There's no sugarcoating it... Guys can be obnoxious sometimes. Their behavior isn't always considerate and can definitely be the cause of some hurt feelings, but the issue arises when it becomes repetitive. As women, we're naturally inclined to have as much patience as we can and to persevere—it's what makes us so strong, after all. Along with putting up a strong front, we often deal with things that we shouldn't... Such as people asking the wrong questions.
It's normal for boyfriends to ask all types of things, especially in the early stages of a relationship. What's not normal is for them to ask anything that could be potentially problematic to the relationship or, even worse, to a woman's self-esteem or confidence. Unfortunately, some guys think it's totally okay to ask things with no consideration. Fortunately, we've figured out what those most commonly-asked questions are so that we can halt poor behavior in its tracks.
Many of these questions are things most of us are familiar with and have been asked before, while some are even more out of line and should raise red flags immediately. Even if it seems like an average question that has just been worked into a conversation, there should be boundaries... and we're here to help our readers establish them.
20 "Why Can't You Be More Like So-And-So? They Don't Do This"
Comparing one person to another is never, under any circumstance, okay. It's bad enough that we compare ourselves to other women, let alone being forced to consider our flaws. Any guy who asks a question such as this is either incredibly feeble-minded or just doesn't have a care in the world about a woman's personal feelings.
Basically, what this is saying, is that they've seen qualities in another person that they favor over the one you're bringing to the table. It's often the sign of an arrogant human being and one that is really not considerate of others when it comes to accepting someone enough to truly love them.
19 "Can You Change <Insert Plan Here> So That We Can Do This Instead?"
Women, just like men, are free to have their own schedules and do their own thing. It doesn't matter whether it's planned with the gals (or guy friends!), family plans, or some alone time, having a separate life is important. There's not a boyfriend on earth who should feel comfortable requesting that his significant other cancel plans in order to devote more time to him—this is an unmistakable red flag.
It's one thing to convey how much they miss you or wish that you could spend more time together, but it's another thing to feel comfortable enough requesting that his girlfriend cancel her plans. This is undoubtedly a sign of attempted control in a relationship.
18 "Why Are You Still Working That Job, Anyway?"
Our first response to this question when it's asked: "Who are you to tell me how to make my money?" Sadly, this is not always the response that many women have when the guy they love poses this question. The first step to loving someone else is loving yourself, which includes being confident in everything you do—including work.
It doesn't matter whether you're working a high-end professional job or a part-time job to pay the bills; if it works for you, then it should work for everyone. No one else can control a woman's future other than her, and any guy that has an issue with that isn't one worth spending time on.
17 "Do We Really Need To Hang Out With Your Family Today?"
Ouch. From personal experience, my family is one of the most loving, accepting, and— quite honestly—hilarious families you're likely to meet. This is how I know that any guy who had the nerve to dislike them or cancel plans with them last-minute is something to be wary of. Hilariously enough, my family is usually there to confirm my gut feeling.
Allow yours to do the same and learn to determine when a guy is just wanting to spend extra alone time with you and when he's verging on controlling your time. Family, especially in mature relationships, is part of the deal. If a guy can't deal with yours, then you probably shouldn't deal with him.
16 "Just Cancel Plans With Them, Don't You Want To Hang Out With Me?"
Move aside, arrogance party of one coming through! There's no way around it... The guy who asks you to cancel plans is a guy who thinks only of himself. It may seem as though he's thinking solely of you when he asks this, but don't be fooled by a cool demeanor and suave act.
Profiling this type is pretty easy: he puts out a request that his girlfriend cancel plans because he a) is incredibly bored or b) feels the need to exert his domineering persona. It's a red flag for sure and if it becomes repetitive behavior, it's a straight-up warning sign. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 on this one.
15 "Why Are You Crying? It's Not A Big Deal"
The anger is real. Let's get one thing out of the way: no one has the right to dictate anyone else's feelings. This is one step above a guy telling his girl to "relax"... and, ladies, we're all well aware of how one simple word can dump fuel on flames. Insisting that his girlfriend's emotions are "no big deal" is a huge mistake, not to mention cold.
