So many of us girls think that we just have it all figured out when it comes to attracting men. There are some hidden tricks up nature’s sleeve that we don’t utilize. In fact, there are many factors that play into winning the love of a man. It is easy to get the attention of the guy that you have had your eyes on, but getting them to fall in love with you is a whole different playing field. There is a fine line between lust and love. In the beginning phases of courtship, you have to rely on your feminine appeal to get him to turn his head and notice you. However, it is your personality and behavior that will determine whether or not he decides to keep you around.
There are deeply embedded biological cues that cause human beings to release hormones in their body and become smitten with one another. Many of these cues are scientific while others are certain ways to behave that will convince him that you are “The One.” Looks will initially attract him to you, but it is your character that will determine whether you will stand the test of time. It will make or break his decision to take you home to meet his mom.
Here are the 17 ways to get him to fall for you:
Men are the pursuers and the conquerors where women are the gatherers and the nurturers. You can deny this fact as much as you want and declare how “anti-feminist” it is, but look around you and draw the conclusion yourself. This is why it is critical to let the guy make the first move. This does not mean that he is the first to start the conversation or flirt, but let him seal the deal as far as asking you out or asking for your number. At least at the very beginning of the relationship, it is important that you leave the ball in his court. If you try to take the initiative, he will not feel like he is in control nor will he feel like he is leading the situation. Rather than seeing you as girlfriend material, he will see you as a side girl. That is a zone you do not want to find yourself in.
Someone who has a life outside of the realm of the dating scene is one of the most attractive traits that you can demonstrate because it shows that you are independent. One of the biggest things that guys fear when they start becoming interested in a girl is that they question whether or not if she will fall too fast too soon. When this happens, that girl usually wants to occupy all of his time and space to the point where he feels smothered and suffocated. Let him know that you are the opposite of that. If he texts you frequently wanting to hang out, have some nights that you need to yourself or with your girls. He will respect that and find it refreshing to know that you are a lady with her own exciting life.
Time and time again girls try to set themselves apart from other women by identifying with men, hang out with only “guy friends” and professing to be content with all the messed stuff guys do to girls. Some common examples include: having only or mostly guy friends, claiming “girls are too emotional and dramatic, and guys are easier to get along with”, or laughing at stories about guys treating girls horribly. Sure, engaging in this locker room banter will elicit positive responses from guys but they will only elicit platonic responses. You will find yourself in the friend zone so fast that your head will spin. They will want to hang out with you, but they certainly will never see you as girlfriend material. Ever.
When a guy is in your presence, you want the entire environment to be as pleasurable as possible and even more pleasurable when he does certain behaviors that are to your liking. Every time he does something nice or shows you a gentlemanly gesture, then reward him by fulfilling his *ahem* needs. Conversely if he does something that bothers you or something that you find disrespectful, then by all means…deny him anything pleasurable that he associates with you. Some may coin this a bit manipulative, but this called conditioning and it is a psychological mechanism that triggers the reward system in the brain. This is a way to demonstrate which behaviors that work with you and which ones don’t. For example, if he blows you off or doesn’t text you back, tell him you are busy the night he invites you over for “Netflix and chill.”
The number one thing you need to remember about the science of attraction is that we are at our optimal level of attractiveness when we are showing signs of fertility (and those can manifest in different ways, those ways you will see throughout this list). At a certain time of the month, we as women are our most fertile and men can smell that on us (again, it’s all on a sub-concious level). This is a 12-24 time window when the ovaries release an egg that is ready for fertilization. Ovulation typically happens around the 14 day of a 28-day menstrual cycle. However, many types of birth control block ovulation from happening in order to prevent pregnancy, so those of us on the pill will not benefit from this attractiveness peak.
Mirroring someone’s body language is a powerful way to bond and build understanding. Human beings use this tool without even being aware of it. In its most obvious forms, we see it with smiling and yawning. However, you can take it a step further. If he leans back in his chair, then you lean back in your chair. If he leans in closer to you, lean in closer to him (an so on and so forth). According to some scientists, there is a neuron that affects part of the brain that is responsible for the recognition of faces and facial expressions. This increases your familiarity and comfort with one another. Mirroring someone’s body language is a non-verbal way os saying “I am like you, and I feel the same way.”
Certain colors trigger certain emotions. Red is indeed the most attention-grabbing, almost aggressive color that exists in the entire spectrum. Throughout so many ancient cultures, red was often reserved as a symbol of status, power and virility. Scientific research shows that the effect of the operates on a sub-conscious level to stimulate attraction. Men reported higher levels of attraction to a woman dressed in red compared to women dressed in other colors. Men also expressed intentions to spend more money on a date who is dressed in red. What exactly is the link between the color red and men’s attraction to women? Results showed that men perceive women wearing red as more receptive and they perceive receptive women as more attractive. Find the shade of red that compliments you and start adding that to your wardrobe.
Your guy is going to want to know that he is the apple of your eye, but he also wants to he reminded of his studly prowess over the female gender in general. If you met him through a group of friends and you know he chose you over some other girls who may have been interested in him, don’t forget to mention it in a flirtatious manner. Say something like, “I feel bad for all those other girls because I seem to have pulled you away from them.” Watch his face light up and glow like a Christmas tree. Guys love knowing that they are popular among the ladies, even if they are not and you are making the whole thing up. For the sake of humor, a little ego stroking goes a long way.
