The subject of many men’s desires. Arguably one of the most talked about body parts on the female anatomy. You love them. You hate them. You wish they were bigger. You wish they were smaller. Of course we are talking about 'girls'. Our ta-tas, commonly referred to as many, many other names, our ladies are truly misunderstood. Sure, they can provide sustenance to your genetic offspring while at the same time making a nice pillow for your new baby, but do guys really get it? What it’s like to wake up each day with a nice set of knockers. Oops. Forgot one. Contrary to popular belief, most women do not stand in front of the mirror daily and play with them. On second thought, maybe you should try it. What harm could it do? The fact is, boobs, and the problems resulting from having them will never be grasped by your male counterpart. Even the ones that are plagued with being overweight and having a nice pair themselves. Here are 16 Boob Problems Men Will Never Understand.
19 The button up shirt gap
Have you ever put on a dress shirt for a big meeting at the office, or just to feel like a grown-up, only to notice one of two things? Either: your boobs are so big that they create this weird gap right between your boobs that causes anyone standing on either side of you to be able to see into your shirt and probably get a sighting on the goods; OR, the dress shirt is so baggy and you aren’t a DD so you literally get lost in your dress shirt? Like, you’re trying to dress business professional and you end up walking around sporting a big old hole smack dab in the middle of your cleavage, all because of the size of your boobs. Yeah, the boob struggles are real. And guys, though they may show off their beer bellies in their dress shirts, the buttons tend to hold a little bit better than when there is a larger area in the upper chest region.
18 One is bigger than the other
It’s a well-known fact that one breast is bigger than the other. While on the topic, chances are one of your legs or arms are slightly longer than the other, too. But you’ll never notice that because you’ll be obsessing over your lopsided boobs, that no one will ever notice; but you’ll be forever paranoid that some guy you sleep with will notice and say something and leave you feeling absolutely mortified, so you try to show every single one of your girlfriends, who basically just tell you that your boobs are hot and you should probably just put them back inside your shirt. Yes, it’s there and maybe if someone takes the time to study your girls, they might notice a small variation in the sizes of them, but chances are, it’s going to be a guy and if he’s eyeing your boobs for that length of time, he’s got something else on his mind so you’re A-Okay.
17 No cute outfits without being socially blasted (called names)
There is some strange and unkind unwritten rule that says if you wear cute outfits that might be a bit revealing, that you’ll be socially ousted and called a whore, statistically, more than someone with smaller breasts wearing the exact same outfit. First of all, no woman should ever be made to feel anything other than beautiful, especially based on a wardrobe choice. They say you should dress to your figure, but frankly, ladies should dress in such a way that they are comfortable in their own skin. Slut shaming seems to be especially harsh for ladies with larger breasts, which are usually, not there by choice and often a byproduct of genetics. All this and yet guys with moobs (man boobs), can go topless on the beach, or anywhere for that matter, without anyone having a second thought, let alone saying anything to them. How about we stop body shaming everyone and let people where what they want? Even a girl with big boobs and cute tops can dream….
16 Shopping nightmares
Shopping is every girl’s favourite activity, right? Not for girls with #firstworldboobproblems. Shopping can be a disappointing, real pain. One reader said: “stores assume that if you have big boobs you have big everything else so either shirts/dresses fit through the body and the chest is incredibly tight, or the chest fits and everything else often looks huge and frumpy. “ And that goes the same for women with A or B cups. They will buy something that will fit them in the chest and maybe it’s too form fitting in the stomach area or it’s a perfect length and nice neckline, but looks like you are wearing a shower curtain. You often have to put back something you really like because there’s no way it’s going to fit after you wash it, and it’s not worth the investment of buying it and then paying to have it altered at a seamstress. If only someone somewhere made clothing for real women’s bodies…
15 The small but real possibility of a broken nose
Big boobs mean your waist is small in comparison and you never have to work-out, right? Nope. Probably not. Not even remotely close. It just means it’s another life stress that women have to go through on the daily that men will never ever fully understand. If you are lucky enough to find a decent (because there isn’t really a “good”) sports bra that allows you to workout without extreme pain, chances are, heavy cardio, like running leads to them bouncing so high that you’ll either get pummeled in the chin or the nose. So next time that guy on the treadmill next to you looks over and asks why you aren’t going as hard as him, look down and hope that when he looks over at your chest, he falls off the treadmill next to you and knocks his chin off the machine on the way down…then he’ll at least sort of know what it feels like, right?
