Finding the love of your life is an exciting time. You’re happy—elated even. Everything seems to be going your way and you’re on cloud nine, but what if things start moving in an odd direction. Suddenly you don’t feel safe. Your significant picked up a few different personalities, is way too over protective, and is in your business to an extent that you really aren’t comfortable with. The man you met seems like a totally different person, now you feel like you are being played with like a puppet on strings, but you don’t really know if he’s going through a phase or if you should take off.
There are many warning signs to look out for. Some are more subtle than others, but an abusive man can be spotted if you know what you’re looking for. The bottom line is, if you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way, you should leave this guy behind because your safety is always number one no matter what. But if you’re still unsure, we came up with a list of things to look out for. Whether it’s spending way too much or scoping on digital business on an uncomfortable level, this will help you key into if you should get yourself out of a potentially harmful relationship.
17 He’ll Give You A Seemingly Limitless Price Tag
Ever hear the saying, “If it seems too good to be true it probably is?” Well, it can be really true sometimes. When a guy is literally throwing money at you to the point where it seems like he’s buying you off—he is. If he’s throwing money around for you to spend until your heart’s content that means he expects you to keep your mouth shut when he’s laying down the law. That’s really bad.
At first, it comes off as sweet, but this is not a good situation to be in. Make sure you are financially independent so he has nothing to hold over your head and he doesn’t “own you” for lack of better words. No matter how much you think you’re in control of this situation, you aren’t.
16 Commitment Will Come Too Quickly
It’s one thing to be smitten over each other to the point where you’re having adorable midnight phone calls three times a week, but it’s another when he’s talking wedding plans with you three months in. That’s creepy. The thing is, yet again, he’s trying to lock you down and control you. He knows women like a man that wants to be committed and he is manipulating you into thinking he’s that guy when he has an ulterior motive.
All in all he wants you to think you can’t live without him by sucker punching you into a commitment you aren’t ready for. You’re just getting to know each other. There’s no way that you should be head over heals and making sacrifices for this guy yet. But he wants you to. Just say no and run away.
15 You’re Only His
You are a possession to him. Period. He wants you to answer to him and no one else; this gives him power. It fuels him from day to day. And he loves every minute of it. He will try to tear you away from your family and friends too by liking saying things like he’s all the family and friends you’ll ever need. It’s not right, but he doesn’t care because he’s getting the ultimate payoff and that’s you.
The bottom line is he’s a shell of a person who thrives on control and he gets it from you. Without you he has no one to kick when they’re down so he has no power and he knows it. Don’t let him get that inch of power he desperately doesn’t deserve. Walk away before you become his punching bag.
14 He’ll Be Way Too Concerned About You
He’s always calling your phone even when you’re just visiting with your parents. Obviously, you’re safe, so what’s his deal? Again, control. That is the word of the hour here. He needs to know what you are doing at all hours of the day and god forbid you have a life outside of him. This is his way of popping in and reminding you that you answer to him and no one else.
Ultimately, he is giving you a curfew by asking (or telling) you when you’re going to be home. It’s sly and sneaky, but it gets its point across effectively. Heck, it interrupts everything that’s happening. He steals the spotlight for the moment even when he isn’t there. When you let his call go to voicemail…yeah, not good. You don’t need it.
13 He’s Always The Victim
Ever notice when he’s in the wrong things still always get turned around to you somehow? Isn’t funny how that always happens? It’s not a coincidence—he definitely does this on purpose. He does no wrong. In fact, he’s always the one that is being wronged…by you. Well, he needs a reason to punish you all the time, right? This is one of the ways he comes up with it.
This is a deep-rooted issue. Maybe he had a troubled upbringing, regardless that is not your issue and you do not deserve that behavior being taken out on you. It isn’t right or fair especially when you were the one who was wronged. Don’t ever let your voice die out. If a man tries to silence you, leave. He is not worth your time. That’s not love.
12 He’ll Be Sweet…On His Terms
When he needs something he’s the sweetest guy around, but he can get pretty sour pretty quickly too. If a friend gave you flowers he might not be too thrilled about it because it wasn’t him that did it. One night he might take you out to a romantic dinner and a night on the town, then in the middle of the date he might pick a fight just to ruin your good time.
Once again, it’s a control thing. He’s almost playing God with you. He gives you a good time, but he can take it away just as easily. It’s a sick game to play, but an abusive man loves to play it because it makes him feel strong on the inside. After you have tears in your eyes, he might even buy you something to make you feel better. It’s all a game to him and it’s disgusting.
11 Dependency Is His Middle Name
As much as he never wants to admit it, he depends on you for a lot of things. It could be anything from dinner and day-to-day chores, to even making rent or paying his entire way because he’s a major freeloader. Either way, you are the real person in the driver’s seat in more ways than you think, but he brainwashes that power out of you so you think you belong to him. False.
Always make sure to have a realistic view on what’s going on in your relationship. Does he have a job? If not, how is he contributing to your partnership? If he’s sitting around playing video games all day then it’s not very much. If he does have a great paying job, are you running yourself ragged around the house? It’s something to really think about.
10 He Expects Nothing Less Than Perfection
You are arm candy. You are a yes man. You clean the house to his specifications and you make his favorite meals without back talk. It’s like you’re a robot. Well, you pretty much are when you’re under his house rules in all honesty because if you mess up you are in for a serious talking to. Yeah, no thank you. People mess up and it’s okay. You should never feel that stress from your partner.
It’s even worse when he makes fun of you in front of people when you mess up like you’re the village idiot or something. In that case, that is a form of abuse and control. This is emotional abuse and it usually goes hand and hand with physical abuse. If this is happening, consider ditching this guy quickly because the future isn’t looking so bright.