Tears signify that something is wrong and despite how your significant other feels, they should always be acknowledged in an open, safe way. It's too easy for some guys to brush these moments off as though their girlfriend is "overreacting" and that's no basis for a healthy relationship.
14 "Who's Texting You So Much?" Or Even Worse, "Can I See Your Phone?"
Lack of trust much? Unless your boyfriend needs to make a phone call or text a friend, there should be no reason that they "need" to see your phone. In today's world, a cell phone is a source of privacy and needs not to be shared with anyone else without its owner's permission, and the same goes for relationships.
A guy doesn't get special privileges just because he's dating someone and he shouldn't expect them either. Trust is something that always needs nurturing and constant work because, without it, a relationship can't thrive or grow. If all else won't deter him, throw a passcode on it!
13 "Do You Still Have Feelings For Your Ex?"
Yikes. This is the one question that has the power to stop women in their tracks and make them rethink all of their recent behavior. It's even worse if you still happen to be friends with your ex (PSA: that's okay). While it's not a for-certain fight-starter, it's definitely an uncomfortable question and one that exposes insecurity.
If your boyfriend asks this, then chances are he's a bit paranoid and definitely uncomfortable trusting you. It's time for a sit-down and an open dialogue because brushing this question off will only allow insecurities to fester. Talking and voicing concerns is the only way to respond to this question.
12 "Are You Really Wearing That To Go Out?"
This question alone has the ability to ruin a girl's night. Barring a massive hole in the butt of a woman's dress, there is never, under any circumstance, an appropriate time to pose this question. Unfortunately, many guys think it's okay to ask—and those who do are pretty dense as far as consideration goes.
Women can be insecure and something like this will only inhibit her confidence. Any self-respecting guy will do nothing but encourage a positive self-image and help to improve his date's self-esteem. If your boyfriend has an issue with your wardrobe, let him purchase all of your future clothing or just tell him to shut it.
11 "What's The Matter With You?"
Uh, PMS, a poor grade on a paper, exhaustion, fight with the best friend, life in general? When anyone is bummin'—not just a woman—they usually don't need a solid excuse to do so. Emotions are emotions and sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for it.
Women have enough hormones raging around and don't need to be asked in such a way why they're a bit more emotional than usual. There are so many better ways to pose this question that don't include sounding like a disappointed parent. "Is everything okay?" "Do you want to talk?" "Are you feeling alright?" All viable options.
10 "Why Do You Do <Insert Habit Here> All The Time?"
Human beings have habits. Sometimes, these habits can annoy other people... but does that ever make it okay for a significant other to question them? Nope. Whether it's a nervous habit or just an unrealized habit, a boyfriend should never feel comfortable asking, in such a way, why you do what you do.
There are better ways of phrasing the question if it really bothers them, but guess what? Part of loving someone means accepting their not-so-pleasant habits as well as the ones that you love. Acceptance is a huge part of a healthy relationship. The question only increases nerves and makes a woman feel as though she needs to be hyperaware of her behavior.
9 "Why Don't You Care About What I Need?"
Excuse us? Okay, if you're a really needy girlfriend who has slightly selfish tendencies then that's one thing. However, in most cases, this question is thrown out of nowhere and stuns many an unsuspecting girlfriend. No one's needs on either side of a relationship are more important than the other's.
If both partners do not consider each other equals and don't treat each other as such, then that, in itself, is a huge red flag. If your boyfriend is conceited enough to feel comfortable asking why his needs don't matter, then you have every right to revoke your need-filling duties as (ex) girlfriend.
8 "Are You Being Completely Honest With Me?"
"No, of course not." Unless his girlfriend has a solid reason to lie, this question is pointless and only hinders any trust-building. No woman should be made to feel as though she's untrustworthy, especially when it can happen to the most innocent of people. There's no way of knowing if the person you choose to date will end up having significant trust or controls issues. All we can do is be aware of the warning signs and know when enough is enough.
