When you’re lonely, it’s easy to give in to the temptation of running back to your ex. After all, getting back together seems like a quick fix to that loneliness without having to get all dressed up, put yourself out there and meet someone new. We typically think that being lonely is always linked to being alone, so it makes sense that many people try to fill that void in their lives with a person they know and are comfortable with. Sadly, being lonely is a little more complicated than just being alone. Single people aren’t always lonely, and by comparison, a lot of people stuck in loveless relationships are.
Though the lure is hard to resist, getting back with an ex out of pure loneliness never ends well. It’s not good for your wellbeing to force yourself to commit to someone who’s not good for you, just because you feel lonely on your own. At the same time, it’s not fair to the other person, who might think they have a chance at real love.
It can be tricky to work out whether it’s actually a good idea to get back together with your ex, or whether you’re just showing up at his door out of loneliness. Read our list below to find out which camp you fall into.
25 She Wants To Change Basically Everything About Him
In a happy relationship, you shouldn’t want to change everything about the other person.
It’s about accepting their flaws and loving them anyway (unless their flaws are particularly harmful to you).
Getting back together with an ex, only to find that pretty much everything about them irritates you and you have to mold them into somebody you actually want to be with, could be a clear sign that the only reason you went back in the first place was loneliness.
24 It’s Meant To Be: He Understands The Essence Of Who She Is
Having another person understand and accept you is one of the best feelings in this life. If you’ve gone back to an ex because they actually did get you, and allow you to be yourself, there’s a chance that it’s really meant to be. This kind of relationship is actually good for your soul and helps you prosper in life rather than drown, so it’s a good reason to get back with somebody (providing everything else also lines up!).
23 She Jumps Through Hoops To Keep Him Happy
People tend to go to more effort at the beginning of a relationship when they’re still impressing the other person in the honeymoon phase.
But nobody can jump through hoops forever.
There comes a point where it’s too much hard work, and if your partner isn’t happy unless you essentially bend over backward, the relationship probably isn’t good for you. This is another sign that you went back to avoid being alone, and not because the relationship is what you need.
22 She Never Dealt With The Issues From The Last Time They Were Together
Breakups always happen for a reason. Sometimes it’s a good reason, and sometimes it’s not, but whatever the case, there is always something provoking the dissolution of a relationship. Exes can get back together and be happy, but they have to sort through the issues that drove them apart last time first. Rushing back to an ex without working that stuff out shows that the decision hasn’t really been thought out properly, and might not be the best idea.
21 It’s Meant To Be: They’re Not Trying To Fix Each Other
Part of understanding someone and letting them be themselves is not trying to fix all their flaws. You might support them and help them improve when they ask for it, but in general, you’re not trying to mold them into something they’re not.
If you can strike this kind of a relationship with someone, you’re very lucky.
This is another sign that you’re not just going back out of loneliness, but because the relationship you had with your ex was one of quality.
20 The Relationship Lacks Harmony And Fights Are Frequent
Fights are normal and healthy in a relationship, but it’s their frequency and intensity that determines whether things are stable or not. Light arguments that get resolved are a sign of good communication, while explosive fights that drag on for days could be a sign that things just aren’t working. If you’re back with an ex and the relationship is full of fireworks like this, it could be a clue that the relationship isn’t in your best interest.
19 She Never Ever Wants To Spend A Night Alone
Total dependency on the other person is sometimes thought of as a sign of true love, but in many cases, it’s an indicator that you are avoiding or incapable of being alone.
Personal space and identity are still important, even when you do meet the love of your life.
Never wanting to spend any time alone without your partner could suggest that it’s not your partner you’re fixated on, but the idea of having someone there to fill a void.
18 They Don’t Have Anything In Common
It’s pretty difficult to make a relationship work if two people don’t actually have any common interests. Chemistry and attraction can fuel things for a while, but without any other substance, the relationship will soon feel pretty empty. Going back to an ex you don’t have anything in common with could show that you’re going back to a relationship that has no substance. There are a few reasons someone would do that, and one of them is because they feel it’s better than being alone.
17 It’s Meant To Be: They Can Trust Each Other
For many people, trust is the single most important aspect of a relationship. And it can actually be really difficult to find somebody that you can trust to be there for you, and not to hurt you.
Being able to trust someone isn’t the only reason you should stay with them, but it’s certainly a good one!
Going back to your ex because you trust them and they trust you is another sign that maybe there’s something meaningful there.
16 She Can’t Help Acting Needy And Clingy
Being too needy, demanding or clingy in a relationship is a quick way to scare the other person off. This behavior could arise because of a number of factors, and one of them is a sense of desperation for the other person and a belief that they complete you. That kind of attitude is closely related to a fear of loneliness and could be a sign that you’ve only gone back to avoid those feelings rather than facing them.
15 Everything Feels Forced And Awkward When They’re Together
Chemistry is something that can’t be forced, and many experts agree that it’s a vital factor in any successful relationship (though it is not the only factor).
When people stay in relationships that have no chemistry or return to them after breaking up,
it could mean that they’re settling for less than they deserve because it’s better than the alternative of being alone.
You can tell there’s no chemistry when everything between you feels forced, unnatural and a little bit awkward.
