If you started dating your significant other in either high school or college, you want to believe that you’ll have a fairytale ending to your courtship: You want to believe you’ll end up married and live happily ever after. But, the harsh reality is, that chances are it won’t end up so sweetly. Especially if you avoid all the warning signs. Sometimes, if you’re together with someone for so long, you grow to love the COMFORT of that relationship and not necessarily the person you’re actually supposed to be IN LOVE with. And while yes, that massively sucks, you need to pay close attention to the glaring signs that are trying to mow you down in warning. Here are 8 signs that you WILL get that fairytale ending with your college sweetie and 8 signs you need to walk away quick, fast, and in a hurry.
16 Marry: You Both Are Constantly Bragging About Each Other
When other people are around you and your college sweetness, everyone is constantly saying “awwwww”. You’re literally the “Marshall and Lilly” (via How I Met Your Mother) of your circle of friends and you have been since graduating college. Sure, you may be a little too gushy when it comes to talking about each other, but your friends have grown used to it. It’s not unusual whenever someone catches you talking up your significant other who also happens to be your best friend. You put them on a pedestal, and the world knows. And they do the same exact thing for you. The words that often come spilling out of your mouth are ones of praise and admiration – something that hasn’t dwindled with each passing year. In fact, it’s just gotten more intense the longer you two are together.
15 Nope: You Both Talk Behind Each Other’s Backs
Want a clear-cut sign that your relationship with your college “sweetie” won’t last another few months? Well, you’re already seriously bored with each other so, in order to start drama, you turn your relationship into an unofficial sequel to Mean Girls. That’s right, you start gossiping ABOUT each other BEHIND each other’s backs to your friends. You’ve both come to a point in your relationship that you actually look forward to gossiping about him to your friends – and all bad crap (never the good… if there’s any good left in your relationship) – instead of actually spending time with them. And what’s worse is if you actually find out they’re doing the same about you, you begin to project and act hurt and angry in order to make them feel guilty. Yep, you’re headed for Doomsville if you keep all that up, Regina George.
14 Marry: He Loves Your Cats
It’s rare these days when I stumble upon a man who actually prefers cats over dogs in terms of domestic pets in the household. That’s not saying much since I’m a dog person myself and tend to be attracted to men who are the same. But once in a blue moon, I’ll stumble upon a cat dude, and I’m always thrown for a loop. However, if you’re with a guy (who happens to be a dog person) and he actually has grown to love your cats, even if they’re stupid temperamental, then he’s in it for the long run. Heck, he’s already put up with you and your cats since college, so you know he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. And this should be quid-pro-quo here if he’s a dog person. If he puts in the effort with your feline friends, you need to do the same with Rover. And if you love him, you’re already besties with the pooch.
13 Nope: Calls You “That Crazy Cat Witch”
Once upon a time, when you first started dating right after midterms, your boyfriend came by in order to meet Fluffy. Yes, that Fluffy who simply hissed at him and darted out of the room, never to be seen by him again. That was the first and last time they ever met and he’s been bitter about it since and hasn’t attempted another meet-and-greet. I guarantee that THAT won’t improve with time, especially if your cat hates him with a burning passion of one thousand hate flames. If they have that certain hate relationship, he’s probably tried to swat at your cat a few times when you weren’t paying attention. If the cat never warms up to the boy, then there’s a reason for it. And you KNOW it’s done if you’ve made an effort to become a dog person and he still cringes when it comes to your cat.
12 Marry: You Love Each Other’s Families
This always USED to be a biggy – but not so much for millennials in this day and age. The old saying goes that if you marry someone, you’re marrying their entire family so you better learn to get along – even if it’s only for major holidays and such. However, if you’ve been with your boo for a long while now and have met each others’ families on more than one occasion and realize HOLY CRAP, YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THESE PEOPLE, you might be hearing wedding bells in the near future. Believe it or not, it’s actually refreshing to see your S.O. actually get along well with your parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, and that one crazy uncle that always seems to show up for Thanksgiving even though you don’t know if you’re actually related to him or not. It means it will be harmonious in the future.
11 Nope: He And Your Brother Got Into A Fist Fight Last Thanksgiving
Like I said before, you two not being in love with each other’s families isn’t a deal breaker, but if it actually turns violent, you may want to take that as a glaring warning sign. So you thought it was rather embarrassing when your college sweetheart got a tad too drunk last Thanksgiving and challenged your older brother to a fist fight when he insulted his quarterback while watching football during the meal. And what’s even more embarrassing is that your brother took him up on his challenge and actually knocked over a couple of side tables and accidentally broke the dog’s tail. But it’s time to actually put your foot down if IT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Your boyfriend clearly hates your family and vice-versa, so much so that you can tell there will be a beat down if the two meet at your wedding. Yikes.
10 Marry: You Two Love The Same Shows/Movies
It’s always amazing when the person that you’re dating actually loves (and I mean genuinely loves – he’s not just watching Gilmore Girls to get on your good side or get into your pants that night) the same shows and/or movies that you do. What does that mean? It means you two can veg out for hours upon hours and binge watch all two seasons of Stranger Things in one sitting or even set an entire week aside to binge on Game of Thrones together. It’s like literally being super lazy with each other while also hyping up your own spectacular taste in cinema. Though, while it seems like perfect harmony if you two like ALL the same shows, you may want to switch it up every now and then and find new shows that you can hate together as well. Because yes, totally Mystery Science Theater 3000’ing bad shows together can be hilarious as well.
