We often hear that the best relationships are based on honesty and a couple should always tell each other everything, no questions asked. While honesty is the best policy in some cases, there are times when it’s okay, and sometimes even preferable, to keep certain details from our partners. Even though there are many lies that would probably be the end of the relationship, there are also truths that do more harm than good.
It’s important to remember that being in a relationship does not mean we’re not our own people anymore or that we immediately lose all right to privacy. There are some things we should keep on the down low simply because they’re private! Others are not relevant to the relationship, so there’s no need to disclose them.
Then there are those pieces of information that actually cause trouble when we reveal them to our partners, and it’s a better move for the wellbeing of the relationship to keep our lips sealed.
Knowing when to tell the truth and when to keep details on the down-low can be confusing! Luckily, we’ve compiled this list of secrets that we should keep from our partners. Have a read: some of them might be surprising!
20 The Specific Details Of Her Relationship History
It’s not uncommon for couples to discuss their romantic past with each other, but it’s also not necessary to go into detail. The Clinical Director of Darien Wellness, David Ezell, advises that the specific details of both people’s relationship history should be kept in the dark.
“But more often than not, this is a topic that should stay off-limits even if you think you can predict the results,” he says (via Best Life Online). Telling your partner what you’ve been up to, from a romantic point of view, in the past could make them insecure or resentful, and it’s better to keep the past in the past.
19 That She Had A Better Time With An Ex
Nobody wants to hear that their partner had more fun with their ex than they’re having with them. Even if you’ve had a better time—in all aspects of your relationship—with your ex, this might be something that you keep to yourself.
Instead, by telling your partner that they’re the best boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve ever had, you’ll raise their self-esteem and improve the relationship by making them more likely to keep putting in the effort to earn more compliments. No good can come from telling your current partner that things were better with your ex, so it’s better to never go down that road.
18 How Much Money She’ll Inherit One Day
Finances can be a sticky subject. Unless you’re married and running a family and household together, there’s no need to get in each other’s financial business. One of the things about money in particular that you might want to keep on the down-low is how much you’ll inherit one day.
Women have a reputation for digging for gold, but men can be just as good with a shovel! Telling the person you’re seeing how much you stand to inherit might make them jealous, or worse, could even motivate them to stick around even if their feelings for you aren’t genuine.
17 What She Spends Her Own Money On
The other thing that you’re not obliged to reveal is what you choose to spend your money on. Even if your relationship is serious enough to have a joint bank account, it’s a good idea for you to have a personal account as well. After all, it’s okay for you to spend the money you’ve earned on little things that you keep to yourself.
This becomes a problem and is understandably up for discussion when your personal finances start to affect your joint finances. But as long as you’re not totally irresponsible with the money you’ve earned together, you are an adult and are allowed to treat yourself with your own cash.
16 That She’s Attracted To One Of His Friends
Being into one of your partner’s friends might be more common than you think. As long as it’s an innocent crush that you don’t plan on acting upon, there’s no need to disclose this information to the person you’re seeing. It would just upset them, harm their self-esteem and possibly make them paranoid when there’s no need to be.
After all, we can’t control who we’re attracted to, but we can control whether we act upon those urges or not. If you do plan on following through with your attraction, however, then you probably need to have a conversation with your partner about it.
15 Hidden Single Habits
Everyone has some secret single behaviors that they’d be embarrassed by if anybody found out. And as long as those habits aren’t problematic in any way, there’s no need for anybody else to find out about them, including your partner.
Erica Gordon, author of the dating book Aren’t You Glad You Read This? and relationship expert, believes that things like “eating an entire cake while binge-watching bad TV” should be kept on the down low. This information won’t be of any benefit to your partner, so it’s just unnecessary and awkward to bring up. Save the embarrassment for other occasions that you actually won’t be able to avoid.
14 An In-Depth Summary Of Her Beauty Routine (Including Your Waxing Appointments)
Style Caster has rightly pointed out that a girl’s beauty routine should be for her eyes only. We mean, it’s not imperative that your partner never ever know what you get up to in front of the bathroom mirror, but keeping this information to yourself just maintains a little bit of the mystery.
“Your partner doesn’t need to know about your laser hair removal, or other body treatments you use to stay looking and feeling good,” advice columnist Sarah Merrill says (via Style Caster). Let them think that you just woke up like this! The only exception would be if your beauty treatments are affecting your health.
13 The Things He Can’t Change About Himself
Constructive criticism is actually a good thing because it helps people to get better. But when it can’t help people to improve, because it focuses on something they’ll never be able to change, it’s just mean.
“It’s much kinder to harbor little white lies having to do with your partner’s haircut, hair color, meatloaf recipe and dance moves,” advises relationship expert April Masini (via Best Life Online). “If you love someone, sacrifice the truth in these situations. Tell them you want seconds on the meatloaf, ask them to dance, and compliment their haircut. Their smile in return will let you know you did the right thing.”
12 That It Wasn’t Love At First Sight
Something else nobody wants to hear? How the person they’re now in love with didn’t even like them in the beginning. Details like this about the past can usually be kept hidden because they just don’t impact the future or the present and only serve to make people feel bad.
Besides, it’s pretty normal to only grow attracted to someone once you’ve gotten to know them, so this information isn’t ground-breaking or important. The only thing it’s good for is sucking the hint of magic out of the relationship. So it’s perfectly fine to keep this one to yourself!
11 That She Doesn’t Like One Of His Family Members
Family members can pose some big relationship hurdles. It may be hard to keep your lips sealed over the fact that you don’t like your partner’s family, but according to Paul DePompo, a clinical psychologist, this is “one of the most important” secrets to keep.
