We can all probably look back on a time when we were in a relationship that wasn’t the best. What’s worse is when we recognize the red flags when the ashes of the relationship have settled. If only we could to recognize those red flags ahead of time!
Well, chances are, we can. Let’s be honest, we probably all have seen a red flag early on in a relationship and just chose to ignore it. Of course, the women that ignore the red flags are the ones that often have unsuccessful relationships.
We’ve heard about these "red flags" for years and it’s about time that we start recognizing them early. It's one way to avoid wasting years on a guy that is just not worthy. The key is picking up on these signs and doing something about it, instead of just ignoring them.
We know it’s not as easy as it sounds but if you learn to recognize certain signs, then you can save yourself a lot of pain and heartache. If you know what to look for ahead of time, you can get out before you get in too deep. Check out these 20 early red flags most women ignore about their man (but really shouldn't).
20 They Repeatedly Tell You That You Are Perfect
Sure, we know you’re perfect, but there is just something creepy about a guy that can’t stop telling you how perfect you are. The first few times that he does it, it can be fun and sexy, but there is something dangerous about being put up on a pedestal.
It’s not that he is thrilled to be with you, it’s more that he has a preconceived idea of what the "perfect girl" should be.
His preconceptions can be shattered pretty easily the longer you guys are together. Someone who is obsessed with you can turn pretty creepy really fast.
19 You Find Yourself Justifying Bad Behavior
For anyone that has been in a bad relationship, you know that there was a point where you started justifying your man’s horrible behavior. When you see yourself doing that, it’s time to back out. Business Insider relationship experts say, "The mind is the most skilled Photoshopper -- it can rationalize anything and paint any picture of anyone, depending on our initial perspective. There is a psychological phenomenon known as the 'confirmation bias,' where we are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with our views and only keep those that do. And with a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to worm their way into your heart.”
18 He Is Always Late
We aren’t talking about every once in a while because we’ve all probably been there. What we are talking about is chronic behavior and that means “three dates in a row.” If he is always late, even if it’s just ten minutes each time, it might be time for you to move on.
He is letting you know right off the bat that he doesn’t value your time and you’re not that important.
It’s a huge red flag, and when guys give you those red flags, you have to choose to not be part of the game.
17 He Refuses To Talk Through Issues
The worst thing that you can do for your relationship is to not talk through your issues. It just won’t last very long. If you find your guy avoiding discussing problems, however small, you might as well just save yourself some time and get out of there. "All couples have disagreements. That's perfectly normal and healthy. But it's how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things. Does your partner walk away? Shut down? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags," according to Business Insider.
16 He Tests You Constantly
If you have set certain boundaries in your relationship and he keeps trying to get you to change your mind, then run!
Your partner should accept your boundaries and what you're comfortable with and not try to change you.
Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist and author of the book Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship says that if he pushes you on the following examples you should bolt, "You say you are not available on Sunday, but they push you to see them or you are not ready to have them meet your family members or friends, but they push you."
15 He Has A Sense Of Entitlement
Just hearing the word entitlement just makes us cringe. You should not always be giving your partner more than you are getting back. His needs are not more important than yours, no matter how much he seems to think they are. Business Insider experts highlight; "I see this a lot in marriages and dating relationships, where there's always one person who's feeding the needs of the other person. One person is giving and giving and giving, and the other person gives one back. There's an imbalance. And the other selfish person is typically fine with their needs being met.”
14 He Tells You An Intense Story About His Past Relationships
Just because someone is divorced doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or no good for you. But if they tell you their story and it makes you shudder, then they probably aren’t for you. This is something you can determine pretty early on, like the first or second date.
Pay attention to the stories that your date is telling you, especially about his exes.
If he is explaining how he has a vile ex and that his divorce was awful, then that’s a red flag. Anyone who is emotionally grounded would know that any marriage takes two people to help make it crumble. It’s rarely the cause of one person.
13 You Get A Bad Gut Feeling
We can’t tell you enough how important it is to follow your gut. It’s the sense that lets us know when something is not right. Don’t talk yourself out of a gut feeling. Experts at Businesss Insider suggest, "Actions speak louder than words. If the date says one thing and does another, look deep into yourself and tell yourself it will only get worse and walk away. If you are dating someone who tries to rush a relationship without giving you time to get to know them properly, slow it down yourself and take control. If they are not patient with this request, you get out.”
12 He Tries To Drive A Wedge Between You And Your Family
It’s not even just family but your friends as well. There is really no good reason for your man to tell you to see your friends and family less, especially if it has something to do with him monopolizing your time.
It may seem sweet at first that he wants you all to himself, but that gets old quickly.
It says a lot about someone’s emotional state if they don’t want you to spend time with the important people in your life. And your man can't be the only important person you get to be around. This is definitely a red flag that you should not ignore.
