We’ve all been there: We’re hopelessly crushing on some guy, waiting for him to notice us, or notice that we’re the one for him, or just notice something. We dissect every glance our way, every casually thrown away comment, every brief moment of skin-on-skin contact. We try to read what we want to read into every interaction, no matter how tiny, for some evidence that he feels the same way about us, that he’s just waiting for his moment to ask us out.
Unfortunately, we’re going to be stuck waiting forever, because in this case (and all too often), the guy in question is not going to ask us out. Not because he’s shy or nervous or worried, but because he just isn’t interested in us in that way. There’s a reason He’s Just Not That Into You became a bestseller and a star-studded film.
To save ourselves the heartache and embarrassment and effort later, we’ve compiled 20 signs that he’s never going to ask us out, so we can finally stop waiting and pining for his affections. From not seeing us in that light to never even considering us a romantic prospect, there are lots of different behaviors that can help us from wasting our time, effort, and tears on a guy who just isn’t that into us.
20 He Texts Instead Of Calling
Maybe he’s more of a texting guy or simply hates talking on the phone. Or at least, that’s what she tells herself so that she doesn’t feel as though he’s constantly putting her on the backburner. In all honesty, a man who is interested in a woman will make the effort to call, even if it’s occasionally.
If he likes her, he’ll want to hear her voice when he can’t actually be around her. He’ll want to hear her laugh at his jokes instead of reading “lol”. Texting isn’t an easy way to communicate – it’s an easy way to avoid communication.
19 He Never Starts The Conversation
Whether it’s in person or over the phone, she’s constantly the one starting the dialogue. If he’s interested in her, he’s going to want to talk to her, and see her, and make time for her. Refusing to ever start a conversation and happily letting a discussion taper off signifies a lack of effort on his part – and that’s really what this comes down to.
If he’s not willing to put in the effort to even begin a conversation, why would he go to the trouble of actually arranging a date and asking her out? If he feels the urge to see her or talk to her, he will, period.
18 His Conversations Are Short
Like not starting a conversation, when the two of them finally do get to talking, he prefers to keep the conversation short. If they’re texting, there’s a whole lot of words coming from her side of the screen and very little coming from his.
When a man (or anyone, really) is interested in someone, he’ll find reasons to keep the conversation going, even if things feel awkward or stilted at first. He genuinely wants to learn more about her and build up a rapport, to create inside jokes that he can use as an excuse to talk to her later. A man who isn’t into her at all will be polite and civil, but nothing more.
17 He Treats Her Like Everyone Else
This one should be obvious: if a guy is interested in a girl, he will treat her differently, specially. He’ll hold open doors or be sure to ask if she wants anything if he’s heading out to run an errand. He wants to do nice things for her and put his best self forward so that she’ll be more inclined to develop an interest in him! It’s like a really weird job interview.
If, on the other hand, he isn’t into her at all, he’ll treat her the same as everyone else, with zero special treatment or consideration. She doesn’t register on his radar, so why would he go out of his way?
16 He Doesn’t Listen To Her
When people talk to us, if what they’re saying is important and they’re important to us, we’ll remember it, listen, and respond. Even if it doesn’t seem important to the speaker, if the listener is into them, their brain will store the info for later, to be trotted out at a useful opportunity.
When a guy isn’t interested in a woman or ever planning to ask her out, he’ll nod along and answer politely when he’s given his cue, but he’s never really absorbing any information he’s hearing, because he doesn’t have any real reason to. From the most trivial tidbit to deep, personal reveals, it’ll all sound like white noise to him.
15 He’s Bad With Eye Contact
We flirt with our eyes a lot of the time. When someone catches our fancy, we’ll use any excuse to look their way. We’ll keep an eye out for them at work and gaze at them with more purpose when they’re talking to us. When his gaze lingers or he looks for us from across the room, to make eye contact and smile, he’s very, very into us.
Unfortunately, the opposite is the case when a man has no desire to ask out the woman in question. Sure, he’ll look at her when she’s talking, but he won’t maintain eye contact for very long, or look around for her when she’s not there.
14 He Doesn’t Respond When She Makes A Move
Try as we might, when we’re really into someone, we will find any reason to flirt with them, or make a conversation a little more flirtatious. Sometimes we can’t even help it, it’s just what pops out of our mouths! Hopefully, the person we’re interested in takes the bait, giving us the green light to continue our fun.
However, when a dude isn’t interested in a girl, he’ll leave her feeling more awkward than awesome, because he’ll be greeting her with a brick wall every single time she tries to steer things out of the friendzone and into more flirtatious territory.
13 He Just Got Out Of A Relationship
Some people love rushing into relationships immediately after the implosion of the previous one. They find it easier to get over their ex, and hey, whatever works, right? Other people aren’t so keen to get on with their lives and get in with someone else, which could explain his hesitance to ask her out.
Depending on how the relationship went, how it ended, who ended it, and how broken up over it he is, he may not be itching to start all over again with someone new. Guys need times to heal the same way that women do, and expecting or pressuring him into getting back on the horse could just push him further away.
12 He Never Gets Into Deep Conversations
When we’re interested in someone, we want to learn more about them and get them to open up to us. It helps us to understand them better and allows both parties to feel closer to one another. Deep conversations about life or philosophy or ethics or politics aren’t topics that are usually broached in casual conversation, so talking about them signifies at least some level of interest, at least in what the person has to say.
A guy who has zero interest in getting to a deeper level of friendship will instead keep things light and noncommittal, discussions about movies or TV, devoid of any real insight or interest.
