Dating is hard work—there is no question about that. We meet someone we think is nice, we go out a few times trying to find out if it could work or if he’s crazy, and then we either dive right in or bail out before the water gets too hot. If we bail, the whole process starts all over again until we find a guy who just might be the one. But how do we tell if he really is a keeper or if he’s just biding his time until he finds his one true love? If he’s with us but thinking of someone else the whole time, how do we find out sooner so we can cut our losses and move on?
While there is no set algorithm to analyze the situation (and asking him directly will probably result in him becoming defensive and starting a fight), there are some small, subtle signs that we can pick up on and use to confirm or deny our suspicions. This plays into our strengths as intuitive women and can sometimes leave the guy with whiplash at just how fast we turned the tables on him. So here are 20 signs to look out for if he’s into someone else.
20 Pattern Of Communication Changed
Way back when we were first dating and getting to know each other, he was constantly texting us or calling or getting in touch in any way possible—even talking to us when he should have been focusing on work. But now, he’s almost radio silent and only communicates in one form, such as texting. We’ve gone days without talking to each other. This could be a strong sign that he is seeing someone else and we aren’t as exclusive as we thought. According to Bolde, “If he used to be in touch constantly and you’re now waiting hours upon hours for a simple ‘hi,’ something is up.”
19 No Future Plans
Making plans together for the future is a key aspect of any relationship. We want to know what we are doing for our birthdays, if we are going to anyone’s house for the holidays or when to take a nice weekend getaway together. If we find ourselves doing all the planning or we keep coming up with fun ideas and he shoots them down, there is a chance that the future he is planning doesn’t involve us. As Bolde puts it, “There’s no mention of weekend plans, let alone holidays or anything beyond that. If he’s not planning for the future, odds are he’s not anticipating there will be a future.”
18 Texting Up A Storm
Nothing quite kills the mood of a romantic dinner out when one member of the party is always on his phone, texting up a storm with someone else. Bolde says, “This is a big one. He can barely respond to your ‘How’s your day?’ text, but here he is at the bar, texting up a storm. The first time, you can assume it’s a family/friend/work emergency and ask if everything’s okay.” Of course, if he replies that everything is good but keeps texting, then he either has some really horrible manners or we aren’t the only pretty face in his contacts.
17 The Check-Out Maneuver
Every guy does this little annoying thing where they check out the women around them. It is especially annoying when he does it with us and thinks it is totally normal behavior. While a quick look is normal (after all, guys are visual creatures), a full-on stare is a sign he’s not fully committed to us. According to Bolde, “Like, he’s not even trying to be subtle about it. He just physically turns around to watch that waitress walk away. That’s just not just disrespectful, it’s a huge red flag that he’s interested in (and most likely is) pursuing other women.”
16 It’s Rush Hour Every Hour
Sometimes being in a rush is okay—especially if we are running late or it is pouring rain outside. But sometimes it is just bad manners. Bolde says, “You’ve been looking forward to dinner all week, but here he is ordering as soon as he gets a menu, hurrying to eat his food and refusing dessert. He could just be a fast eater… or he could be trying to get somewhere else.” This could be a sign that he overbooked his evening and has another date to get to in a hurry. If this is true, we might want to go over the meaning of exclusive with him again.
15 Flakes Out On Plans
Whether we made the plans last night or six weeks ago is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that we shaved, exfoliated, moisturized, trimmed, primped and pampered all to have him send a last minute cancelation text without a really solid reason or why he suddenly bailed on us. This is a good sign he is seeing someone else. Bolde says, “If you find you get a lot of stock bail texts (‘I’m not feeling so great,’ ‘Actually, I’m really tired’, etc.), it’s likely that he has other plans that he’s ditching you for. A few times is okay, but if it becomes a habit, listen to your gut.”
14 Social Media Clues
At some point, we all stalk our man online to see what he’s up to and get a glimpse of him when he isn’t with us. Bolde says we can find clues as to whether or not he is seeing someone else. “Lots of pictures of attractive ‘friends’ kissing his cheek? Seems like he only posts Instas of him surrounded by gaggles of blondes? Those are signs that he’s on the prowl and ready to flirt, my friend.” This is one side; the other side is when we are nowhere to be found on his social media. He shared a picture of our dinner but not of us together by the aquarium.
13 The Name Game
When a guy likes a girl, he finds little ways of saying her name and slipping her into every conversation he has—to the point where he is talking about her more often than he talks about us or even with us. According to Women Working, “Finding ways of slipping another woman’s name into every conversation is a telltale sign that your partner shares more than just inside jokes with her. Remember that, after all, he’s talking about her the way he used to talk about you and there’s absolutely no reason to stick around and see how this will end.”
12 Secretive Phone Behavior
Almost every guy is weird about letting us see his phone. This is due to a wide range of reasons, issues and concerns. But if he let us look through it in the past or was never this weird about it, then something has obviously changed recently in order for him to behave this way. Love Panky says, “Not wanting you to see his phone could easily mean that he has spicy material on there that he doesn’t want you to discover.” This “spicy material” could be anything—even contact info or texts from the other woman he is seeing.
