Confidence and self-belief are important traits in all humans—they give us the nerve to pursue what we want in life, stand up for ourselves when we’re faced with adversity, and to get up again after we’ve fallen down. Without a foundation of self-assurance, it’s easy to crumble under the slightest pressure, whoever you are.
Insecurity plagues many people and can lead to behaviors that cause problems within a relationship. Those who are insecure tend to feel the need to drag the people in their lives down to their level with insults and backhanded compliments, and can’t stand to see those around them succeed.
While being insecure can lead to problematic behavior like this, it can also result in allowing yourself to be treated poorly, simply because you don’t think that you deserve (or can get) any better. The cliché paints the picture of the insecure woman staying with the man who doesn’t treat her right, and not all people realize that it can also be the other way around.
What a man will and won’t accept in a relationship might be influenced by many things, but one of them is more than likely how insecure he is, and how much confidence he has. Do you recognize any of these behaviors in your man?
16An Insecure Guy Would Be Okay With Having His Dreams Crushed
When somebody is insecure, they might find it hard to stand up for themselves when others try to drag them down. An insecure person might abandon their dreams and the things they want in life if somebody who’s important to them, like their partner, tells them that it’s not a good idea.
While a confident guy would be more inclined to follow his dreams and pursue the things he wanted, no matter what anybody had to say about it, an insecure guy might be too scared to go against advice given to him, even when it’s illogical. The same goes for any other opinions he has—he could change his preferences, likes and dislikes and even beliefs and morals according to what his partner feels.
15A Secure Guy Couldn't Handle Not Being A Priority To You
Those in healthy relationships tend to make each other a priority. Being in love might not be about sacrificing yourself for another person and allowing someone to walk over you like a rug by the bathroom door, but it is about remembering the needs of the person you love and making a commitment to look out for them. If you’re with a man who’s confident within himself and knows what he deserves, he more than likely won’t stand for being forgotten about or neglected.
Somebody who’s more insecure might not speak up if they’re not made a priority by their partner. They might think they’re lucky to have any partner at all, and don’t want to push their luck by speaking up about things like that. But a secure person would expect to be made to feel important by the other person, and they would be willing to return to the favor.
14Lying To An Insecure Guy Probably Won't Result In A Massive Fight
Many people say that lying in a relationship is their deal-breaker, but the reality is a lot of relationships involve little white lies that people tend to overlook. Bigger lies that end up causing significant consequences are a major problem in most relationships, but when you’re an insecure person, you’re more likely to put up with them than if you possessed more self-confidence.
A lot of it comes down to accepting what would be unacceptable for most people because you don’t think you deserve anything more. A secure man or woman would be more likely to call their partner out on their lies and make it clear that they won’t stand for that kind of behavior, whereas an insecure person could just put up with it, even though deep inside they want to say something.
13If He's Secure Within Himself, He Won't Appreciate You Being Obsessive Or Clingy
Clinginess and obsession often shows that one person in the relationship has an unhealthy view of the other. While being overwhelmed by emotion is a symptom of love (particularly in the early days!), it’s not healthy or a wise idea to get attached to your partner to the point of needing them to live your day-to-day life. When an obsession develops, and you get to the stage where you’re clinging on to your partner, a reasonably minded person would be inclined to say something.
This is the right thing to do because if you do love your significant other, you point out when they’re being inappropriate or acting in ways that are harmful to themselves and others in the long run. An insecure guy might not speak up, but a secure one probably would.
12Insecurity Makes People Okay With Cheating Because They Think They Don't Deserve Better
Those who have never cheated, been cheated on or had anything to do with infidelity might wonder why people who have been cheated on stay in the relationships they’re in. Each couple is different, and while most people believe being unfaithful is unacceptable, some find some way of justifying what happened and end up staying with that person. We’re not here to judge those people, but we do know that many people who stay in unfaithful relationships might be dealing with insecurity issues.
Not only do they believe that they deserved to be cheated on, but they might also presume that if they left their current partner, they’d never find another. A fear of being alone or single can also fall under the umbrella of being insecure, and often they’d rather stay in an unhappy relationship than brave it out on their own.
11A Secure Guy Won't Stand For You Not Treating His Family Right
For most people, their family is a priority. Some cultures are more family-orientated than others, but it would be pretty odd in most communities to come across someone who didn’t care about their immediate family members at all. So unless there’s some pressing reason, most guys who know how to stand up for themselves won’t sit around and watch their family be disrespected, even if the disrespect comes from someone they love.
On the other hand, an insecure guy might not have the spine to stand up to someone who’s been treating his family poorly, even though he disagrees with what’s happening internally. But if a man is confident and knows what his morals are, he’ll more than likely have something to say about that behavior.
10Destructive Behavior Is Tolerated Only When A Person Is In Need Of Strength And Confidence
When you think of someone sticking around in an abusive relationship because they can’t find the confidence or strength to leave, your mind probably immediately paints the picture of a woman. While the struggle of women against domestic violence and other forms of destructive behavior needs more attention, and should not be minimized or ignored, it’s a mistake to think that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to men too. Males can also find themselves in emotionally and physically abusive relationships, and often, they’re not taken as seriously when they do find the courage to seek help.
Whoever you are, walking away from that kind of relationship does take strength and bravery, so one of the reasons why a man might stay in those conditions is that he is struggling with finding those traits within himself.
9Constant Cheating Accusations And A Lack Of Trust Won't Sit Well If He's Secure Within Himself
For many, cheating is an unforgivable act. It’s the ultimate betrayal, a complete breach of trust and ends up hurting the relationship so much that it can’t ever recover. Cheating accusations aren’t seen in nearly as negative a light, but they are also destructive to the trust within a relationship. Constantly being accused of being unfaithful is a slap in the face if you’ve never given your partner reason to suspect anything, and shows that all the good work you’ve put in to gain their trust has gone to waste.
