There's nothing more inspiring than falling in love and nothing more devastating than heartbreak.
Maybe that's why when we fell that first blush of love warming us up from the inside and the light brush of passion skittering up our skin, we never want that feeling to fade away. We never want to wake up one day and feel indifferent, or worse, cold, when we turn our head and look at the sleeping body next to us. We don't want to sit and stare at our partner and wonder how we ended up making such a colossal mistake.
Because that's exactly what falling out of love feels like.
Falling out of love is not explosive, like years of suppressed anger finally coming out in one go, or disgust-inducing, like when you realize you have a wad of chewing gum stuck underneath your shoes. It is more like nothing. Like you couldn't care less if your partner left or stayed with you. Like they do not matter!
It's the worst sort of emptiness and none of us want to ever feel it or be on the receiving end of it.
So, if you have ever wondered what makes men fall out of love with their SO, here are 20 real-life confessions from real men straight from the archives of Reddit.
Believe us, this list will make you go "ouch!"
20 She Asked Him To Skip With Her While Holding Hands
The honeymoon phase of falling in love can turn the toughest among us into puddles of mush.
From leaving each other romantic notes and surprises to watching the sunset while holding hands, we really tend to dial up the cheesiness in the first few months of dating and commitment. But there's a catch. You have to be genuine while you are romancing your boo.
Because if you are not, this happens –
"She acted a bit like a manic-pixie, but I thought it was a clever ironic act. I loved the person behind the character, but not the character..."
"One day we were walking across my college campus and she wanted both of us to skip while holding hands. I remember very clearly thinking, as she jerked my arm mid-skip, 'either this isn't an act, or this girl will never break character for the rest of her life.'"
"If I marry this person, I will have to endure this character until one of us dies."
I broke up with her shortly after that, and it was not pretty."
Shared by Reddit user rain-dog2, this story illustrates how jarring a fake bubbly personality can be when you are trying to build a genuine connection with someone.
So be your fun self but remember that he is dating an adult, not a child.
19 She Was Incapable Of Handling Crisis In Real Life
High-value women, who easily attract the attention of most, if not all, men, always exhibit four qualities: confidence, independence, playfulness, and intelligence. And each is equally important when it comes to getting the guy and keeping him.
The following confession illustrates how a lack of independence can actually make men fall out of love with you –
"If I had to pinpoint the moment I "fell out of love" with my ex-girlfriend, it would have to be when her dog got sick and I saw how she handles a real crisis for the first time. I very quickly imagined what our life would be like every time there is a serious problem, and how I will probably have to not only fix it all by myself but take care of her too. I wasn't about to plan my life with someone who I can't even rely on to take care of herself, let alone take care of me."
Shared by Reddit user demos11, this story is a wake-up call for many of us because while men love providing for the woman they love, they still want you to be independent enough to handle the challenges life throws your way. After all, he wants to know that he can count on you too when he's in need!
Believe us, the thought of babysitting an adult does not increase attraction.
18 He Realized He Would Have No Say Over How Their Kids Were Raised
If you have spent any time with men, whether your father, brother, friend, or bae, you would know that men loving fulfilling the wants of their loved ones. In fact, they often give in to you because they know that would make you happy.
Unfortunately, some women tend to take advantage of this giving nature and rule their partners with a my-way-or-the-highway approach. And when that happens, you often end up with this –
"[I fell out of love] within a day of my wife falling pregnant.
She is a total control freak... which was fine when it was just me... 95% of the time I didn't care, and for the remaining 5% I got used to losing the argument.
When she got pregnant I realised that I was going to have literally no say during the pregnancy... or in how the child was raised... and I instantly fell out of love."
Shared by Reddit user hokeyWB, this story shows us how easy it is to kill someone's love for you by refusing to fulfill their needs in the relationship and trying to selfishly get your way every time. In this case, a man's need to pass down his experience to his children and jointly raise them with his wife.
