Whenever we get into a brand new relationship, things are vibrant and exciting, but also a little scary (in a good way depending on what type of girl you are). While we’re in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, our love goggles are clearly still firmly in place so some actions of your significant other are glazed over at first. However, what happens AFTER the honeymoon phase helps determine what sort of woman you are: Secure or Insecure. Surely you’ve already figured this out (hopefully) before jumping into a new relationship, but if you haven’t there are particular things that an insecure woman lets a man do in a relationship as opposed to a secure woman. Here are 7 things an insecure woman would let a man do and 8 things that a secure woman would NEVER let him do.
An Insecure Woman…
15. Allows Him To Keep Her In The Dark
Insecure women rarely ask questions of the significant other’s whereabouts or goings-on if the guy doesn’t offer up the information right off the bat. This could possibly steam from a previous time you asked him a simple question about his day and he kept it short or snapped at you in a fit of anger. Because he knows you won’t ask questions, he won’t offer up the answers and keep sneaking about doing God knows what. An insecure woman will let this go on throughout the entire relationship because the guy knows that he can easily shut you back down if he’s angry. Trust is the essence of a relationship and without it, everything can unravel so easily, but an insecure woman doesn’t see or understand this and will remain in the dark because that’s where she feels safest. She worries that if she knows the truth, her world will shatter.
14. Win Every Argument
For the life of me, I can not fathom how women could let a dude she’s in a relationship with win every single argument just for the sake of keeping the peace. How about, NOOOOOO way in utter hell. I’ve dated my fair share of argumentative individuals and I never go down without a proper fight (helps that I’ve been in and out of relationships with lawyers). An insecure woman, on the other hand, won’t want to cause waves and chooses to let her partner win every single fight in order to appease him and keep him happy. But is he really happy (knowing men… yeah, he probably is)? Not everyone likes a passive woman unless he’s a really crappy guy on the inside. If you’re insecure, you need to argue back otherwise you’ll never have a say in the relationship. Everything is supposed to be 50-50 when it comes to compromise.
13. Belittle Her In Front of People
This is one big, fat “no-no”. NO ONE should take ANYBODY belittling them in a public venue (or a private one in front of just your friends and/or family). I had a sister who did this on a normal basis while growing up and it drove me batty and messed with my self-esteem. Imagine a person you actually think you love doing this in front of people who actually care for you. Normally, a secure woman would stomp that man dead in front of everyone – she doesn’t give a crap, a man would NEVER do that to a secure woman or else she’ll turn right around and put him in his place HARD. Yet an insecure woman will allow it and if she allows it more than once, it’s never going to end.
12. Walk All Over Her
Passive women are insecure women who are very easy to manipulate. If a man senses this and he’s not a decent person, he will use it and abuse it. He will proceed to walk all over you while you just quietly sit there and let him. This can be fear based (and you should never be in a relationship where the other person scares you to the point where you literally fear physical violence) or that you were so burned in a former relationship for being too aggressive and you simply just decide to slum it this time around. Either way, it’s bad. If you allow him to walk all over you, you’ll never end up being secure later on and it will scar you for life, therefore affecting all your relationships after the fact.
11. Allow Him Avoid Confrontation
You tend to see this with any man, doesn’t matter if you’re secure or insecure – some men just can’t stand confrontation (and women too) and will do anything and everything to avoid it, including lying. We’ve all done it at one point or another during our relationships, but you’ll come to find that it happens a great deal more to insecure women in a relationship. If it happens to a secure woman, she may let it slide here or there, but will eventually put her foot down while an insecure woman will allow it all the time. Chances are she’s afraid of confrontation as well, which is why she likes to sweep everything under the carpet. Though if you do this too much, that carpet won’t be able to hide everything for very much longer and eventually things will come seeping out and poison the relationship.
10. Encourage Her Failures
Sometimes you see this happen in a relationship, especially if the man is down in the dumps and lives by that old saying “misery loves company”. It’s easy to do and often done unintentionally, but if you’re in a relationship and are successful on your own yet your boyfriend seems to like to encourage failure when it comes to you, it’s because he’s insecure about your success or feels it makes HIM look bad. With an insecure woman, the man will learn to use this coxing method as a tool in order to chip away at her success until she’s at his level or lower so he feels less threatened. This is NOT the type of guy you should be in a relationship with, doesn’t matter if you’re secure or insecure.
This is the big one. A secure woman would NEVER let a man cheat once she figures it out – it’s one of the things that make her understand her own strength. Insecurities can plague a woman to the point that if their partner cheats on her, she fears that she won’t find someone else so she just stays with him and continues to avoid the infidelity. He sees it as a free pass to cheat whenever he wants to and doesn’t have to even fear about being caught. He’ll even add onto your insecurities in order to keep on “having his cake and eating it too” It’s a sad and brutal fact and can turn an insecure woman into a massive wreck, eventually scarring her for life.
And Now Onto The Secure Woman….
