Break ups are difficult. There’s not many people in the world that would deny that, but break ups may be even more difficult in today’s age of technology. It is so easy to stay in touch that it makes it even harder to distance yourself from an ex. After a break up, there may be many, many times when you’d like to text or call an ex. While there are certainly times when you should contact your ex, there are plenty of times that, no matter how badly you’d like to, you shouldn’t text your ex.
What’s the difference between the times you should and shouldn’t text an ex? Well, it’s definitely hard to say. If you needed a kidney, maybe, and your ex was a match, I mean maybe text him then. No, but seriously, for the big important things, it’s usually fine to text an ex but for smaller, every day things, you shouldn’t text your ex. It’s just your way of rationalizing reaching out to him when, really, you should be moving on.
These instances are, of course, for the fresh break ups. If you and an ex have been broken up for years, have everything between the two of you resolved and are even friends now, then, by all means, text away. If your wounds from the break up are still fresh, you should follow these rules and avoid texting him during these 16 times.
15 After You've Had A Lot To Drink
The absolute worst of the worst times to text your ex is when you've been drinking and are most likely drunk. I know how it is. In fact, everyone knows how it is. We have all been there.
When you are drunk, your emotions somehow take hold of you, even if you are the most rational person on the planet. It can’t really be avoided. The awful part is that added with the fact that you have less control over your actions while drunk, it makes for a perfect disaster of texting your ex something insane. And this never ends well. It will either turn into a drunken booty call, which can add a whole new dimension to your break up pain, or it ends with you saying things you’ll regret in the morning. Think about all the things you've done and said while drunk, don't make the mistake of contacting your ex.
Just go home, watch Game of Thrones and drunkenly lust over Jon Snow. It’s much healthier.
After A New Episode Of Your Favorite Show
Speaking of Game of Thrones, if you watched a show with an ex, it can be extremely difficult to accept the fact that you will no longer be watching said show together anymore. It can also remind you of them every time you sit down to watch the new episode.
If you had the tradition of watching the newest episode of Game of Thrones together every Sunday, it will be hard when you’re watching Game of Thrones alone and have no one to discuss theories with afterwards. You may want to reach for your phone and text him after the latest epic episode, but just don’t. Take to the Internet. Regardless of what show you watch, there will be like a million articles about it. Read them instead, make a Facebook status, text a friend who watches it, but just don’t text your ex. Just think that on Monday morning you can talk to all of your coworkers about the episode, just make sure they're all up to date, you don't want to be the one who spoils it for others.
14 His Birthday
His birthday is difficult because it may remind you of all of his past birthdays you spent together but you should avoid texting him if you are trying to make a conversation out of your text. The ‘happy birthday’ text is nice, and even a sort of peace offering if you guys ended on bad terms. That is okay and, perhaps, he’ll respond with a ‘thank you’ but other than that, you shouldn’t hope for much in terms of conversation. And don't add anything after saying HBD.
He is probably celebrating and responding to several other ‘happy birthday’ text messages. If you continue by asking how he’s been, what his birthday plans are or if his aunt Rhonda is doing well, you are using the ‘happy birthday’ text to get back in his life and that’s something you shouldn’t do… especially, you know, on his birthday of all days. Don't ruin his special day, let him enjoy it and go do something to keep you busy.
13 Your Birthday
I get it. It’s your birthday and you want him to text you. You may have spent quite a few birthdays together in the past and if this is the first birthday of yours that you aren’t celebrating together, it can hurt big time. It can hurt even deeper when you see people writing on your Facebook wall, who are basically strangers, and yet, some guy you dated for two years doesn’t have the decency to text you. What gives?
It can be a bummer, especially on your birthday, but that doesn’t mean you should text him. Honestly, how pathetic would it be to text him on your birthday? He would know why you’re texting him. He hasn’t suddenly forgotten your birthday, and even if he did, Facebook would have reminded him. Listen, if he hasn’t reached out to you on your birthday, it will hurt but that doesn’t mean you should reach out. Go have dinner with your girlfriends and appreciate all the great things in your life instead.
12 When You See A Movie You Love
This can be even worse when you went to the movies often as dates, and, if we’re being honest, who doesn’t go to the movies as a date? Even if you weren’t seeing movies on the big screen, I’m sure there were plenty of lazy Sundays spent on the couch watching back to back movies on Netflix.
