During the first few dates, most women are treated to a barrage of questions from the guys getting to know them. Sometimes this can be awkward, sometimes this can be charming, but by the end of the first few dates, most women know whether they actually want to continue the relationship. And it's not just women who are making this decision. The reason why guys ask so many questions is that they're trying to get to know you and figure out whether you're someone they really see themselves in the near future. And as it turns out, sometimes guys wish they could ask a lot more than what they actually do.
We all know that there are some questions that are considered completely inappropriate during a first date. But funnily enough, these are often the exact questions that guys wish they could ask. You might want to slap a guy in the fact if he ever manages to work up the courage to ask these questions, but that doesn't change the fact that he's wondering about these things — even if he's not actually asking you about them. A quick look at Reddit can reveal some very interesting insights into what goes on in a guy's mind on the first few dates, and some may surprise you...
19 Is She Looking For A Husband?
This is perhaps one of the most understandable questions out there, and more people should probably be a little more open about what they want from a relationship right off the bat.
"Are you just husband-fishing? I get it, you want a family. That's great. But it's the first date, baby. If every topic of conversation ends up with you talking about how you can't wait to get married and have kids so you can be a Mom; I'm not gonna lie, it freaks me the heck out..."
"...On one hand, I'm thinking, 'This chick might trick me into getting her pregnant' and on the other hand I'm thinking, 'Ok I'll give you some kids but I'm staying home to raise them while you work to provide for the family since you have the law degree.'"
This Reddit guy want to know if you're looking for a serious relationship or just something casual, as this will influence the way they approach the relationship.If you're looking for a husband, they want to know. And in the case of this Reddit user, he wishes that he could just ask her straight up if she's "husband-fishing."
How would you react if a guy asked you that question? It's sort of a strange one because you don't want to scare them away by saying yes, but at the same time, you might actually be wondering deep down if the relationship might become a long-term one.
18 Does She Really Want To Be There?
This is definitely something that a lot of people, both male, and female, struggle with these days. With the advent of smartphones and gadgets, people can be glued to their phones on the first date. But that's not the only way they can "zone out" on a date. They might just have their minds elsewhere, and that's something some guys really want to find out right away. This is the type of question that you don't really have to ask, but you can definitely see. And you can bet that some guys are asking themselves this question when on first dates.
"Are you here? I mean that in the philosophical sense. I hate when I'm on a date with a woman I don't know well and she isn't present..."
"...Usually, it's just her own stuff; thinking about work stuff, or maybe her hot water heater broke, or her dog got skunked and she still can't get the smell out 3 days later. Whatever the case is, please let me know your 'aloofness' is not about me. Or just reschedule the date, it's cool."
Sometimes this question might actually help the date. It could serve as a bit of a wake-up call — and it means that he wants to enjoy the date and actually make an effort with him, instead of zoning out or being on your phone.
17 Is She Trying To Impress Him?
Sometimes, first dates can go from two people trying to get to know each other, to two people trying to impress each other.
"Are you trying to get to know me or are you just trying to impress me? There's nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments, but after a while, it just gets annoying hearing how great you are..."
"...Tell me a story about a time where some random baby vomited on your pant-suit in an elevator on your way to a job interview, those are the best first-date stories."
Both men and women can be guilty of this, and sometimes we get too concerned about whether the person we're dating will actually like us. Before we know it, we're rambling on about money, cars and our careers without realizing we're coming across like a total braggart.
So it makes sense that this Reddit guy wants to ask this question sometimes when getting to know a girl. Again, this is something that guys might not have the courage to ask, but you can bet that sometimes they're very close to asking it. And if they do, it might also serve as a bit of a wake-up call — to stop boasting and bragging and actually make an effort to get to know the guy in front of you.
16 What Are Her Fears Going Into A Relationship?
Now, these are some questions that might actually start some interesting questions. They're not the sort of questions that are easy to ask, but if guys find the courage to ask them, then they might just learn more about the girl they're trying to get to know.
"I asked my current SO these questions on our first date. Phrased it slightly differently and more casually, asking if she'd been in any serious relationships before, what she was looking forward to about potentially starting one and what her fears would be..."
"...She asked me what my fears were and from there we had a pretty serious discussion about what we want from this relationship. Moved in with each other after 2 weeks of dating. Only been 5 months so I can't boast about beating the odds or anything. But I feel like we're on track to handle this like mature adults who can communicate their feelings and avoid any major heartache no matter what the outcome."
First of all, this Reddit user asks about her past serious relationships. This can cause some awkwardness, but it's a good way to learn how guys can also not be like her worst ex ever. Then he asked about what she was looking forward to in life, which is a great way to learn about a girl's passions. Finally, he asked about her fears, which again can be potentially awkward but a great way to really get to know someone deep down.
