Have you ever wondered if you're setting off red flags when you text your crush? Most women avoid sending cringe-worthy messages by checking themselves before shooting off an impulsive plea for attention or snippy comment. They have the self-control to reconsider a poorly worded text before it's out in the world forever.
These women do not.
Whether they're revealing a terrifying ignorance of pop culture and basic spelling, abusing the name of Joan Jett, or unleashing a torrent of crazy upon their unsuspecting men, the women who sent the texts below just didn't know when to put away their phones. We even found one woman who was asking older men to stalk the guy she'd tricked into dating her. How insane can you get? The men who received their messages were so horrified that they went and shared the conversations on r/texts, probably hoping they could warn off some other poor guy before he landed himself in a message thread of doom. We're here to spread the word. If you're worried that your texts are awkward, take comfort in knowing that you're nowhere near as bad as the disasters we've compiled for your reading pleasure.
Well, we hope you're not as bad as any of these people. THAT would be awkward...
16 When She's Clearly A Spambot
Sometimes a girl doesn't seem genuine. Annnd sometimes it's pretty obvious that she's not even human at all. When a girl he barely knew started asking for an iTunes gift card from his local convenience store - not even bothering to name the store - the alarm bells started going off for this Redditor. Instead of ignoring the spambot, however, he decided to mess with it. The guy strung along the poor hacker for DAYS, sending pictures of fake iTunes gift cards and repeatedly asking "her" out on dates. Eventually, the hacker behind the spambot dissolved into profanity and threats, but this security-savvy redditor just sat back and laughed. Take note, men: if she starts asking for gift cards without even going on a date with you first, she's probably not even fully human.
15 She's Already Getting Passive-Aggressive?
We all know that girl who doesn't let her man out of her sight. Have you ever asked yourself how a good guy could let himself get involved with someone that clingy? Well, he probably didn't read the warning signs correctly when she started sending him texts like this. Who hangs out with a guy once and starts ragging on him the next day for not consulting with her before making plans with his friends? This man knows she's putting up red flags all over the place, so he stops replying. But she keeps texting... and texting... and texting. He posted seventeen screenshots of her alternately apologetic and angry texts to Reddit. She even sent him her fantasy of him kissing her as she waits for him at the bottom of his porch steps. Dude... restraining order time.
14 She Says He Did What Now?
At first glance, this seems like a girl trying to get a guy to confess to something he didn't do... but the real story is even more messed up. According to the redditor who posted these texts, these actually came from her male friend's number. His girlfriend stole his phone and used it to text the first female name she saw, fishing for evidence that he was cheating on her. We have news for this amateur detective: you're doing nothing but sending up a huge red flag. Even if you delete this conversation when your boyfriend next talks to his friend he's going to find out you were invading his privacy. And unless he's a total doormat, there's no way he'll just stay in a relationship like that. She's driving him into the arms of women he wasn't even cheating with in the first place.
13 Literally The Worst Reason To Text Your Ex
This is such a transparent ploy to get her ex-boyfriend's attention. The redditor who posted this said he is in law school, though he was careful to point out that the information his ex-girlfriend asked him for was not exactly hard to find. It's clearly a lame attempt to reestablish contact with him without her having to admit she wants to talk to him again. And not only that... We love how she throws in the tidbit about being on a cruise. Is she hoping he'll ask her who she's going on the cruise with? Don't get us wrong - we applaud the effort to make her ex jealous. It's just not well-executed. Ask your lawyer ex for help with getting your baby daddy out of prison if you want to really grab his attention. Dream big, ladies!
12 And She Texted Him First... After A Month Of Silence
You stop. No, YOU stop, No you! It's an exchange this redditor probably hadn't had since preschool, but when this woman contacted him out of the blue, he was forced into a virtual shouting match over who texted who first. Despite the obvious evidence that she texted him first. As shown by the time stamp. Is this girl delusional or just trying to gaslight him? Either way, it is a huge red flag for someone to be playing these kinds of mind games when they barely know you. It's even worse because she ghosted on him for two months and contacted him again for, apparently, the express purpose of driving him crazy. We think it might have worked if she was doing it to him in person, but since every message she sends him is time-stamped and saved on the internet forever... all he can do is laugh.
11 If She Says She's Hot... Probably She's Not
Okay, so she's probably joking. We hope. And he's not taking it as a red flag. But should he? If he hasn't seen her in person and she's already telling him how hot she is, this guy is probably wondering if her Tinder pictures are up to date. Before he meets her, he might be bracing himself for the worst. You don't want a guy going on the first date thinking he's been deceived about your looks. Confidence is one thing. Trying too hard is...this. And on the flip side, if this woman isn't looking her best she's building up his expectations only to dash them to pieces when they finally meet. Saying something like this over text, even as a joke, will land you in a tricky situation.
10 Girl, Do You Ever Think Of Anyone Except Yourself?
Let's break this down. The redditor who posted the text gave this girl a ride to the mall, and they got locked out of the car. Instead of waiting with him - and they did NOT have to wait outside in the rain, according to the poster - she ditched him and got a ride home with someone else. Why did she do that? Apparently, she had an anxiety attack and (literal) cold feet. Both things that could be resolved by ducking inside and grabbing a cup of tea with the guy who gave you a ride, instead of leaving without a word and going shopping. When you use a guy as a free taxi and leave him in the lurch when his car acts up, you're going to lose your personal Uber driver. This guy flat-out said he didn't want to hang out with her anymore. Good for him.