17 He Started Going Home Late Just To Avoid Her
If there's a sign that your relationship has finally arrived at the beginning of its end, this is it. After all, when we are in love, we always want our partner to stay in our vicinity or remain connected to us through some way or another. So, it's big red flag if you (or your partner) actively start looking for ways to remain apart and disconnected.
The following confession shows how creative men can get when they don't want anything to do with a woman –
"I realized that I was staying late in the mornings at work (I work graveyard) just so she would be gone by the time I got home and I wouldn't have to see her. I knew then that it was completely over between us."
Shared by Reddit user unsupervised_adult, this story reveals two things about the relationship.
One: the man finds the presence of his partner absolutely unbearable. (Maybe because she nags too much or their interaction always leaves him stressed out and feeling negative.)
And two: he is afraid of confronting his partner about the problem between them. (Men who pull this trick often tend to ghost on their partners one day.)
That's why relationship coaches keep saying that communication can make or break a relationship.
16 He Had To Walk On Eggshells Around Her
Another classic reason why men fall out of love is when they feel they need to walk on eggshells around their partner.
It could be because their partner is a high-maintenance drama queen who lives for skull-exploding fights and passionate make-ups afterwards, or it could be because their partner is so insecure that even inane things trigger a deluge of tears or, worse, a fight.
Whatever form this kind of a relationship takes, if you have to walk on eggshells around someone, it's a sign that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship where your partner has convinced you that their eratic fluctuations between super romantic and super condescending is somehow your fault. Men don't stick around too long in such relationships.
The following confession illustrates this phenomenon –
"[I fell out of love] when I was with friends and she called and I went "Everyone shut up, its her."
I still remember the way everyone looked at me and I froze for a second and we all silently acknowledged that that wasn't right at all."
Shared by Reddit user TheGandu, this story also shows how important it is to have a set of good friends who can be the voice of reason when we are stuck in a bad relationship.
15 She Falsely Accused His Friend Of Misbehaving With Her
Ouch! But we totally side with the man here. After all, given the current political scenario surrounding women empowerment, false accusations can really land people behind bars if they do not have a strong alibi. Plus, how can you love someone who is willing to go to any extent to remove your friend from your life just because they want all your attention?
Frankly, it's the creepiest confession on this list by far. Here's the story –
"[I fell out of love] when she lied and said that a friend of mine [misbehaved with] her (on a night he was hanging out with me)."
Shared by Reddit user Blazing_bacon, this story is really alarming. And when he was asked for more details by fellow Redditors, he said, the girl used to date his friend earlier, but it didn't work out between them because his friend wanted to take things slow while she wanted to jump right into the sack. So, it was a plot to kill two birds with one stone: seek revenge and also break their friendship.
According to Blazing_bacon, the girl did manage to convince a lot of other people but he was grateful that it got rid of all the toxic people from their life.
14 She "Tested" Him Once Too Often
Contrary to the popular adage "just be yourself" (what does that even mean?), in reality, dating someone is actually a game. A game of push and pull where the woman dictates the pace.
This allows both individuals to "test" out each other for compatibility even as they grow closer and choose whether to commit or not.
But all this comes to an end once you are actually in a committed relationship. After all, when you commit, you are telling the other person "I have chosen you and am willing to explore more aspects of your personality over time because I love you."
That's why, if you continue to "test" your partner even after you are in a relationship, it basically tells him that you are a manipulative person who will never give him the satisfaction of true commitment. No wonder this happened –
"An insecure ex would constantly 'pretend' to be angry at something small to test how I would react. At first I was glad that she wasn't really mad, tried to comfort her that I can handle it, but after the 50th time her insecurities became self fulfilling prophecy and I stopped feeling anything for her."
Shared by Reddit user marvelousdog, this story is a classic example of self-sabotage.
13 She Was Using Him As A Placeholder
This story will just break your heart –
"[I fell out of love] when I pieced together the clues that she wasn't being faithful and had been setting up another guy (and already went on one date with him) on the side to swing to and made me her plan B in case he rejected her. Was not a fun time."
