What did he just call my vajayjay? Men complain about the names we give their ding-a-lings, but how about the rude and crude names they give our private parts? And if you think that this is some sort of new trend, you could not be further from the truth.
Throughout history, men have called our lowers bits all sorts of names. In the Avengers movie, many people heard Loki call the Black Widow a "mewling quim". Quim was also used in the Victorian era to describe a woman's vajayjay fluids when she was aroused. The word's origin comes from a Welsh word for valley or hollow. It is now an insult meaning vagina.
Men are still getting creative when it comes to naming our vajayjays. Some of the names are kind of funny and other names are downright hurtful. Let's explore the most popular.
18 Bearded Clam
From oysters to clams to fish, men are always comparing our genitals to the creatures of the sea, but a bearded clam? Really, guys? It makes me wonder if any of these men have actually examined the insides of a clam and the inner folds of a woman. My guess is that they think they are being clever, but all we hear is, "I'm a moron."
17 The Name Of An Ex Girlfriend
Women’s Health Magazine tells the story of one woman’s boyfriend who started calling her vagina by his ex-girlfriend’s name. The woman, Tricia W., took the new vag name quite well and started calling his penis by the name of her ex-boyfriend. As the saying goes, all is fair in love and war, and turnabout is fair game in the bedroom.
16 Money Maker
Shake that money maker! Calling a woman's lower bits her "money" has been a term used since at least the 1800s. It refers to a time when the only way a woman could earn some decent money was if she became a prostitute. So, yeah, its our "money maker", but I think we have evolved to the point where women don't have to resort to selling their bits to earn some decent money.
15 Meat Curtains
My teenage son and my then boyfriend were busy cleaning out the backyard pond when they began calling out all the different names for vagina. They rattled off the usual names, but then my now ex-boyfriend mentioned "meat curtains". What? "Yeah," answered my son. "I heard that one at school." He then attempted to explain to me why guys call them meat curtains, but I stopped him before he could speak any further. I get it, guys, but that is far from the romantic language I'd prefer.
For any of the guys reading this article, please don’t call our vajayjay “kitty”. She does not need to be fed, she does not need to lap up any milk, and she is not in the mood for some sausage. Do not attempt to pet it, either. She does not purr. Seriously. Calling our vagina kitty and talking about it in the third person really creeps us out. Be a man and call it a vagina. Otherwise, move on to your next verbal victim.
13 The Bank
I nearly died when I heard this one. A few years ago, a friend’s boyfriend talked about having to make a deposit at "the bank". When asked about it, he told us that a guy makes a deposit and in nine months he gets a return with interest. It sounded fairly creepy to me and I was glad he wasn’t my boyfriend. Apparently, my friend was not too tickled about him either and never gave him a return on any of his deposits. Thank goodness for small miracles.
12 Wizard's Sleeve
I am not sure if guys are living in some Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter fantasy or if they think that the sleeve of a wizard actually looks like a vagina. In either case, these guys need to take an anatomy class and pull away from their Dungeons and Dragons games. The vagina has nothing to do with wizards, dragons, and slayers.
11 Va-Janey and Va-Gina
Some guys like to add a "va" at the beginning of their girlfriends' names to refer to the vagina. This happened to my niece, Janey, who was called "Va-Janey" for a while. Another friend, Gina, complained of the same problem when her boyfriend started calling her private parts "Va-Gina". I am told that the best way to handle this situation is to start calling his penis by his name, only with the word "little" added to the front it, such as "Little John", "Little Gerald", or "Little Alex".
Virginia P. shared the vagina name of "love taco" with Cosmopolitan, but that is not the first time I have heard the term. Online, men sometimes refer to sex as "stuffing the taco" or a guy might ask a girlfriend if she would want his "special hot sauce" on her "taco". The best response is to let him know that you prefer your taco meatless.
9 Penis Fly Trap
Okay. I have to admit that this one is clever and kind of funny. It makes me think of The Little Shop of Horrors and the giant venus fly trap shouting, "Feed me, Seymour!" All kidding aside, a guy might get away with this term after a few beers and a bunch of laughs with friends, but it is far from appropriate when trying to romance a girlfriend.
8 Axe Wound
Now here is something that conjures up images of Game of Thrones, but, I swear to goodness, my vajayjay looks nothing like that. Apparently, I am not the only woman who thinks that calling a vagina an "axe wound" is crude. Huffington Post also thinks that this vagina synonym has got to go.
7 Honey Pot
If my vajayjay is a "honey pot", then he must be my Pooh bear. Yeah, we ladies know how to play the cutesy nickname game better than any of the guys. If he wants to start playing it sweet with the nicknames, remember to return the favor use words like "swizzle stick", "honey dipper", and "buzzy bee".
6 The Boss
This may come as a surprise to some men, but we women are not ruled by our vaginas. For many of us, we are ruled by our hearts and brains, not our genitalia. So, the next time a boyfriend touches your vajayjay and mentions talking to "the boss", you can tell them that yeah, she’s up here between your ears.
5 Camel Toe
I actually had to go look up what a camel’s foot looked like when I heard this one. While commonly used to mean a wedge in the front of a woman’s pants, "camel toe" is also used to describe the appearance of our most intimate parts. Not really sexy, is it? Definitely a turn off.
4 Love Box
I can live with this one. While certainly not boxy in shape, "love box" is far more sweet and endearing than some of the other names guys come up with for our girly parts. Besides, like boxes, we ladies are full of surprises.
Peaches are healthy, sweet, and juicy. Yep, I like this name for my vagina even though I would never say so out loud. In many cultures, peaches are considered a feminine fruit because of its resemblance to our lady parts and photos are used showing peaches when referencing women and sex.
2 Land Down Under
No, I am not talking about Australia. While we often refer to the area as "down there," a few fellows have taken it a step further and called it the "land down under". Makes perfect sense considering how many men have little clue as to what is going on in that region, conjuring up a magical land of koalas and kangaroos for him to explore.
1 Pink Room
"Pink room" or "pink house", I just love it. I never was a fan of pink until I started forcing myself to wear a bit of pink nail polish. Now I am pink crazy, so if the guys want to call it the pink room, that's fabulous. After all, it is better than The Shining's "red room" (red rum) and far more cheerful than some of the other, far meaner names that they come up with.