It can be hard to let go of a relationship, especially if it’s one that you have been in for a while. You have been with that person for so long that they can even feel like a security blanket for you. The downfall of staying in a relationship that you really shouldn’t be in, though, is once you do get out of it, you usually regret all the time that you spent being in it in the first place.
There are always signs or red flags that people ignore, signs that tell them that the relationship is done and it's time to move on. Most often, people will ignore these signs because they don’t want to believe that the relationship is over. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not knowing what signs to look for, while other times it’s hard for you to admit that a breakup is right around the corner.
It’s best to get out of the relationship as quickly as possible, just like ripping off a band-aid. We have some answers that will help you to understand what’s going on in your relationship. Check out these 20 ways to know that your relationship is over for good.
20 Your Communication Has Gone Wrong
Communication in relationships is huge. You can’t have a relationship without it. But the quality of the communication is just as important as speaking to each other in the first place.
So, if you find that you're no longer effectively communicating with your partner, it might be time to call it quits.
"Communication is so essential to a relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out," says Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert. "Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out."
19 Your Partner Is Spending More Time With His Friends And Family
Does your man spend a lot of time with other people and less time with you? If so, it’s a red flag. “You notice that they are spending less time with you and dedicating more time to family and friends,” says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community Relationup. “They are putting more energy and time into other relationships in their inner circle.”
This could also be something that you find you are doing as well if you are not connecting with your man. A lack of interest on both sides isn't a positive sign for your relationship, and it means it's time for both of you to reevaluate your priorities.
18 There's No Affection
A successful relationship includes a healthy amount of affection. If things have declined suddenly that could mean that your relationship is in trouble.
All relationships have an ebb and flow to them, so you’re not always going to have a ton of electricity with your partner.
But it shouldn’t disappear either. Rachel says, "If your [bedroom] life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it is time to end it."
17 You Are Annoyed By Everything Your Partner Does
When you find that everything your partner does is annoying, it might be time to move on. Usually, when you are in love, you become almost blind to your partner's flaws. You completely accept them for who they are and that’s all that matters.
But when your relationship is on the decline, you will find that you argue about every little thing and you often become sensitive to a lot of pet peeves. You are going to notice his belching, his bad habits, and there is basically going to be a spotlight on every negative thing that he does now.
16 You Find That You Are Bored In The Relationship
You might find that you are bored in your relationship and that the honeymoon stage of it is over with. Maybe he used to romance you before and now all you do is sit in front of the TV together.
Being bored isn’t a reason to break up with someone, but it is a sign that things have changed.
You have two choices: either talk to your partner about bringing more life into the relationship, or just call it quits. If he makes no effort to change things up, then you will know that he is done with the relationship.
15 You Start Having Fantasies Of Not Being With Him
If you are at the point in your relationship where you start fantasizing about being out of the relationship and what your future will look like when you are out, then it might be time to walk away. You don't even need to be interested in another person to come to this realization.
It could be that you are dreaming about the single life or even wondering what a new relationship would be like. But either way, it’s a sign to call it quits. These fantasies usually mean you are feeling trapped in your relationship and they may start happening more often the more unhappy you feel.
14 You Both Become Very Agreeable Together
You might think that this would be a good thing, but if the two of you don’t fight anymore, then that’s a bad sign. Fighting like cats and dogs isn't good, but a bit of healthy discussion helps you move forward.
When you just agree to everything it usually means that you just don’t care enough to argue anymore.
“Fighting is actually decreased and negotiating is not even needed anymore because the person or the couple is just done,” explains Rose Lawrence, LPCC, LCPC, NCC, a psychotherapist and owner of Mind Balance. “They have chosen to submit to the fact they want out of the relationship, so their indifference displays as being agreeable.”
13 You Or Your Partner Are Always Picking Fights
If you or your partner are always picking fights, then that’s usually a sign that your relationship is ending. Rachel says, "Often people tend to start picking fights when they feel a relationship is at its end. They are trying to get their partner to do the dirty work and break it off."
There may have been a time with the little things wouldn’t have bothered you and now they do. If you find your man infuriating, then just move on instead of picking intentional fights to get him to do the hard and potentially emotionally painful work for you.
12 Something Major Happens And You Don’t Want To Tell Your Partner
Imagine something awesome happening in your life and yet you have no interest in telling your spouse. You may not think to tell them first, or you might avoid it because you already know what the reaction will be, whether good or bad.
You probably call your mother, your best friend; probably even the mailman will hear about your news before your man will.
“If someone comes before your partner in sharing either good or bad news, they are no longer your primary confidant, your closest friend,” explains Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, a dating and relationship coach and author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60!
11 You Don’t Bother To Make Plans For The Future
If you start feeling like you don’t want to spend time with your partner, that’s a pretty bad sign. You may be thinking about that tropical vacation you want to book in the future, and how he won’t be going with you. If you find that you have no desire to make plans for the future with your man, it’s likely because the relationship is dead in your mind and it’s best to let it go. You should want to spend time with your partner, so if you don’t, then there’s a reason for it. But by all means, keep planning that island getaway. Just make sure he knows he's not invited.