Shared by Reddit user Shakydrummer, this story really breaks our heart because we all know how this story ends – with the boy either breaking someone else's heart by cheating on her before she can do it to him or with him becoming an extremely possessive lover who keeps tabs on his SO's every move so she can't ever cheat on him! (Each human interaction might be unique but the overarching stories tend to be the same.)
There's a third possibility as well – the boy realizes that every girl is not the same and he will never ignore his gut feeling (because he knows he ignored the signs this time) – but only rare, mature souls choose that path.
So, frankly, the take-home message of this confession is this: if you ever fall in love with someone else while in a committed relationship, do the right thing and part ways first. Believe us, the one who cheats always loses respect for himself or herself in their heart.
12 She Refused To Attend His Father's Funeral
We cannot even begin to imagine how messed up this relationship has to be for this to happen. So, let's hear it straight from the horse's mouth –
"When my fiancée did not attend my father's calling hours, or funeral. Along with my grieving, I had to endure being more and more embarrassed as my relatives asked me as each new random pretty girl came to offer their condolences. "Oh she's beeeeutiful!!! Was that your Melanie?"
I went over to her place the next day and she acted like it was no big deal, "I freak out around dead people." I didn't have the energy at that point for a huge argument. So I just told her we wouldn't be getting married and walked out the door."
Shared by Reddit user Maldibus, this is a story of human callousness. No wonder he broke off their marriage. After all, how can you claim you love someone if you are not willing to be there for them when they are grieving and need your shoulder to cry on?
Believe us, nothing kills a man's love for you faster than the realization that you and he are not really a team.
11 She Was Completely Rude To A Stranger
The following story is hilarious and disgusting in equal measure. Check it out –
"It was a long and sordid 3 years but the last straw was when we went out to dinner and we’re leaving the restaurant and a bigger girl was standing, signing her bill. My gf said, “Excuse you.” and the lady said, “Can you give me two seconds to sign the [expletive] bill?”. My gf says, “Shut up you fat [expletive]!” And a verbal fight ensues. I walked out of the restaurant and she came racing out telling me I am supposed to have her back. I was silent and walked away. We broke up like 2 weeks later."
Shared by Reddit user tinsinpindelton, this story demonstrates that people don't usually fall out of love overnight. It takes months, sometimes years, of cooling passion and indifference before one day, a seemingly inconsequential incident ends up bringing the whole tower down.
Not that this incidence was inconsequential. After all, engaging strangers in heated verbal spats by calling them names and commenting on their figure is looked down upon by both men and women. No wonder tinsinpindelton distanced himself from the exchange and his girlfriend.
10 She Only Cared About Herself
We usually tend to gravitate towards people who we find good-looking. But the attraction immediately fades away when we realize they aren't as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. That's why we often find ourselves strongly attracted to people with a lot of charisma and personal integrity, even if they look quite plain, and strongly repelled by picture-perfect individuals who turn out to be catty as soon as they open their mouth.
The following confession highlights this distinction –
"When I realized the girl I was in love with truly only cared about herself and was willing to drag anyone down if it meant covering her own [butt]. It wasn't like it happened at the snap of a finger but that'd be the reason."
Shared by Reddit user lineman77, this story tells us that high-quality men are repelled by displays of shady characteristics in the woman they are dating. After all, selfish individuals never take a stand for you when it's your hour of need.
Plus, if you are willing to drag someone down just to save your skin, it tells him loud and clear that you would do the same to him if it would save you from the consequences of your actions. And how can a man trust when you have no personal integrity?
9 She Asked Him To "Get Over" His Depression
There was a time when mental health disorders, including depression, were considered taboo topics, and those suffering from it were considered pariahs. Not anymore.
After all, your brain is as much a part of your body as your lung or your liver. So it doesn't make sense for you to be more sympathetic when someone tells you they have liver cirrhosis compared to when they tell you they have depression.
