Not everyone has smooth moves like Jagger when it comes to talking to a crush. In fact, many of you have no idea what to say, or you rehearse it in your head only to start speaking and verbal diarrhea takes over, leaving you red-faced and confused at what you even said. The art of picking up or even talking to the boy or girl you like isn’t natural to everyone; and sometimes, it takes a whole lot of work even to be able to walk up to them and start a conversation without running for the door. Maybe this is just your natural behavior when confronted with someone you're crushing on, or maybe you just don’t have the same dating experience as many of your friends. The good news in all of this: you’re not alone. Many others out there have similar difficulties when they're around the person they are crushing on. Some can’t find words and others get super shy and run for the door. How many of these do you find yourself doing when confronted with your crush?
18 Deny the fact you like them
Welcome back to having a crush in grade school. When your friends give you the whole “ooooh [insert your name here] likes [insert your crush’s name here] oooooh!” You immediately launch into a list of reasons that you couldn’t possibly like him. Of course, you think about him enough to notice all of his flaws right off the bat so you can spit them out when confronted. Your friends will notice this and heckle you even more. But you do it because it’s better than having them try to embarrass you or the risk of them telling him; or the risk of them suggesting that you go over and talk to him because that’s COMPLETELY UNHEARD OF. You are quite content being your awkward self over here and never speaking to him over there, because admiring him from afar is better than the impending doom of trying to strike up a convo.
17 Text Way Too Much
You’re friends with this guy, right? You’ve got this handled. You sometimes hang out. And you totes text on the semi-regular. But then you say something one night and you immediately go into “oh sh*t” mode, where you feel the need to explain what you really meant because he might think you like him, and you do, but he can never EVER know so you try to explain that you mean it in a friendly way and secretly hope he feels you gently punching his arm like the chumps the two of you are… phew, that took a lot of breath didn’t it? Imagine how your fingers are going to feel when you go into rapid-fire-text-him-too-much mode. And since guys sometimes get confused and don’t read into things as much as women do, surely he will go play video games or do something completely unrelated and you will take his not replying as in he’s mad at you, so you rapid-fire text just a little bit more to ensure that he is definitely NOT mad at you… by now, he knows you like him. Whoops.
16 Stare at them and smile
He sure is nice to look at, isn’t he? Well, of course he is. You have exceptionally good taste in men! Sometimes, he’s just so pretty to look at that it’s overwhelming and you can’t figure out what to say to him so you just sit there and stare, possible with your tongue hanging out like a dog, or possibly with a silly smile pasted across your face. And you can’t wipe off that silly smile, even when the waitress asks what you want to drink (but you don’t really hear her anyway), so he is forced to break you out of your awkward trance. You don’t have to be a cunning linguist (dirty joke!) even though you hope he is (zing!), but you should probably say or do something other than stare mindlessly. Guys can appreciate a good ogle but just be careful not to zone out. Because it can sometimes be interpreted as creepy…
15 Freak out majorly
Think of the visual of tying a bell to a cats tail and watching as they chase it around and around in circles. It’s madness, isn’t it? Well, that’s a pretty bang on metaphor for the amount of freaking out you do when you like someone. Whether or not they are there, you are constantly worrying about it. Do they know I like them? Do they like me back? What if they don’t like me? What if [insert blabby friend’s name here] tells him? I never should have told her. I wonder what he’s doing this weekend. Should I text him? What if he doesn’t text me back… You’re the awkward kind of gal that spends an awful lot of time freaking out about silly things. Now when it comes time to actually go out and physically cohabit the same space as this person for a few hours, you change at least three times, assume your makeup is terrible and probably cry about how life isn’t fair and the fact that he’s never going to like you. Take a deep breath, and catch the bell. You’ve got this.
14 Avoid coming into contact with them at all costs
Ahh. There’s a guy at the office that you’ve had a crush on for months. And you just heard he broke up with his crazy girlfriend of four years and is on the prowl. What great timing for you to make your move. Your coworker and friend that knows how you feel cheers you on silently from the cubicle next to you, and tells you just to go talk to him because “it’s not a big deal.” You see him walking towards your cubicle so you do what any other awkward person would do; you pull a 360 and speed walk down another corridor and hope he doesn’t see you. You weren’t ready for that kind of conversation yet. You don’t feel your relationship is there quite yet. You’ll bide your time, and eventually make your move, and until then, you are quite content being the mouse in the game of cat and mouse that you are probably playing alone. And that’s A-okay by you.