11 It’s All About Him
Sure, sometimes it’s going to be about him just like sometimes it will be about you, but it shouldn’t always be all about him. On this topic, Business Insider notes, "One major red flag in relationships is when everyday life, events, conversations, and basic interactions are frequently about that person -- where there's constant manipulation and abuse of power over you. For instance, you could confront the person you're dating about something they did or said that hurt you. Rather than listening to your concern and apologizing, they will manipulate and flip the conversation, telling you all the things you've done to hurt and upset them.”
10 They Roll Their Eyes A Lot
You might be thinking, you’re kidding, right? But there is actually research that backs up the theory that if your husband or boyfriend rolls their eyes at you all the time, then you could be heading for a breakup.
Studies suggest that if you find yourself rolling your eyes at your partner a lot, it can be a common predictor of divorce.
Now that’s pretty serious, and it goes both ways. If someone is rolling their eyes at you it can be a sign of disrespect. So, if you see that early on in a relationship, you may want to keep your eyes open to what it can mean for your relationship.
9 He’s Overly Critical Of His Ex
There’s a saying that goes, if a man claims that all his exes are crazy, then look at what the common dominator is. That means if your ex supposedly always has “crazy exes,” chances are, he’s the crazy ex. And Business Insider adds, “When people describe all of their exes as terrible people and put all the blame on them for the relationship's failure, this is a red flag for me. It practically shouts: 'I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work.”
8 He Calls You Names
We could be all guilty of calling our significant other a name or two during an argument and that’s never a good thing. If you love someone there should never be a reason to name call.
Therefore, one thing to look out for when dating a man is how he acts during an argument.
If he’s normally a cool guy until things get heated, that could be a red flag. If he becomes an unrecognizable monster during an argument, then be wary of staying with someone like that. It’s not great conflict resolution, plus it’s never cool to date someone who is mean to you when he gets angry.
7 His Relationships Are Short-Lived
Imagine being on a date and as you get to know each other you mention how your last relationship lasted a year. "A year," your date exclaims, "That's so impressive! All of my relationships end after three months." Yikes!
That can be a huge red flag because you have to ask yourself why his relationships don’t last very long.
You might think you're his one true love, and you can change him or somehow make things work. But if you continue dating him, you may find yourself on the ugly end of a breakup three months later, wondering what you did wrong.
6 They Have No Life Milestones
Work ethic can be a strong indicator of how someone deals with their life long-term. You want to date someone that has his life in order or at least has some important life milestones on the horizon. It’s always good to see how your partner feels about these things. If he is someone who is unmotivated about life, then you should walk away. It’s okay if they have had a setback in life and are trying to get back on track, but if they are fine with just letting life pass them by, then that's not someone you want to try to build a life with.
5 He Is Rude To His Parents
You probably heard before that the way a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he will treat the woman in his life. So, watch how he treats either of his parents because that will show you what kind of guy he is.
Certainly, everyone has a row with their parents at some point in their lives, but we are talking about everyday behavior.
If he is disrespectful to his parents in a way that is unjustified that is a red flag. If it doesn’t bother him to be harsh towards his parents, then you can bet that he will treat you the same way.
4 He Dismisses Your Feelings
A man that dismisses your feelings doesn’t care about you very much. He usually allows himself to do whatever he wants but does not let you get away with the same things. Business Insider elaborates; "You may be in a relationship with an emotional manipulator if you see an emotional double standard in the relationship, experience your feelings being denied, criticized, or dismissed, find yourself 'giving in' to keep the peace, and see your self-esteem diminishing. You may get a feeling that there is something not right, like secrets, unexplained behaviors, unexpected reactions, or are increasingly blamed.”
3 Money Is A Priority In His Life
Money does make the world go around, but it shouldn’t be the most important thing in your life. Money can also break a relationship and marriage easier than anything else. If he asks you to pay for the meal on your first date or implies that a woman should pay, even though he's fully capable, then do yourself a favor and get out. We’re not talking about him always paying for dates, but if he can’t be chivalrous on a first date or at least split the check because he's so cheap, he’s likely to be that way the entire time you know him.
2 He Has A Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde Personality
Is he passionate one minute and then cold to you the next? If his attitude changes with you on a dime, then that would be a red flag to watch for.
He could be charming to you for an entire day and then abruptly turn mean and start to push your emotional buttons.
There is usually no explanation or cause for the behavior, either. This guy could switch back and forth repeatedly throughout the day to the point where you feel like you are going crazy. Just when you think that he’s back in a good mood, he could just as easily turn into a monster once again.
1 He’s Secretive About Small Things
Again, this may be something that you wouldn’t normally think is a big deal, but it is. There should be no reason at all for him to be secretive with you, especially about small things. If he is that’s usually a sign that there’s something going on behind the scenes that you aren’t aware of. Just imagine how he will act when it comes to big things if he is secretive about little things. If you find this sort of thing happening with a guy you are dating, you can bet that he’s not someone that you can trust.
Sources: Independent, Self, Your Tang