It might feel a bit OTT, but there's a good reason why you should have "the talk" with your partner as soon as you feel things are getting serious between you. It's simply because you might be wrong about his feelings. The thing is, even if your boyfriend tells you that he really likes you or that he enjoys spending time with you more than with anyone else in his life, it doesn't mean that he's going to be exclusive with you. He might like you, but just not enough to make you his one and only true love. As they say, he's just not that into you! That's why it's important to pay attention to the things he tells you. For example, if he tells you that he doesn't want to ruin how things are between you right now, that's a nice way of saying that he doesn't want to get serious with you. He'd prefer to keep things light and fun, so he's free to date other women. Here are 20 things he says that mean he doesn't want to be exclusive with you, so make sure you listen up!
20 "I'm Afraid Of Commitment"
When a guy says he's afraid to commit, chances are that he's really saying he doesn't want to commit to you. It's not an easy rejection to swallow, but it's best done fast so you can move on.
See, he might be trying to turn you down in a gentle way, but the message is clear.
If he wanted to be exclusive and make the relationship official, nothing would stand in his way! He'd know that he has to act fast to make you his girlfriend instead of wasting time or closing a door in your face.
19 "I'm Not Looking For A Relationship Right Now"
A guy who wants to be with you won't tell you that he's not looking for a relationship right now. He'll want to date you!
It's important to realize, however, that telling you he's not keen on a serious relationship might not have anything to do with his feelings for you.
It might be the case that he doesn't feel that he's good boyfriend material at this point in his life. Instead of waiting around for him in the hope that he'll want to commit to you "someday," rather take the hint that he's not right for you.
18 "I'm Enjoying My Life And Want To Keep It That Way"
What is he enjoying so much, you ask? Probably the fact that he's living like a single guy! By avoiding serious, exclusive relationships, he can date as many different women as he wants while keeping things casual and fun with all of them.
If he's already doing that and having a blast, then he'll tell you he doesn't want to mess with what's happening in his life by bringing a serious situation into the mix.
Unless you're fine with being one of his many dates, it's best to head for the door.
17 "My Ex And I Are Really Tight"
It's not always okay for him to be so close to his ex, such as if he's still got feelings for her. As Brooke Wise, dating expert and founder of Wise Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily,
"Some people are better left in your past, and ex-relationships tend to confuse the potential strength of a current relationship and hinder you from moving on and fully exploring the future of this new relationship."
If he's very close to his ex, you might get the message that he's still got feelings for her. It's best for him to avoid getting serious with someone else.
16 "It's Not The Right Time To Meet My Friends"
If you haven't been dating each other for that long, it can feel presumptuous for him to introduce you to his friends. But if it's been months and you still haven't even met one person who's important to him, that's a red flag.
He's basically keeping you out of his life by preventing you from meeting those who are closest to him, such as his best friends.
After a while, the message is clear: he's not looking for a serious, exclusive relationship if he's keeping you separate from his social circle.
15 "I Like You But..."
A guy who likes you is going to be honest about his feelings and that he wants to date you exclusively. If he makes excuses for why he won't be exclusive, even though he has feelings for you, then it's foolish to listen to his feelings and ignore his excuses.
They're really important to note because they'll prevent a more legit relationship from taking place.
No matter how much he likes you or you like him, he's standing in the way of your relationship.
14 "I'm Really Busy This Weekend"
It's understandable if the guy you're dating can't see you one weekend because of other commitments, But it's quite another thing if he's always making excuses for why he can't spend his free time with you. As Elite Daily reports,
"If you have been seeing your almost-S.O. for six weeks, and they are still only putting aside one night a week for you, buyer beware.
I don't care how busy they are; if things were going to progress, you'd be hanging more than once a week."
13 "I Prefer Being Spontaneous Rather Than Make Plans"
It's great if your boyfriend's a spontaneous guy who surprises you with pizza at your door or takes you on an impromptu romantic getaway. It's not that great if he's the type who can never make plans with you ahead of time. What, are you just a last-minute thing?
A guy who wants to date you exclusively will prioritize you in his schedule. He'll be able to make plans with you days or even weeks ahead of time.
Doing this is also a clear sign that he sees a future with you.
12 "I Don't Want To Be Exclusive, Yet"
There's nothing crueler than a guy who gives you false hope, such as the guy who tells you that he's not ready to be in an exclusive relationship right now but he will in time. What does that even mean? Disclaimer: It's usually just a way for him to string you along.
Sadly, what often happens is that you end up waiting for him to take that big step in your relationship and he never does.
A guy who's ready to commit to you won't make you wait. He'll know what he wants from you. Instead of making promises, he'll take action.