15 Does She Like Physical Contact?
Let's face it — some people are very physical. And if you value physical intimacy in a relationship, it's probably a good idea to find out if the person you're trying to get to know feels the same way.
"I think I would ask about snuggling, hair playing, and hugs. I prefer to be shown affection physically — touches, back rubs, laying down playing with her hair or rubbing her back, her hand lightly scratching my chest...prrrrr. If physical touch isn't her love language then we just won't do well. Know from experience."
This Reddit guy knows that he loves to be physical in a relationship, so he admits that he wishes he could just ask about the things he likes to do — because if she's not into those things, he knows that the relationship just can't work out.
This makes a lot of sense, but then again it can be pretty weird when a guy asks you whether you like all of the things he listed. This can be pretty intimate and personal information to ask about, especially on a first date. So how would you react to this line of questioning from a guy you barely know? Would you let him in on your secret desires, or would you end the date right then and there?
14 Will She Think He's Weird?
This is the type of question that most girls can understand, and while most women would be really supportive and reassuring when dating a guy like this, that doesn't change the fact that this Reddit user is really nervous about his situation and asking these questions.
"I've been intimate before but it's been 4.5 years since I've been with anyone, or even been on a date (24yo now). I needed that time to figure myself out, but I'm ready to meet some people now. I'm really afraid of what a girl will think of me when I tell them that I've only been intimate twice, both times with a girl that had about as much enthusiasm and emotion as a meatloaf..."
"...I love communication and I feel like I'd be a good lover, but I can't say that since I'm so inexperienced. I'm scared that a girl might think less of me or think I'm weird. It's been really hard to get over this feeling."
These are the kinds of questions that you only really find out after making the first move — so maybe it's better not to ask them at all, but just to see where the relationship goes. Still, it's a line of questioning that could be potentially awkward.
13 How Much Money Does She Make?
This Reddit guy raises an interesting point about double standards. He claims that women always ask him about his income, his career and so on, but when he turns those same questions on them, he doesn't really get the answers he's looking for.
"How much money do you make or something along those lines. Women straight up ask my net worth, yearly income, my job, career goals, but I am not allowed to ask women the same. I know, because I've tried it on several females before, even if just in response to their financial questions, it gets guarded answers at best."
Are women really that interested in a man's finances, and do they really not want to tell guys about their own finances — or is this just an isolated case which this Reddit poster has experienced himself?
How would you react if a guy started asking you about your yearly income, your career, and the general state of your finances? Would you be open about it, or would you think those questions are inappropriate when getting to know someone? People probably have very different opinions about this, but what's clear is that this guy, in particular, would love to be able to ask these questions and get honest answers from the women he dates.
12 What's The Most Illegal Thing She's Done?
Wow, now this is a conversations starter. It's probably not the kind of thing he asks every girl he's trying to get to know, but he clearly pops the question when he feels the time is right. And it just makes you wonder — what kind of answers does this guy get? We're sure that a lot of girls out there have some secrets in their past, and talking about them (as long as they're relatively innocent and funny) might be a great way to get to know someone.
"I always find it interesting to ask what the most illegal thing someone's done it. You can get a sense of how much of a risk taker they are if they're ashamed or proud of something they've done, etc. as well as a good story, usually."
Maybe this Reddit guy is looking for those "bad girls" out there and wants to hear some stories about interesting criminal exploits. Or, as he mentions, perhaps he just wants to hear a good story. He also states that he wants to know how much of a risk-taker the girl is, so maybe that's something he looks for in a woman too. But this is definitely not the kind of question you hear on every first date... Which makes it pretty unique and interesting, in a way...
11 What Makes Her Happy?
This is definitely one of the most important questions to think about when getting to know a girl for the first time, and we're glad that a guy on Reddit mentioned it. If a guy can find out what makes a girl happy, they can find out all they need to really know about her personality, and who she really is as a person.
"You have to ask questions that do not yield simply a yes or no answer. Sort of like an Ask Reddit Question. Maybe ask about past vacations, biggest fears, what is something that can always make you happy no matter what? things that can start a conversation and based on those answers you can get a broader sense of who the person is."
The question itself isn't really the kind of thing you ask during "small talk" though, so we're not sure how girls would react to it in a first-date scenario.
On the other hand, just coming out and asking what makes girls happy could be a brave, bold move that girls would really appreciate. Most girls know what makes them happy, and would feel good about sharing their thoughts on the subject with a guy who's trying to get to know them. It's really an innocent, harmless question, but it definitely shows that he's trying to get to know the real you.