“You certainly don’t have to say you love them, but [being honest about how you don’t like them] will only backfire,” he says, (via Best Life Online). So what do you do if the problem isn’t you, and a certain family member just isn’t a nice person? “ … eventually this issue will come to light and you play a supportive role.”
10 Negative Things Her Family Has Said About Him
Similarly, it isn’t necessary to disclose all your family has said about your partner behind their back, especially if it’s negative. These comments are hurtful, particularly if your partner really tried hard to make a good impression.
While families can make things difficult, at the end of the day there are two people who matter in a relationship, and everyone else’s opinions will have to take the backseat. Your partner doesn’t really gain anything from knowing that your mom or dad doesn’t like them, and this might even serve as ammunition down the track for your partner to say that your family has never accepted them.
9 That Someone Hit On Her
The guys giving their input over at Women’s Health Mag have revealed that if someone hits on their girlfriend, they so don’t want to know about it. Basically, when you tell your partner that someone likes you but you didn’t take the bait, it comes across like you want credit for staying faithful.
“Yeah, we appreciate it,” explains WHM, “but isn’t that the bare minimum for being in a relationship? Are you looking for a thanks? Trying to make us jealous? Why is this a story?” This information doesn’t really come with any benefits, so unless it becomes a persistent problem, it’s fine to sweep it under the rug.
8 Details That Other People Have Asked Her To Keep Quiet
When you promise to keep a secret, you should honor that promise, regardless of if you have a partner or not. Even if that partner is your long-term lover and forever person, it still doesn’t make you a single entity that can’t survive unless you know everything the other one knows.
So if a friend asks you to keep something quiet, go ahead and keep it quiet! It’s not okay to turn into a bad friend while trying to be a really good girlfriend because you can be a good girlfriend without discussing your partner your friend’s embarrassing stories.
7 Relationship Doubts That Don’t Persist
It’s not odd to find yourself questioning whether or not you really want the relationship to continue from time to time, even in healthy relationships. Licensed psychotherapist and confidence expert Karol Ward has explained (via Best Life Online) that telling your partner when you’re questioning the relationship is only a good idea if the doubt is persistent and getting in the way of your happiness.
“These initial thoughts are not helpful to share because they will create insecurity and hurt feelings,” she says. “Sit with your feelings and process them on your own. Only if the feelings persist and become stronger over time should you share them with your partner.”
6 All The Things She Did Wrong During Her Past Relationships
We’re all guilty of making relationship mistakes (unless we’ve never been in any relationship before). Some mistakes are bigger than others, but still, it isn’t necessary to fill your partner in on all the things you did wrong in the past, especially if you’ve learned from the errors you’ve made.
Telling them that you weren’t a great girlfriend will just make them insecure and doubt you as a partner now, even if you’ve changed your ways and have earned their trust this time around. A lot of the details about your past relationships can be kept on the down-low, and this is one of them.
5 Details Of Her Innocent Night Out
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re no longer entitled to an innocent night out. A gal’s still gotta have fun! And of course the same applies to guys. The specific details of your nights out should stay there (what happens in Vegas, right?) since your partner just doesn’t need to know about them.
As long as you’re not breaking any of your promises while you’re at your friend’s bachelorette party and keeping things innocent enough, there’s no need to drag your partner into the details. You can disclose if you’re burning to, but it’s just not necessary.
4 That She Stalked His Ex
Have we all stalked our partner’s exes online? Probably. Is it a good idea to tell them that? No, it’s not. Firstly, checking out someone of interest to you on social media is pretty much the norm now. It’s not extremely rare or worrying behavior that you need to inform the person you’re seeing about, and to be honest, it’s kind of expected.
And secondly, according to Clint Carter over at Women’s Health Magazine, guys don’t want to know when you do this. “We already assume you did,” he says. “(We stalked yours, too.) We just don’t need to hear about it.”
3 That She Wishes He Had More Success
Telling your partner that you wish they were more successful is one of those comments that you should keep to yourself because they don’t always have the power to change it. The only outcome it has is making your partner feel insecure, and feel like you’re not supporting them (which is your job as their partner).
This is especially the case if they’re struggling with confidence issues as it is. The chances are they’re doing the best they can, and hearing that you think they’re not trying hard enough will be really hard to stomach. Instead, focus on the things you do admire about them and what they’ve already achieved.
2 Any Overly Embarrassing Moment From Her Past
This one goes along the lines of keeping your beauty routine and past relationship details concealed. If the story you’re going to tell has no relevance to the present (like the time you sang off-key karaoke) and is just embarrassing, why would you put yourself through that? You don’t need to, just because you’re in a relationship with someone.
Past embarrassing moments are definitely okay to keep to yourself. As long as it’s not something that left you a little scarred and it would be beneficial for you to get it off your chest, just take the high road and pretend it never happened.
1 Anything She’s Only Disclosing To Make Herself Feel Better
Relationship expert Melanie Schilling told HuffPost Australia that there’s one golden rule when it comes to choosing what to reveal and what to keep a secret from your partner: don’t disclose anything that you’re only telling to make yourself feel better.
That’s a selfish reason to reveal something, and it probably has no benefit to your partner. It’s safer to think about it, talk it over with anyone who already knows the details, and then decide whether it’s actually something your partner needs to hear. If it is, go ahead and tell them. If not, leave it in the closet.
Sources: Romper, Best Life Online, Marriage.com, Real Simple, Women’s Health Mag, Style Caster