14 Developing too early/too late
Middle school gym class. Sigh. Obviously your favourite class because you take plenty of joy in the experience of changing in a room full of other girls, all while sizing them up and wishing you had legs like Heather, or a flat tummy, like Alex. If you were one of the early bloomers, it was embarrassing because you had these weird fat storage balloons on your chest that no one else had and you tried to hide them but girls are blunt so surely some girl said something at some point. The same is true of being a late bloomer. All of the other girls had beautiful, perky boobs and you had a fairly flat chest area and you were jealous, because you were positive that they noticed your lack of chest. Know what guys don’t do? Point to each other’s boxers and point out the size of their buddies’ junk.
13 Finding bras that fit properly
Even with people whose full time job is to size your bra correctly, there are issues with finding a properly fitting bra. First of all, when someone sizes you, it’s almost always different every time. That’s not because your boobs fluctuate in size that much on the regular but more so that those measuring them are all taught differently and some just don’t do it properly. There is also much inconsistency in sizing. You might be a 34C at one store and a 36B at the other, and wearing the opposite size at a different store either cuts off your circulation or falls off when you do it up. Bras also aren’t made for different shaped boobs. For the most part, they are round, but sometimes they can take on more ovular shapes that stick out the side of some traditional bras and forces the underwire to dig in. That’s right, guys, you try wearing underwire.
12 Finding bras you want
Not only do you want a bra that fits properly and performs its function, but you probably also want something that’s aesthetically pleasing. As a general rule, all the cute bras are small (A, B) and the big sizes (big C+) are boring. Or you have to spend over $100.00 for something the general public isn’t ever going to see. So your options are to have small boobs or be rich. But what if you aren’t either of those things? What’s a girl to do? Another big issue is the struggle of finding anything other than the standard straps on a bra for someone who needs extra support is difficult. No razor back, strapless, or halter straps for you. Wouldn’t it be nice if all women could receive the same support wearing a standardized white male tank top? Men will never understand the struggle of finding cute lingerie (that fits, that’s cute, and that go with the matching panties).
11 Wide enough bra straps
If you are a lady who would consider themselves to be very breastly, then you can certainly relate to this problem. Most bras have nice small, thin, easy-to-hide straps that provide zero support, right where it’s needed. And if you find an ugly, old-lady bra with fantastic thick straps, you have a struggle hiding it under your blouses or tank tops in the summertime. And if you find something that supports you right now, most bras stretch out in under a year due to poor support material. Or, if you somehow manage to find straps that don’t stretch out in a week, and support the girls, then they are so darn tight that they dig into your shoulder blades and leave marks. On that note, it’s probably also key to mention to your male counterparts that built-in bras in tank tops aren’t actually a thing once you are a B-cup or larger. No one wants to have to hold them while moving or look down and see nipples poking through their shirt.
10 Underboob sweat
When guys go to the gym, they put on deodorant, or so you hope. But women have an additional issue. The fact that no amount of deodorant or antiperspirant can eliminate the impending boob sweat every time you do something active. And try as you might, out of desperation, to put deo under your boobs prior to putting on your sports bra, and it still doesn’t really work. Underboob sweat definitely puts a damper on the fact that the women that use their bras as storage can’t do it within a 45-minute window after a workout. They should make deodorant specifically for your boobs; companies would make a fortune. And you might be able to have a sink bath and wash your armpits if you have no time to shower, and you’re a dude, but having a sink bath on your underboob is a great way to have a water fight with yourself
9 Bathing suit season
Summer’s here and you know what that means. It’s bathing suit season. Which means you have to go to a bathing suit place that sells tops and bottoms separately. You don’t get to buy sets and save money. Because you have boobs. Big or small, there they are. You have to buy separately because the tops and bottoms that match on the hanger do not match on you. Like previously mentioned in the wardrobe/shopping section, big boobs does not mean big all over and swimsuit manufacturers think that it does. Just like you can be top light and bottom heavy. All women’s bodies are entirely different. Also, heaven forbid you actually want to swim or play beach volleyball because bathing suits, though they may be adorable and cover your boobs and make you look great, will not protect your face from the smack down your chest will give it every time you bump or volley.
8 Chafing during workouts
Sports bras and exercise: a girl’s worse enemy. Even if you love working out, your boobs really put a damper on things. Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that you found a decent bra that allows you to run marathons and lift and train… all your problems are solved, right? Wrong! Good sports bras do not mean zero breast movement and all of that inner-bra movement does a great job of scratching your nipple up against the inner part of the bra. The wetness of the sweat doesn’t do anything to you’re your case either because more than likely, it will help your nipples get stuck and rub even slower in the bra. And reaching into your chest at the gym or while jogging to adjust just looks hella awks. Your chest and face might be red and dripping sweat from your workout, but your nipples are red and chafed from the act of having boobs, wearing a bra and choosing to do anything other than lightly tiptoe.