14 The Relationship Is A Very Clear Rebound
Sometimes rebound relationships work out, but mostly, they don’t. If you get back with an old ex soon after a newer one has ended things with you, it might be a sign that you’re just with them to heal the wounds left by your last relationship. Every case is different, but rebound relationships usually fail because the person on the rebound finds that they can’t replace the person they lost, and the other person ends up feeling used and hurt.
13 She’s Still Not Over An Ex From The Past
Using a new person (or in this case, an ex) to get over somebody you truly love isn’t usually a good idea.
Healing affairs of the heart is a messy, complicated business, and it’s not fair to drag somebody else into that mess.
Loneliness is a common side effect of missing a particular person, and it’s tempting to soothe it by shacking up with anybody you can find (in this case, your ex), but it just causes more problems and fixes nothing.
12 It’s Meant To Be: They Work Through Their Issues Properly
Every couple has their issues, and as we mentioned, the fact that they fight doesn’t matter—it’s how they fight that counts. The ability to work through issues is a huge sign that a relationship has real potential to last. If you and your ex have worked through, or are working through, the issues that drove you apart in the first place, it could be a clue that you’re making the right decision in getting back with them.
11 She Has A Fear Of Being Single
In a society that portrays a long-term relationship (or more specifically, marriage) as the ultimate goal, it’s easy to develop a fear of being single.
Since relationships are supposed to be what we all aspire to at the end of the day, you can feel like a failure if you don’t have one.
And rather than reconditioning yourself not to feel like that (because it’s silly), it’s sometimes the easiest option to avoid facing that fear by getting back together with an ex.
10 He Drains Her, Even When He’s Not Doing Anything Wrong
If you’re mending things with an ex, even though that person doesn’t make you happy, it could indicate that the only reason you’re there is that you think it will fix your loneliness. Plenty of people fall into the trap! When a partner drains you just with their mere presence, it’s usually quite a clear sign that they’re just not for you. They’re not necessarily bad, but they are bad for you because they’re not able to make you happy.
9 She Zones Out When He Talks To Her
In a successful, stable and happy relationship, the communication flows and two people should be able to talk about basically anything.
They should be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying and how they’re feeling (as long as they don’t dominate the conversation by venting for hours).
When that doesn’t happen, and you find yourself not caring about anything your ex says, it could be because you don’t actually care about your ex, and probably shouldn’t be getting back together.
8 She Can’t Be Herself Around Him
In our opinion, the freedom to be yourself in a relationship is totally not negotiable. It’s exhausting pretending to be someone else and having to hide who you are, and nobody should have to do that for a lifetime. Love is about understanding and acceptance, so you should be able to be yourself around your partner without the fear of judgment. If you have to hide who you are, you might have to question whether the relationship is really right for you.
7 The Time They Spend Together Isn’t Really Meaningful
Dates can either be formal and romantic or low-key and casual, and most relationships feature a combination of both.
While there’s room for both, it’s not a good sign if you’re only spending time with your partner just so you don’t have to be alone.
That might be accompanying them on all their errands, studying at their house so you don’t have to do it at yours without them, or just demanding to be in their presence all the time.
6 She Can’t Pinpoint Why She Actually Likes Him
There may be several reasons why a person falls in love with somebody else, but they should always have a general idea of what they like about their partner, even if they can’t give a one-word answer. Not being able to give any reason for why you like your ex and are interested in a relationship with them might suggest that there’s actually nothing about them that you really do like, and you’re there for your own reasons, not for them.
5 She’s Reluctant To Introduce Him To Friends And Family
Everybody has a different approach to introducing their partner to friends and family.
For many people, they don’t like to go down that road unless they’re really serious and envision a future with this person.
So the reluctance to introduce her ex to her family if she hasn’t before, or to tell them that she’s back together with them, could be a sign that she doesn’t actually envision a future with them. Subconsciously, she could know that she’s only back to fill a void.
4 But She’s Excited About Posting Pictures With Him On Social Media
While keeping a partner from friends and family isn’t always a good sign, neither is the eagerness to show off that partner on social media. Being obsessed with taking the relationship public could come down to many things, and one of them is that she’s back with him only to gain validation or approval from her friends, and avoid being the “lonely girl”. As we said, having a relationship is seen as a success, so by blasting it all over the internet, she’s essentially confirming that she’s successful.
3 She Expects The Relationship To Solve All Her Problems
Relationships are great and make many people happy. But they aren’t like magic potions that fix all your problems.
They don’t complete you if you feel empty.
Those things might go away temporarily once you get back with an ex but still exist deep within you until you deal with their underlying causes. Expecting a reunion with an ex to solve all your problems is another sign that you’re not going back for the right reasons.
2 She Plans To Stop Dating Him Once Someone Else Comes Along
This one should be obvious! If you know that you’re only back with your ex until you find someone better, then you must know that you’re only with them to avoid being alone. Being lonely can suck, but it’s always better to deal with it and find ways of being alone without being lonely rather than wasting your time with someone you know isn’t good for you. You’re only hurting yourself and your ex by carrying out a charade like that.
1 It’s Meant To Be: They Make Each Other Happy
It all comes down to this.
There’s no point in staying in a relationship or returning to one if it’s not making you happy.
The fact that your ex makes you truly happy, and makes your life better rather than worse, is a good reason to go back, and a good sign that it’s actually meant to be. No matter what anybody else says or what you think you’re expected to do, a relationship that makes you happy is something you deserve.
References: elitedaily.com, bustle.com, psychologytoday.com, yourtango.com