Here are some childhood things that might sound familiar. #1 The immeasurable joy that is the sound of an ice-cream truck. #2 Grocery store trips where we were actually allowed candy. #3 Whatever it was that embarrassed us in middle school (and how much it still stings all those years later).
But a $12,500 Fendi stroller, electronic metal detectors, and a home chef to whip up organic smoothies? Even the richest kid we knew didn't have those things. The Kardashian-Jenner clan, however? That and more.
When Travis Scott announced that 7-month-old Stormi was "about to be walking," fans saw this dad's excitement. Then again, fans also wondered if this might be the last "normal" thing that Kylie Jenner's little baby girl will experience.
This year has thrown us more Kardashian babies than we can handle. With Kim, Khloe, and Kylie all welcoming baby girls in one year, this family is upping its tot game. Kim and Kanye West now have three kids. Kourtney Kardashian has been pulling the mom card for years. Rob is trying the co-parenting thing with ex Blac Chyna.
Now that Kendall Jenner is the only Kardashian-Jenner without a child, it's time to take a look at just how these kids are living. From the banned household items to the extravagant accessories, not one thing about these famous kids' lives is remotely normal. Here are 20 normal things that are off-limits if you're a Kardashian-Jenner kid.
20 You Will Not Use This Word
When your entire family relies on trademark curves for a living, there's more than body positivity at stake with the dreaded "F" word. Under Kourtney Kardashian's roof, that word has three letters (and heaven help you if you say it out loud). During an episode of KUWTK, Kris Jenner asked Kourt: "Do you think I look fat?"
"Don't use that word in front of my daughter," Kourtney told her mom of the word "fat."
"I just don't want to start getting anybody self-conscious," Kourt later explained. "There are so many conversations that we have without thinking the kids are listening."
19 You Will Not Soil The White Furniture
Something about North West doesn't seem too happy here. Given that this 6-year-old can't complain about her Balmain jackets and mini Louis Vuitton, we'll assume that disgruntled expression is a result of Kim's home rulebook. "Our home decor taste tends to be minimal and modern," Kim wrote on her website. Kids play in the playroom–the one room in which they are permitted to "run wild."
The playroom is "where all the markers, paints, and colors are...By the time they're done there, they have no desire to take a pen to our white furniture, lol! [sic]" From the woman who paints her daughter's face in contouring, that's an interesting rule.
18 Talking? Sign The $10 Million NDA, Please
First you sign, then we'll talk. In 2018, Radar Online reported that Kylie Jenner had tightened security following the arrival of Stormi Webster.
The supposed $10 million confidentiality agreement that anyone in Stormi's presence needs to sign follows similar measures taken by other members of the family.
The Daily Mail has long reported that both Kim and Kourtney's nannies are sworn to silence. The only person who seems to have broken this rule is Blac Chyna. According to This Is Insider, Kim K has been hinting that Chyna's big mouth is about to land her in hot water. In the meantime, want to chat with North? You know where to sign.
17 Step Through The Metal Detector, Please
The temperamental beeping metal detector is something we'd expect--in an airport. For example, in 2016, The Telegraph reported on the woes of Kylie Jenner's $88,000 Cartier bracelet being removed for an airport security check. Requiring special Cartier screwdrivers to remove it, a TSA agent called the bracelet a "problem item." Times have changed, though.
OK! magazine has reported that security at Kylie's home is so tight, the team wouldn't let the star through her own gates. According to Kylie's Snapchat: "So I just pulled up to my gate and I was like: Hey, it's Kylie Jenner." Kylie then had to explain that she is "THE Kylie Jenner."
16 Bread Isn't Bread, It's "Ezekiel Bread"
"There definitely cannot be any extra flavor in breads." Those were Khloe's words to Look during an interview about Kourtney's strictly health-conscious kitchen. The mom of three had even told Khloe that she should be switching her regular bread to Ezekiel Bread. For those of you wondering what's behind the fancy name, a ton of whole grains and legumes.
Kourtney's healthy eating philosophies have found their way into every health magazine on the planet (and every meme on social media).
Back in the regular world, there's white bread, wheat, maybe multi-grain if we're feeling adventurous. Walmart-bought sandwich bread? A food these kids will likely never know.
15 Makeup Isn't Makeup, It's A "Bribe"
Kim didn't seem too phased by the backlash that this statement unleashed. Following the revelation that she bribes North West with candy to avoid her little munchkin acting up during photoshoots, Kim told UsWeekly that it goes a step further. If Northie isn't in the mood for school, Kim bribes her with makeup. "She's such a girly girl," Kim said. "She loves all my products."
