be the best place to vent about all your problems, or to complain about your life.
Reddit user petgreg says that it’s a total deal-breaker when a date has a victim’s mentality: “Blaming others in general. ‘The world is out to get me’ is such a turn-off.”
If you’re feeling nervous, you’re probably tempted to bring along your bestie to your date and have them sit inconspicuously behind you to support you from the next table.
But if your date catches on that the person who keeps looking over is actually your best friend, it’s a deal-breaker for a lot of people on Reddit.
This is a given. A few users on Reddit feel like watching their date mistreating an animal would be the biggest deal-breaker of all time. For Lavrentiiy, love interests get bonus points if they’re animal people.
“My current partner would pause in conversation to point out dogs and ask the owner if he could pet them. Double gold star from me.”
Chemistry is something you don’t really have any control over, but many people feel that if there’s no chemistry between them and a date the first time they meet, there’s no point in meeting up again.
“ … if the conversation dies down after every attempt because neither is really interested in the same stuff whatsoever, it’s not going to work,” explains Daealis.
There’s a subtle line between arrogance and confidence, but if you cross it, you could end up turning off a potential love interest. Generally speaking, bragging should be kept to an absolute minimum on the first date.
For many Reddit users, and people in the real world, modesty is far more attractive.
Unfortunately, we do get judged on what we wear to a first date. “This is bad… but like… their shoes,” admits toodaloohi. “If you roll up with running shoes (and I’m not talking athleisure style) I’m like… NOPE.”
For further reference, this user also finds “slip-on dad loafers” and “puffy skate shoes” unacceptable.
It only makes sense that your date is going to be confused, and probably turned off, if you end up looking different in person from the profile picture you posted of yourself online.
“I once met a guy who misrepresented himself big time,” says iheartpenguins2. “He was about 10 years older and 100 pounds heavier than I expected. Why do people even do this?”
Reddit users tend to be divided on whether or not the responsibility falls on the guy to pay the bill, but most agree on one thing: a girl “not even offering to split the bill” is a deal-breaker.
Even if the guy ends up paying, the fact that the girl expects him to makes her seem a teensy bit entitled.
Some people fall into the trick of trying too hard to play it cool when they go on a date. But according to Reddit user huuaaang, it’s much more promising if the date is actually excited to be there.
“If she says something like ‘Don’t mind me, I’m just tired.’ Yup, she’s disappointed. Might as well just cut our losses now.”
A lot of people are glued to their phones during every waking moment. If that’s you, it might be an idea to put all the devices away and give your full attention to your date.
It’s only manners, and a lot of users agree that spending too much time on your phone is a deal-breaker.
There are certain rules people try to follow regarding contact after the first date. They try to predetermine who’s going to text first and how long they’re going to wait to call and that kind of thing.
But that’s a turn-off to tricks_23, who believes it’s a deal-breaker “if there’s a demand of ‘well you should text me first’ or something similar.”
It can be really tricky to carry the conversation smoothly on the first date. There are bound to be a few awkward moments, but still, you have to do something to drive the conversation.
“I could carry a conversation with myself underwater,” says pcnub1234, “but I want some back and forth with a potential partner.”
It’s a deal-breaker for many people if their date has different tastes from them. “If he’s a conservative or listens to country music, it’s a big no from me,” says _kaetee.
This one is out of your control. But if you do like country music, there are bound to be people out there who will love you for it. You just have to find them!