The following confession touches upon this problem –
"When I was dealing with depressive symptoms over the course of a year, [my girlfriend] went on a rant one day. It included how she doesn't believe depression is real, that I should "get over it" or "stop thinking about it since it is in my head", and how it was becoming an inconvenience to her. I guess the last part is fair since nobody wants to be around someone who doesn't lift them up, but the way she said all of it gave me the idea that she isn't that invested in the relationship."
Shared by Reddit user Sloth-666, this story shows us that, in relationships, it's better to be willing to understand and help when we do not understand a crisis our partner is going through than to accuse them of making stuff up.
8 She Got Angry Because He Was Paying More Attention To His Sick Mother
This one's a bone of contention for many women. And though we acknowledge that there are men who always keep comparing you to their mother (which is a toxic and inappropriate thing to do for an adult), most men are not like that and know that their relationship with their mother and you are both important and must be treated accordingly.
That's why when this happened, it was definitely not cool –
"[I fell out of love] when my mom was really sick and I was lying next to her in the hospital. It was the middle of the night and my now ex called me accusing me of not loving her because I hadn't called her before trying to get some rest. She knew my mom was ill. She didn't care, I guess."
Shared by Reddit user ZipitKat, this story shows us that insecurity can often blind us like it blinded ZipitKat's girlfriend into behaving inconsiderately when her boyfriend was tending to his sick mother.
Things of this kind are always observed by your bae's family and have the potential of turning them against you. And once that happens, you have made some powerful enemies for life.
7 She Kept Getting Caught Up On The Little Things
Your man may not ask for compliments, but take it from us, he is dying to hear them. After all, we live in a world that tells us we need to compliment the woman but withhold it from the man. So, when you stand out from the crowd and appreciate the big and little things he does for you (and other people), you are guaranteed a place in his heart forever.
Unfortunately, someone forgot to share that wisdom with the lady featured in this confession –
"I got back from work, walked her dog, tidied the kitchen, emptied and restacked the dishwasher and started making dinner for when she got home. She enters the house, says nothing, opens the fridge and just says 'You've put the milk in the fridge the wrong way again'.
I couldn't live a life where there's a correct way to put milk in the fridge."
Shared by Reddit user kingmakyeda, this story has really left us stunned. Why? Because how many guys do you know who are willing to do so much housework? And then there's the condescending bit about putting the "milk in the fridge the wrong way". Seriously?
No wonder he fell out of love with her.
6 She Turned Out To Be A Paranoid Rich Daddy's Girl
Some people can really get on our nerves and drama queens happen to top that list. The Reddit user who penned this confession felt so too –
"I realized she was just a paranoid daddy’s girl who would never get better. Everything she lost became something I stole and hid from her, every little mistake had her screaming about a lawsuit and every chance she got she’d brag about how rich and powerful her father is. It ended very, very badly."
Shared by Surrender2Darkness, this story strongly highlights how men tend to fall out of love with women who possess none of the high-value traits exhibited by women who always keep their man. These traits are confidence, independence, playfulness, and intelligence.
After all, a grown woman who does not have the ability to fight her own battles and relies on her rich and powerful father to smooth things out for her is more of a child than a woman. And men are not attracted to childish women regardless of how beautiful they might be.
Believe us, overly-dramatic and high-maintenance behavior immediately puts you in the short-term box in a man's mind – good for a few dates and maybe some hook-ups but nothing beyond that.
5 She Kept Saying She Felt Unloved
People treat you the way you treat yourself. So, if you think you are ugly and unlovable, your body language and behavior will reflect that internalized feeling, which will make people believe you are ugly and unlovable even if it isn't true!
The following confession reflects the same –
"She would keep telling me I wasn’t showing her enough love... I did do a lot of things for her, but it was never enough. Eventually her insecurities became a self fulfilling prophecy when she started [hurting] herself and blaming it on me."
Shared by Reddit user joppike, this story illustrates a classic reason why men tend to fall out of love – the women they were with had cripplingly low self-esteem.
