Everyone has their deal breakers and while some may be pettier than others, there are just some things that just don't work. Maybe there was a time in your life where you felt like you could make exceptions but after a failed attempt (or maybe a few), you realized that there were some things that you would never, ever be able to put up with again. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure, they're your rules and you can break them if you want to but there's a reason you made those rules in the first place. Your newest crush may be super cute with a great smile but what about the fact that he has dirty feet and always wears sandals?
Deal breakers are generally formed after you've experienced someone with a problem that you never want to deal with again. It could be something that you can spot right away like if they're rude to the wait staff, they don't have a job, or they say that they're "not a dog person." Or it could be something that you might not realize until you're in too deep such as being unfaithful, lying, and gas-lighting. In order to protect yourself, you need to be able to notice those red flags quickly.
You know what you should look out for when you start dating a new guy but what is the guy looking for? These 21 men went to Reddit to explain what their biggest deal breakers are in relationships.
21 He Couldn't Handle Her Irresponsible Spending
One Reddit user said that it was his girlfriend's irresponsibility with money that ended their relationship: "I can't handle being with someone who is chronically broke from overspending. I've got dumb hobbies and often buy lunch but I've got $$$ going to savings, investments, and retirement." He dated a woman for 3 years and they were very much in love but he became resentful of her when he found out that:
"she spent $300 on a handbag and I was barely surviving. She paid zero bills and her car was falling apart."
While there's nothing wrong with splurging every once in awhile, it is important to have money in savings and to prioritize your spending. Finances are said to be the cause of most divorces and if you and your partner don't see eye to eye on financial decisions, it may not work out.
20 Her Four-Year-Old Got In The Way
There are many people out there who want to have kids one day but some avoid children like the plague. Even if they do want to have children at some point in their lives, they may not be ready to take care of one just yet. This Reddit user explained that he was just not ready to have a kid around all the time: "I tried dating someone with a kid and it sucked.
"...She was 22 with a 4-year-old. Dating her was pretty much dating the 4-year-old too because he was always around and it was never just the two of us."
Having kids is tough and it's not for everyone especially for those in their early twenties. Whether the person already has a child or they want a child and you don't want to have or raise a child, it's better to make sure that you end the relationship before you get too involved.
19 They Didn't Have The Same Views On The Future
Speaking of kids, some people want to have them and some people don't. It can be dangerous to be with someone who has a different opinion on it than you do because it's not very likely that they will change their mind. One man wrote on Reddit that he dated someone for five years and she wanted kids while he didn't but they both put it off as long as they could because they loved each other so much.
"Maybe we both thought our minds would change and we'd land on the same page like with almost everything else but it didn't happen"
When I broke up with her I was in pieces but I knew it was the right thing since I don't have a parenting bone in my body. I miss her, and I think about her from time to time, and I wonder how things would have been. But I just don't want kids and I know my life would be infinitely more miserable if I stuck around."
18 He Was Not Down With Their Spontaneous Singing
Some deal breakers aren't as serious as others. This particular deal breaker may be one-of-a-kind. According to this Reddit user, acting like a princess in a Disney movie is absolutely unacceptable:
"I'm almost embarrassed to mention this as I'm sure I will be ridiculed but I have [broken up with] two women who had a habit of spontaneously breaking into song..."
"...I don't mind people who hum or mumble quietly to themselves, it is the ones who think they are so good that everyone must want to hear them belt out show tunes, light opera or easy listening classics. Usually, they're not. No, let me rephrase that, they're not. Am I a bad person?" There may have been more to the breakup than just the singing but maybe those women would be better suited with men who sing along with them.
17 He Couldn't Take How Fake She Was
With the help of technology, it's easier to be fake now more than ever. A person can make their life seem absolutely perfect on Instagram and Facebook even if their real life is crumbling around them. Another way that people can be fake is if they constantly tell their partner that they're fine when they're really not.
"My marriage is ending right now because she pretended everything was fine until she was too fed up to want to work on anything."
If you're going to be in a relationship, you need to be able to be open and honest about what you need. If you try to bottle everything up and pretend like everything is fine, it will eventually blow up in your face. Reddit user kid_idioteque said that "being fake" was the deal breaker that eventually broke up his marriage.
16 She Couldn't Pay Off Her Own Debts
Financial situations can be the death of a relationship and just because you want to be with someone who is good with money doesn't make you shallow or selfish. If your partner is good with their money, they are also likely to be more responsible in other areas of their life. Who doesn't want a responsible partner? A Reddit user claimed that he could not be with someone who is careless about money and he told a story of a relationship that ended because of her debt:
"She spent way above her means always making minimum payments on her card..."
"...Of course, the credit card company loved this so they would send her notices that her limit can be increased. Stupidly enough she always accepted... At one point she had to move back home to pay off her debt. her debt wasn't going down when she moved back..."
