It might be tough for some to realize, but not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Even more so, not everyone wants to be a parent. It is possible that some are just born without that paternal or maternal desire, and there's nothing wrong with it. The only time it can be problematic is when a person like this is in a relationship with someone who totally feels that need.
So what do we do?
Absolutely nothing. If someone doesn't want to be a parent, then they don't want to be a parent. What we can do, however, is do our best to pick up on those clues earlier rather than later.
Having a child is a colossal change. It will shift everything that you once knew and turn it around, giving you all new priorities, worries, and joys. If a guy isn't open to the idea of everything around him changing, no matter how big or small, it might not be time yet.
Hey, social butterflies, we're looking at you! It's no surprise that men usually mature at a slower pace than women but when it comes down to it, this isn't ideal for dad-status. If he's not willing to part ways with Saturday night bowling or Friday nights at the pub, he might not be ready to take on fatherhood, either.
If we still can't mention Aunt Flo in front of him, what makes us think that he'll be comfortable watching a baby come out of that mess? While it's true that some people are just squeamish, it's also true that some guys never fully get over it. His squirmy tendencies might be pointing to the fact that he's not yet ready to deal with used diapers.
One word: Afterbirth. If a guy can't handle the idea of childbirth and can't even deal with the idea of being in the same room when it's going on, then he has a long road ahead of him. Childbirth isn't the most pleasant thing to witness but it is beautiful when it's your child coming out of it all.
In other words, he's selfish when it comes to his hobbies and time. This is totally fine, except when you're a parent. By definition, a parent means that you're taking care of, and responsible for, someone else's life. This also means their well-being, emotional, and physical needs, which don't include watching NASCAR on Sundays.
Simply put, if he's not into being around kids, what makes us think that he'll ever want his own? This doesn't mean there needs to be supporting evidence to prove that he'll be a good father. It could mean that he's just not interested right now, though, and that should definitely be respected.
It's true... sometimes, babies don't bring about the happiness that most feel upon being given and infant smile. Some people feel that way toward puppies or kittens, but not tiny humans. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's definitely a sign that a puppy is a better option than a baby right now.
Friends are important. However, so is your partner and your future together. It could take some guys quite a while to grow up and settle down. It's pretty obvious to tell if this applies to a guy based on his friend-time to partner-time ratio. If he'd rather go out with the boys than talk about a family, you have your answer.
It takes effort and hard work to be a good parent. What it doesn't take, is staring at the TV in the hopes that your team will score the winning goal. Having a child means giving up the things we once enjoyed in order to raise a bundle of joy, meaning all of that technology time isn't going to cut it.
If this has been a conversation, then perhaps starting a family isn't in the cards as of yet. If he has loftier expectations than you do, as far as furthering his job rather than being a dad, then something is amiss. No one should expect anything, especially when it comes to which role you play as a parent.
This is not to say that he needs to run out and buy his nieces and nephews brand new toys. It does mean that if he can't bring himself to save money for the future or buy anything for anyone else, then his priorities might not be headed in the right direction. Babies are a lot of money... like, a lot, a lot.
If he's just not interested in a building a future with you then he's just not interested in being a dad, either. When a guy can't even handle a conversation about potentially looking forward, then that's telling in the sense of where they are maturity-wise. And it's certainly not where he should be.
There's plenty of time to complain when you've welcomed a new baby into this world and haven't slept in three days. If he's already a massive complainer, then how will he be once a baby enters his life? Will he be up to the challenge? It's iffy for someone who cares more about themselves than anything else.
Sometimes, the signs of not being ready for fatherhood are a little less obvious. He could just be looking ahead in his own future, whether it be getting a new promotion or a raise. If these things matter more to him than anything, fatherhood shouldn't be pushed on him in place of his own personal success.
It is possible to travel with a child and many people do it. However, it's challenging and both partners need to be realistic with their expectations. If he wants to see the world and travel long distances, then a baby is probably not on his mind for the near future. Wanderlust is a powerful force.
It goes without saying that being a parent will make or break a person. Either you become mature enough to raise a child or you realize that there's some work to be done. If he can't take care of himself without help from his partner, chances are, he's not going to do any better with a child.
Because it should be, at least if a couple is planning on welcoming a baby into their lives. A healthy relationship makes for a healthy environment, which is what every baby deserves growing up. If nagging and routine arguments are the schedule that two people follow, they might both have a ways to go.
There's an unspoken rule that says you can't be lazy and parent at the same time. Babies take work and that workload only becomes more demanding as they get older. A lazy parent is one who is expecting their child to be independent far beyond their years, something that's not good for any family.
If your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine... Oh, wait. The same rule applies, though. If his friends are anything but supportive of his potential fatherhood status, then he might be a little insecure and unsure about it. Their opinions matter, despite his trying to convince you that they don't.
This might be the case, also. If a guy is really close to his best friends and none of them have children, then it's understandable for him to be unsure about fatherhood. The best thing to do is give him some time and some space because ultimately, it should be a mutual decision.