13 Suddenly Develop A Stutter
Similar to stage fright or fear of speaking, you suffer from the inability to even produce words when the person that you like is around. You're usually highly intelligent, but well thought-out conversation has been replaced with tons of um’s and uh’s. Because you like him so much, you are at a loss for words. If you are really banking on him not knowing you have a cute, high school, but still now, ten-years-after-high-school, crush on him, your secret will not be protected when you spend most of your conversation with him stuttering. For you awkward girls out there suffering from stutter-itis, it is recommended that prior to seeing this person, you partially plan out a conversation topic to discuss that you feel comfortable talking about. Hopefully, this warm-up will help until he throws you a curve ball and asks you something you aren’t prepared for like, what’s your favorite television show?
12 Over-Analyze everything
Are you the type of girl who has a conversation with the guy you’re crushing on only to immediately question every little word he says? What does “hey” mean? He said I looked nice. Does he think I’m fat? It’s in the nature of the awkward girl to question everything your crush says and wonder what every little thing means. The good news is this: guys are simple creatures so what they say is usually what they mean. The “you look nice” comment is literally a compliment to which “thank you” is probably your best response. He’s going to see the wheels turning in your mind as you take in every comment he makes and try to decipher hidden meaning in it all. It’s not going to stop you from trying to figure out the worst case scenario regarding what you think he means - in reality it's never as bad as you think. But it’s good to remember to just relax in the hopes that your over-analyzing doesn’t make you go completely mad.
11 Play with your hair
Humans develop many nervous gestures or twitches when confronted with uncomfortable situations. Some scrunch their nose, some fidget and others, like you, play with their hair. Whether you are braiding it, spinning it around your finger, or nervously combing your fingers through it, the act of playing with your hair helps keep you calm and focused on the person you like. Some could argue that this nervous gesture makes you appear more feminine and less threatening and therefore, more approachable; others may argue that it makes you appear less intelligent, which makes you more appealing to men who want to be the more physically and intellectually dominant one in the relationship. Either way, to many it’s a defense mechanism for when you are trying to keep your composure around someone who you like, or who intimidates you; or in some cases, both.
10 Transform throughout the date into someone else
Awkward girls can be ultimate masters of disguise. Through a simple conversation, you have transformed from the shy suburban girl in the church choir into the reggae-loving, horseback-riding, volleyball-playing (you hate volleyball since you sprained your wrist in the tenth grade) girl of his dreams. Many times girls who are nervous, or awkward, around those they fancy, especially ones that they like, become sort of a chameleon. They either try to blend in and avoid attention at all costs, or they transform into the type of girl that they believe their date would like to be out with, regardless of how the date actually feels. Though this may seem like a decent survival tactic, it actually is more detrimental because these girls do not allow their dates to really get to know the real them; and the real them will always come out later, when the chameleon act stops.
9 Talk WAY too much
Feeling awkward or actually being awkward breeds a lot of extremes. Know what awkward people don’t like? Awkward silences. It makes them nervous. So you’ll be able to point out an awkward person in a crowd by the fact that they are a complete and total blabbermouth. They will say anything to avoid a dead silence because it terrifies them. When it’s too quiet, they can think, and over-analyze way more, which means their date also has the opportunity to do that during these silent breaks. Being awkward also makes you a bit paranoid about what the other person on the date, or what everyone else in the room, thinks of you. Is that table in the corner talking about you? Do they think your shirt is too low cut? Talking helps offset these thoughts as you're distracting yourself, and hopefully, your date. But talking way too much also means you are more likely to repeat the same thing about a million times, which makes you look like a batty old grandma who forgets she told you that story last time you visited.
8 Go super quiet
There is a whole other side to awkward than the chatty, blabbermouths: the quiet ones. It sounds like a movie title, doesn’t it? It probably is. But unlike the awkward talkers, these folks prefer the maddening calm of silence. They might give one or two-word answers around the people that they like and they won’t offer up any additional information or tell any stories while out with them. They’d prefer to let the other person do the majority of the talking. These people like to be in their heads sometimes, so they can analyze how the date is going and sometimes play out scenarios for how the date could go. Sometimes, when asked a question they don’t feel comfortable answering or that they don’t have a good answer to, they just sort of shrug and say nothing at all. They also don’t want to risk embarrassment around the person they like by speaking too quickly and giving out an answer they will be regarded negatively for.
7 Screenshot texts to ask a friend for advice
Call it awkward, or call it socially inexperienced, these crowds of people don’t have a ton of life experience, especially in the dating market. They will likely be completely shocked and thrilled when they get the cell phone number of the person they are crushing on, but have no idea how to progress from this point. They are the people who call up their close friends or sends over texts to find out what they mean and how to respond. In theory, their friend has much more experience in this department and has a better idea of how to reply to the messages. In truth, the awkward person probably knows the right thing to say but they are too shy and need a little bit of assurance that they are on the right track. These people are guilty of needing some coddling in their every day life, so dating is naturally no different for them.
6 Trip on your own feet
Clumsy and awkward often go hand in hand, especially when put in a situation where you are particularly close to the person that you like. Awkward people get stuck in their heads thinking about this person, playing out scenarios, over-analyzing and all around losing track of what’s going on in the physical world around them, which makes them far more likely to trip, fall or do something else clumsy, likely right in front of the person they want to appear wonderful and graceful in front of. Some people trip on their own words and spit out some verbal diarrhea, and others literally trip on their own two feet, sending them falling into their crush, or a nearby bush that their crush will likely have to help pluck them out of. This is often accompanied by blushing, spilling food or drink, or bruising as a result of injury that they incur while tripping on their own feet.
5 Laugh too hard at their (bad) jokes
You read in a magazine that guys want to be funny, so that just means you laugh at their jokes, right? Well, not always. This type of awkward behaviour is usually taken too literally causing the awkward party to laugh at almost everything the subject of their affection says and does. But it doesn’t always have the desired effect because this type of laughter is nervous laughter instead of boisterous or contagious laughter. So your crush may appreciate it early on, but if you are hooting and hollering like a drunken sailor, at things they never intended to be funny, it has the opposite effect of making you look desperate and revealing the fact that you are nervous and awkward. And guys appreciate an equally contributing funny girl as much as one who just sits there and boosts their ego with copious amounts of laughter. Remember, if you’re awkward and want to laugh at their jokes, pick your moments and maybe have a joke or two up your sleeves for the right moment.
4 Accidentally drop something
Remember how awkward people are always clumsy? Well, not only do they fall, spill things or trip frequently, they also are known to have a hard time holding onto things. This could be because they shake in fear and have a hard time steadying themselves… or that they get nervous, palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy… wait a minute… Sweaty palms are one of the largest contributors to dropping things as they take away almost your entire grip. If you are nervous, you are likely to drop anything from the list of the following: your drink, your utensils, your cell phone, your napkin, your lip gloss or your keys… If you are a dropper, if you will, it’s recommended that you hold things over a table or your lap if you are sitting, or be by a wall or something else you can lean on to help steady your shakes. And it’s recommended you avoid dropping things on your crushes toe. They don’t really like that gesture.
3 Get tongue-tied
Like those people out there that go silent or get overly blabby, or even those who stutter are those who try desperately, and fail, when trying to formulate words and simple sentences. These people forget how to answer a simple question, like what’s your name? Or what do you do? And these people aren’t stupid, they are just nervous and their nerves overcome them to the point of paralysis. Have you ever opened your mouth to say something and nothing came out? That is what it’s like for these people on a regular basis when in uncomfortable situations, especially when the person they like is concerned. These people are the Lindsay Lohans in Mean Girls. Grool = Great + Cool... easy enough to understand, right? As long as your crush interprets your made-up words and nonsensical nervous English speak, you’re probably in the clear.
2 Try unsuccessfully to make eye contact
Eye contact is supposed to be hot. That’s why they use the term “come hither eyes”. But some people aren’t good at making eyes at strangers, or people that they don’t know very well. What is supposed to be a sexy wink has your date looking at you and asking if you have something stuck in your eye and are okay. The alternative to you making bad winky eyes at your crush is when you try desperately to make eye contact and it turns into you staring intensely and creepily at them. In this case, this attempt at “sexy” is usually interpreted as just plain weird and is responded to with some awkward laughter and your crush turning and walking away. Or, if you are neither of these two types of people in the eye contact department, you are likely this third option: you try to get their attention by some casual staring, but as soon as they look at you and smile, you immediately get terrified and look away, only to maybe try to look back at them a few minutes later. It becomes a bit of a game to you, but you never return the smile, just stare...
1 Put your own spin on physical contact
A first date or a chance meeting with the person of your dreams can sometimes feel like an awkward family reunion, during which you have to hug and kiss your drunken aunt Judy goodbye but really, you don’t want to touch her at all. Touching weirds you out. And is reserved for your old granny, because she won’t be around forever and you’ll sure miss your granny. You aren’t a hugger; you aren’t really a hand-shaker or a high-fiver. You are like Sheldon Cooper when it comes to physical contact. So the fact that social norms dictate that he may hug or kiss you on the cheek is leaving you terrified because as much as you want him to, you also have no idea how to do physical contact, even if you want it deep down. You may end up high fiving his face as he goes in for the kiss or something. Ah well, you can only try your best.