Asking his girlfriend if she's "being completely honest" is akin to a parent asking their child if they've lied about making fun of another classmate, not something that should be exchanged between two partners.
7 "Are We Breaking Up?"
Unless she says she wants to break up, there's literally no reason to ask this question in a relationship. It's true that guys can be just as insecure, if not more so, than girls, so it's totally possible that this could be a situation. The question usually comes after a fight or in the event that the two of you aren't jiving and can definitely be a surprise.
Rather than becoming frustrated, it's a red flag signaling the need to talk and hash things out. Clearly, it implies that two people are not on the same page and need to catch up with each other in order to move forward.
6 "Can You Just Relax Already?"
There's nothing that can have a woman's temper flaring up quicker than this not so much of a question, question. The long-winded version of "just relax," this question is the one thing that can set us off like no other. Usually, there's a reason for a girl being so upset.
Telling her to "relax" or "calm down" is basically just an act of quelling her feelings without actually acknowledging them. Emotions are normal to have in a relationship and not all of them will be good and happy. Throwing a question such as this out in the middle of a disagreement is a cheap way of trying to end it without fixing the problem.
5 "Why Do We Never Do Anything That I Want To Do?"
Is this guy a whiny child or a full-grown man? Aside from the obnoxious nature of these request in the form of a question, it's definitely not the most appropriate way to ask it. This goes right back to a significant other not respecting their partner. Whether it was a momentary second of weakness or repeat behavior, it's definitely not the nicest thing to surprise your girlfriend with.
Chances are, she's already under enough pressure as it is to be a good girlfriend, let alone feeling inadequate with the addition of this question. Guys who ask this either need to learn how to have a conversation or not ask it at all.
4 "Why Can't You Be More Realistic?"
John Lennon said that there's nothing wrong with being a dreamer and we tend to believe him. That means your boyfriend shouldn't object to it either. There's nothing wrong with having lofty goals and ambitions because, without them, none of us would have future plans or the motivation to accomplish them.
A boyfriend who asks this is likely one who either feels inferior to your future goals or is just too much of a pessimist (don't be led to believe he's a "realist"). The support of a significant other makes all the difference in the world when it comes to going after your dreams and he should feel the same way.
3 "Are You Sure That's What You Want To Eat?"
Yes, and she'll have a milkshake and a side of fries with it. Let's just get it out in the open: there's really no reason for a guy to ask this, ever, regardless of whether he's asking a family member, friend, or his girlfriend. The foods you choose to put into your system are a choice that no one else but you can make and not a single person (excluding a doctor, of course) has a say in that.
A good boyfriend will not only say "heck yeah, that sounds great!" but he'll be right at your side, devouring the other half of a stuffed-crust pizza with you. It's about solidarity, not a singularity.
2 "Why Do You Treat Your Friends Better Than You Treat Me?"
Hm, he's either very jealous or very insecure. It's no surprise that girls can seemingly be way closer as well as comfortable with their gal pals than with their boyfriends, at least initially. It's likely that they've just known their best friends for longer and have had time to cultivate a lifelong friendship.
A guy who's jealous of his girlfriend's best friends is one who doesn't have very much confidence in himself or his girlfriend. It's a sticky situation and one that should be flagged immediately. A healthy relationship can't grow out of the jealousy he has over a non-romantic partner. Friends before guys, always.
1 "Why Isn't Our Relationship More Like Such-And-Such's?"
Well, we don't know, maybe ask to be part of their relationship instead? Obviously, this probably isn't the greatest response to a question such as this (unless you're an uber-sarcastic person like myself). But on the other hand, it's not exactly the nicest question to be asking your girlfriend, either.
A guy needs to be pretty unhappy in a relationship to be examining and wishing he had something that another person has. If this is the case, it doesn't look very good in the long-term. A woman should never restrict herself to anyone who strives for another person's idea of happiness.
Sources: The List, Slice, LifeHack