8. She Will Never Allow Him To… Cheat
While an extremely insecure woman will let a man cheat on her and believe he can get away with it, a secure woman doesn’t mess around with infidelity and will kick his rear to the curb in two seconds flat if she discovers he’s not being faithful. A secure woman knows her worth and doesn’t tolerate such nonsense. A secure woman also knows better than to get into a relationship with a man who has a history of cheating while an insecure one will ignore any sort of red flags. A secure woman will analyze the red flags and simply walk away if they’re glaring, preferring not to waste her time with a man who has a dark history of straying. She has no time for such nonsense and won’t even waste her tears.
7. Doesn’t Allow Him To Set Unhealthy Boundaries
A secure woman understands the differences between healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries while the lines tend to blur for an insecure woman in a relationship. The stop sign goes up as soon as a man attempts to set up, what is considered, an unhealthy boundary. A woman with high self-esteem will never be guilted into doing something she has no desire to do and doesn’t feel the need to do something she’s uncomfortable with just to impress some dude. Guys are a dime a dozen for a woman who has high self-worth. Yet, when you’re insecure, you tend to sell yourself out in order to make your boyfriend happy and put up with unsatisfactory treatment. Insecure women tend to lose parts of themselves in order to fulfill the need of some guy in a relationship, which is something a secure woman would never allow to happen.
6. Would Never Allow Him To Bold-Face Lie
Nope, nope, nope, not even close. In a relationship, we all tend to throw around little white lies here and there – hey, that’s life. But a secure woman would never allow a man to bold-face lie to her in a relationship, especially if she knows he’s lying and has the evidence. If a man feels he has to straight up lie about everything, he’s not worth a woman’s time and while an insecure woman doesn’t know this and will keep on seeing the man, a woman who is confident and comfortable with herself will throw up all the stop signs and call him out. An insecure woman will worry about his reaction while a secure woman won’t even consider his reaction and only focus on the steps she needs to take in order to get this lying sack of dog poo out of her life.
5. Not Accept Responsibility For His Actions
A secure woman will ALWAYS accept responsibly for her own actions and not place blame or point a finger at someone else. We happen to be dealing with this very thing right now in our country with the President of the United States. That man CANNOT take responsibility for his own actions and failures, so he throws everyone else under the bus to avoid wrinkling his already soiled suit. A strong woman will always take responsibility and will make sure that man she’s in a relationship with does the same thing as well. No secure woman wants to be in a relationship where the guy is constantly avoiding blame by placing it on an innocent party. If he does that, it shows his true character and no self-respecting woman would want to be chained to that.
4. Let Him Doubt Her
If a secure woman doesn’t tend to doubt herself, she won’t stand for a man who attempts to do that for her by attempting to drive up that doubt in vulnerable situations. Even if she’s feeling particularly vulnerable, she will sense this right off the bat and put a stop to it. A dead stop. Sure, there are some instances when the guy you’re in a relationship with can cast doubt on something you need to do, or underestimate you in a way, but a strong woman will see this more as an opportunity to prove them wrong (and if they truly do love you and respect your security, they too will want to see you prove them wrong and welcome it with open arms). However, if he’s constantly doubting, a strong woman wouldn’t put up with the negativity and simply walk away.
3. Waver Her Confidence In Herself
A confident woman doesn’t need someone else to boost up her self-esteem because she’s sure of herself. But sometimes, when a bitter man sees a confident woman and he’s a crap person in general, he’ll attempt to cut down that confidence by choosing to use things HE thinks you’re self-conscious about against you. A secure woman would never in a million years let a man attempt to bring her down, especially if she’s in a relationship with that man. She would leave him at a road runner’s pace if he actually attempted it while an insecure woman would most likely take it and remain in the relationship, which simply just tells the man that’s okay to treat her in such a fashion. A confident woman knows and understands her worth and will leave anyone who attempts to cut her down.
2. Keep Him From Pursuing His Own Dreams
A secure woman never fails to go after what she wants, and she does it with vigor. Whether it’s going after her dream job or going after her dream relationship, she leads the charge with guts. And if she’s in that dream relationship, she would never stand in the way of her man achieving his dreams or hold him back. If HE happens to be insecure, he will doubt himself and not believe he’s worth those very dreams he wants to chase. But if he’s in a relationship with a secure woman, she will surely kick his rear into place and build up his own confidence – it’s what decent people in relationships do. If you truly love someone, you’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy and successful, and that includes kicking their butt a little.
1. Deflect A Situation By Projecting His Own Insecurities
There are certain things that insecure men do when they’re in a relationship, especially if they’re in a relationship with a stronger woman: they tend to project their own insecurities onto her whenever they’re backed into a corner in order to wiggle their way out. A secure woman will see this right away and won’t stand for it or allow the deflection. And if the man is super insecure, he’ll take his worst insecurities and throw them at you in order to cut you, which won’t work. And it’s right then that a strong woman will sense the desperation he’s using and toss him out into the street. That’s not a working relationship right there – that’s dysfunction at its highest and a woman shouldn’t tolerate that. It’s exhausting and mind-numbing.
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