Long story short, you guys probably watched movies together and discussed them in detail after. Half the fun of seeing a movie is the discussion afterwards. After Inception, who didn’t want to talk about that? Sure, mostly everyone just wanted to talk about it because no one for sure knew what happened but still. So, if you see a movie you love or even one that you hate, you may want to discuss it with someone, and in particular him.
Instead of texting him to discuss the movie or beg him to watch it, text a girlfriend instead. Girlfriends like movies too.
11 When You’re PMS-ing
Something about getting your period can make you just a little bit off. Suddenly, you have a short temper and you’re not sure why. You may feel a bit bloated or have a zit. Whatever the PMS symptom, it may make you feel just a little bit down and when you're feeling down, you may have been used to texting your boyfriend in the past. But that was the old you!
Now is not the time to reach out to him, especially because he's now your ex-boyfriend and no longer your boyfriend. He only put up with your wacky period moods because you two were dating before. Now, that you’re not dating, he doesn’t have to make you feel better about that zit. Also, with PMS, your hormones may be a bit zany so a rejection by your ex could hurt much worse than it normally would. Call a friend or go to the closest convenience store and get a tub of ice cream, don't forget ice cream heals everything.
10 When You’re Sick
When you’re sick, you may really want someone to take care of you. This could bring back feelings of the times when your ex would take care of you. You may miss that feeling of security, but do not text your ex. You are already feeling bad physically so you don’t want to make yourself feel bad emotionally on top of that.
Like the whole issue of PMS, you're ex took care of you when you were sick because he had to. He didn't want to actually make you homemade chicken noodle soup but he did it because he loved you. Now that he's no longer dating you, he doesn't have to deal with you getting the flu. If you're feeling sick, text your mom. She biologically has to care about you being sick, let her bring you chicken soup. You can then cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie together.
9 After A Bad Day At Work
Bad days at work are the worst, right? In the past, you probably texted your boyfriend during your horrible day, giving him detail after detail. He may have even make you a nice dinner or had a bubble bath ready for you when you returned home from this day from hell. That kind of support system is nice, but he may not be so supportive now.
Following the same logical of the PMS or sickness texts, if you're having a horrible day, he's not the person to text anymore. First of all, hearing someone rant about something isn't really that much fun, but he listened to you go on about how much you hate your boss because he was having sex with you. Now, he won't have the same sympathy for you.
Also, in the case of texting an ex, you don't really want to let him know that you're life is still the same shit show. It's nice to pretend everything is wonderful and perfect when talking to you ex, right?
8 When You Get Promoted
Getting promoted feels wonderful, even if it's the smallest, basically insignificant promotion. It still feels absolutely wonderful. You want to tell everyone you know - your mom, your bestie, your gynecologist. You probably also want to tell you ex-boyfriend, because he may have been an important person in your life while you were working towards said promotion. You may also want to tell him just so he knows that you're like so completely fine without him.
Whatever your reason for wanting to tell your ex about your promotion, it's a bad idea. For starters, he probably won't be nearly as excited as you'd hope. Also, he may think it's odd that he's still one of the people you text as soon as something happens in your life. He'll know that you're still totally into him.
Instead, you're better off making a humble-brag Facebook status and letting him find out that way. In this way, you tell him but it also doesn't seem like you're making an effort to tell him, right?
7 After He Makes A Status On Facebook
Ugh, seeing an ex make a status on Facebook is always weird. Suddenly, they are putting out their opinion out there. What are you supposed to do? Like it? Comment on it? Defriend them? It's all so confusing.
Furthermore, seeing people comment on his status can upset you, like all of a sudden the whole world wants to talk to him? And now out of nowhere he is Mr chatty on Facebook. Why is some guy who he was friends with in elementary school having a friendly conversation with him on his Facebook? You were so much closer to him than that rando guy and you two don't even talk anymore! It can make you want to reach out privately and reestablish your friendship, but just don't.
Remember, you can always 'unfollow' someone on Facebook so his statuses won't constantly pop up in your Newsfeed. That makes it a little easier. And if you don't want to unfollow you can always hide his activity from your newsfeed. That will definitely help, just don't go stalking him.
