Wouldn’t it be great if we could know right off the bat if the person we’re out on a date with is worth our time? If we’re in the market for a relationship, we probably don’t want to waste our time and energy on someone who is better suited to a casual fling, and vice-versa. Unfortunately, sometimes we go through the first date – or a few dates, or even a short-lived relationship – only to find out that our goals don’t match, we want different things, or whatever. It can be frustrating and painful, and then we do it all over again: hop back on Tinder or Bumble or Hinge, swipe left and right, match, message, and go out.
To save ourselves from yet another failed almost-relationship, we’ve compiled 25 things a dude will say on a first date that let us know then and there that he is not boyfriend material. Sure, he might seem like a really cool guy and he might even seem like he’s really into us! He’s funny, cute, smart, and charming – what’s not to like, right? He’s like the dream dude! Not so fast, though: if he checks any of these boxes, he’s better left in fling territory – or dropped altogether. Hey, we all have to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince!
It’s one thing to be bored on a date, but it’s quite another to express that feeling out loud. The guy who does this clearly has little to no respect for us or our feelings, and is definitely lacking in the politeness department.
If he’s not feeling a date, there are a ton of other tactful reasons he could give to cut things short. Telling us outright that he’s bored, though? Not cool. Hey, at least he’s saving us the trouble of having to plan a second date!
Look, we all look up our dates online before meeting them, especially if we’ve met them via an app like Tinder. In the age of catfishing, it’s natural for one to verify that the person we’ve been speaking with is who they say they are. Even doing a deep dive is something some people occasionally do, out of curiosity.
However, if he feels comfortable enough to let us know that he hasn’t just looked us up but stalked us to the point where he knows where we went on vacation five years ago, it’s a red flag we shouldn’t ignore.
The easiest way to tell if someone is, in fact, crazy? They’ll tell us that they’re not. What prompted our date to say this in the first place? Why would he be inclined to mention this to defend himself? Has he often been called crazy, and if so, why?
Using the explanation, ‘I’m not crazy’ often means that someone has exhibited behavior that is pretty ridiculous or inexcusable. This guy will probably get too serious too fast and inevitably make a breakup a prolonged and uncomfortable situation. Steer clear.
Getting invited on a trip with a guy we’re seeing can be awesome, assuming we’ve been seeing the dude for a while. It’s a test of the strength of our relationship. However, being invited to vacation with someone we’ve just met – and on a first date, no less? – is way less appealing.
This dude is so eager to get a girlfriend that he doesn’t care who it is. Going on a trip together for the first time is serious business, and not something someone who’s boyfriend material would suggest on the first date.
Whoa, buddy, hold your horses! If a first date is going well and we feel like going back to his place, that’s totally our call. If a dude is inviting us back to his place on the first date, though, it’s likely because he isn’t all that serious about us and wants to have his fun and leave.
This isn’t to say that full-blown relationships can’t begin out of this arrangement, it’s just unlikely. A guy who’s boyfriend material is a little more likely to take his time rather than jump into something too personal with us right away.
Not something he says in particular, per se, but the guy who can’t keep his mouth shut long enough for us to get a sentence out is the guy who will never allow us an equal part in any relationship. This dude is so eager to get his thoughts out that he isn’t even registering what we’re saying.
He’s so busy thinking of his responses and waiting for us to finish talking that he isn’t even actually listening. Plus, it’s super-annoying to attempt a conversation with his interjections every few seconds. Pass on this dude.
Not everyone reads, and that’s fine. Maybe this guy is more into music or sports or cooking or whatever – reading isn’t necessarily a qualifier of one’s relationship capabilities. However, the guy who proudly declares that he doesn’t read, has never read, and will never read anything ever is the guy who isn’t boyfriend material.
It’s possible that his communication skills will be a little lacking or that he just isn’t imaginative enough to try anything new, which could lead to a stale and stagnant relationship.
A guy who cares about his mom is cute; a guy who needs to check in with his mom for every decision he makes is a problem-in-waiting.
This guy will always put his mother before us, and he will never grow up, because he’s never had a reason to. Having a close relationship with the woman who raised him is great, but when our guy is asking her opinion on us before he can make a choice about anything, it’s only going to drive a bigger wedge between us as time goes by.
Ugh, this dude. This guy seems to assume that he can compliment us while negging us at the same time. The actual idea behind this remark is that we’d be way cuter if we went down a dress size or two – it’s the same backhanded compliment of, “She’s got such a pretty face.”
This guy is shallow and way too entitled in that he feels as though he can judge our appearance (or the appearance of other women). Unless he wants the same callous remarks in return, he should shut up.
We’re not trying to be prudish or prissy here, but there’s something just unattractive about the guy who swears a whole bunch. Usually it’s because his vocabulary is kind of lacking, so he’s forced to cuss to make up for the words he’s missing.
It can sound rude and uneducated, and, depending on the people who are around us at the time, it lacks respect. On a first date, we’re trying to put our best impression out there, but if this guy is swearing like a sailor, it’s clear that he doesn’t have the same worries.
Like remarking on a woman’s figure or weight, it’s so not cool if a guy is judging us for what we’re eating on a first date. Whether we choose to chow down on a big greasy burger or pick at a salad, monitoring what we’re eating is obnoxious and controlling behavior – even if he’s meaning it as a compliment.
The guy who thinks what a woman eats says a lot about her as a person is a guy who relies on movies and TV to educate him on female behavior, and no, thank you.