15 He Couldn't Handle Her Lazy Attitude
We all can be lazy every once and awhile but you can't be a very good partner to your significant other if you are constantly lying around the house doing nothing. Chances are, if a person rarely gets out of the house and they let clutter build up around them, they aren't very happy with their lives and there's not much you can do to help them. Here's what ItsaPuppet had to say:
"I worked, she didn't. She was lazy and rarely did any cleaning or cooking, I like a tidy home so I wouldn't complain and instead just do it myself once home..."
"...I knew asking her to clean up was futile so I just started picking them up myself and she lost it. SHE started arguing with ME stating I was purposefully making her feel bad about it (I'd barely said a word). A huge weight was lifted when I got out of that one!"
14 She Didn't Believe Dinosaurs Existed
Looks aren't everything. Anyone who isn't completely shallow should want to be with someone who has a good head on their shoulders. One Reddit user wrote that ignorance is his big deal breaker for him:
"A lack of baseline intelligence is the at the forefront of deal breaking for me. I broke it off with a girl once after she told me that she didn't believe that dinosaurs ever existed..."
She sincerely said that she need proof, so I offered to take her to a museum. She asked me 'so we will see real bones?' I said 'no, they will most likely be a plaster cast of the original fossils.' She responded with 'See! How do you know they aren't just trying to trick you?'...we didn't make it through the week."
As pretentious, as it might seem to break up with someone because they're not intellectual enough, not believing in dinosaurs, is pretty ignorant. Another Reddit user said that he broke up with a girl who didn't believe in the moon landing: "Met a girl who was an 'educator' who said it was fake. She asked, 'If it was real, why didn't we ever land in the moon again?' I knew we wouldn't be going anywhere once I heard that."
13 Most Conversations Consisted Of Her Complaining
We all need to vent from time to time. Work, school, family, friends, relationships, finances can be frustrating and we sometimes need to let out that frustration by venting. However, it isn't something that you should do all the time or you'll drive everyone crazy! One Redditor wrote that they had an ex-girlfriend who would always vent to him every day after work about her coworkers and he would then ask if she had gone to HR or done anything else about it and she would say that she hadn't.
"After a month of this, I told her I didn't want to hear her complain about it anymore unless she actually took action to do something about it..."
"...She was none too pleased and acted passive aggressive towards me until I broke it off." We get it though, an image having to hear someone be negative and just complain all day?
12 She Had Absolutely No Other Hobbies But The Relationship
Everybody needs a hobby. It could be reading, art, sports, video games, puzzles, crafts--anything! If you don't have something that you enjoy doing then you will always rely on your partner to entertain you. You should be a well-rounded person without your partner because you shouldn't need anyone in your life to feel complete. Just read what this Reddit user had to say:
"my ex had no hobbies and it drove me insane when we were together without specific plans because we couldn't enjoy our hobbies separately in the same room..."
"...I couldn't do my thing because she'd be 'bored' and 'left out' but I could never find anything she wanted to do." You and your partner need space and enjoying your hobby is a good way to get some alone time.
11 She Became A Tad Too Obsessive
Like we said before, some deal breakers are pettier than others and this one is definitely not a petty one. Sure, you may have a clingy partner but if they make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, you need to get out of that situation. A Reddit user told the story of his obsessed ex-girlfriend:
"My girlfriend at the time would take a taxi to my house AFTER I spent the evening with her and had already driven her home. She would be outside my house checking if I went home and would follow up with a text asking, 'Are you home safe yet?'..."
"...I [broke up with] her after I found out one night, who knows how many times she has done it. Thinking about it gives me chills to this day." Some people may be clingy but there's a big difference between someone being a double-texter and a straight up stalker.
10 Being Unfaithful In Any Capacity Is Definitely A No-No
Being unfaithful is often the result of something else in the relationship but that does not mean that it is ever excusable. If you have a partner who has been unfaithful towards you, there is nothing wrong with calling it off immediately and it might be the oldest deal breaker in the book. Many Reddit users claimed that this was their number one deal breaker. Munninnu wrote,
"I might be old-fashioned but in my book [being unfaithful] is a deal breaker."
Another Reddit user wrote that they thought that cheating was "a deal breaker if it's done purposefully and deceitfully." Another user wrote "if its MULTIPLE times again and again and again then THAT is a deal breaker." Though some of these opinions might differ, it's clear that no one likes the idea of being cheated on, especially when they are lied to about it.
9 She Basically Gave Up After He Moved In
No one wants to be with a slob if your partner has trouble keeping their own place clean, be wary of moving in together because they're probably not going to get any better once they have someone else around to do it for them. However, one Reddit user had a girlfriend who was a secret slob and he didn't realize it until after they had already moved in together:
"Dated a girl who kept stuff tidy until I moved in; suddenly she decided she 'had me' and didn't need to impress me anymore, she started being messier..."
"...Plates of half-eaten food left by the bed, laundry everywhere, trash stuffed under the bed." Obviously, you should always keep things clean but you should be especially careful to keep things clean when you share a space with someone else. Your partner isn't your private cleaning service.