9 Nope: He Watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Okay, I’m gonna be bias here… because I can: I can’t stand the reality show Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I just think it’s mind-numbingly ridiculous on about 46 different levels and refuse to fry my brain while watching a bunch of rich people complain about different things to each other. Now, while I think that personally, many, many, many, MANY people think otherwise and love the show. Kudos to them. However, if I’m with someone, chances are I’m with them because we have similar tastes. If I’m dating someone and I discover he’s a fan of the Kardashians, I’ll think it’s actually cute at first. However, if he watches it obsessively and constantly finds ways to bring up Kim and Khloe’s latest antics for pillow talk, I’m walking. Oh, and I’m telling all his friends about his obsession too.
8 Marry: You Both Love Each Other’s Crazy
Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING feels better than knowing that your significant other, whom you’ve been with for a long time, adores your crazy still after all these years. Now, we’re talking about toned down “crazy” – not the “I once set my house on fire because my parents grounded me” crazy that you come across every now and then when it comes to both men and women. Nope, I’m talking about the weird little quirks that would annoy a regular person or your obsessive-compulsive habits or even your tricky bad habits (if he still finds it enduring that you leave wet towels all over the bathroom floor, you need to marry him NOW). If he still puts up with all your crazy after all these years and STILL loves you fiercely, you two will end up riding everything out until the very end.
7 Nope: Unless That “Crazy” Is “You Both Tried To Kill Each Other In Your Sleep” Type Crazy
Now let’s take a step back and address that other sort of “crazy” shall we? So you’ve known since college that both you and your sweetie have really short fuses and seem to fly off the handle at every little small bump in the road. That’s NOT good, especially when the two of you are together. It’s like the merging of two chemicals that are able to possibly cause an explosion in the lab and destroy everything in their path. While this might seem somewhat appealing in the beginning of the relationship (because the drama makes for interesting bedroom play), once you enter adulthood and want to start a family, this can only mean appending doom is in the horizon. Two people like this should NEVER EVEN CONSIDER GETTING MARRIED unless one of you wants to end up all murdered within the first year of the marriage.
6 Marry: You Both Fight Fair
Fighting fair with your significant other shows signs of maturity on many different levels. If you both start to notice that, after college, if you’re still together, your fights become more about “grown-up” things and not just about if one of you wants to go to an all-night kegger while the other just wants to stay in and relax. The fights become more complex because they’re about real life things now that can affect both of your futures: fights surrounding bills, religion, any possible future children, heavy stuff like that. It’s always best if your partner and you are able to fight fairly and not attempt to undermine each other at every possible turn. This is a sign of adulthood and stability in a relationship. You actually LISTEN to each other during arguments and take into account the other person’s point of view. This is healthy.
5 Nope: Your Fights Involve The Cops
Yep, this is never good. So you thought it was cool the first time you and your college sweetheart appeared on the show Cops. It was awesome and you told all your friends and family about it, that’s nice. You know what’s not nice? Appearing on it the next three times you two manage to get into a fight. Sure, he may not lay a hand on you, but you two fight so loud and long that the neighbors become involved… which then involve the cops. This is never a good thing, and I don’t want to hear that whole “but we’re passionate” thing. Because hardcore fighting all the time isn’t healthy, I don’t care if it leads up to hardcore making up. It just means there’s no ounce of compromise between the two of you, and the only fireworks you tend to see is if you two are at each other’s throats.
4 Marry: Neither Of You Is Selfish In Bed
When it comes to bedroom play, both of you like to please the other and have fun – it’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s a mutual enjoyment. When you’re in a relationship, especially a comfortable one, one or both people in the relationship might start to get lazy when it comes to being intimate. It happens, we all know it happens yet we don’t like to talk about it (which makes it worse, in my opinion). However, if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and actually TALK about your relations in that department and are open and honest about it, you’re in it for the long term. If someone is unsatisfied in the bedroom and the other person doesn’t even care, that means the relationship is coming to the end of the road.
3 Nope: Bedroom Play Is a Competition
So he’s selfish in bed? And when he’s selfish, you just think, “well, hell – I should be too”? Okay, you both have problems. If no one cares remotely about the other person when it comes to bedroom play and you’ve been together for a long time, it’s about time you part ways. People who are in loving relationships actually care about the other person during their most intimate time – because that’s when people are at their most vulnerable. And what’s worse is if one person in the relationship makes it one giant competition (intimacy, that is) and are only in there to help themselves out – not even really thinking about the other person. Hey, there’s a way to do that ON YOUR OWN, so don’t do it in a relationship where there are TWO people involved in the bedroom.
2 Marry: You Make Each Other Laugh Constantly
Humor is literally the first thing I look for in a relationship. Sure, looks are the first thing I physically see, but if they don’t have a good sense of humor or are relatively dull, I bolt. I want to be with someone who can make me laugh at the drop of a hat and keep me laughing and smiling for hours after the fact. If they can do that, they immediately become the best looking person in the entire world to me, and they’re really all I see. Same goes both ways for men (at least men with substance). If you’re in a relationship for a long time and you both are still able to make each other laugh so hard that whatever you’re drinking comes out of your nose, you’re bound to get married and never part.
1 Nope: You Laugh AT Each Other Constantly
Okay, it’s one thing to laugh WITH someone, but it’s another thing altogether to laugh AT someone. So Billy Joel once blurred these lines when he sang about a woman in the song “Always a Woman” (I believe the lyric goes “she can carelessly cut you and laughs while you’re bleeding”), but let me tell you, if I cut a dude and laugh at him while he bleeds out, he’s not going to be too thrilled or want to stay with me in the long term. If you find that you two get more of a kick laughing AT each other instead of with each other the longer you’re together, you might want to throw in the towel, because it will only get worse. If this is the case, the laughter will eventually stop altogether and you’ll just end up hating each other. Sigh. Sad but true.