11 Behavioral Changes
If he starts acting jumpy or unusually defensive, this could be a sign that he has feelings for someone else and is trying to hide them from us. When he hears a certain song that reminds him of his crush, he gets all weird and sappy, then snappy when we ask what’s wrong with him. Love Panky puts it this way, “If your boyfriend is having mood swings that resemble a male period, it could be because he is emotionally frustrated since he likes someone else. In this circumstance, not only does he have to repress his desire, but he also has conceal it from you.”
10 Suddenly Super Busy
Like, he’s just busy all the time now. We know his work schedule, so he is obviously filling his free time somehow. The question is, with whom is he filling it? If it’s family, that is one thing, but how many weekends in a row can family really fill all of a sudden? According to Women Working, “If his schedule wasn’t crazy busy before, this is definitely a red flag. All of his free time has to be going somewhere, and his neglectful ways should be enough to prove his wandering heart.” Stalking him just makes us out to be the weird one. In this instance, leaving him or being direct would get better results.
9 Wandering Mind
Men rarely believe us when we tell them we know when they aren’t paying attention to us. Sure, he can do all the right moves and say all the right things but that doesn’t make him mentally present with us and somewhere deep down, he knows it. According to Women Working, “Being with you physically is only half the battle. If your partner is with you but you get the sense that he wishes he were somewhere else, it might be because he wishes he were with someone else. You never want to feel like you’re forcing him to spend time with you.”
8 The Famous “We’re Just Friends” Line
Some guys think they are so sneaky and clever to have a cute female friend on the side, just waiting for them when things with us inevitably fall apart. Or maybe he is trying to push his luck and have a side-chick without us finding out. Either way, he is definitely in for a rude awakening. According to Women Working, “If your partner has recently found a new female friend that he now spends all of his time with, be alert.” Sure, they might just be pals, but his eye may be wandering, and his heart. That can lead to things going farther down the line.
7 Closed Like A Clam
When we first started going out, he told us everything. Even the random little things, and most importantly, how he was feeling and what was going on inside his head. Now he is closed up tight like a clam and won’t verbally budge no matter what we say or do. According to Women Working, “This one is simple, Ladies. If he’s not telling you anything personal anymore it’s probably because he’s telling someone else. Don’t force it, because this will only push him into the other woman’s arms. If he doesn’t want to confide in you, then you shouldn’t want to be with him.”
6 Financial Mess
Unless we are married or we knew what we were getting into way in the beginning, his finances all of a sudden becoming a mess is a big warning sign that he is up to something naughty. Even if we are married, this is still a warning sign. If he works enough, he should be able to foot his half of the bills and then some. As Your Tango says, “This is one of the signs he's seeing another woman and is saving up for a divorce, spending all his cash on another woman, or funneling money towards another apartment. This is also a sign you need to dump his mooching butt.”
5 Sudden Dumping Maneuver
According to Your Tango, “A lot of times, when guys do a sudden breakup without any warning sign whatsoever, and won’t give a real reason for why they’re doing it; it’s because of another girl. If he’s tried to do this before, it’s almost certain he’s thinking about doing it again.” This sudden dumping maneuver is a low blow and probably stems from pressure applied to our man by the other woman who wants him all to herself. We should save him the trouble and dump him ourselves. She will get him until the pattern repeats itself and she finds herself in our shoes.
4 He Has Friends We’ve Never Met
Everyone has friends. It is almost impossible not to have friends of some form or other. But we haven’t met any of his friends and we’ve been going out for awhile now. This is one clear sign that things are not as settled as we thought they were. Plus, Bolde says, “Well, one beer too many and they could accidentally mention ‘that girl Gina’ that he’s been talking to. Or they could have no idea that the girls he’s seeing don’t know he’s talking to other people. Either way, it’s a potentially bad situation for him.” His friends are a potential loose cannon that he would rather we never encounter.
3 What Is My Name?
Some guys are great with remembering names and faces correctly but most of them are forgetful. According to Bolde, “If he’s seeing multiple girls and he doesn’t want you to know, odds are he’s nervous using your name. When an entire date goes by with him only calling you “babe” or avoiding addressing you at all, something might be up.” This little habit of his is to avoid any big-time mistakes like saying someone else’s name in bed and then having his whole cover blown in microseconds. It would’ve been easier to just be exclusive with us instead of goofing off with other people.
2 The Pressure Is Building
Can a tiger really change its stripes? Our guy might not be straying (yet) but he is definitely giving us less attention and subtly hinting about breaking up or pressuring us in some way to dump him. He is squeezing us out of his life because he has plans with someone else. According to Your Tango, “If you feel like he’s pressuring you to leave or if he keeps cutting you out of future plans, then it’s likely he’s looking to dump you. If you notice that someone else is being included more frequently, it’s very likely that he’s leaving you for someone else.”
In the end, we wouldn’t be researching lists like this if our instincts weren’t already picking up hints of something going on with our guy. We could be off about what is exactly going on with him, but in the end, we know something is up. The only problem is finding out what exactly he is up to—if we even want to, that is. According to Love Panky, “Sometimes, our intuition can pick up on things that our rational brains cannot. So, if for some reason, you are suddenly starting to suspect that he is developing feelings for someone else, you could be correct.”
References: Bolde, Women Working, Love Panky, Your Tango