In this age of dating apps, it’s become all too easy to start conversations with someone we’ve swiped right on, only to quickly lose interest and move on from them, never to speak to them again. It’s like making small talk at a party: we do it until a better conversation comes along, and hopefully the person we’ve just abandoned will find someone else to talk to. In our opinion, this isn’t ghosting, it’s just the natural ending of a mundane conversation. Ghosting occurs when there have been multiple conversations, or even a couple of dates. For some unlucky souls, it’s even happened when things have teetered on the precipice of (or been firmly planted in) relationship territory.
Getting ghosted hurts, and it can leave us wondering what went wrong, what we did wrong, or if there’s something wrong with us. Let’s be clear here: it’s definitely not us, it’s them. People who ghost are doing it because confrontation scares them, and they’d rather remove themselves from the situation entirely than face up to their actions.
It’s always better to be prepared for a dating disaster than risk getting blindsided, which is why we’ve compiled these 20 signs that he’s going to ghost us – so that we can be the ones to get out first.
20 He’s All Talk And No Action
This guy is all about making plans, which might be against the norm when we think of dudes who ghost us. He chats us up via text all the time, and it feels like we have a pretty solid footing. However, soon enough he shows his true colors and ends up bailing, every single time.
This guy has zero follow through. He talks the talk but he never tries to walk the walk. He thinks he should get whatever the participation trophy equivalent is when it comes to dating. Plus, since he’s never actually met you, he keeps his conscience clear when he inevitably ghosts you.
19 He Clams Up About The Future
We’re not making wedding plans with this guy and talking about what to name our children; no, this dude will clam up when we’re trying to nail down plans for the weekend! Future plans implies that he’s sticking around and the guy who ghosts isn’t quite so sure about being in it for the next few days.
He might try to write off his behavior as spontaneity, but take it from us (who know better): he’s just trying to ensure that his escape hatch is still accessible. The guy who ghosts doesn’t want to feel bad about ghosting, which is why he won’t give you a clear reason for his sudden silence.
18 He’s Super Secret About Personal Details
When we talk to people we like, we’re more inclined to open up about ourselves. Expressing vulnerability is a very personal thing and a way people in relationships get to know one another. It’s natural to keep our cards a little close to the chest initially, but this dude is basically a secret agent with the level of detail he’s giving us – which is to say, none at all.
Guys who don’t see a future with someone will likely be unwilling to share information about themselves, even if we’ve already shared the same info freely. It creates distance between the two of us, so it’s easier for him to slip away guilt-free.
17 He’s Obsessed With Her – At First
Early onset obsession could be one of two things: he’s seriously hankering for a codependent relationship, or he’s liable to ghost. He’s the type who will shower us with compliments in the early stages of the relationship and potentially come on too strong. All that affection can feel thrilling and intoxicating at first, but it’s really just blinding us to the reality of the situation.
A man who is this free with his compliments and affection so soon after meeting someone means that we’re probably not the only person he’s being this lovey-dovey with. He’s casting a wide net and after a time, dropping whoever no longer interests him.
16 He’s Using Dating Apps
Before having the DTR or exclusivity talk, it’s normal to maybe still open up Tinder or Bumble and swipe a few times, especially if you’re not totally sure where this is going. Well, the same goes for the guy who’s planning on ghosting you. If he was serious about locking us down and making things official, he would’ve deleted those apps already.
Instead, he wants to keep his options open and see if someone better comes along. We may be enough for him for now, but a few swipes later we’ll be waiting for ages on a text or a date that will never come.
15 He Always Has Excuses
Confrontation can be a messy thing, and few of us like to do it, including the guy who ghosts. Prior to actually removing himself entirely from our life, this guy will come up with more excuses than you can think of for his unexpected absences or silences over text.
Excuses are really just the long, painful way of removing the Band-Aid. He’ll tell us things that sound good at first, but are obvious lies when we repeat them to our BFFs. He’s busy with work right now; his family just came into town; he’s been feeling under the weather; he’s traveling nonstop for his job. They’re all just precursors to the inevitability of him ditching us for good.
14 He Sends Mixed Messages
We can’t keep track of this guy, because he’s playing so hot and cold! One minute he’s telling us that we’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he can’t wait to see us again, but the next he’s bailing on all our plans and failing to arrange new ones. His words say one thing but his actions say another, and everyone knows that actions speak louder than words.
The guy who thinks he can schmooze his way out of conflict without actually changing his behavior is the guy who won’t put in the effort to actually end things officially and will ghost us instead.
13 He Uses Vague Language
Actions may speak louder than words, but it’s important to listen to what a guy is saying, because he might be giving us verbal clues that he’s planning to ghost us before we even realize it.
These are standard phrases like, “I’m looking for a relationship, but I’m not in a rush,” or “I love hanging out with you.” He’s not saying specifically that he wants to date us and only us, or that he enjoys being romantically involved with us. Instead, he’s keeping things vague and noncommittal so that he doesn’t have to commit. He may think he’s being honest, but it’s couched in ambiguous phrasing that we might miss, and then be disappointed when he ghosts.
12 He Keeps Her A Secret
A guy who is into us and proud of who we are won’t keep us a secret. There may be the rare occasion where he has overbearing parents that disapprove of relationships but as a whole, a guy who keeps us a secret from everyone else in his life is doing so because he isn’t serious about us, meaning that he can feel free to ghost us whenever he wants.
Even if he hasn’t brought us around to meet the folks, if he hasn’t mentioned us to his inner circle, that’s a pretty big warning sign that he isn’t committed to us and therefore won’t have second thoughts about suddenly going AWOL.