Human pheromones perfectly explain those moments when we find someone attractive but we don’t know why. Pheromones are hormones that act as chemical signals that can subtly alter a person’s mood, mindset or behavior. According to Popular Science, men and women give off different signals. When you smell someone’s hormones that mix well with yours, that is when the physical chemistry develops. Some researchers believe that sex pheromones work by sending subconscious signals about your gender to nearby people. Both men and women have distinct signals that notify others of their presence.
Don’t ever feel the need to go overboard with perfume and buy into the marketing that tells you that you need to spend 200 bucks in order to smell attractive. Just let your pheromones to the talking.
Everyone has an androgynous side. There are many men who secretly love to go shopping and get all excited when they find out their favorite brand is having a sale. Conversely, us women have certain interests that err on the side of what is considered traditionally masculine. If you have a favorite sports team, let him know some of the star players and how they have been performing this year compared to last year. If you like to work out, tell him what your favorite types of exercises are. If you clue him in on your tomboyish side, he will be more likely to invite you to more social events and will build a desire to get to know you better. At the same time, find out where his feminine side is.
Gossip and bath mouthing your fellow females may have been acceptable in high school. At your age, it just makes you seem insecure and threatened very easily by potential competition. If you say something negative about another woman (especially if that other woman is attractive), he will detect jealousy in your psyche. He will be quick to assume that you take the defensive against other important women in his life and he may see you as a cause of drama in the future. You never want to give him a reason to believe that you will try to compete with his female family members or friends. Unless any negative comment has some sort of justified reason, it is always best to just keep it to yourself.
Most men would like a strong, independent woman in their life as opposed to a co-dependent clingy girl who never gives him his space. There is a difference between being independent and acting like you can do everything on your own without any of his help. Remember that the male ego is a fragile one and he wants to feel like you need him in your life. Just like women, men need to know that you care and that you appreciate them. Seldom will a guy ever admit this, but he wants to do things for you that he knows your girl friends can’t. Ask him for help when you need it, like with moving, putting together furniture or just anything that calls for brute strength. Maybe even feel up his arms and tell him how ripped he is. Make him feel like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Makeup can be your best friend or your worst enemy when it comes to enhancing your attractiveness to men. Same goes for your fashion choices. We are used to being flooded with Instagram pics and tutorials talking about the latest makeup techniques, but let’s face it: some of them just look straight up gaudy and overdone. Don’t go overboard when it comes to makeup, no matter how much the Sephora sales girls try to push it on you. Contouring might be what is in fashion right now, but it makes you look like a clown. Keep it simple for the most part but add a little flair here and there. Winged liquid liner and red lips will stun on a date but when you are at home with your guy, the no-makeup makeup look will do.
At least at the beginning of the relationship after you have allowed him to take the first move, let him take the lead and come up with where to take you on the first date. It might be old-fashioned, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Some may call this idea of allowing the man to take the lead in the relationship controlling, or even “wearing the pants”, but it’s not. Think of relationships as a dance. Someone has to take the lead and if not, people are stepping on each other’s toes. Would you like to take the lead when dancing? Exactly. Let your man feel like a man and just allow him to “think” that he is wearing the pants (even if he is not). A little humor goes a long way.
When we are tense or uncomfortable, we use closed body language. Such examples include: crossed arms, crossed legs, hiding hands, lack of eye contact and head facing down. The opposite, open body language is what we give off when we are relaxed and at ease with whoever we are talking to in whatever environment that we might be in. Think about this scenario: when we are at a bar, we naturally have a shield up against potential creepers, where our body language is closed off. When a handsome dude approaches us, our body language gradually opens up. This is a nonverbal way of signaling to him, “I’m into you, please continue this conversation.” When our open body language becomes flirtatious, such signs include: preening (grooming his hair or slightly touching him), open wrists, and playing with our hair.
Forget the whole idea that you have to be a size zero with Barbie doll proportions in order to turn heads. In fact, there is no specific size or number on a scale that sets the standard. Rather, it is the body and weight proportion that counts. The hourglass figure has been what has been considered attractive from Victorian times even to modern day times. Women in Victorian times would go to extreme and painful lengths to achieve the look by wearing rib-crushing corsets to cinch in their waist and accentuate the roundness of their hips. Waist:hip ratios (WHR) for most premenopausal women range from 0.67-0.8 for women and studies have found that men prefer women who have a WHR that is closer to 0.7.
From vintage pin-up girls like Marilyn Monroe to filtered out Instagram pics of Kylie Jenner, the hourglass has proved itself the go-to signal of fertility. A small waist and shapely hips signals to men that you A) aren’t currently pregnant and B) could easily get pregnant if the opportunity presented itself.
As this rule goes hand in hand with the previous one about not trying to be one of the guys, having only guy friends will turn a guy that you are interested off. He will be thinking, “man, if things don’t work out between me and her, there is just a slew of men that are lining up waiting their turn.” Knowing that you understand the female perspective and respecting your fellow women will be more attractive because that means that you view them as friends, not competition. This is not to say that you are not allowed to have guy friends (and if he has a problem with that, run for the hills). However, keeping your social circle inclusive to women in your life will go a long way when it comes to judging your character.
Source: Psychology Today, Skin Biology, Popular Science, MadamNoire, The Rules Revisited