11 "I'm Not A Family Guy"
You might think it's no big deal when the guy you're dating tells you that he's not a family guy or he's not "big on family." You might think it just means that he's not the type to attend family gatherings. But it can mean much more than that. It could be a way for him to say he doesn't want to be exclusive.
See, if he's not a family guy, then that probably means he doesn't think in terms of committed, long-term relationships that end up in marriage, and maybe with kids.
He's resisting the idea of family, which doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.
10 "Let's Just Hang Out"
Your dating motto should be "hanging out is not dating!" Sometimes, it's not easy to know if you're casually hanging out or actually dating in a more serious way. One of the signs to look for that will help you tell the difference is how your boyfriend speaks about your time together.
If he can't call your outing a date and he prefers to say that it's just hanging out, then that's a red flag.
Chances are, other signs will show up, like how he can't introduce you as his girlfriend. Friends hang out; people who are in an exclusive relationship date each other.
9 "I Have To Cancel Our Date Again, I'm Really Busy"
Leaving you hanging when you had plans together isn't cool. A guy who always tries to get out of your plans is really saying that he doesn't see your dates as a priority in his life because he can easily replace them with other things he has to do.
You're just an option to him, definitely not someone he sees as becoming his committed girlfriend.
The best way to deal with this is to realize that you're probably not going to be in a serious relationship and to cut your losses. Never make him a priority if you're not his!
8 "I'm Not A Romantic Guy"
Hey, some guys really aren't the most romantic boyfriends out there. But that doesn't mean they won't do things to show their girlfriends that they care. A guy who's quick to inform you that he's not romantic is really saying,
"I don't want you to expect me to be romantic/show you how much I feel for you."
He's totally shutting down the love part of your relationship, making you think that he's likely to want to keep things casual instead of making them serious by becoming exclusive.
7 "My Life's Complicated Right Now"
Everyone's life can become complicated and messy at times. If he's telling you this, though, don't take it lightly. He's really saying that his life's too complicated for him to bring a committed relationship with you into it. Goodbye, exclusivity! Using the "it's complicated" excuse probably also means he's dragging his feet because he fears commitment. As reported by The Mr Sing Link, some people define exclusivity as giving up too much control over their lives.
He might fear this, which is why he tells you it's complicated.
He's really the only one complicating things!
6 "I Want Space"
Everyone needs to have their own space in relationships in order to keep them healthy and allow them to grow. But, if your boyfriend wants so much space that you hardly see him or it's enough space to make him not have to make much effort in the relationship, then that's basically a red flag. He wants to do his own thing more than be in a serious relationship with you. He's choosing his freedom over being with you, so exclusivity is definitely not on the cards.
5 "We Should Go Out Sometime"
If he often says, "We should go out sometime" but he keeps the plans vague or never follows up on them, clearly his words and behavior are not on the same page.
He's telling you that the likes you and wants to spend time with you, but his actions don't live up to those promises.
That's not the type of behavior a guy who wants to be exclusive with you would display. It's more than likely that he'd prefer to keep his options open when it comes to dating.
4 "I Don't Like To Text/Call"
When you ask him why he hasn't replied to your text or missed call for days and he says, "I don't like to text or call," it might confuse you. Who doesn't like to stay in touch with the person they're dating? You're absolutely right to think this!
A guy who says he doesn't like to text or call is really shutting down your communication options instead of allowing them to move the relationship forward.
By having an excuse for why he won't get in touch, he gets let off the hook. Sorry not sorry: It's not good enough!
3 "I'm Really Not A Good Boyfriend"
When people tell you what they're like, believe them! If a guy tells you that he isn't good boyfriend material, he's really saying that you shouldn't count on him to step up to the plate and get into a serious, committed relationship with you.
Don't ignore what he says, thinking that he's just got low self-confidence or that he's fishing for compliments, especially if he keeps telling you this all the time.
He's clearly trying to send you a message.
2 "I'm Not Big On Sharing Feelings"
It's impossible to have a serious relationship without feelings. So, if the guy you're dating tells you that he doesn't really like emotions or he's not "big on sharing his feelings," that's a sign you're dating someone who isn't relationship-minded. Although it might be difficult for some guys to express their feelings, that's a different story from not wanting to feel anything and resisting love. Casual dating, where the heart's not involved, is probably better suited to what he wants.
1 "I Like The Freedom To Do Whatever I Want"
Just because you get into an exclusive relationship with someone, it doesn't mean you're no longer independent. It does, however, mean that you'll have to take your partner into account on some things while making them a priority, too.
A guy who's clinging onto his freedom for dear life and loves what it brings to his life, like going anywhere at any time without having to text his girlfriend to let her know, won't be looking for a serious relationship.
The less committed it is, the easier it'll be for him.