11 He’s Obsessed With His Phone – But Never Texts Back
Whenever we see this guy, he’s always on his phone. He manages to text everyone and regularly likes their IG photos, so why is it that we rarely get a text back? He’s always on his phone around us but then when we’re apart, it’s total radio silence on his end.
We might try to explain this away by him being busy with work or other obligations, but let’s get real: everyone has a phone, and everyone checks it regularly. If he can’t be bothered to text us back, it’s because he’s pulling a classic ghosting move and hoping we’ll get the hint.
10 He Calls His Exes ‘Crazy’
No one likes bringing up their past failed relationships, especially with a new romantic interest. However, this dude is okay with talking about his exes – if only to espouse the fact that they’re all totally crazy.
Now, any guy who refers to all of his exes as “crazy” should be given a big red flag because the obvious common denominator in all these situations is him. Calling ex-girlfriends “crazy” (or some variation) signals a lack of respect for these women as individuals. Instead, he considers their breakup their defining characteristic. If all those girls were “crazy,” then we can assume we’ll get painted with the same brush when we ask for actual reasons as to why he disappeared.
9 He’s A Narcissist
This one should be obvious, but a guy whose first and only love is himself won’t think twice about ghosting us, because narcissists are only in relationships for as long as they can get something out of them.
This dude is only interested in us for as long as he can see some benefit to having us around. He views us as disposable because hey, someone as awesome as him can always find someone new, right? That obviously makes it very easy for him to drop us whenever we don’t amuse him anymore or when he finds someone else he can get something else from, and you know that he’ll never give us a second thought after he’s ghosted.
8 He Doesn’t Talk About His Past Relationships
On the other side of the coin of the guy who refers to all his exes as “crazy” is the one who won’t open up about his past relationships at all.
Looking into someone’s past can provide invaluable information about how they behave in the future. For example, is he the type who will divulge some info about exes but respects them by keeping personal details private? Then he’s a good dude!
If, however, he’s like James Bond with his level of secrecy, it could be because he’s ignoring his previous relationships and the role he played in how they ended. Who knows, it could be that he has a long list of women he’s ghosted behind him!
7 He Bails On Her Early On
In the early stages of a relationship, we’re in honeymoon mode. We want to see each other all the time, spend time together, and get to know one another. A guy who is planning to ghost us probably isn’t too keen on any of that, even when the sparks are supposed to still be heating up into flames.
Bailing on us early on in a relationship or flirtation is done because this guy has already checked out, and we’re no longer a priority. He figures that, if he can get us used to his sudden absences in the beginning, it won’t be such a surprise when he drops out of our lives altogether at a later stage.
6 He Never Makes Plans
This guy may be vocal on social media or via text, but when it comes to actually getting together, he’s never willing to step up and make concrete plans. If we end up scheduling something, it’ll happen, but only if he doesn’t bail, and we know that the favor won’t be returned the next time around.
A guy who wants to see us will make us a priority, and that includes being the one to plan things. A guy who’s getting ready to ghost us, however, will refrain from setting anything up, because it’s easier to ditch whenever the mood strikes him if he hasn’t totally left us in the lurch.
5 He Deletes Or Blocks Her On Social Media
This should be an obvious sign that the guy we’re seeing is about to ghost us, but it needs to be stated anyway. The dude who blocks, unfriends or deletes us on social media is the guy who is past the point of ghosting us – he’s doing it, and making sure we can’t ever find him again.
Banning someone from our social media or removing them from our friends or followers list is the 21st century equivalent of sending them an official cease and desist letter. He’s over the relationship and doesn’t want us to even try reconnecting.
4 He Only Cares About The Physical
Maybe there were some great dates at first, and maybe we feel as though we really connected with him in the early stages. Now it’s a different story, though, because it seems as though he’s only interested in the physical aspects of our relationship, so much so that we can’t remember the last time we even went out on a real date.
This guy is only interested in the physical, not the emotional, connection that can come from being close to someone. Once that’s gone, it’s way easier for him to disappear without a trace in search of getting his satisfaction elsewhere.
3 He Sends One-Word Texts
Rarely a good sign in general, suddenly getting one-word texts from a person who used to be quite verbose means that he’s lost interest and is just going through the motions to maintain an air of civility. He no longer asks any questions or responds in detail to any of our queries – it’s the text version or a nod or shake of the head.
Getting monosyllabic replies in response to lengthy, paragraph-laden texts could mean that we’re headed for a ghosting. This guy is already extricating himself from a texting relationship bit by bit, and it’s only a matter of time before he goes silent altogether.
2 He’s Distant In Person
Hey, sometimes everything seems fine over text! He’s cheery and funny and we feel that spark from when we first met. If someone were to compare our phone conversations, everything looks great. Being around him in person, however, is a different story.
If he seems less engaged or enthusiastic in face-to-face conversation, or his body language suggests he’s pulling away, it may be because he’s planning to ghost us. He won’t admit to it if we asked him what was wrong, of course, but he is already mentally, emotionally, and physically removing himself from the relationship so we should just cut our losses and let him.
1 He’s Done It Before
Sometimes we give people second chances when they really don’t deserve them. Maybe we think we can’t do any better or maybe they have a really good reason for their past behavior. Or, maybe we’re just desperate enough to let bygones be bygones.
However, if a dude has ghosted us and then shown up in our lives again, we shouldn’t get our hopes up, because chances are he’ll do it again. This is especially true if, once we got back together, he never really acknowledged his initial disappearance. In this case, history is the best indicator of future behavior.