It is not every woman’s dream to become a mother.
For many, just reading that first sentence will make them cringe like it’s a horrible thing to want, to remain childless. It is a taboo to be a woman and not want children.
Society can be cruel, judgmental and repressive towards these women (for many things); they often hide their thoughts and remain quiet to avoid negative and hurtful comments from listeners.
It is nothing to be embarrassed about, but still it is something that is heavily criticized.
For thousands of years women were severely repressed by patriarchal societies. Their roles were to be mothers, breeders and ovens for future heirs. If a woman could not bear a child, she was considered useless as a woman.
Luckily for us, those times are over, however society still plays the role of hangman when it comes to people’s life choices.
How can a woman not want to spend her life raising kids?
Believe it or not, many women around the world don’t want this, and it is not for the world to criticize. Women shouldn’t need to give a reason to NOT want kids but if the world needs it, then here are 17 to choose from.
13 Children Are Expensive
Children are VERY expensive, especially if you want to give them a good education, holidays, clothes, toys, healthy food and medical care.
Many women make a conscious decision about this very important fact. When you barely make ends meet the possibility of having a child can become a painful burden on your economic stability. Raising a child in poverty is not something that is fair to the child or the mother.
According to The Telegraph, the average cost of raising a child until 21 years of age in the U.K. is £230,000. In the U.S. raising a child for 18 years costs the average American $245,000 according to CNN Money.
A woman has a right to choose how she wants to spend her money and if spending her money on a child is not what she wants, she’s entitled to make that decision without being judged by the world.
12 It’s Not An Obligation
Regardless of people’s religious or personal beliefs they need to understand that not everyone on the planet shares their perspective, and it is not right to push personal beliefs down people’s throats.
Still, women who don’t wish to have children listen to the same phrase over and over again “It is our duty to reproduce, it is why we’re here on earth.” This is just a personal belief that should not be used to shape someone’s desire towards reproduction.
Reproduction is not a duty, nor an obligation. A woman has a right over her procreation wishes and it doesn’t concern the world whether she decides or not to have children.
11 Not Having Children Doesn’t Make a Woman Less of a Woman
A woman is not a uterus. A uterus is an organ in a woman’s body just like a man is not a prostate since a prostate is just part of a man’s body.
Ever since we are children we are taught that having children is what women do. Men play doctors; engineers, astronauts and women play with dolls they treat like their children.
Well… A woman is A LOT of things, not just a breeding machine. If a man doesn’t want to have children it doesn’t make him less of a man right? Then why does it seem like it makes a woman less of a woman?
10 Our lives
“Having a child gives life a bigger meaning” is a common phrase women who don’t want to have children hear over and over again. The reality is that what is meaningful to some is not to others, and that is the beauty of being different. Our wishes and desires are different.
Meaning in life is a personal journey that cannot be compared, and having a child is a personal decision.
9 You Don’t Need Children To Look After You When You’re Old
Many people have children to have “free” care when they’re old. First of all, it’s not free, like you’ve read before a kid costs around $250,000 dollars. So it’s more like an investment.
If someone is having a child to get free care in their old age, it is an extremely selfish reason to procreate. Even if you have children you shouldn’t expect your children to take care of you when you’re old. It’s not a fair game. If they do want to do it then that’s a bonus, but it shouldn’t be expected.
8 Having Children Is Not A Guarantee Of Happiness
Neither is getting married.
It’s not new to us, this idea of a “happiness formula”. We’ve seen in countless movies and on Facebook; get married, have a baby and live happily ever after.
Well… things aren’t exactly like that. For some it did turn out to be happiness, for other’s it turned out to be misery. Having a child doesn’t equal happiness, especially if you don’t want to live that way.
According to a study performed by Princeton University and Stony Brook University published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, they found "very little difference" between the life satisfaction of parents and people without kids, once other factors -- such as income, education, religion and health -- were factored out.
It pretty much breaks down to choice, those who desired to have children were happy with their lives and those who decided not to have children were happy with their lives as well.
If a woman has a right to have 20 children, then a woman has a right to have none. However, criticism always falls heavily on childless women. If you’re in your 20s and want to get your tubes tied because you don’t want to have children, you’ll get a long speech from your gynecologist.
It’s very likely they won’t perform the operation given that it would be “unethical” because it is not “normal” not to want children and you can change your mind in the future and want to have them.
If you however are in your 20s and are working on having baby number three, it’s very likely that your doctor will help you out with getting pregnant. He won’t suggest that you might change your mind and regret having children.
6 It Doesn’t Make a Woman Selfish
It is very common for a woman to be labeled as selfish when she dares say out loud that she doesn’t want to procreate. Having a child doesn’t make a woman better or worse.
For whatever reason a woman doesn’t want to have children, if she is making a conscious decision about it, that should be respected.
Many childless women are caring, giving, loving and selfless. Whether a woman has a child or not, selfishness has little to do on the subject. Oprah doesn’t have children and she built a school for girls in South Africa, she gives her money away to charity.
Whatever becomes of a child, it will be the parent’s responsibility, since they were the ones who created it, educated it and raised it.
Having children carries a long list of responsibilities, not just about the type of adult they’ll become but also economical, moral, emotional, physical and the list goes on. It is brave to walk into that kind of life long responsibility.
Children become adults but a parent is a parent for life.
Some women don’t have the time to put into a baby. Having a baby is extremely time consuming, and not everyone in the world wishes to invest that much time in raising a baby.
We, as independent free women are entitled to decide how we want to spend our time. Some people like playing Candy Crush, others with their kids and others on themselves.
3 It Doesn’t Mean They Are Monsters Who Hate children
It is very easy to assume that women who don’t want to have children are evil monsters that hate children. This is not always the case.
There are many ways a woman can bring out her motherly instincts. A childless woman can be a social worker, a volunteer in orphanages, an aunt, a foster parent, or an advocate for children’s rights.
Not having children doesn’t determine a woman’s love for children nor does it turn her into an evil monster.
2 They’re Not Causing Any Harm
If a woman doesn’t wish to procreate it harms no one! It is a personal decision that carries no negative consequences to the future of the world and so it shouldn’t be judged or looked negatively upon.
We don’t know the future of that inexistent child, however according to UNICEF statistics there are 2.2 billion children in the world as of 2014. It would be amazing if we worked together to make the future of those children better.
1 Respect Is The Basis of Human Civility And Peace
If a woman doesn’t want to have children it is none of our business. How can we demand respect for our life choices when we don’t respect the life choices of others.
Having a child is a personal decision that doesn’t concern society, family members or the world; every woman has a right to decide over her life choices and her future. A child is not a pair of shoes, it is a human being. We’re talking about a person here!
The pressure that society can hold over women to procreate can push them to make decisions that are detrimental to their lives.
Judgment towards childless women needs to stop. They hold the right to decide to procreate or not and society needs to step back and let a woman decide whether she wants to be a mother or not.