When your self-esteem is low, you believe you are unworthy of happiness, success, and all good things in life. This creates a bottomless pit in your heart that craves external praise and compliments to fill it. Unfortunately, nothing and no one can fill a void like that because the only way to heal this void is by building your self-esteem from within.
So, if your relationship sounds a lot like joppike's confession, please work on yourself first before you focus on your relationship.
4 He Realized He Hadn't Thought Of Her For An Entire Week!
When we are madly in love with someone, they rule our mind 24/7. We want to share every little detail of our life with them and can't help but smile every time we think of them. The little things about the world we failed to notice earlier, suddenly become important since we know it interests them. In fact, every time we get a ping from them on our phone, our heart tends to flutter right out of our chest.
So, when your SO starts to drop off your head, it's a definite sign that you are falling out of love with them. And it happened with this Reddit user –
"When I realized I hadn’t thought about her for an entire week. When someone important to you slips away like that, it’s okay to let go."
Shared by WhyamIsosilly, this confession really drives home how indifferent people tend to become when they fall out of love with their SO.
They don't feel angry, disgusted, or even mildly annoyed. They just stop feeling anything for the other person. Almost as if it doesn't matter to them whether their SO lived or died.
Believe us, falling out of love really is as cold as that last line sounds.
3 She Wouldn't Do Anything For Him
They say true love might be unconditional but relationships are bound by conditions. Maybe that's why we sometimes choose to part ways with someone we love with all our heart but who does not fit our idea of what a relationship should be like.
But what if you truly love someone and that person does not love you back? At least, not completely? That's exactly what gave rise to the following confession –
"[I fell out of love] when i realized i would do ANYTHING for her but she wouldn't even lift a finger when i needed someone to be there."
Shared by void_public, this story touches upon the conundrum of being in love with someone who is incapable of taking a stand for you.
Perhaps they are too afraid of the consequences and feel they would not survive the brave act. Or perhaps they really don't love you as much as they pretend to do. Whatever the reason might be, men fall out of love when they realize the woman they are with will never have their back the way they would have hers.
After all, how can you love someone you don't even trust them to be on your team?
2 She Was Too Careless With Their Children
You may think mothers are more protective of their children, but that's more of a societal stereotype. In reality, mothers and fathers both can range from extremely good and protective parents to extremely bad and callous parents.
No wonder the following Reddit user was so upset with his careless SO –
"The last time I found her stash [...] behind a painting in our bathroom after she nodded off and I got home from work to find my three kids under 8 playing in my driveway by the street unsupervised. I mean, do what you want to me, neglect me, but protecting your kids transcends all of that.
I have full custody now and she hasn't seen them in over a year."
Shared by BoosherCacow, this story shows how protective a man can be towards his little ones and how quickly he can fall out of love with his wife when he realizes she is a really bad parent.
Wouldn't you too if you realized your SO was so irresponsible he let your young kids play on the road where they could be run over by a speeding car? We know we would!
1 He Didn't Feel He Could Lean On Her For Comfort
We tend to fall in love with the one who makes us feel like we are at home, safe from the terrors of the world outside. The one who we know would have our back regardless of the trials and tribulations we have to go through. In fact, when life goes downhill, which it often tends to do, they become our rock in the storm, holding us steady as we weather the challenge.
That's why the following confession is so heartbreaking. It really hits home how people feel when they start falling out of love with someone –
"I don't know when it happened but I realized that I didn't love her when I had a horrible nightmare and preferred sobbing to myself rather than wake her up for her comfort or embrace."
Shared by Reddit user fufubear, this story is heartbreaking. After all, can you imagine the distrust fufubear must have felt in his heart for his girlfriend to prefer the cold "comfort" of nobody over hugging her? Makes us wonder if she had rebuked him the past for disturbing her sleep with his silly nightmares or had chastised him for not behaving like a tough man.
Believe us, love cannot exist where there is no comfort.
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