9 When She Insults You And Tries To Cover For It
Think before you text, girl. She flipped out at this guy for, apparently, having no friends and sitting in the cafeteria alone (can't people eat alone sometimes? and why would this offend ANYONE?) Then she starts apologizing and gives him the flimsiest excuse for her behavior: some girls somehow got her number and were... texting her? So she had to take it out on him? Yeah, right. Whatever possessed her to make the insult, once something goes out into the Cloud, it stays for good. She owned it at first. Immediately taking it back was her second mistake. At least wait to apologize in person so that he's looking at your face instead of your faux pas while you please forgiveness. Or, you know, you COULD just stop sending nasty texts on a whim.
8 There's A Reason Those Hundred Other People Didn't Want To Help Her
First, some context: the redditor who posted had no clue how this girl got his number. And the problem she's been texting a hundred people about? Not exactly the end of the world. She's started becoming friends with this guy at her school (under false pretenses, we think, because there was a lot of word salad in her explanation but it did involve texting under a fake name) and now she thinks he's not going to be where he says he will be on Saturday. So she (a high school girl) is texting adult men in the hopes that they will go down to the mall and take pictures of all the teenagers. This is wrong in SO many different ways we can't even begin to pick it apart. The girl sending these texts is showing every kind of red flag: stalker, jailbait, liar and clingy jealous crazy chick.
7 She's Totally Judging Him... At 1 AM
Most guys are pretty happy when a girl starts texting them at one in the morning. When she lays a guilt trip on him for talking to Internet friends at the same time? Not so much. She implies that he's ditching her to play around on his computer, even though she never asked him to hang out in the first place. If she actually wants him to come all the way out to Oakland at one in the morning, she's going about it completely wrong; why not flirt with him a little and ask him out to breakfast in the morning? Or better yet, leave all your communication until the morning. Not everyone is at their best late at night, and sometimes it's better to put the phone away and sleep on it before you text.
6 Don't Talk To Me But Listen To This Song
We... we have no words. When you're fighting with a guy and tell him not to talk to you, don't go talking to him! What is she even doing? We listened to Bad Reputation and we have to admit, if it's the basis of this woman's new life philosophy she's going all out. She clearly doesn't care if she gets a bad reputation for sending guys mixed messages. Look, we get wanting to have the last word, but it seems like she's gotten in the last word anyway - telling him not to talk to you is the best way to end things with a guy who's being a total jerk. And please, don't compare yourself to Joan Jett if you can't live up to her. That woman is a musical genius and a pop culture icon. You, most likely, are not.
5 She Thinks "Misogyny" Is A Big Word
For the sake of all women, we really hope she's just joking here. How does a woman in today's society not know what "misogyny" means when it's all over every major news site? Did she miss the Women's March madness? And tweets from every major female celebrity? Also, way to point straight to your insecurities about not being smart enough and try to cover it with a "Lol." Even if she doesn't know the word, she should own up and learn something, not try to turn it into something that's the fault of the guy texting her. If you don't want your latest guy to write you off as a completely irrational, don't pull something like this when he uses a word you don't know. Swallow your pride and either admit your ignorance, or do a quick Google search.
4 She Can't Handle It When He Doesn't Reply
Ever wonder if your man thinks you're self-centered? If you've sent him something this narcissistic AND passive-aggressive, you can bet he's seeing red flags all over the place. Points for noticing he's upset about something, and twice those points off your empathetic girlfriend score for immediately turning the conversation back onto yourself. When your boyfriend's upset, it's not always about you. Assuming that just makes it less likely he'll confide in you in the future, and sends up a big, red, "I'm Super Self-Absorbed" flag. And after you've done that, you definitely shouldn't get yourself labeled passive-aggressive as well by saying something like "I know you're enjoying ignoring me." If you've ever wondered what it takes to send a man running out the door, look no further than these texts.
3 Now He Knows She'll Never Get His Jokes
Knowledge of Internet culture in general, and Reddit culture in particular, is as necessary in today's world as being able to recite Greek poetry was back in Victorian times. Showing your ignorance of dank memes this early in the relationship is sending up a red flag of ignorance. So let us be your tutor in the field of dank memes. If it's mildly to wildly inappropriate, contains some element of irony, AND is poorly lit or photoshopped, the meme is most likely dank. If there's a picture of a frog anywhere near it, the dankness index increases. Once you get the hang of it, you'll avoid being posted to the Dank Memes subreddit yourself. Or... will you go all the way and become a redditor yourself?
2 She's So Smart
When your guy has you listed as "Blondie" in his contacts, maybe it's time to start hitting the books. Though seriously, it's a bit harsh to be posting a typing mishap like this to reddit. Who hasn't inverted or left out a few letters when shooting off a quick text? At least she caught it and seems to have recognized the irony. When you say you're smart, it's like saying you're hot - you'd better hope you can back up your claims. Otherwise, you're setting a guy up for disappointment. Or letting him know that you're actually not that smart and therefore pretty easy to take advantage of. Keep as much an air of mystery about your IQ as you do about your weight and age. And if you're not shy about either of those last two, make sure you have the smats... samrts... smarts to go with them.
1 Clearly Has Never Seen A Picasso Painting
If she doesn't understand you when you're insulting her... okay, maybe that's just funny. But you don't want to be the girl getting insulted. When it comes to red flags, this one reflects more badly on the guy for recognizing it and taking advantage of it. We don't know what this girl thinks NCIS is. It's definitely not nice to tease her about her lack of Impressionist painter knowledge once you find out she thinks a popular crime show is something unspeakable. It's fun to laugh at ignorance, though ultimately, it's better to inform someone you care about of the gaps in their knowledge rather than exploit them. Which is, of course, why we want to use the mistakes these women are making to teach others not to set off red flags when they text their men.