8 She Took Her Paranoia One Step Too Far
If you are in a committed and loving with a relationship with another individual, you should never be made to feel jealous. However, even if your partner gives you no reason to be jealous, paranoia and trust issues can still affect you. If you have trust issues and you have a supportive partner, you should be able to talk about them and work on them instead of letting them fester inside you. A Redditor wrote about one situation where his girlfriend had very serious trust issues that drove them apart:
"The girl that I dated during university accused me of having a gay affair with my best friend because I went home to visit him and hang out/party for the weekend."
If you believe that your straight boyfriend is stepping out on you with his best friend, you probably have some trust issues that you need to work on.
7 She Only Told Him About Her Debt When It Was Too Late
Many people have debt, especially young people who have student loans that they need to pay off. However, there are some with debt because they were careless with credit cards and that can be a deal breaker for some. Then there are people who have credit card debt and lie about it. That should be a major deal breaker. This Reddit user wrote that his girlfriend never told him that she had "mounds and mounds of debt" that he didn't know about until they were ready to buy a house together:
"We went in to buy a house together and I was approved for the loan and I asked the lady doing the mortgage could we put my fiance on the loan and she then looked up her credit and told me that if she was put on the loan it will not go through...."
This lead to a long talk about dept and money management. Things did not work out for other reasons but this did a good bit of damage to the relationship."
6 She Claimed To Be Adventurous But Was Anything But
There's nothing wrong with liking to stick to your regular routine but some people seem to have a problem with it--but only if their partners lie about it. Being adventurous may seem like an exciting personality trait to have but if you don't like to try new things or go new places, it's best if you're upfront about it. One Reddit user explained:
"I was seeing this a woman once, who claimed to be adventurous, but was afraid to try any new cuisine, or drink anything besides [the same old thing]..."
"...How can you describe yourself as adventurous if you won't even try a glass of wine or some fine sushi?" Maybe there are some people out there who like to climb mountains, travel to exotic countries, and skydiving but they don't like to try new kinds of food. Stranger things have happened.
5 She Couldn't Put The Cap On The Toothpaste
A Reddit user told a story about a friend who dumped his girlfriend for a very strange reason but it's a problem that is all too common. While some men's deal breakers are cheating, messiness, debt, stalking, clinginess, children, and irresponsibility with money but some men have much more refined tastes when it comes women. According to dcjohnson50, a man broke up with his girlfriend because of one very specific thing:
"A friend slowly backed away from a 6-month long relationship because she didn't put the toothpaste cap back on."
Honestly, is there anything worse than someone who forgets to put the toothpaste cap back on? Well...yes but you have to draw the line somewhere.
4 She Looked Way Too Much Like Paul Dano
This deal breaker may be the more petty one on the list but it's also a fairly understandable one. If you are a straight man, you probably aren't interested in a woman who looks exactly like another man so when this Reddit user found out that his girlfriend looked like a famous actor, he had to call it quits:
"One day I realized she looked like Paul Dano and I couldn't unsee it. That was it."
Apparently, Paul Dano isn't exactly this guy's type. Most men want a girlfriend who looks like a movie star but they are probably thinking more along the lines of Jennifer Lawrence or Scarlett Johansson--not the star of Swiss Army Man.
3 She Was Unnecessarily Mean
Nobody wants to spend time with a mean-spirited person and if someone is the kind of person who is enjoys making fun of others, they're probably not the greatest person to be around. This is why one Reddit user broke up with his girlfriend:
"I was out to dinner with my girlfriend and some friends one night. When I came back to the table gf and her friend are laughing. I ask why, and she says 'We're making fun of all the people that walk by us'..."
"...um what? Not to their face, of course. But I don't understand why that is funny at all." It's one thing to laugh at videos of people falling down and getting mildly hurt but making fun of strangers passing by is straight up mean.
2 She Was Always Keeping Score
Competitions and keeping score are bound to ruin a relationship. You should never feel like you are in competition with your partner. A Redditor explained that he felt that his girlfriend was always trying to compete with him and couldn't let him be good at something because she wanted to be better herself. According to this user, the girlfriend
"couldn't let me have my moments of joy when I did something good in the video games we played and always talked it down and said how she did something else better so she was superior..."
"...What makes it worse is that I am a humble person normally so the moments I say out loud are important for me, when I do it. Those getting destroyed anyways feel super bad and made me sad too often."
1 She Was Definitely Not Over Her Ex
No one wants to feel like the rebound and there are few things worse than starting a new and promising relationship with someone who is still hung up on their ex. Reddit user phoenix-fyre wrote that being the rebound date was his deal breaker:
"I've dated my share of people who clearly weren't over their ex's. Never a good feeling when you realize this. It's happened to me a fair amount of times that I can spot it from a mile away now."
If you break up from your significant other, it is important to take some time to figure out what you want and what you need before jumping into another relationship. It's not fair to you or the other person.