Chances are, when a guy says this on a first date, he means it as a compliment. Maybe he means that we’re so funny or so smart or so athletic that he’s surprised at himself for picking us. But it’s the unspoken other part of this sentence that really shows he’s not BF material.
It’s assuming that we are not who he is usually attracted to, that we don’t fit the mold that usually appeals to him, that we’re so different. He’s giving himself a pat on the back for liking us, when really he should be feeling lucky that we like him back.
Some couples want to know each others’ numbers and others prefer to keep that information private – that’s up to them. But, this is a first date we’re talking about, and asking about someone’s private life after just meeting them is definitely not a good thing to say.
This dude shouldn’t be asking or worrying about such things, especially not at this point. It’s invasive and uncomfortable and, frankly, none of his business. Plus, we know he’s now just ruined his chances of ever being one of the others on our list!
If a date is going well (or going poorly), we might feel the need to order another glass of red to help us get through it. Do we say that we need another drink out loud, though? Probably not, because that would be mean and rude. This guy, however, has no such qualms or tactfulness, and instead says outright that he needs “another” drink.
Maybe the date is as boring to him as it is to us, but saying with a note of exasperation that he needs to get a little more loose to enjoy it is disrespectful.
A first date is generally when we get to know one another in a quiet setting. It’s kind of like an interview in that way, where we determine if we want things to go any further. If we’re out to dinner or at a movie and the guy we’re with asks if his friends can join us, it’s a bit of a weird thing to suggest.
This wasn’t a group date we agreed to, and meeting his friends seems like a bigger step that’s reserved for dates that are not the first one. This guy is either rushing things or friend-zoning us ASAP.
Honestly, who in this day and age can say they don’t believe in feminism? It’s not like ghosts where their existence is debatable! The guy who says this – often unprovoked – is definitely not boyfriend material, because he’s making it clear from the get-go that he doesn’t respect women or the rights of women.
We just know this guy will bring us down us in the future and make us feel bad about ourselves, so why would we want to go through that? Let him return to the Dark Ages (and maybe his mom’s basement).
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to keep a relationship casual, as long as both parties are aware of this. If a dude we’re seeing says he wants to keep things undefined, we need to believe him and not act surprised when he doesn’t want to get exclusive or make things official on social media.
This guy is not boyfriend material because he’s expressing quite plainly that he doesn’t want to be a boyfriend at all! Listen to him and don’t expect him to change just because you caught feelings.
This is another shallow remark, usually from a guy we’ve met on a dating app or site. Again, like a few things on this list, it’s perfectly understandable to think these things, but saying them aloud is rude, disrespectful, and hurtful. If our date says we don’t look like our profile picture, he’s essentially saying that we don’t look as good as our profile picture. Or, he could be a total garbage person and be saying that outright!
Photos and reality are different, and if this dude is going to judge us based on some Snapchat filter, we’ll pass on him.
We don’t all love what we do for a living, and that’s fair. Maybe our jobs don’t sound exciting or interesting, and that’s fine, too! What’s not so fine is when a guy we’re going out with decides to tell us that our job sounds dumb. Saying that is hurtful to us and the path we have chosen (or been forced to choose, depending on circumstances).
It’s rude and unfair to say that to someone, no matter how well you know them. This guy clearly has zero respect for us, which makes him definitely not boyfriend material.
On a first date, phones should be put away, period. Having a phone out on the table is pulling our focus and attention away from the person we’re actually supposed to be getting to know.
The guy who is so intent on his phone that he holds up a finger to get us to stop talking so that he can send a text is not the guy who is worth bringing home to meet the parents – or even go on a second date with.
Unless he has some major emergency happening (in which case he should've rescheduled with us), this is a major no-no.
Talking about an ex on a first date is not a good sign. Later in a relationship, if mention of an ex slips in, that’s generally okay (with the exception of ‘All my exes are crazy.’). On a first date, though, no one should be bringing up exes. It signifies that this guy isn’t over his last relationship, which begs the question as to why he decided to go out in the first place.
This man may be relationship material, but the relationship is his last one, not a new one with us.
First dates are meant for us to get to know one another and determine if there’s enough of a spark to warrant a second date. That’s difficult to do when the guy across from us won’t stop talking about himself. Using “I” statements all the time and failing to ask us any questions is a sign of self-absorption and a good indicator of how he’d treat us in an actual relationship.
He’s thinking only of himself rather than of us as a potential couple, which says all we need to know.
Yikes! Abort this mission! If a guy is dropping the ‘L’ bomb on the very first date, we need to get out of there ASAP. This dude isn’t stable and, even if he does believe in love at first sight, he should be keeping those feelings to himself if he doesn’t want to risk putting us off.
Dropping such a serious sentiment so early on is a huge red flag that should be a warning sign to get out of there, and fast. If he were boyfriend material, he’d want to lay a solid foundation before jumping into the deep end.
Is checking out other people normal? Sure. Is checking out another person while on a date with someone normal? It’s not ideal, but it can happen. Is telling your date that you find that other person attractive normal? Not at all!
If a guy is bold enough (and rude enough) to tell us that he finds someone else hot when he’s trying to woo us, he is definitely not boyfriend material. He’s not even second date material. In fact, he’s not even worth seeing out the rest of this date. Do we need to say more?
Guys aren’t good with game playing. More often than not, they are telling us exactly what they think and want, it’s just that we wish they were thinking and wanting other things.
If our date says straight up that he’s not boyfriend material, we owe it to him and to ourselves to believe him. He’s saying that he doesn’t want a relationship and that he’s no good at relationships, so why would we waste our time trying to convince ourselves of the opposite? Listen to him and let it go.