10 You Find You Are Bored With Everything
You’re not just bored in your relationship, but you are bored with your entire life. “Many individuals report boredom as a telltale sign that a relationship is in trouble,” says Denise Limongello, LMSW, a psychotherapist. “If you feel bored not only with your partner but with life in general, it might mean that you’re no longer in the right relationship.”
You may start to feel like you have nothing new or exciting to ever tell your friends and family.
And sure, dating can give you that excitement, but only for a short time. You have to develop a true and rewarding connection with your partner for your life to feel truly invigorated.
9 You Find That You Are Always Repeating Yourself
Do you find that you are constantly repeating yourself? If so, it could be because your partner has just stopped listening to you. And it's not because he's busy with other things or he just can't hear you. This is yet another telltale sign the relationship is headed south.
“Making your significant other repeat himself or herself over and over again indicates that your interest and passion are dwindling,” says Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and CEO of VIP matchmaking service Platinum Poire. “This makes it seem like you are not paying attention to them and therefore don’t care about what they have to say.”
8 You Aren’t Affectionate Any Longer
Do you remember the last time that you held your partner’s hand or kissed him for no reason at all? You may not be able to remember the last time that you even hugged your partner. And while you might still feel something toward them, the lack of physical evidence is telling.
If these sorts of feelings become more of your past than your present, it might be a red flag that things are over.
It’s time to move on if you don’t feel any desire to be affectionate with your partner. You both deserve to move on to greener pastures.
7 You Start Bailing On Your Couple Hobbies
Every couple ends up doing activities together whether that means you are work out buddies or are in a bowling league together. But whatever activity you used to do as a couple may change is your relationship is coming to an end.
“Every couple falls into rituals or habits that become their ‘thing,’” says Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule. That could even mean you don’t watch your favorite TV shows together. “When one person starts bailing on those plans or doing them on their own repeatedly, it could be a sign that the relationship is nearing its end.”
6 You Stop Being Interested In Each Other
Remember at the start of your relationship how you used to talk about everything? Those days are gone, and now you find it hard to show any interest in what he talks about now.
Having a vested interest in one another's lives is critical to a healthy relationship.
"In love, you know your relationship is over when you become completely indifferent to them," says Rachel. "If you don't care what they do, where they go, or whether you even see them, it is time to move on." Shel adds, "The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference," so that’s a clear sign that the passion is gone.
5 There Is Zero Interest In Therapy
When things get really bad in a relationship, sometimes, it’s even too late for therapy. Sometimes, couples will seek therapy when they feel something is wrong in their relationship and if those issues are caught quickly enough, the relationship can be helped.
“If your dynamic is toxic and your partner does not want to try to work it out, then that is a big sign that the relationship may be over. It’s similar to when you are driving a car and the emergency warning that you have a flat tire goes off. If you keep ignoring it and never pull over to change the tire, your car is going to drive off the road and lose control,” says Christie Tcharkhoutian, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.
4 There's No Trust
If one of you betrayed the other, it’s not impossible to forgive and forget, but for some people, they just can’t do it.
Often, a lack of trust points to other deeper issues in the relationship anyway.
"[Betrayal] in a relationship is always damaging. There are many factors that come into play when deciding if it's time to call it quits, but it all comes down to whether you can rebuild the trust," says Rachel DeAlto. "If you cannot forgive and trust them again, it's better to walk away." It’s possible you can take a trip to try to rekindle things between your partner but if the trust is gone, then you may want to move on.
3 You Never Want To Go Home
If you try to avoid going home on a regular basis then you might want to seriously consider getting out of the relationship that you are in. “Any problematic living situation can lead people to stay out later than usual to avoid interactions with the person they live with,” Limongello explains.
“If you and your partner live together, and yet, you find yourself looking for excuses to stay out, you may be avoiding the fact that your relationship is in jeopardy. If you’re staying out later than usual, don’t underestimate the possible meaning behind this behavior.”
2 You Feel Extreme Loneliness
Believe it or not, but you can feel lonely even sitting beside your partner on the couch. You might be together physically, but it's not the same as being mentally and emotionally on the same wavelength.
It’s because you are no longer connected to your partner and you start to feel like you are in the relationship alone.
“This is the biggest concern I see with the couples who come to see me,” says Irina Baechle, LCSW, a relationship therapist and coach. “They are physically together, but emotionally feel alone and disconnected. It is a silent sigh that the relationship is unfortunately headed south unless they reach out for professional help.”
1 You Start To Think That You Can Do Better
You may start to look at other couples and think about whether or not you deserve better than who you are with. “People evolve and change and grow. This is inevitable,” points out Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Dating and Relationship Transformation Expert and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching.
“That great person you met two years ago was great based on who you were then. You may not be growing at the same pace. Perhaps they are in a comfort zone. They’re a nice person and you have love for them, but there are thoughts of ‘where is this going?’ or, ‘do I really want this?’ When those questions start popping up, it’s your inner being nudging you elsewhere.”
Sources: Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan