How many times do our worries actually come true and we didn't actually waste our time overthinking something? The answer is most likely "never" because we all know that we worry for nothing and always assume that the worst is going to happen... and then everything works out just fine. This is definitely true when it comes to dating and relationships. Sure, we might think that someone wants to go on a second date with us and we're wrong and we have to get over that disappointment and rejection. For the most part, though, if we're prone to overthinking in a relationship, we're worrying for no reason at all. This person is with us for a reason and we need to realize that.
We might assume that only us girls overthink relationship stuff... but that's just not the case. Men do this, too, and they have a long list of things that they worry about. Thanks to Reddit, we can see what guys actually worry about and get a window into their soul (or something less creepy). These 18 guys from Reddit reveal what they overthink about in relationships! We can definitely all relate to this, and it's super helpful to realize that we all think and worry about the exact same things. Phew.
18 If The Relationship Will Last
No one gets into a new relationship hoping that they'll break up and things will become a total disaster. That would be kind of weird. But we definitely wonder if things will work out and if we're going to be well-matched. As it turns out, guys have these thoughts running through their head when they start dating someone, too.
One guy on a Reddit forum said,
"My biggest fear is that a girl I am very invested in suddenly loses interest and wants to end a long-term relationship for no obvious reason. This has happened to some of my friends before and the girls will always give some vague excuse. It's scary because you can't really see it coming, it's like they wake up one morning and their feelings have changed."
That definitely sounds scary and it's not something that anyone wants to go through. It's nice to know that if we're wondering if our relationship is going to last and hoping that it will be a true love story, our boyfriend just might be wondering the same thing, and maybe we should have a discussion so we can ease both of our minds and fears. Communication and honesty are never going to be a bad idea in a relationship.
17 If Their Girlfriend Compares Them To Other Guys
There are guys who are super confident and seem like they never have an off day when it comes to their self-esteem. They tend to be attractive and charming, the kind of guy who effortlessly picks up the cheque on the first date and makes plans and really seems to know what he's talking about and who he is. And then there are guys who are sweet and adorable but seem much more nervous around girls.
The second type of guy definitely has moments when he wonders why his girlfriend is dating him. Well, at least that's the case according to one guy who posted on Reddit.
"Does she really like me or am I just the best option? Am I just the safe option? Do I do things that secretly annoy her? Does she wish I was taller? Better hair? More muscular? Talk more? Talk less? When she looks at other guys, what does she think about? What does she think about my friends? Does she think those things about me?"
We can relate to this because if we have our low moments when we're not sure if we measure up to other girls, we might wonder why our boyfriend is dating us. Again, this is definitely something to bring up because our boyfriend will absolutely ease our mind.
16 If They're Being Creepy
Dating can be hard for us because we encounter a lot of creeps who don't know how to treat women, whether on a first date or second date or a relationship. That's kind of why ghosting is such a big thing. It's also why some of us wonder if online dating is something that we should be doing and if we would rather meet someone through friends or work or set-ups.
Since we do think that some guys are creepy (because, well, they are...), it makes sense that guys would wonder if they're being creepy.
"Whenever I'm with a woman and their reaction isn't 100% "You're amazing and the best person in the world" I have a voice nagging in the back of my head saying she thinks I'm a creep."
This guy does, and he posted about it on Reddit. Of course, we know that if a guy is worried about being creepy, that probably means that he's not creepy at all. He's self-aware enough to realize how a situation might seem and how he might come off, and he doesn't want anyone to think those things about him. We have to appreciate a guy who totally understands the creep factor of dating and who doesn't want to be creepy at all.
15 That They're Settling
Settling is something that a lot of people worry about. If we're single for a long period of time, it can seem really important to pick "the right guy" so we don't settle. We know that it's possible because we might get tired of being on our own or we might think that we're approaching 30 so we might as well just get into a relationship and get married already.
We probably all know people who we think are settling for a relationship that isn't right for them, whether it's our very best friend or a coworker or sibling. We can't say anything to them, even though we wish that we could. But do guys worry about settling?
"I fear settling. I'm constantly stuck between being happy for what I have and what I could be missing out on."
This guy does worry about settling, so it's safe to say that there are a lot of guys who feel the same way. He phrased this in a really smart way: you want to be happy and not feel like you're missing out. We will definitely know when this is the way that our life is going so we honestly shouldn't worry so much about this.
14 That Their Girlfriend Is Too Good For Them
Starting a relationship is a funny, strange thing since it means being a little bit conceited and narcissistic. We have to believe that we're smart enough, attractive enough, and kind enough that someone would want to date us and commit to us. We might find that tough, especially if we're used to being a bit insecure and have some low self-esteem moments. This is particularly hard if we've been single for a long time or have faced a lot of rejection and/or heartbreak.
"'Why on earth would such an attractive and awesome girl be interested in a schlub like me.' Always waiting for the other shoe to drop isn't exactly conducive to a secure relationship."
This guy posted on Reddit that when he's in a relationship, he thinks that the girl is too good for him and he wonders why she's dating him. While we can't give him a hug and tell him that everything is going to be okay and that he sounds like a good guy to date, we can remember that everyone has their off moments and low points. We all wonder if we're good enough for the person that we want to be with, and we all have this in common.
13 If They Should Make A Move/If The Girl Should
Oh man. The question of who should make the first move is such a tough thing. Some guys believe that they should always be the one to do that because, well, that's what society says. But they feel a lot of pressure at the same time and wonder why they have to be the one. Some girls would rather that the guy asks them out so they know how he feels and they don't want to face rejection.
Of course, everyone is scared of rejection, which is why someone would have a crush on someone else and not make a move or delay asking them out.
"Probably just focusing on not looking like a freak and hoping she likes me. Probably also thinking "WHY WON'T SHE MAKE A MOVE??!!"
This guy posted on Reddit that he wonders why a girl that he likes isn't making a move, which leads us to believe that guys wonder who should be making the first move or any dating move at all, just like we do. It's good and comforting to know that we all think about the same things and have the same worries and insecurities. We should definitely just make a move if we want to. The guy just might be waiting for us.
12 Whether They Or Their Partner Will Change Too Much
If we're with someone for years, we're hopefully going to grow and change together, but it's totally possible that we'll change so much that we won't look like the person that our boyfriend fell in love with. Maybe he can deal with that and maybe it won't negatively affect our relationship, but there's a chance that it will. The same is true for him. Maybe he'll change his entire life around along with his hopes and dreams and future goals, and we won't even be able to recognize him.
"Growing apart. I've been in relationships before, with women who had different priorities than me. That's OK. I'm most afraid of getting into a really good relationship, getting married, and finding out over time that our shared goals/priorities are no longer shared."
This guy was honest in his Reddit post about his fear of being in a serious, committed relationship and even marrying someone and then having them grow apart. That's a legit thing to worry about, and it's good to know that guys worry about this, too. This is an easy thing to overthink, but all we can do is think carefully about the person that we're committing to. If we're open and honest and communicate, it's very possible that we can figure it out and stay together.
11 If Their Girlfriend Will Leave Them For Someone "Better"
A lot of guys say that their girlfriend or wife is "better" than them. They might say she's smarter or something like that, and they might act like they're joking, but this is the way that a lot of people think. While that might be cute and romantic, there's another side to this way of thinking that's a lot more negative: if the guy worries that his girlfriend will break up with him and leave him for another guy.
"My SO and I are crazy about one another, but one day she might realize that I'm not all that great and she can easily do better."
Awww. We would probably all love to tell this guy that he has nothing to worry about and that his girlfriend will stay with him. It seems like the types of guys who say that their partner is better than them are the good guys that we really want and need to stay with. It's normal to worry that there's someone else who is more attractive or smarter or more talented or whatever it is that we're thinking about, but we need to believe that we're worthy of love. And we need to believe that our love story is going to work out.
10 Why They've Even Together
It sucks that so many people feel like they would rather be in a bad, negative, or just plain dull relationship than be alone. Being single is much better than that, but not everyone thinks that way, and that's why some couples are together for five or more years and are basically miserable the whole time.
Some people will be in a relationship and think that their partner is settling for them or just afraid of being on their own. That's a pretty terrible way to think.
"My biggest fear and this manifests itself in every relationship that I have ever had, is that she doesn't actually like me. That she is only with me for either a superficial reason or that I'm a guy that's 'good for now' or better than being alone."
According to this guy's Reddit post, some guys do worry that their girlfriend isn't actually all that into them, and that's honestly a pretty heartbreaking thing to hear. We should remember this and always let our boyfriend know how special and important he is to us. No one should have to feel this way. It's just not fair or necessary and won't lead to a good, happy relationship.
9 Losing The Romance/Spark
When we start dating a new guy, we're full of chemistry and passion and life seems almost too good to be true. It's like that montage at the beginning of a movie when the protagonist is walking down the street, listening to a pop song that only she can hear, and she can't believe her good luck. She swears that this is the day that her boyfriend is finally going to propose and things will just be so great. Of course, he'll usually break up with her instead, but she doesn't know it yet.
A lot of people wonder if they can keep the spark and romance alive in the relationship. It's easy in the beginning since you're in the so-called honeymoon period but once reality sets in, it's all chores and busy work schedules and stress, and romance isn't always on the priority list.
This guy posted on Reddit that he's scared of complacency in a relationship, so it seems like this is something that guys worry about. Becoming complacent definitely sounds like the worst thing that could happen because then we stop wanting to put the effort into the relationship that we used to and that's just no fun.
8 If It's Real Love
Before we fall in love, we probably wonder how we're going to know. When we're single, people always give us advice like "You'll find love when you're not even expecting it to happen" and "When it happens, you'll know" but that doesn't seem super helpful. In fact, we kind of hate hearing that. Once we do fall in love, we realize that they were telling the honest truth and that we did "just know." We might not even be able to put the experience of falling in love with our partner into words. It just seemed to happen naturally and everything flowed.
"Am I in love or is this feeling going to fade like my previous relationships..."
This guy posted to Reddit that he wonders if he won't actually be in love with the person that he's dating or if he'll fall out of love with her. This has happened to him before, so he feels like it could happen again. We can relate to wanting our romantic feelings for our partner to last and for things to finally work out. Who wants another breakup? Definitely not us. It's comforting to know that guys overthink whether they're actually and truly in love since we've probably all had that thought run through our minds.
7 Losing A Sense Of Independence
It's funny how our lives change when we get into a serious relationship. We swear that we're going to be a different kind of girlfriend than ones that we see on TV or in movies or in our friend group. We won't talk about our boyfriend 24/7, or post couple selfies on social media, or want to see him all the time and do absolutely everything with him. Nope. We'll continue being independent and doing what we want. Then we fall in love and, well, all bets are off. Sure, we still want to have our own lives and friendships and everything like that, but we do have to make some compromises. And we do want to see our boyfriend a lot since, of course, we love him.
If we worry about losing our sense of independence when we get into a relationship, we might wonder if guys think about that, too. As it turns out, they totally do, at least according to this guy who posted this on Reddit. He worries about "feeling dependent" in a relationship. That's definitely a common thing to worry about since no one wants to lose their sense of self and rely on their partner completely.
6 Whether Unfaithful Behavior Will Happen
If we've been cheated on, we know that it's not an easy thing to go through or get over. We might think that every guy that we date after that person is going to do the exact same thing, and we might have some trouble trusting again. That makes sense and is totally normal and understandable.
"That she will be the 3rd girlfriend to be unfaithful and then leave me for that guy."
Guys think this way too if they have been with someone who was unfaithful, at least according to the guy who posted this on Reddit. This poor guy had two girlfriends who weren't loyal and faithful, and that just sounds super tough to deal with. Some guys do think about whether the person that they're with is going to not only cheat on them but break up with them and start dating that other guy. Ugh. It doesn't sound like a pleasant thing to think about, and it's easy to see how people who have unfortunately been in that situation before could really overthink this subject. All you can really do is believe that you're worthy of love and that not everyone will do this to you, and if you're with the right person, they would never dream of doing this.
5 They Feel Insecure At The Beginning
Relationships can bring out a lot of insecurities. When we're single, we might have the highest self-esteem ever and think that we're pretty great (while hopefully still being a nice, polite, decent person, of course). When we meet a guy that we really like, all of that goes away and we second guess and wonder about everything. Does he like the way that our hair looks? The way that we dress? Was the text message that we just sent super silly or what?
"I always feel that way when I start a relationship. I avoid it by avoiding relationships and sabotaging the ones that I do get in to. I wouldn't follow my advice if I were you."
This guy was super honest in his Reddit post and said that he feels insecure when he starts dating someone. It's helpful to hear that he either doesn't get into a relationship or he makes mistakes when he is in one. We definitely have to remember that if someone is dating us, they like us and they like a lot of things about us. Otherwise, they wouldn't be with us, and they would be with someone else. Being insecure and having low self-esteem is only going to cause problems and make both of us unhappy.
4 They Can Wonder If They're The Right Person
It's easy to start dating a guy and think that he is so amazing, why is he dating us? Why isn't he with another girl? What could he possibly see in us? That's also a negative way to think and it's not the road that we should go down.
We might assume that guys are just so confident when it comes to dating and relationships and that this kind of thought never crosses their mind, but that's just not true.
"Stop doubting yourself. She chose to be with you just as much as you chose to be with her. Stop worrying so much, enjoy your time with her, and don't let jealousy cloud your mind."
This guy's advice in his Reddit post is totally spot-on. Instead of wasting time thinking about how our boyfriend probably isn't even that into us and would rather be with someone else, we should remember that he's dating us for a reason. If we're really bothered by thoughts like this, we can bring it up with him and have a real, honest conversation, and chances are, we'll feel a lot better. Having a discussion always makes things better and is definitely the best way to go.
3 Not Being The Best Boyfriend
What makes a good girlfriend or boyfriend? It might be different for everyone, but for the most part, we want to be with someone who is always kind and caring and compassionate toward us. We want them to take care of us when we need it and respect our independence when we need that as well. We don't want them to make fun of us for no reason or make us feel bad for our wants and needs (or even our favorite singer or TV show or food).
"I fear that I will not have the will/strength to be a good partner. Two of my major romantic relationships have ended because of that reason. I don't want to do it a third time. I'm what I'm most scared of in any romantic relationship."
We might wonder if we're a good girlfriend, whether we're in a relationship or single, and we might really spiral and freak out. This guy's Reddit post proves that this is something that guys worry about, too, which is comforting and helpful to know. We're all scared to repeat the mistakes of our past relationships in the next one. But all we do is move forward and try our best and believe that if it's right and meant to be, it's going to work out.
2 If They'll Be Ghosted
Oh, ghosting. It's such a hot topic and can be such a frustrating experience, but we've probably all been ghosted and ghosted someone. It can't always be helped. Even though it might be the polite and decent thing to say to someone, "You're a great person but I don't see us dating or starting a relationship", it's still really hard to say that.
"Well, I usually expect that they are going to ghost me. They usually do."
When we start dating a new guy, we probably think that he might ghost us, especially if this has happened to us recently, and especially if it's happened to us a lot. It's hard not to think that way. It's interesting to hear that guys both worry about and expect that a girl is going to ghost them. We might not realize that guys think about this too. But ghosting totally affects everyone and can happen to anyone. If we're in a new relationship, we should definitely let this guy know that we're in this thing and want to be with him, just in case he's worried about this, too. It's a pretty terrible thing to have to think about and can be pretty easy to overthink.
1 If They're Meant To Be A Boyfriend Or Stay Single
When we're single for a few years, we have to wonder why. Is it just because we haven't met the right person or is there something about us that makes it impossible for guys to want us to be their girlfriend? Would we even be a good girlfriend or would we get dumped ASAP because we don't know what we're doing? Is the single life a better, smarter idea? Do guys wonder if they're meant to be a boyfriend or if they should stay single? Should we be coupled up by a certain age, like 25 or 30, and if we're not, we're not meant to be someone's girlfriend?
"At 26 I'm starting to worry that I'm just not cut out for it."
Yup, according to this guy's Reddit post, guys really do wonder this. Some people aren't sure if they're meant to be in a relationship and if they can really handle the intimacy and vulnerability that is necessary to be a good partner. Relationships aren't simple by any means but they're absolutely worth it. Maybe we should all realize that we all worry and overthink about the same things, but in the end, we all want the same thing: to be loved. Cheesy, yes, but still super true.