9 The Relationship Is A Dictatorship
It’s his way or no way. You never get to pick the restaurants you go out to or even who you see. Your opinions don’t matter. If you do stand up for yourself and schedule a girls’ night out, he calls you the entire time and you’ll either get a talking to when you get back or the cold shoulder for a few days. Forget watching your favorite TV shows too because the remote belongs to him.
It’s one thing if he doesn’t notice how he’s boxing you out, but it’s another if he thinks this behavior is funny. If the latter is your situation then the situation will obviously not get better and controlling you is his end game. Unless you like someone dictating your every move for the rest of your life, I advise you get away from this guy fast.
8 You Can Never Be Late—Ever
His time is more important than yours and if you make him wait it’s never okay. However, him making you wait is completely fine because your time means absolutely nothing to him. In fact, he might show up late on purpose at times just to make you wait.
When you are late he will be mad. In the beginning of the relationship he might try to brush it off with obvious signs of annoyance, but it will progressively get worse. It will get verbal over time, then it will progress from there. It can get scary all because he considers this disrespect to him, and you don’t respect him. A man like this is not worth your time—ever. Always remember in a public setting that people are around that can help you. Never be afraid to call for help.
7 There Are Prompt Check In Times And You Better Answer Him
If you’ve been gone for a while and your man checks in to see if you’re alright that is a totally different scenario. I’m talking about the guy that is calling you on the hour when you aren’t with him. If you don’t pick up he will keep calling and leaving voicemails until you do. You might even get a handful of calls at work “checking in” because you’re up to so much while punching the clock. It’s crazy.
If he doesn’t take a chill pill consider turning your phone off during the day. If he still doesn’t get the hint consider where all of this is coming from. Yup, control once again. Abusive men run their lives around control. It’s like a drug to them, when they don’t have it they get very angry, and you don’t deserve to be part of the withdrawl.
6 He Has Your Passwords And Uses Them Regularly
There really is no excuse for your partner to have your phone or social media passwords. Why do they ever need to be on your devices and platforms? The next question is—what would they be looking for? If they insist on having this information, that’s a bright red flag because that means they intend on using it. There’s no reason for that unless you condone it.
Also, do you feel comfortable with your significant having this information? If the answer is no they should respect that answer and trust you not put his trust issues on you. If he also withholds his information, that’s a double red flag because that’s…ding, ding, ding…more control. You don’t need your digital life being micromanaged too especially if you aren’t doing anything wrong.
5 You’re A Cheater In His Eyes
No matter you do (or haven’t done) you have cheated on him because as mentioned earlier he’s the victim. He doesn’t care if it’s true or not, he is determined to find that you messed up. He will go through everything you own to find if you have anything resembling a second relationship and even make up proof along the way.
The second and arguably scarier part of this scenario is that he wants you to truly devote yourself to him throughout this entire process. This is validation for him. He needs you to throw yourself at his feet and prove to him that you are trustworthy although you have done nothing wrong. Here’s the thing, no one should be forced to degrade themselves for someone else’s ego, and you certainly don’t deserve it. Don’t lower yourself to it.
4 He's Your Stalker
He’s going to follow you because he needs to know where you are when you aren’t picking up your phone. This is important to know when you’re fighting or trying to get yourself out of the relationship. He will sneak around a track you, but he might also do it while everything is fine too just to make sure you’re following his rules when he isn’t around.
It’s important to not keep the same day-to-day schedule when you are with a guy like this. Take different ways home from work. Stop at different coffee shops, and don’t run errands in the same order on the same days at the same times. If you have a routine like this he can and will easily scope you out. It’s scary and it’s not okay, but he doesn’t care about social norms when it comes to your relationship.
3 You Cause All His Problems
You are the root of all of his problems it seems. He might even say things like you have a destructive relationship but you need each other or some crap like that. Don’t buy into it; he’s trying to make your dysfunction sound like something straight out of Romeo and Juliette when it’s just plain toxic. This is especially true if he’s passing off all the blame on you all of the time.
No one should have the weight of the world on their shoulders and that’s exactly what he’s doing to you. He’s making you his punching bag and blaming you for all of his shortcomings when you have no place being in those issues. He has a lot of soul searching to do and you do not have to be part of it.
2 He Keeps Raising His Voice At You Even When He Said He'd Stop
Obviously, raising one’s voice is showing aggression and that’s exactly what he’s doing when he isn’t backing down either. The problem here isn’t that he snapped by accident and went on a random tangent then felt bad about it, it’s that he got aggressive then continues to stay that way even after you told him you aren’t comfortable with it. He’s trying to keep you under his thumb when you’re “stepping out of line.” Wrong, wrong, so wrong.
There’s only one step that comes after this and it’s physical violence. If you’re man is constantly raising his voice at you and won’t back down, that’s a great time for you to back off from him. There’s nothing good that comes from a relationship like this from there unless he gets some serious help.
1 He Becomes Physically Abusive, Violent, And Aggressive With You
I’m going to out and say this; there is absolutely no excuse for this behavior. Not under and circumstance whatsoever. If your man gets violent in any way, leave right then and there and don’t look back. This behavior will happen again as this is very unlikely to be a one-time thing. Another good idea is to call the police because you don’t want him following you with his temper inflamed that much.
There’s no easy way to say this, but this guy has some major issues. Issues that you can’t fix and that you should not stick around for. You do not deserve to be bullied, pushed around, hurt, or endangered over a relationship. Put yourself first and seek help immediately. Get friends, family, counselors, anyone you want to be involved. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because you, not he, is the victim here 100 percent.