11 He Doesn’t Act Flirty
When a guy is into you, you’ll know it, and it won’t depend on you to always make the first move. A man who is planning to ask out a woman will want to feel out the situation first to see if he even has a chance. Usually, he’ll try this by flirting a little. Flirtatious asides, goofy jokes, subtle physical touches – he’ll try whatever he can if he thinks there’s something worth pursuing.
So, it should be pretty clear when a guy isn’t interested in her at all, because he won’t even try to signal interest via flirtatious behavior. By the way he acts, it doesn’t even seem like the idea has crossed his mind!
10 He Avoids Any And All PDA
Whether she’s in an ill-defined, FWB-type of relationship or she’s looking to turn a friendship or an acquaintance relationship into something more, the PDA rules still apply. Even if her man isn’t a fan of PDA, he’ll still try to show his interest and affection in small ways, like hand-holding, to let her know that they’re both on the same page.
If, however, he has no interest in taking them to the next level, he won’t want to let anyone even think about the two of them being together. In fact, he may shy away from her touch or find reasons to move away from her, just in case something better happens to walk by.
9 He Doesn’t Notice Any Extra Effort
Putting in a little bit of effort is something both men and women like to do when they’re seeing someone they ‘re attracted to. If she’s trying to catch his eye, maybe she wears a little more makeup to work, or dons that skirt that gives her a Beyoncé-level rear. Maybe it’s a new haircut or a flirty sundress – whatever the example of the effort is, for a guy who’s always keeping an eye out for her, it won’t go unnoticed.
For the dude that doesn’t even seen her in that light, she may as well be dressing up for her cat, for all the attention he pays her!
8 He Talks About Other Women
If he’s interested in someone else and starts telling her about it, it’s not his roundabout way to try to make her jealous or inspire her to work harder for his affections: he is being honest about his disinterest in her.
While we’re all allowed to be interested in multiple people at one time, if he’s talking to one woman about another woman who has caught his eye, he’s doing so because he doesn’t see her as competition for his affections. Commenting on that cute blonde that walked by or the brunette who just came into work is his way of letting her know that his mind – and heart – are elsewhere.
7 He Never Acts Jealous
A man doesn’t need to be possessive to signal his interest, but a little jealousy can be nice in a relationship. In conversation, if she mentions a man’s name, does he react at all? Does his tone of voice change or does he ask who the guy in question is? If so, it’s because men are hardwired to pick up on competition. If he likes a woman, any other dude he doesn’t know (and sometimes the ones he does) is competing for her affection.
If he doesn’t react, however, or ask for more info about the mystery man she mentioned, it’s because he doesn’t see the other guys as competition – because he never entered the race.
6 He Treats Her Like One Of The Guys
If he’s calling her “bro”, “pal”, or “bud”, then sorry, girl, but he’s just not that into you! Like treating a woman he’s into differently from everyone else, he’ll also refer to her differently than the usual monikers he chooses to address his male friends.
Treating her like one of the guys is almost a step down form not being interested: he’s so not into her that he doesn’t even consider her to be within his scope of attraction. She’s just a friend, just one of “the boys”, and that’s it. After all, would a boyfriend or guy you’re dating ever call you “bro” with genuine earnestness? Probably not.
5 ‘He’ Is Never ‘We’
When referring to possible future plans, a man who is interested in asking a girl out might subtly try to hint that they do things together. For example, “I found this great restaurant. We should definitely go there sometime.” He wants to share something with her, and hopefully create a date out of it.
On the other hand, a man who isn’t trying to show his interest (because he doesn’t have any), might leave it at, “I found this great restaurant. They have awesome wings.” There is no indication of future plans, he’s just telling her a fact. The “we” part of it never comes to be.
4 He Doesn’t Ask About Her
We want to know about the people we’re interested in. We’re curious about their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their family and friends, their thoughts. We think about them, and so, naturally, we want to know what they think about in general! It’s a way to discover some common ground.
A dude who isn’t into a girl won’t bother exerting the effort to learn more about her, because why would he want to? Asking her for information that doesn’t come up on its own requires a degree of interest he just doesn’t have. His mind isn’t committed to taking things any further, and neither is his heart.
3 He Never Makes Any Plans
The bottom line of determining a guy’s interest is that if he wants to see her, he will see her. He will put in the time and effort to make plans with her. They don’t even always have to be concrete plans, especially if each person’s schedule is hectic. However, ending a call or a get-together with something that suggests a future encounter – like getting drinks later that week, or checking out that festival on the weekend – means that he wants to see her again and he’s thought about how soon he can do so.
A man who isn’t interested won’t bother trying to arrange anything for later and will leave the ball always firmly in her court.
2 He Finds Reasons To Blow Her Off
If a dude is, somehow, guilted or tricked into making plans, or the woman decides that she’s had enough and will arrange something herself, a guy who isn’t feeling it will find any excuse to blow her off. Flaking is what he does best it seems, and he has a whole arsenal of so-called “reasons” as to why he can’t make it:
He’s sick; his dog is sick; his mom just came into town; he’s really busy with work; he’s exhausted. The list is endless, because this dude can be on his BS forever rather than face the confrontational conversation where he tells her point-blank that he’s not into her.
1 He Avoids Introducing Her To His Friends
A man can have many reasons for keeping his relationship on the DL, but a guy who is really crazy about his girl will want to introduce her to the other people in his life, especially if he has a close relationship with them. Letting her meet his friends is a way of enfolding her into his inner circle that isn’t quite as intimidating as meeting the parents.
A guy who isn’t interested (or at least isn’t interested in taking things beyond a FWB stage), on the other hand is less eager to bring her into his world – or outright refuses to. Maybe he has something to hide, but we think he’s showing his disinterest.