10 Why Does She Do It?
This question is a lot vaguer. It's so vague, in fact, that we think some women might actually be a little confused and maybe even annoyed by the question. It seems a little gimmicky and something that would make the date go downhill pretty fast. Then again, it's not like they're asking an inappropriate question or something too personal, so some women might be okay with it. It's just a question that seems like a little hard to answer.
"My go-to question for getting to know a person is 'Why do you do it?' They'll ask for clarification, and I'll tell them to answer it any way they want. They usually end up giving an answer that really hits at the core of their life philosophy, and who they are as a person."
It's always tough when you put the spotlight on someone like that. Especially because this Reddit user says that he would "tell them to answer it any way they want." He's basically asking them to come up with something interesting to say on the spot, which can be a little imposing, especially in a first date scenario. We're guessing that this is a question that most women wouldn't be too happy with on a first date. But hey, we might be wrong.
9 Would You Rather...?
"Would you rather" questions are a great way to break the ice, and it seems like this Reddit guy has discovered a tried and true formula for getting rid of that first date awkwardness that can be so unbearable. But there are tons more benefits for asking questions like these on a first date. 'Would you rather' questions can actually tell you a lot about someone's personality, and this Reddit guy probably knows how to ask the right questions to really help a girl open up.
"I think your best bet in this scenario is to start with questions that have opportunities for further conversation. In my personal experience, some lighthearted (and, depending on the person, slightly risque) 'would you rather' questions are a great icebreaker. You get to know your date, and it offers an immediate opportunity to ask follow-up questions."
As he admits, he sometimes asks somewhat risque questions, depending on the girl, and we're sure there were a few times where he overstepped his bounds. The thing about "would you rather" questions is that they're so wide open that you can use them to ask pretty much anything... And we're sure there were a lot of things he wished he could ask using this line of questioning but decided against it.
8 What Excites Her?
If there's one thing that can really help a relationship work, it's optimism. But more than that, feeling optimistic can really make life, in general, a lot easier to bear. This Reddit guy came to play by asking,
"I'm an incredibly optimistic person, and one of my 'filter' questions is 'tell me about something in your life in the near future that you're really excited about'. Excitement is contagious..."
"...I want to know if A) they are the kind of person who gets excited about things (if not, I'm not interested), and B) if their life has some sort of excitement going on outside of our potential relationship. I've learned the hard way that dating someone who has nothing interesting or exciting means they won't have anything interesting or exciting to talk about." So it makes total sense that this guy wants to ask girls about one thing in their lives that they're really interested in.
If they have something interesting to talk about, he knows that they're an optimistic person who always looks on the bright side of life. But if they have nothing to say... Well, then he knows that they don't have the best outlook on life. This is probably one of the best questions to ask during a first or second date, and we're glad this Reddit user mentioned it.
7 What Music Does She Like?
Music can be a great icebreaker on the first date, but it can also cause some arguments if you're not careful. While most girls like a huge range of different musical genres, others might be a little more annoyed and turned off if they know a guy like something like heavy metal or country music. But it's probably a good way to get to know a girl, all things said and done.
"I always ask about music. 'What's the best love song of all time in your opinion?' is great and says a lot about their opinions of love. I also observe their food choices, if they choose onions or garlic sauce on their sub, for example, they haven't thought about kissing me."
On the other hand, this Reddit guy mentions a question that tons of guys think about while getting to know a girl, and we're guessing that some of our readers have never considered this. As this guy admits, guys do watch your eating habits, and they take note when you eat foods that can give you bad breath, like garlic or onions. If they see you eating that, they know that giving them a kiss later isn't one of your top priorities. This guy probably wishes he could stop a girl from eating garlic sauce, but obviously, that's not something you can easily bring up!
6 Will She Eat All Of Her Food?
Speaking about food, there are a lot of guys who think a lot more about a girl's choice in food than you might realize. We've already heard from one Reddit user who takes note of whether a girl eats garlic sauce or onions on a first or second date because that means that he's going to have to kiss that garlic breath later on (or not). But there are a lot more questions guys would like to ask about girls' eating habits...
"Are you actually going to eat all of that, because you're ordering a lot of food."
And yes, this guy mentions the question that tons of guys probably have for their dates, and that's "Are you actually going to eat all of that because you're ordering a lot of food."
Definitely not the type of thing you blurt out in the middle of a date, and this is something that most guys keep their mouths shut about. Keeping those thoughts internal signifies, at least, that they know what's good for them. But how would you react if a guy asked you this question? If you're the vast majority of girls, you probably wouldn't react in a necessarily nice way. That's kind of insulting, and it's probably one of the things guys should definitely not say when they're trying to get to know a girl. But that doesn't change the fact that they're thinking it...