"Sometimes, I have to bribe her to go to school and be like: Do you want me to put on some makeup? and she'll say: Okay." North has already become a regular promotional face for the KKW Beauty line, accompanying Kim to pop-ups and undergoing her own contouring.
14 A $50,000 Hermès Bag "To Paint" Isn't Regular Playtime
You're looking at a $50,000 Hermès purse. This particular model came with a twist, though. In 2014, Hello reported that Kim Kardashian had gifted an infant North West a Hermès purse–to paint.
Kim then stepped into the LA sunshine with an accessory that could not be more custom-made--North had left her paint splatters all over this new bag.
"Me & my bae out today. Wearing my favorite bag painted by my little North," Kim captioned the image. Just this year, Cosmopolitan showed us North's designer purse collection. It includes two $750 bags from Alexander Wang. That's on top of the mini Louis Vuitton that North has been spotted in.
13 A Young Versace Wardrobe Isn't "Regular Swag"
$20 sweatpants in kids' sizes exist for a reason. It's called something that can tolerate mud and ketchup, plus they're going to grow out of it in a month. But given the Fendi and Burberry we've already seen on Stormi, the pattern of dressing your kids in head-to-toe designer clearly isn't going anywhere. North and Saint West have been at it for years.
In 2016, E! estimated that North West's wardrobe is worth $1 million. She also has a $5000-a-week "glam squad." Items that North owns include $1,500 Givenchy dresses, baby Balmain jackets, plus endless furs and a diamond choker. When you're 6 years old and a fashion icon, your life is anything but normal.
12 "We Have A Lot To Discuss. It's Yeezy Season"
Think of Kanye West what you will, but the man knows how to promote a product. Kanye's confident tweets that Yeezy "will be worth a billion" might not quite reflect reality. Still, with Footwear News reporting that the Yeezy Boost 350 was the most sought-after sneaker of 2018, Kanye is on his way there.
Kim, Kylie, and Kendall recently promoted the new drop, and the kids are right up there, too.
In 2017, North West and Kourtney's daughter Penelope were spotted in customized Yeezy gear. $300 sneakers and the Yeezy Kids Supply's Calabasas outfits are part of the unspoken rulebook. Keep it real, kids.
11 The Kids That Will Never Know Regular Camping
Cash-strapped families will consider a vacation with a pool a rare luxury. The most we got as kids were last-minute camping trips. In September 2018, Khloe posted this snap of herself with baby, True. In the "need a vacay from my vacay" style that the Kardashians have turned into a phrase, the family was taking a break in an unknown tropical destination. This followed Khloe and Tristan's luxury Mexican getaway just weeks earlier.
Kourtney recently took the kids to Europe, where they were seen lounging on yachts. North West and Saint have likewise been seen soaking up the sun on pristine, white-sanded beaches. Well, it's a hard life, right?
10 The Kids That Will Never Know Gluten Or Dairy
Kids pick up on what their parents say. When Kourtney's kids were debating snacks on an episode of KUWTK, we saw a little Reign run around and ask: "Is it gluten-free?" Going gluten and dairy-free has become a full-blown health trend. Imposing it on growing kids who have no known intolerance has caused growing concern among nutritionists, though.
These kids grew up on organic coconut milk and banana and spinach shakes and lunch is "gluten-free rice tortillas, carrots, and celery" according to mama Kourtney.
"I have noticed a great positive change in behavior with my children when we stick to a gluten-free and dairy-free diet," Kourtney wrote on her website.
9 Microwaves Are Banned Under Kourtney's Roof
Kourtney's kitchen philosophies don't just revolve around her organic, gluten-free, and dairy-free nutrition plans. In 2017, Kourtney took to her website to explain why she avoids microwaves. "One kitchen appliance I never use is a microwave. If anything needs to be heated up, I prefer to use the oven, stovetop or toaster oven instead."
This isn't a taste-related preference, though. After Mason was born, Kourtney did a lot of "research." Reading about "toxins from plastic containers" that can be transferred to food when reheated is something that Kourtney has read about. While the microwave debate is still a hot topic in many families, most of us just use them out of convenience.
8 Kylie Insists On Medical Masks Near Stormi
Having a hygienic household is something that we can get on-board with. Kids having zero germs near them? Kind of impossible. Also not the best way to build an immune system. The Sun has reported that Kylie is taking extreme measures to keep baby Stormi "out of harm's way."
Kylie reportedly has "boxes of medical masks for people to wear around Stormi because she doesn't want her exposed to germs."
We saw this for ourselves with an Instagram pic of Travis Scott wearing one. Nannies are apparently also required to sanitize their hands and wear "medical gear" around Stormi.