7 The increased likelihood of showing the girls off at the gym
Though men certainly cannot relate to this, they are likely hoping for this outcome. Some boobs are just too large to handle. And if you’re trying to be healthy, then naturally, you participate in exercise at some point. Or maybe you’re brave enough to be on an actual co-ed sports team. And if you’re still desperately seeking a good bra to save your life, in the meantime, you run holding your arms in an X across your chest or literally cupping your own boobs. Sometimes, even that isn’t enough to prevent a big of popping action, especially during running or chin-ups. It’s much harder to focus on working out and breathing while you’re attempting to keep those wild things where they should be: in your bra, and under your shirt. In theory you should be able to do push-ups on push-ups and eventually build up so much muscle underneath the fat that you can control them a bit better… or maybe not.
6 The negative stigma that boobs makes you stupid
Someone somewhere many a years ago, made a decision. They decided that women were less intelligent than men. Women are still fighting for these equal wage rights, among other things throughout the world. What they didn’t mention is that apparently the size of your breasts has a tremendous impact on intelligence. Whereas men have their brains in their head, obviously women have air in their and any air that didn’t fit into their skulls must have just drifted on down there and filled up their chests. Larger breasts tend to make men think that women are stupid. What they don’t know is it’s the opposite and women have used their breasts to play dumb and manipulate men for decades. In all seriousness though, if guys aren’t judged on their intelligence for what they’re packing, women shouldn’t be for their boob size either.
5 Back problems
You were waiting for this one, no doubt. Large breasts mean heavier body to support. Just look at the scale. You could be a beanpole with DD boobs and that makes you 160 pounds. If the weight isn’t proportioned anywhere else or your bra isn’t sufficient, this is going to cause you more back problems than what big boobs are worth. Guys don’t share the same back problems when they try to carry around their moobs or man-bellies. Only women were “blessed” with the privilege of breast reduction surgery and having to go to physiotherapy for no other reason than genetics. On a semi-related note, hope you can sleep on your back, because big boobs are a pain to sleep on; they just get in the way and prevent you from getting comfortable.
Gravity caused the apple to fall from the tree and hit Newton square in the noggin. And gravity keeps the planets orbiting around the sun instead of crashing into each other and sending everyone into a black hole. And since gravity is all-powerful, it also does a great job of making your boobs sag. Regardless of size, you cannot escape gravity. It will creep up on you. Though men may experience this into their 60’s, women start to experience this as early as in their 20’s, depending on their cup size and genetics. And as you age, the support required to maintain current breast placement changes until you get to a point where you are just too old to care, and your senile old husband is not going to notice anyway. Better start working on your pectorals now because even though you can’t beat gravity, you can certainly slow it down.
3 Constantly reminding guys “you’re up there!”
Since boobs are often the subject of fantasy, it’s no surprise that men spend an awful lot of time staring at them, especially when they are partially visible in whatever wardrobe you happen to be wearing. Sometimes, you deliberately dress that way to turn heads and drop jaws, and sometimes, the unruly girls just decide to pop on out of whatever shirt you’re wearing that day. But it can get rather taxing when you constantly have to snap your fingers (yes it’s rude, but necessary) in guy’s faces just to get them to look at your eyes and not your eyes. Do women walk around staring at dude’s junk? Prolly not! Guys will never understand what it’s like to have people pay more attention to your body than your face (or the interesting thing you are talking about at the time).
2 Having to sleep on your back
Though it’s scientifically proven to be better for your back in the long run if you sleep on your back, with your spine straight, it’s nice to have options, isn’t it? You can roll onto your side, well, at least until gravity rolls you entirely over thus smooshing your chest violently into the pillows. Or you could just be brave and try sleeping right on your chest. Oh wait… actually you can’t because not only do you get boob cramps, but you are constantly readjusting because your boobs sweat and get in the way. Men will never know that what looks like pillows, will never be as soft or as convenient, especially when you are trying to get a good night’s sleep.
1 Bonus: that feeling of taking off your bra when you get home
Men will never know the joy of coming home after a long day and taking off their bra, directly after their shoes. Should you have to go out once the bra comes out? You either order in or put on a second shirt and hope no one notices because you’d never put that terrible thing on before you had to, which is the next morning. So many deliverymen and neighbours, not to mention your old, cranky, male relatives (who have given up on asking you to put on a bra) have seen you braless; it doesn’t even faze them (or you) anymore. It may not be a problem, but guys will never know the problem and feeling when you’ve just had your bra on for way too long and need to take it off. It’s like heels, which most men will also never know the feeling of. No matter how boob size, you can all appreciate the feeling of setting your boobs free.