6 Whenever A Girl Likes His Picture
Who is she? Who does she think she is liking a picture of him on vacation? I know she wants him and he probably wants her too, arghh. Oh, hell no. That's the basic reaction one may feel when another girl likes her ex's picture on social media, especially if it's a selfie. Like, why is she liking his selfie? It suddenly drives you insane so you go on her page and scroll through everything you can find.
The idea of another girl liking his pictures on social media is enough to make you momentarily think that maybe, just maybe, you should get back into his life and keep this hussy far away from him. Well, in reality, we all have to move on. It's just the fact that you see this moving on, on his social media. Take a deep breath and remember that tons of guys like your pictures too. Hey, you could even post a hot selfie to make yourself feel better.
5 During The Holidays
There's no time like the holidays to feel lonely. It's all about friends, family and, sigh, relationships. If you celebrated the holidays together in the past, this time can feel even lonelier. And, why is your Aunt Sue asking what happened to the cute guy you brought last year. Clearly, we broke up, Aunt Sue. Thanks for rubbing it in.
Considering the fact that there's usually an abundance of alcohol around during the holidays, this can make for a powder keg of emotions. After four glasses of wine, Aunt Sue's annoying questions and watching your happily married cousin cuddle up next to her husband, you may feel like texting your ex, or throwing the tree at the happy couple- but don't, for both situation.
He's off celebrating the holidays with his family too. If he's feel lonely because of these reasons too, maybe he'll reach out to you. If he doesn't reach out to you, he may just be having a holly jolly Christmas with his family and you shouldn't disrupt that.
4 Especially, Valentine’s Day
What even is Valentine's Day? It seems like it's just a day to make those who are single feel lonely. Even if you're not the type to believe in Valentine's Day, seeing all the people all around you celebrating can get under your skin. Now that you're freshly single, it feels like Valentine's Day is on speed. Why are the teddy bears so big this year? Can people get a room?
Being surrounded by this mayhem of love can make you long for your ex but do not text him. He may be celebrating with someone he just started dating. Yeah, even if you guys only broke up a week ago. Guys rebound rather quickly - it's annoying, right?
Instead, pop on a horror movie. Seriously, watching Scream on Valentine's Day is a lifesaver. That, or get several bottles of wine and invite several of your besties over. Valentine's Day isn't just about the boyfriend/girlfriend love after all.
3 When His Friend Is Having A Party
If his friend is having a party and invited your friend, what are you supposed to do? Of course, it's annoying that it's a small, small world and somehow all of your friends are friends with someone who is friends with your ex. You'd rather just escape your ex all together but, apparently, you can't.
If all your girlfriends are going to the party, you probably want to too. It's a natural reaction. FOMO is a real thing, you guys. You may want to text your ex to see if he'll be there, but don't. It just shows him that you're thinking of him and it may make it even more awkward at the party.
Instead, get ready under the assumption that he'll be there (because you always want to look ridiculously hot when you see an ex, right?) and go. If he's there and you guys talk, that's fine. If he's not there, well, you look super hot and you're at a party. Have fun.
2 Because You’re, Err, Lonely…
It’s 9 pm on a Thursday, you’ve had two glasses of wine and you realize that it’s been a long time since you’ve had some nookie. Too long. You want to get laid and, perhaps, you’re ex could help you out in that situation. I mean, you’ve already had sex with him so you wouldn’t really be adding anyone to the list. On top of that, you and him have had plenty of great rolls in the hay so you know it would be good. Hm, it seems like the perfect booty call, right?
Nope. Stop typing that text. We all get the attraction. Hell, most of us have sent that text. Exes really are the best booty calls because you've already had sex with them a ton of times. It's like, uh, riding a bike. Doing it with an ex, though, opens up a jar packed with six million questions. Wait until you've had your distance, like so much distance, and only then should you even consider getting it in with an ex. Even then, though, it's just an emotional dice roll.
1 When You Miss Him
This one is hard. This one also encompasses almost every situation listed above because when you miss him is usually the only time you want to text him. Well, if ended badly, you may also want to text him when you're angry, but that's certainly another time you shouldn't be texting him.
When you reach out to an ex, it should never be something that is emotion-based. Instead, it should be factual and necessary. When we're lonely, we may convince ourselves that something is necessary to text our ex about when it's really not. He doesn't need you to text him about that DVD of his that you have. He has Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and a zillion other ways to watch movies.
Missing him will slowly pass, no matter how difficult it may be. Texting him when you miss him, though, will only make you miss him more.