5 What's Wrong With Her?
Here's another lesson in what not to say when dating a girl. This Reddit guy made some major mistakes in his date, and one of the big ones was that he kept asking about what kind of trauma she went through. It should be painfully obvious that trauma is not something you bring up on a first or even second date, but this guy was determined to get the answers. When she kept refusing, he even admitted that he was attracted to "damaged goods.' Obviously, he didn't get another date with this girl.
"A guy I know took a girl I know out on a date, and at some point, he started asking, essentially, what was wrong with her. He asked about what kind of trauma she'd been through, and kept on prying when she didn't want to tell him..."
"...At some point in this conversation, he said that he had always found himself attracted to, and I quote, 'damaged goods.' Don't be him."
But this does raise an interesting point about what guys are thinking about when they're trying to get to know you. There are probably a lot of guys who wonder about what kind of bad times you've been through in the past, even if they're too polite to actually ask about it...
4 Use The F.O.R.D. Acronym When Asking Questions
There are actually a set of rules when it comes to asking questions on a date, and some of you might already be aware of this. You're supposed to stay within the realms of Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams (FORD for short). Accorind to this guy on Reddit,
"People like to say FORD is a good bunch of topics (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) — and they are, no doubt. They also like to say to stay away from...Religion, Politics, Economics...but that's where I highly disagree. this stuff is important to know sooner rather than later, to me."
It's a set of acronyms that should be pretty easy to remember, and as this guy points out, it's always a good call to remember these rules.
But that doesn't mean that guys don't want to ask about Religion, Politics or Economics... It's just that they've been told not to. Some guys actually really do wish they could ask about all of these things, as some of them are pretty important. But most hold their tongues, and for good reason.
3 Can You Pay?
This has to be one of the funniest questions all guys wish they could ask, although few ever do, and for obvious reasons. For the longest time, it's been considered a firm tradition that guys pay for the date, and this is probably never going to change. But some guys might be wondering why this tradition even exists, and you have to admit, it does make sense. If we're going to be talking about male and female equality, shouldn't we at least be splitting the bill when it comes to the first few dates?
"Can you pay? I left my wallet at home."
Of course, that's not what this Reddit user wants — he doesn't want to split the bill, he wants the girl to pay for everything! It might make her laugh, but this question is probably likely to really infuriate most women, once they realize that he's not kidding. But what if he really did leave his wallet at home? In this case, we can definitely understand how this might be one of the most awkward questions ever in a first date scenario.
But hey, you never know — maybe there will come a day when it's considered tradition for the woman to pay for dinner, not the guy... That would be something, wouldn't it?
2 Does She Shave Her Legs?
We're not sure how a girl would react if a guy came right out and asked her whether she shaves her legs, but we're almost positive it wouldn't go down well, especially in a first date scenario. But then again, we can kind of understand why a guy would want to ask this question. While some women are embracing the hairiness of their legs these days, it's generally not seen as an appealing quality for most guys out there. And like it or not, that's probably something that guys are wondering about when on a first date.
"I wish it wasn't weird for me to ask whether a girl shaves her legs. I mean, why is that such a big deal? I don't see why women react so badly to it, and I've actually had a girl just stand up and leave when I asked her that!"
The guy who posted this on Reddit says that he really doesn't see why it's such a big deal to ask this question. And in many ways, that makes sense.
What's with all the social norms which say you can't ask certain questions, and you can ask others? Shouldn't we be more open about pretty much everything?
If you were on a date and a guy asked you this when he was still getting to know you, how would you react? Would you tell him the truth, or would you get offended?
1 What Does Her Mom Look Like?
One of the age-old myths is that you can tell how attractive a woman will be in later life by looking at pictures of her mother. Is this true? This Reddit guy seems to think so. And he's not content to just wait till he meets her mother — he wants to see a picture of her mom right then and there — even on the very first date. The assumption here is that if he sees a picture of her mom an he isn't entirely satisfied, he won't be asking her out on a second date. This might seem a bit harsh, but it something that's on a lot of guy's minds.
"What does your mom look like? I need to see what I'm getting myself into. All joking aside though, I have smoothly asked a girl to show me a pic of her mom and she was super happy to show me."
How would you react if you were asked for a picture of your mom, especially when you're on a first or second date with some guy you hardly know? Would you willingly show him a picture, or would you think it was weird? While you might be leaning towards the latter, this guy on Reddit points out that sometimes he's able to ask for a picture of a girl's mom so smoothly and subtly that she doesn't even know what's going on.