7 Names Must Be "Short And Easy To Spell"
The list of Kardashian rules continues. When Khloe appeared on The Ellen Show to discuss baby names, she revealed that the family's unconventional baby names are no random matter. Khloe told Ellen Degeneres that names should be "short, easy-to-spell, one syllable– that kind of vibe."
Come to think of it, the Kardashian-Jenner kids have mostly followed this pattern. Penelope and Chicago are the only kids with more than two syllables to their name. Mason, Stormi, North, Saint, True, and Rob's daughter, Dream are all short and snappy. Easy to spell? Stormi, less so. Then again, the most Stormi will ever have to sign is her trust fund portfolio.
6 Looks Like Public Transportation Is Out
The Kardashian-Jenners might keep the details of their luxury vacations under wraps, but the way they get there is anything but a secret. This pic comes from Scott Disick's Instagram. We see one private jet, one designer bag, and precisely zero normality.
While the $1.4 million Ferrari that joins Kylie's fleet of Lamborghinis is just as extravagant as Kim and Kanye, these pics are highlighting the one thing that these kids cannot experience — a regular life.
There is one exception here, though. The Kardashians don't do private jets without fried chicken. Popeye's has been a staple in pics with Kourtney and Khloe, plus Kylie and her BFF, Jordyn Woods.
5 Meals Are For Eating, Not Screen Time
For a family who spends their lives on their phones, this one has its irony. Parents around the world are battling the "screen time" issue, and Kourtney joins them. "We have a game room," Kourt wrote on her website. "I allow 30 minutes of video game during the week and an hour on the weekends."
The rule turns strict during meal times, though. "We used to let them use iPads at restaurants," Kourtney said in an interview. Meals are now strictly "no screen," though. And under Kylie's roof, only she can snap baby Stormi for social media, according to The Daily Mail.
4 Fashion Week Is For Toddlers, Not Designers
"North West Doesn't Cry At Kanye West's Fashion Show This Year." That was EOnline's headline in 2015 as North West attended yet another Fashion Week. Slide your eye to the left. That's Anna Wintour, the editor in chief of Vogue. And to think Fashion Week's front row used to be reserved for prestigious designers.
North made her Fashion Week debut as a toddler, where, sitting next to Beyonce, she screamed the entire time.
For all the times we cherished childhood with going to the game or Disneyland, here is the Kardashian-Jenner equivalent. The most prestigious fashion event of the year (and well past their bedtime).
3 Do Gated Communities Have Ice-Cream Trucks?
Right. Let's break down what we're seeing. One of Kylie's four California mansions, one $1.4 million Ferrari, and not much in the way of people. Gated communities have their pros–no prying eyes and no riff-raff. Then again, these ultra-exclusive and very sheltered living environments aren't exactly a glimpse into the real world.
In August 2018, Mansion Global reported that Kylie had dropped $12 million on a new, 6,034 square-foot home. Kim and Kanye's kids are being raised in a $20 million Bel Air mansion. Running into the street when the ice-cream truck plays that tune? Unlikely for these kids.
2 Do Billionaire Kids Recognize Dollar Bills?
The lyrics to Travis Scott's "Money, Power, Respect" track make a few things clear. "Eatin' breakfast on a jet...carats hangin' from my neck." The rapper's fame may be climbing, but Travis's worth is nothing next to Kylie Jenner. In 2018, Kylie fronted Forbes magazine. The "youngest self-made billionaire" has earned $900 from her Kylie Cosmetics empire. Kylie owns 100% of it.
Stormi takes strolls in a $12,500 Fendi stroller and social media has already shown us baby Burberry outfits and gold jewelry.
Alongside KimYe's kids, Khloe's baby, and Kourtney's brood, the wealth that these kids are growing up with may well leave them with a problem–the inability to recognize a dollar bill.
1 Trend-Set Or Forever Hold Your Peace
By the time North West was wearing this Baby Balmain outfit, Vogue was already running a headline on her. The fashion magazine called her "fashion's unofficial first toddler." The entire article revolved around the white tutu and Balmain jacket–the adult version retails for around $2000.
North West is already the face of Fendi's #Peekaboo campaign, and Stormi is already kitted out in designer gear. The message couldn't be clearer. You're not a true Kardashian-Jenner until you're turning heads with every outfit you wear. If you can't keep up, you don't belong in this family.
Admit it–some of these are pretty funny. Some are also a bit sad. Hit share on Facebook for anyone who needs a jolt on Kardashian-Jenner "reality."
References: people.com, refinery29.com, perezhilton.com, tmz.com