That’s why a confident person isn’t likely to put up with continuous cheating accusations for long. It might not result in a break up like actual cheating would, but a person who’s secure would still want to have a conversation about getting that behavior to stop.
8An Insecure Man Could Be Manipulated And Choose Not To See It
In the beginning, it can be hard to see when you’re being manipulated. But as time goes on, you should find that things don’t add up, are getting worse rather than better, and the people who truly support you in your life are questioning what’s going on. At that point, someone who’s confident and sure of themselves would perhaps do some investigating and try to put a stop to what’s happening. An insecure person, on the other hand, would find it easier to stay in the dark.
Generally speaking, people who are confident are harder to manipulate because they tend to question things more. They say something if things don’t seem right, and don’t just believe what they want to believe, even if it’s the easiest thing to do.
7Refusing To Pull Your Weight In The Relationship Would Annoy Anyone Who Has Some Self-Respect
For both people to be happy in a relationship, both people need to pull their weight. That goes for actual effort toward making the relationship work—including planning dates, making times to catch up, buying gifts etc.—but it also goes for life as partners. A self-respecting man probably won’t be cool with his partner not contributing in some way and letting him do all the work.
It’s up to each couple how they like to divvy up the responsibilities. Traditionally, women have taken care of the household and men have brought home the money. Some relationships prefer it the other way round, and many like to split the household chores because they split bringing home an income. An insecure person might be okay with taking care of the house, the bank account, the kids and everything else while the other lazes around, but a confident person wouldn’t.
6An Insecure Guy Would Be Okay With Always Taking The Blame And Saying Sorry, Even When He's Right
Someone who always has to be right might find it hard to settle into a relationship unless of course, they’re with someone who’s a little bit insecure, and a little bit scared of them. When you love someone, you should want the fighting to be over as soon as possible and should admit you’re wrong when you are and forgive them when they are. But an overbearing person can never admit when they’re wrong, and usually, an insecure person lets them get away with it.
If he always says sorry first even when he’s right, it could be because he’s too afraid to stay in an argument. If he accepts the blame for things he didn’t do wrong, it might be a sign that he doesn’t want to make you mad, and doesn’t know how to stand up for himself.
5Threats And Games Have No Space In The Life Of A Secure Man
It’s never fun to be tangled up in mind games with someone you love. A partner who plays games with you on the regular, making you question them and yourself probably doesn’t have your best interests at heart, and might be dealing with a few of their own issues relating to insecurity. It’s easier to play those games with someone who doesn’t know how to stand up for themselves and demand better treatment because a confident person would put a stop to it sooner rather than later.
Threats shouldn’t be part of a loving relationship, and those who believe in their own self-worth know that. Generally, they won’t stand for being threatened, blackmailed or on the receiving end of any manipulative and unacceptable behavior like that.
4If He's Insecure, He Might Not Call You Out When You Constantly Belittle Him
Frequently belittling a person and making them feel inferior constitutes emotional manipulation and bullying, and has no place in a relationship. While a confident person who knows what they deserve is aware of this, and probably wouldn’t stand for it, someone who’s less confident could brush it off as a joke and put up with it for a long time.
Ironically, this kind of behavior can end up shattering the little confidence that a person once had, and reducing them to feeling insecure and vulnerable. It’s hard to put a stop to emotional manipulation like this after a while because it’s hard to build up your confidence one someone has hacked away at it for long enough. And although this behavior is often passed off as a joke, it isn’t funny and can cause serious problems to a person’s self-esteem.
3A Secure Guy Wouldn't Criticize Your Appearance And Would Expect You Not To Do It To Him
A person who is confident doesn’t do the whole body-shaming thing. If they accept the way they look and are proud of it, they’re not likely to sit back and let somebody else attack that part of them. If you tried to do this with a person who knows his own self-worth and the way he deserves to be treated, he would probably call you out on it quickly and let you know that it’s not cool.
In the same way, a person who’s secure with the way they look doesn’t usually feel the need to tear down other people so they have company down at their sad and insecure level. So if a guy is confident, he shouldn’t be picking on your body and trying to make you feel ashamed of it either (unless he’s just a jerk).
2An Insecure Guy Might Let You Use Him For His Money Because He Thinks He Has Nothing Else To Offer
It’s fine to spoil your significant other if you’re in the financial position to do so. But spoiling and being bled dry are two very different things, and a confident man wouldn’t stand for the latter. It’s fairly easy to tell whether somebody is just sticking around for your money or not, and if they are, anybody with a little self-respect would put a stop to it.
But an insecure guy might be less inclined to do so because again, he thinks that he won’t be able to find anybody who doesn’t treat him that way. Having money doesn’t necessarily translate to confidence, so he might believe that his money is all he has to offer, and he can’t expect potential love interests to want anything more from him.
1If He Has Self-Confidence, He Won't Be Okay With You Denying The Relationship In Public
There are a few reasons why somebody might not want to take their relationship public. As long as that’s a mutual decision that both parties have discussed and are okay with, that’s fair enough. But it isn’t fair if one person is kept in the dark about it, and the reasons behind the decision are purely selfish.
If you refuse to acknowledge your partner in public because you want to give the illusion that you’re still single, or you’re embarrassed by him, he won’t take it well if he has any self-respect or confidence. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, and he would know that if he has those qualities. By comparison, an insecure guy would just be grateful that he has a partner, even if he can’t show it in public.
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